What do you all think?

[MirrorballLemon]

ok, so my girlfriend and I have been together a few months now, and its a long distance relationship...she lives about 4 hours away. I'm busy b/c I have a full time job and she is part of a sorority at her school, and she lives on campus. The thing about her is that she's really into this sorority. It consumes her life. i never got into the frat thing at college, so I'm not big on it, but I wont tell her what to do. The thing is, alot of times it really seems like that if the conversation we're having isnt sorority/fraternity/party related, then its like she doesnt care. It's in one ear and out the other. Also, she insists on remaining friends with one of her ex's, but she stays out with this guy until literally all hours of the morning, something which I'm not fond of at all. and I know if I told her to stop, she'd say "fuck you" and just keep on doing it. Anyways, this past week was really rough. alot of stuff going on at work, and a huge, huge family issue arose. My mom is sick and needs major surgery. Obviously I'm really, really worried, and also really upset. So this past week I've obviously been kind of out of it, so she's been avoiding me. So I call her today to talk, because I just really need someone to talk to about all this, and I'd go to her before anyone else, and she's like "you know, I don't really want to talk to you because 1) I'm getting ready to go to a party and 2) Im avoiding you because i dont want you being like that towards me" she literally says this to me. so I'm like "well im sorry this all means nothing to you, but its very important to me, and I was hoping we could talk" and she says "well, one of my (sorority) sisters is here. bye" and hangs up. So now she's at a party, probably with her ex, i dont know, and shes not talking to me. did I do something wrong here?

 

[redkat]

you didn't do anything wrong based on what you said.

she's not treating you well and it sounds like she's trying to move on without actually breaking up with you. I'm thinking you deserve better.

Good luck

 

[Muggsy]

well... something similar happened to me with my first boyfriend... the last months of our relationship we weren't seeing each other often and he was focused in some college projects. I had to take him appart and talk to him frankly, he didn't change after that so i decided to break.

I don't see anything wrong with staying friends with the ex's as long as you maintain your relationship with your bf/bg in the first place. From what i read, she's not respecting your relationship and maybe she doesn't want to confront you and tell what is the real situation, which is wrong cuz it leaves you with the uncertainty and you don't deserve that.

good luck

Lore.
I'm agree with

 

[JMScoopy]

i've seen this situation a hundred times.

sorry if my language is blunt, but im in a foul mood myself, as usual.

1.) she is banging other guys

2.) she obviously doesnt give a shit about you

3.) she sounds like your typical stuck up "the world revolves around me" girl who thinks her shit doesnt stink.

drop her now before she hurt you more, you dont need or deserve this bullshit these girls put you through.

no, you did nothing wrong. long distance college relationships usually dont last for more than a few months anyway.

you sound like a pretty nice guy. i've learned that for the most part, girls dont like "nice" guys. they tend to use and take advantage of "nice guys" as long as they can before the guy realizes he is being used. young girls like "the jerks" that treat them like shit, up until they hit theyre late 20's then they finally pull their heads out of their asses and realize they now want a "nice guy", whom they've treated like shit for the last 10 years or so (because they were "boring"), to marry and support them.

understand now?

no, im not bitter

good luck with your mother.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

It's time to break up with her.

 

[For Honor]

The thing is, alot of times it really seems like that if the conversation we're having isnt sorority/fraternity/party related, then its like she doesnt care. It's in one ear and out the other. Also, she insists on remaining friends with one of her ex's, but she stays out with this guy until literally all hours of the morning, something which I'm not fond of at all. and I know if I told her to stop, she'd say "fuck you" and just keep on doing it.

Look, at this point in the post, your path is clear. The rest of it set it in stone:


You need to drop her fast.

Unless you like being her bitch, and getting treated like dirt. You're far to sensative for her at this point in your life.

It sounds like she had wanted to break you off before, but didn't have the heart to do it, so waited until she could just rub you out of her schedule.

I really can't stand people like that, but unfortunately it is at least half your fault seeing how you carried on a relationship with this person. There is nothing wrong with this, but don't forget that it takes 2 to tango.



