u2utah
The Fly
LOL! That's a good one. I hadn't heard that one.
U2 jokes
- Thread starter u2utah
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Giant Lemon
Rock n' Roll Doggie
LOL! That's pretty clever!
u2utah
The Fly
Here's one from the same site:
A music critic dies and goes to heaven.
He found to his amazement, an extraordinarily large amount of musicians about. There was Jimi Hendrix's cloud, where he was in the middle of his month long solo, Jim Morrison's pad where everybody sat there thinking (it also rained on Jim's pad for some reason), and there were numerous others.
"But," the critic noticed as he was walking with St. Peter, "when I died all the members of U2 were still alive, so why's Bono over there?"
St. Peter replied "Oh, that's God. He just think's he's Bono."
A music critic dies and goes to heaven.
He found to his amazement, an extraordinarily large amount of musicians about. There was Jimi Hendrix's cloud, where he was in the middle of his month long solo, Jim Morrison's pad where everybody sat there thinking (it also rained on Jim's pad for some reason), and there were numerous others.
"But," the critic noticed as he was walking with St. Peter, "when I died all the members of U2 were still alive, so why's Bono over there?"
St. Peter replied "Oh, that's God. He just think's he's Bono."
Foadie
War Child
A religious nut, a political fanatic, and Bono are sitting next to each other on a boat, all on their way to New York.
The political fanatic's wireless phone rings, and when he finishes he tells the other two that their has been a meeting of politicians from around the world, and they agreed that god does exist.
The religious nut pulls out his wireless phone, and says, "Yeah? well I can phone god anytime, I have his phone number", He dials the number.
Bono's phone rings.
Hee hee!
The political fanatic's wireless phone rings, and when he finishes he tells the other two that their has been a meeting of politicians from around the world, and they agreed that god does exist.
The religious nut pulls out his wireless phone, and says, "Yeah? well I can phone god anytime, I have his phone number", He dials the number.
Bono's phone rings.
Hee hee!
Bonavoix
War Child
Q: So how many members of U2 does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: All four. Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark. Larry says that whether it's light or dark isn't worth a shit to be honest, he's the drummer and chicks dig him. Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked if no one can see him, and Edge, being the genius in the group finally gets up with a roll of his eyes and changes the lightbulb.
2) So a religious nut, a politician and Bono are on a boat on their way across the English Channel when the politician gets off his cell phone and announces that there's been a meeting between all politicians in the world and it has been agreed that God does not exist. Naturally, the religious nut goes nuts and says that he can prove that God exists, he can dial his phone number any time he wants to. The politician asks for proof and the religious nut picks up his cell phone and dials the number. Bono's phone rings.
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"From an artist's point of view, failure is where you get your best material." -Bono
"Sunrises are God's hit singles. Do the big number first and then just get on with the rest of the show." -Bono.
My feeble attempt at a website:
U2's Heartland
A: All four. Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark. Larry says that whether it's light or dark isn't worth a shit to be honest, he's the drummer and chicks dig him. Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked if no one can see him, and Edge, being the genius in the group finally gets up with a roll of his eyes and changes the lightbulb.
2) So a religious nut, a politician and Bono are on a boat on their way across the English Channel when the politician gets off his cell phone and announces that there's been a meeting between all politicians in the world and it has been agreed that God does not exist. Naturally, the religious nut goes nuts and says that he can prove that God exists, he can dial his phone number any time he wants to. The politician asks for proof and the religious nut picks up his cell phone and dials the number. Bono's phone rings.
------------------
"From an artist's point of view, failure is where you get your best material." -Bono
"Sunrises are God's hit singles. Do the big number first and then just get on with the rest of the show." -Bono.
My feeble attempt at a website:
U2's Heartland
Gina Marie
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
OK-this is just a JOKE-I didn't write it-I'm just 'reporting' it-*no flames please*
How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb? One-Bono holds up the lightbulb and the universe revolves around his a**
And some generic drummer jokes *sorry Larry*
What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians-A drummer
Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room? They never know when to come in
How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb? One-Bono holds up the lightbulb and the universe revolves around his a**
And some generic drummer jokes *sorry Larry*
What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians-A drummer
Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room? They never know when to come in
Gina Marie
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
Here's another drummer one...
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They have a machine that does that now.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They have a machine that does that now.
FYI:
You better not ever tease Bono for being short...he might punch you in the knee.
------------------
"But you take what you can get,
Cuz it's all that you can find,
But you know there's something more,
Tonight, tonight, tonight..."
[This message has been edited by Bonochick (edited 10-08-2001).]
You better not ever tease Bono for being short...he might punch you in the knee.
------------------
"But you take what you can get,
Cuz it's all that you can find,
But you know there's something more,
Tonight, tonight, tonight..."
