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Old 09-18-2005, 01:16 PM   #31
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Originally posted by meegannie
I don't think there's any "one size fits all" policy for marriage, other than the basic things like communication, trust, honesty, patience, compromise, etc. that are essential to ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. I think the rest just comes down to individual personalities. If I cooked dinner for my husband every night, did all the cleaning, stayed at home, and let him make most of the decisions, he would go absolutely insane while I wouldn't really be that bothered. That works for some marraiges, though (adhering to traditional gender roles, not insanity!). I just don't think that being a "wife" or a "husband" necessitates a shift in personality or the role you play in a relationship. Being a "wife" to me is the same as being myself. Nothing changed when I got married other than my name and immigration status.


Very well said, I agree 100%.
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:19 PM   #32
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Originally posted by u2bonogirl
God has everything to do with our relationship.
Its by no means of my own that I'll be able to selflessly serve my husband when I dont want to or dont feel like it.
No means of my own will allow me to forgive Tim when he's sinned against me and Im hurt by it.
Of course we as humans are responsible to do what we can to love our spouses to the best of our ability, but thats the key. To the best of our ability. look at how many divorces there are. That to me seems to be people trying to stay together doing the best they can.
Its just not always enough.
It might be a difficult thing to grasp if youre not of the same faith as me so I really dont expect you to understand me or my reasoning

And I do agree that its very important thing to treat my husband with respect and honesty. But I might not be able to do that all the time by my own ability.
Fair enough. Just different beliefs I guess. I don't disbelive in God, yet I don't have that type of faith to think that he can have some effect on my emotions or how I deal with things. I like to think we're independent in that regard. Again to me it's kinda like saying God gives the Dallas Cowboys the strength to beat the Washington Redskins. When the players win they credit God yet the losing team never lays the blame on God. I'll ask this as delicately as I can: On the off chance that your marriage fails(it won't) is it God's fault? Honestly I'm not trying to be rude but this is one of those things I have never been able to understand. I know if you marriage is a succesful one you'll give a large amount of credit to God, yet if for some reason things don't work out how much of that do you credit to God? In my opinion far to many marriages end in divorce not becasue of a lack of God's "input" so to speak but based on the fact that people these days are so affraid of being alone that many people settle. I don't belive most people are in love the way they should be when they get married. I also believe that divorce has become "acceptable" and people aren't willing to make a strong enough effort to make a marriage work. They'd rather walk away than go threw the ups and downs. But like you said faith isn't really somthing people can understand. You either have faith in somthing ina certain way or you don't. It's all good.
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:22 PM   #33
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I would never blame God for my marriage ending or even being in peril.
Its going to be our fault for being stupid and taking one another for granted or something. Not God making me treat Tim like crap.
I would place it more on me trying to be less like God would want me to be and more like I want to be. which is self centered.
And not to say God cant make the Cowboys beat the Redskins, but Im pretty sure that he has better things to do than meddle in our entertainment
Besides, Im required to root for the Redskins now that I live in virginia and say that the cowboys need gods help to beat us!
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:23 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally posted by u2bonogirl


The way Im built is to put my husband before all other people.
This is the one thing you should never do. Only 1 in 100 people find the right guy that will never hurt them, and 100 in 100 think that they have anyway. If you put your husband before everything else you will comprimise who you are and you will get hurt.

I have seen this happen.
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:24 PM   #35
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Couldn't resist posting this...




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Old 09-18-2005, 01:26 PM   #36
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thanks for sharing that, DrT.

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Old 09-18-2005, 01:27 PM   #37
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:27 PM   #38
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My dad sent me that

palace hero, I guess Im willing to make the leap and put my trust in my marriage.
Because if I dont, Ill always have one foot out the door and I dont want to live like that.
That doesnt mean that Im not going to have goals of my own, it just means that in the front of my mind is going to be Tim.

That is unless you come over
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:33 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally posted by u2bonogirl
I would never blame God for my marriage ending or even being in peril.
Its going to be our fault for being stupid and taking one another for granted or something. Not God making me treat Tim like crap.
I would place it more on me trying to be less like God would want me to be and more like I want to be. which is self centered.
And not to say God cant make the Cowboys beat the Redskins, but Im pretty sure that he has better things to do than meddle in our entertainment
Besides, Im required to root for the Redskins now that I live in virginia and say that the cowboys need gods help to beat us!
I know I'm geting abit off topic but I find it interesting. See you refer to the Copwboys vs the Redskins as entertainment, but for the players and coaches involved it's their livelihood. That's they jobs and careers. Would God not play a part in your daily life, helping you to achieve greater things a long as you have faith? he does give you strength to face adverstity right? If what you're saying is he can help you in marriage why would he not be able to help in your proffesional life.

I'm sorry I've taken this off topic. I'll stop now and save this for another day. Cheers!
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:37 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally posted by u2bonogirl
The way Im built is to put my husband before all other people. This includes kids.
Which means that I would love my kids like crazy but they would never come before my husband.
oh honey, they most certainly will come before your husband. your children will come before all things, including yourself. someday, when you are a mother, you will understand.
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:37 PM   #41
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I guess I was looking at it from the perspective that if somebody is sitting their livingroom praying that their team will win is kind of comic.
I picture God more answering prayers for things that are really good for us. But I dont really know a lot of the christian doctrine of prayer beyond that sometimes they are answered and sometimes they are not. But that God also has infinitely more wisdom than we do.

But, I could see God listening to a player praying for the strength to get through a game or the guts to get out there and play when he's nervous. those kind of things. Things that are personal and that are honest pleas for help
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:39 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally posted by bonosgirl84


oh honey, they most certainly will come before your husband. your children will come before all things, including yourself. someday, when you are a mother, you will understand.
I agree 100%, my friend.
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:41 PM   #43
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My wife was 19 when we got married -- 4+ years ago. I will offer you the two words of advice that have kept us close:

Fight naked.

And I agree with you about the kid thing -- we have a 16 month old, and as much as we love her, she is a guest in our household. We will be in the house together long after the kids have left, so it's kind of incumbent on us to put each other and our marriage first.

Best advice I got about being a father: "the best way to be a good father is to be a good husband."

Rock on.
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:41 PM   #44
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Its hopefully going to be a while before I ever have to experience the feeling of being a mother.
Im terrified of screwing my kids up right now because of my age and lack of motivation to be a mom.
Since I have plenty of time to wait to be a mommy Im going to take it until Im ready. Or until something unexpected happens
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Old 09-18-2005, 01:42 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally posted by nathan1977
My wife was 19 when we got married -- 4+ years ago. I will offer you the two words of advice that have kept us close:

Fight naked.

I would feel so vulnerable!
But it would be a hard thing trying to keep a straight face arguing naked about whether or not we're having chicken or beef tonight
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