Reggo
Blue Crack Addict
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2007
- Messages
- 26,992
Back for more, eh? 
Standard disclaimer: Not true, never happened, never will.
-----
I sit in a hardwood pew in Saint Patrick's in Dublin, with my rosary tangled in my fingers, reciting "Hail Mary."
"'Sé do bheatha, a Mhuire, atá lán de ghrásta, tá an Tiarna leat. Is beannaithe thú idir mhná Agus, is beannaithe toradh do bhroinne, Íosa. A Naomh-Mhuire, a Mháthair Dé, guigh orainn na peacaigh, Anois agus ar uair ár mbáis. Amen."
I left my wedding ring in Larry's hotel room. Or I lost it on the train from Paris to London. Either way, congratulations, Lucy, you're an idiot. You lost a twenty-thousand-pound ring. I'm waiting for my turn in confession. The blue-hair that's been in there for the past hour finally comes out and the priest signals to me he needs a minute and shuffles off to the rectory for about ten minutes. He comes back and I walk into the confessional.
"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen," he says.
"Amen. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been ages since my last confession," I say, kneeling in the booth.
"And what seems to be troubling you, my child?" he asks.
I start to cry as I confess to sleeping with Larry Mullen for the past four years when I've been married to Adam. Then I confess that I'm not married in the Church or by law and that Adam and I have a child together who is not baptized. "I'm 28 and stupid. I don't know. I just stopped feeling comfortable when Adam touches me. I don't know what happened. It's nothing he did. I still love him, Father."
"It sounds like you are looking for absolution from Adam, not from God. Before you go back to him, I would suggest that you think and pray on why you are uncomfortable around him so you can resolve that issue. Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
"Amen," I repeat.
I get back to my and Adam's house in London hours later, no closer to finding out why I turn to Larry for affection and intimacy instead of the one who wants to spend the rest of his life with me than I was when I left the vestibule. I remember being home alone before Stacie came along, but there's an emptiness here that I just can't shake. Maybe it's just my Catholic guilt eating at me. My cell rings. It's Larry. I ignore it. I go downstairs to the music room, find one of Adam's Billie Holliday albums, and turn up the volume while I indulge with a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Probably the one we fought over last year.
"Summertime, and the livin' is easy," Lady Day's elegant voice wanders from the speakers across the room to my ears where I'm singing along, offkey and out of tune. I wonder how Stacie is, but I feel too terrible to call Adam and ask. Maybe if I call from the hardline. No. Adam's probably so angry with me, he won't answer anyway. A fine mess you've got yourself into, MacEachran. Afraid to check in on your own baby.
My cell phone rings again. Adam. My guts churn and my heart aches, but I can't bring myself to answer. He leaves a voicemail, a long voicemail judging by the amount of time it took the alert to come through. I am considering listening to it when another call comes through. Edge. Now I feel like a two-year-old caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Too embarrassed to answer, I turn back to my bottle of wine and find it empty. I go upstairs and discover the hardline has been ringing as well. There's missed calls from Larry and Morleigh. I listen to the voicemail from Morleigh. She simply asks me to call her or Edge or Ali or Bono as soon as possible. There's no anger or hostility in her voice, though I can hear Edge ranting in the background. And Edge never gets wound up enough to start screaming. I call my sister Serena back in Dublin.
"You idiot!" she yells at me after I tell her the whole story.
"I know! God, what's the matter with me?" I bury my face in the sofa cushions.
"You're acting like Mum."
"Mum was a prostitute when we were growing up in the Towers. I just can't stay out of one other man's bed. Not every man in Dublin's," I reply. Serena snorts.
"It doesn't matter. Mum couldn't stay faithful to Dad and that's why he left her with four kids under the age of five. The only difference is Mum started getting paid for it."
"I don't want Adam to leave me," I say, vividly imagining that possibility. Going back to Dublin, seeing Stacie only when it's convenient for Adam to let me see her. "Edge is so mad at me. If anything, he probably will never speak to me again. And he's Adam's best friend."
"Once Adam forgives you, Edge will. It's some guy code."
"I hope you're right. I just hope Bono doesn't stop speaking to me or I'll have the whole band hating me," I sigh. She tells me not to worry and we hang up. I sit on the sofa in the sitting room and imagine life without Adam and Stacie. It's too depressing and I try to remember why I'm uncomfortable with Adam in the bedroom. Larry is sweet, sensual, and soft. He makes sure I'm getting out of it what he puts in. Maybe Adam's just too used to having sex with groupies and one-night stands. He goes in, primes me enough to get what he wants, and then gets out as soon as possible. He's too fast, and he's only concerned with his own pleasure. I like Larry's style better. Maybe I can train Adam to do it right. Cause it's not like I'm in love with the drummer. The sex is better. That's all. Or am I?
Coming out of my daydream, I realize my cell phone has been ringing for the past five minutes straight. 7 missed calls. Bono, every single of them. It rings again and this time, I answer.
"Lucy, you need to come back to Eze. Now. I don't want to hear any excuses. Adam needs you. He needs you to be here for him now. Get on a plane as soon as possible."
"B, what's wrong?" I can hear Adam in the background and Edge trying to soothe him.
"Lucy! I want Lucy! Where's Lucy?" Adam's crying.
"Adam relapsed," Bono barks and hangs up. I grab my suitcase and head out the door.
Standard disclaimer: Not true, never happened, never will.