You've got plenty of room to go up, so other then the inevitable emotional stress that will come from this, you look to be fine.

Unless, however, you carry this experience with you the rest of your life and don't grow from it. Learn from it - see it as a learning experience, and I mean this. Learn as much as possible from this experience and use it to your advantage.

You have to remove her from your life.

But then again, she may not have really been there very much, it seems. So it doesn't really matter.


Happy Hunting


PS: Scoopys about right.
ANd whatever the case, you have to see it the way he describes, so that you have no lingering thoughts about this person.

 

[MrBrau1]

JMScoopy is right.

She's screwing that guy.

Time to move on.

 

[For Honor]

i've seen this situation a hundred times.

sorry if my language is blunt, but im in a foul mood myself, as usual.

1.) she is banging other guys

2.) she obviously doesnt give a shit about you

3.) she sounds like your typical stuck up "the world revolves around me" girl who thinks her shit doesnt stink.

drop her now before she hurt you more, you dont need or deserve this bullshit these girls put you through.

no, you did nothing wrong. long distance college relationships usually dont last for more than a few months anyway.

good luck with your mother.

I just wanted to quote this again.

 

[JMScoopy]

i've seen this situation a hundred times.

sorry if my language is blunt, but im in a foul mood myself, as usual.

1.) she is banging other guys

2.) she obviously doesnt give a shit about you

3.) she sounds like your typical stuck up "the world revolves around me" girl who thinks her shit doesnt stink.

drop her now before she hurt you more, you dont need or deserve this bullshit these girls put you through.

no, you did nothing wrong. long distance college relationships usually dont last for more than a few months anyway.

you sound like a pretty nice guy. i've learned that for the most part, girls dont like "nice" guys. they tend to use and take advantage of "nice guys" as long as they can before the guy realizes he is being used. young girls like "the jerks" that treat them like shit, up until they hit theyre late 20's then they finally pull their heads out of their asses and realize they now want a "nice guy", whom they've treated like shit for the last 10 years or so (because they were "boring"), to marry and support them.

understand now?

no, im not bitter

good luck with your mother.

added some more for your education.

i could write a book.

 

[OceanGirl]

She sounds like a self absorbed cow! I think you should break up with her now! You deserve much better than that!

 

[starsgoblue]

If you are afraid to tell her something because you think her reaction will be "fuck you" I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.

I was in a sorority...it sucked. Stay away from people that are super-into it...trust me.

 

[JMScoopy]

She sounds like a self absorbed cow! I think you should break up with her now! You deserve much better than that!

cow's not the word. but i could think of a more fitting word that also starts with a C.

 

[For Honor]

no, you did nothing wrong. long distance college relationships usually dont last for more than a few months anyway.

you sound like a pretty nice guy. i've learned that for the most part, girls dont like "nice" guys. they tend to use and take advantage of "nice guys" as long as they can before the guy realizes he is being used. young girls like "the jerks" that treat them like shit, up until they hit theyre late 20's then they finally pull their heads out of their asses and realize they now want a "nice guy", whom they've treated like shit for the last 10 years or so (because they were "boring"), to marry and support them.

Path of least resistance. Well, somewhat.

Just a thought.
I'm not calling women weak or anything - guys are no different, honeslty.

Just commenting on ....... ......... how things go

 

[MirrorballLemon]

thanks everyone. That seems to be the general consensus from just about everyone I talk to. I just want to make one thing clear, I'm not super sensative or anything, well maybe a little bit, its just that I'm a little older than she is, and I don't really have the patience to put up with shit, you know? Like i look at my friends who are my age and they're all in seemingly mature relationships that dont have any drama. As for her, I didn't sleep well last night, I tried calling her a few times but she ignored my calls and didnt answer. she didnt come back to her room either... This really sucks, but I think it's inevitable. I'm going to see what happens today before I do anything drastic.