[This message has been edited by Bonochick (edited 10-08-2001).]
FallDownJulie
General purpose wench
eep! how absoloutely adorable!! i love it!
u2utah! Foadie! i loved your jokes!
------------------
~MoonPhisto*
Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!
~Monty Python and the Holy Grail
u2utah
The Fly
This is another off that site. I had to change it from "Wirelings" to Interferencers but it works either way.
How many Interferencers does it take to change a light-bulb?
250
1 to change the bulb,
12 to speculate what kind of bulbs the band members would use,
13 to relate interesting experiences they had with light-bulbs at Popmart,
3 to say that their experiences with light-bulbs were much better on the ZooTV tour,
1 to write "Mysterious Bulbs",
98 to write their own light-bulb songs,
3 to archive the light-bulb songs at their web-sites,
15 to say that the light-bulb thread is a waste of time,
6 to say that there's nothing wrong with having a sense of humor about light-bulbs,
2 to say they're glad that Puff Daddy isn't changing the bulb,
30 to advertise their bootleg of the light-bulb being replaced,
13 to give URL's of their pictures of the light-bulb,
14 to say how they really preferred the old light-bulb
28 to say that it's important that the bulb changes
5 to say how much they're looking forward to the next lightbulb
18 to request information on the next lightbulb
1 to say that he/she has been on holiday and is wondering what's going on with the light-bulb
How many Interferencers does it take to change a light-bulb?
250
1 to change the bulb,
12 to speculate what kind of bulbs the band members would use,
13 to relate interesting experiences they had with light-bulbs at Popmart,
3 to say that their experiences with light-bulbs were much better on the ZooTV tour,
1 to write "Mysterious Bulbs",
98 to write their own light-bulb songs,
3 to archive the light-bulb songs at their web-sites,
15 to say that the light-bulb thread is a waste of time,
6 to say that there's nothing wrong with having a sense of humor about light-bulbs,
2 to say they're glad that Puff Daddy isn't changing the bulb,
30 to advertise their bootleg of the light-bulb being replaced,
13 to give URL's of their pictures of the light-bulb,
14 to say how they really preferred the old light-bulb
28 to say that it's important that the bulb changes
5 to say how much they're looking forward to the next lightbulb
18 to request information on the next lightbulb
1 to say that he/she has been on holiday and is wondering what's going on with the light-bulb
Macphisto_esq
The Fly
LOL!!! Great jokes girls, I dont have any myself, but there are a few cartoon jokes I remember seeing - Here is the URL-
http://www.wherethesitehasnoname.com/u-toons/utoons.asp
Hope it works!
http://www.wherethesitehasnoname.com/u-toons/utoons.asp
Hope it works!
lol foad, man. I'm in both of those
------------------
~*Mona FP*~ / ~*Moaner*~ / ~*MonaPhisto*~
Bono Rep. of the Ambassadorship of the World for L.E.A.T.H.E.R.
"F.P. is for Furious Poet" ~Kerouac
"Thank you all for letting me rub up against you" ~BonoBaby~
blueeyes
Refugee
LOL Mona,
as I was reading it I thought....that one's me isn't it?
LOL
-Bluey
She Is Raging
Refugee
My driving skills, as mentioned around here before, have been compared to Bono's!
------------------
"Edge, it's you she wants...it's you!...I know him! He's in my band!" Bono - Zoo Boston, 1992
"I'm a big nsync fan, but then again, I eat my own crap...." - Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
*****
- Kathleen -
TylerDurden
War Child
That joke about Bono and the lightbulb and the world revolving round his arse, and the one about God pretending to be Bono are 'serious' jokes in the music industry, not just U2 fan jokes, and they have been around forever. Makes them even funnier.
oliveu2cm
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
(from www.enjoyu2.com)
maybe you heard this before... but it's worth a read again. anyone have any good ones?
Heaven's System
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a muscle shirt, leather jacket, and black pants.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Bono, singer of U2, from Dublin, Ireland."
Saint Peter consults his list. He checks twice, then smiles and says to the singer, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Bono goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was just a rock star and he
gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"We only count certain results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; but when he drove, people prayed."
------------------
Take me to that twilight land
Packing a suitcase for a place...
that has to be believed to be seen
Go baby! -->* www.u2takemehigher.com *<--All New!
maybe you heard this before... but it's worth a read again. anyone have any good ones?
Heaven's System
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a muscle shirt, leather jacket, and black pants.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Bono, singer of U2, from Dublin, Ireland."
Saint Peter consults his list. He checks twice, then smiles and says to the singer, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Bono goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was just a rock star and he
gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"We only count certain results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; but when he drove, people prayed."
------------------
Take me to that twilight land
Packing a suitcase for a place...
that has to be believed to be seen
Go baby! -->* www.u2takemehigher.com *<--All New!
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