-----
I sit in a hardwood pew in Saint Patrick's in Dublin, with my rosary tangled in my fingers, reciting "Hail Mary."
"'Sé do bheatha, a Mhuire, atá lán de ghrásta, tá an Tiarna leat. Is beannaithe thú idir mhná Agus, is beannaithe toradh do bhroinne, Íosa. A Naomh-Mhuire, a Mháthair Dé, guigh orainn na peacaigh, Anois agus ar uair ár mbáis. Amen."
I left my wedding ring in Larry's hotel room. Or I lost it on the train from Paris to London. Either way, congratulations, Lucy, you're an idiot. You lost a twenty-thousand-pound ring. I'm waiting for my turn in confession. The blue-hair that's been in there for the past hour finally comes out and the priest signals to me he needs a minute and shuffles off to the rectory for about ten minutes. He comes back and I walk into the confessional.
"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen," he says.
"Amen. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been ages since my last confession," I say, kneeling in the booth.
"And what seems to be troubling you, my child?" he asks.
I start to cry as I confess to sleeping with Larry Mullen for the past four years when I've been married to Adam. Then I confess that I'm not married in the Church or by law and that Adam and I have a child together who is not baptized. "I'm 28 and stupid. I don't know. I just stopped feeling comfortable when Adam touches me. I don't know what happened. It's nothing he did. I still love him, Father."
"It sounds like you are looking for absolution from Adam, not from God. Before you go back to him, I would suggest that you think and pray on why you are uncomfortable around him so you can resolve that issue. Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
"Amen," I repeat.
I get back to my and Adam's house in London hours later, no closer to finding out why I turn to Larry for affection and intimacy instead of the one who wants to spend the rest of his life with me than I was when I left the vestibule. I remember being home alone before Stacie came along, but there's an emptiness here that I just can't shake. Maybe it's just my Catholic guilt eating at me. My cell rings. It's Larry. I ignore it. I go downstairs to the music room, find one of Adam's Billie Holliday albums, and turn up the volume while I indulge with a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Probably the one we fought over last year.
"Summertime, and the livin' is easy," Lady Day's elegant voice wanders from the speakers across the room to my ears where I'm singing along, offkey and out of tune. I wonder how Stacie is, but I feel too terrible to call Adam and ask. Maybe if I call from the hardline. No. Adam's probably so angry with me, he won't answer anyway. A fine mess you've got yourself into, MacEachran. Afraid to check in on your own baby.
My cell phone rings again. Adam. My guts churn and my heart aches, but I can't bring myself to answer. He leaves a voicemail, a long voicemail judging by the amount of time it took the alert to come through. I am considering listening to it when another call comes through. Edge. Now I feel like a two-year-old caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Too embarrassed to answer, I turn back to my bottle of wine and find it empty. I go upstairs and discover the hardline has been ringing as well. There's missed calls from Larry and Morleigh. I listen to the voicemail from Morleigh. She simply asks me to call her or Edge or Ali or Bono as soon as possible. There's no anger or hostility in her voice, though I can hear Edge ranting in the background. And Edge never gets wound up enough to start screaming. I call my sister Serena back in Dublin.
"You idiot!" she yells at me after I tell her the whole story.
"I know! God, what's the matter with me?" I bury my face in the sofa cushions.
"You're acting like Mum."
"Mum was a prostitute when we were growing up in the Towers. I just can't stay out of one other man's bed. Not every man in Dublin's," I reply. Serena snorts.
"It doesn't matter. Mum couldn't stay faithful to Dad and that's why he left her with four kids under the age of five. The only difference is Mum started getting paid for it."
"I don't want Adam to leave me," I say, vividly imagining that possibility. Going back to Dublin, seeing Stacie only when it's convenient for Adam to let me see her. "Edge is so mad at me. If anything, he probably will never speak to me again. And he's Adam's best friend."
"Once Adam forgives you, Edge will. It's some guy code."
"I hope you're right. I just hope Bono doesn't stop speaking to me or I'll have the whole band hating me," I sigh. She tells me not to worry and we hang up. I sit on the sofa in the sitting room and imagine life without Adam and Stacie. It's too depressing and I try to remember why I'm uncomfortable with Adam in the bedroom. Larry is sweet, sensual, and soft. He makes sure I'm getting out of it what he puts in. Maybe Adam's just too used to having sex with groupies and one-night stands. He goes in, primes me enough to get what he wants, and then gets out as soon as possible. He's too fast, and he's only concerned with his own pleasure. I like Larry's style better. Maybe I can train Adam to do it right. Cause it's not like I'm in love with the drummer. The sex is better. That's all. Or am I?
Coming out of my daydream, I realize my cell phone has been ringing for the past five minutes straight. 7 missed calls. Bono, every single of them. It rings again and this time, I answer.
"Lucy, you need to come back to Eze. Now. I don't want to hear any excuses. Adam needs you. He needs you to be here for him now. Get on a plane as soon as possible."
"B, what's wrong?" I can hear Adam in the background and Edge trying to soothe him.
"Lucy! I want Lucy! Where's Lucy?" Adam's crying.
"Adam relapsed," Bono barks and hangs up. I grab my suitcase and head out the door.
Poor Adam, but poor Lucy as well. I so love this story, can't wait from one bit to the other!!
I meant Chapter 11, you knew that right? 
I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this...
OKAY, I'll have to give another timeframe. 