 

[MsGiggles]

[B I'm a little older than she is, and I don't really have the patience to put up with shit, you know? Like i look at my friends who are my age and they're all in seemingly mature relationships that dont have any drama. As for her, I didn't sleep well last night, I tried calling her a few times but she ignored my calls and didnt answer. she didnt come back to her room either... This really sucks, but I think it's inevitable. I'm going to see what happens today before I do anything drastic. [/B]

You pretty much solved the problem right there:

1. You don't put up with this kind of shit - so don't

2. You're older and a little more mature than her - so you need somebody on the same maturity level as you

3. Your friends have mature relationships - which means you should to

It's obvious you're a nice guy and much more mature than her. Move on and find somebody who will make you happy

 

[starsgoblue]

Why haven't you dumped her yet already? She sounds like a total waste of your time. Do something drastic.

 

[MrBrau1]

thanks everyone. That seems to be the general consensus from just about everyone I talk to. I just want to make one thing clear, I'm not super sensative or anything, well maybe a little bit, its just that I'm a little older than she is, and I don't really have the patience to put up with shit, you know? Like i look at my friends who are my age and they're all in seemingly mature relationships that dont have any drama. As for her, I didn't sleep well last night, I tried calling her a few times but she ignored my calls and didnt answer. she didnt come back to her room either... This really sucks, but I think it's inevitable. I'm going to see what happens today before I do anything drastic.

Don't call her again.

She's out with other guys, and getting all of your attention. She's the Queen Bitch right now.

Don't call her again.

You already know how this ends.

Put that energy into your family.

They love you.

 

[JMScoopy]

thanks everyone. That seems to be the general consensus from just about everyone I talk to.

thats because they're all right!

i wouldn't put up with this bullshit for one second.

dont ever call her back again. see if she calls you. if not, then you got your answer and you dont even have to break up with her, just dont call her ever again, cause i doubt she's gonna call you.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Don't call her again.
She's out with other guys, and getting all of your attention. She's the Queen Bitch right now.
Don't call her again.
You already know how this ends.
Put that energy into your family.
They love you.

ML - this is excellent advice.

She wants to ignore you? Fine - show her you can take the hint & let her bounce. I guarrantee it won't be long before she's calling you - constantly. (Most likely when things with her "ex" - or whoever it is she's spending her time with - fall apart again.) She'll be on the phone thinking she can fall back on you - MAKE IT CLEAR that this is NOT acceptable to you. Especially since it appears that she's dumped you without letting you know.

I know it hurts now, but the best thing for you is to forget she exists and move on to someone who's not so in love with themselves that they don't have time for anyone else.

Best of luck to you & your mom.

 

[hiphop]

i've seen this situation a hundred times.

sorry if my language is blunt, but im in a foul mood myself, as usual.

1.) she is banging other guys

2.) she obviously doesnt give a shit about you

3.) she sounds like your typical stuck up "the world revolves around me" girl who thinks her shit doesnt stink.

drop her now before she hurt you more, you dont need or deserve this bullshit these girls put you through.

no, you did nothing wrong. long distance college relationships usually dont last for more than a few months anyway.

you sound like a pretty nice guy. i've learned that for the most part, girls dont like "nice" guys. they tend to use and take advantage of "nice guys" as long as they can before the guy realizes he is being used. young girls like "the jerks" that treat them like shit, up until they hit theyre late 20's then they finally pull their heads out of their asses and realize they now want a "nice guy", whom they've treated like shit for the last 10 years or so (because they were "boring"), to marry and support them.

understand now?

no, im not bitter

good luck with your mother.

hahaha no you´re not bitter at all

good luck

 

[JMScoopy]

hahaha no you´re not bitter at all

good luck

laugh all you want.

too bad everyting i said is true, i've learned it the hard way.

 

[hiphop]

laugh all you want.

too bad everyting i said is true, i've learned it the hard way.

twas a sardonic laugh

its not a matter to laugh about anyway

 

[fah]

She's a girl but she's no friend No one deserves to be treated like this. Take care of yourself and best wishes for your Mom

 

[U2Girl1978]

The only thing I have to say is she is a nasty bitch and you need to dump her QUICK! She is so selfish she doesn't care about what is going on in your life.
Anyways, I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this.


Sidenote: It's girls like this that make guys so angry and hurt from this kind of relationship. And once you end up liking that guy that got hurt by the bitch, the guy is never ready for a relationship(with you) or acts like a complete asshole.

 

[MirrorballLemon]

thanks again, well I was able to talk to her....and she says thats shes really hurt by what I had said about her caring about nothing but her sorority. she says she's not sure if she wants to break up, but she needs time to herself to think, and that she would call me when she's thought everything through. I told her that i was sorry and didnt mean it, and that i was just upset about my mom/work/her not seeming to care, that it just slipped out. but she said shes really hurt by what I said, and that its not true and she does care. She was on the phone crying the entire time, and I really think its genuine and that she really is hurt. i'm starting to think that maybe I made a mistake by thinking the way I did. I know her well enough to know that she'd never cheat on me, and I think I was foolish to think she didn't care. But I did go with what was happening this week, and admittedly, my stress and emotions over my mom and work took control. I don't know what to do. She means everything to me, and I just feel so alone now....

as a side note, I'm 21, living in Buffalo NY, and if anybody's interested :cough:singlewomen:cough: feel free to let me know ;-) thanks again everyone. This is a very difficult time for my family and I, and I appreciate all the insight, advice, and good wishes. at least i know that there's some people who care out there....

 

[Got Philk?]

Ok, word of advice here. DO NOT CALL HER. She said she needs time, so give it to her. Different things could happen. You could find out you do want her in your life, she could find out the same, or you might just realize that, hey, I don't need her/this right now.

That was pretty damn cold of her to not give a shit about what you were saying b/c of a friggin party. I know she was sad, and you're probably like me and too nice, so take time to think about it for you too. Is this going to end up back in this situation again later on? Just please, don't call her unless you really need to. Space is a good thing.

p.s. Long distance can work for longer than a couple months if you really want it to. Emphasis on the if you want...

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Here's the thing about breaking up, if you break up with her, she doesn't have a chance to think about it. Just do it.

As for the sorority crap, don't buy it. I was in one, I enjoyed it, but it never ran my life. It never made me stay out all night or neglect my boyfriend. She is making those choices, not her house.

I'm all for closure, so I say if/when she calls back, you let her go. Good luck.

 

[MirrorballLemon]

I don't plan on calling her until she calls me. I was planning on going down to visit her in 2 weeks b/c it's her birthday, so hopefully this will be settled by then. if she's still not talking to me, I was thinking I'd drive down and suprise her with flowers, a huge teddy bear, and see what happens then. fingers crossed it doesn't come to that....i was about to drive down there this morning. I want to make one thing clear though, I really don't want to break up with her. I mean the things I said earlier are true, but we do have a lot of good times and a lot of good memories as well. she has some really amazing qualities, and i think i just have her figured wrong.

 

[Windmilllane]

i've seen this situation a hundred times.

sorry if my language is blunt, but im in a foul mood myself, as usual.

1.) she is banging other guys

2.) she obviously doesnt give a shit about you

3.) she sounds like your typical stuck up "the world revolves around me" girl who thinks her shit doesnt stink.

drop her now before she hurt you more, you dont need or deserve this bullshit these girls put you through.

no, you did nothing wrong. long distance college relationships usually dont last for more than a few months anyway.

you sound like a pretty nice guy. i've learned that for the most part, girls dont like "nice" guys. they tend to use and take advantage of "nice guys" as long as they can before the guy realizes he is being used. young girls like "the jerks" that treat them like shit, up until they hit theyre late 20's then they finally pull their heads out of their asses and realize they now want a "nice guy", whom they've treated like shit for the last 10 years or so (because they were "boring"), to marry and support them.

understand now?

no, im not bitter

good luck with your mother.

All young chickadees, especially those in a sorority, want to be bad and dirty whores. They all yearn to be in the Girls Gone Wild videos.

 

[doubleU]

All young chickadees, especially those in a sorority, want to be bad and dirty whores. They all yearn to be in the Girls Gone Bad videos.

You have taught me a lot oh wise one.