Something is about to give...

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Macfistowannabe

Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
Joined
Dec 11, 2003
Messages
4,197
Location
Ohio
My grandfather is soon to pass away after years with health problems including heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses.

I'm having some trouble dealing with it all, and any thoughts, prayers, wishes, advice, etc would be greatly appreciated.
 
Oh Mac, I'm so sorry to hear that. :hug:Anytime you need to talk give me a shout - I'm usually around. I wish I could say something more useful to help... I know how much it all hurts. Alll my good thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family. :hug: You're not alone and your grandad will always be with you.
 
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I've lost too many in my life. I've been to as many funerals as I've been to weddings. I know what it's like.

Thoughts and prayers out to you.
 
I'm sorry, Macfistowannabe - I know how hard it is. I have lost both my grandparents in less than 2 months. My grandfather passed away this week.

Thank God for eternity and what is to come for your grandfather.

I know that this is not goodbye

You will miss him but he is going to a wonderful place.
 
It's horrible to see so many people suffering here. We really need to look out for each other; well, as best we can on a messageboard.

My younger sister and my gran are expected to go within the next few months (both to cancer). I understand what you're going through, just like so many others here do.

I know that we all have our individual beliefs, which is as it should be, and so what helps one person cope might be ineffective for somebody else. I don't want to seem like I'm imposing my views on you - do you mind if I tell you about something that helped me cope with loss of a loved one?

I lost my dad unexpectedly in 1999. It was a huge shock and was complicated - Dad had loads of good points, but he was, let's just say, a violent and disturbed alcoholic. Which made coming to terms with his death even harder for us kids.

For the first week or so after he died, I had this really odd feeling... it is impossible to put into words, but I hope someone can relate to it. It felt as though Dad was still 'in transit', and that he hadn't got to wherever he was supposed to be - and that was awful. I got no feeling of his soul being at peace.

I went to a C of E school as a kid, but I couldn't find much comfort in what I remembered from those days.

One thing that DID help me immensely, was the idea of transformation. We are all made up of energy, and we all know that energy never disappears - it constantly fluctuates and changes form but never dies. So, technically speaking, the old bastard hadn't gone anywhere at all: his body was gone, that's all. I had to keep telling myself this, over and over again until I thought I'd go completely potty. It was the only belief I clung to that really helped me get through, the only idea that made perfect sense.

At the funeral, my poor sister howled, but I was okay. When I saw the coffin, to me it was not Daddy in that box - Dad had moved on.

I have no idea whether that will help you or not... but I hope so, in some small way.

Now I'm about to lose my little sister - and I hope and pray that somehow i'll find the strength to pull through and to support my family.

Sorry for banging on about my own problems - just want to let you know I understand your pain.

Don't ever feel alone... if you need a friend, just say. :hug:
 
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Some Self-Helping U2 Lyrics

:hug: Thanks you guys.


I was on the outside when you said
You said you needed me
I was looking at myself
I was blind,I could not see

A boy tries hard to be a man
His mother takes him by the hand
If he stops to think, he starts to cry
Oh why

I was on the inside
When they pulled the four walls down
I was looking through the window
I was lost, I am found

I look into his eyes
They're closed but I see something
A teacher told me why
I laugh when old men cry
My body grows and grows
It frightens me, you know
The old man tried to walk me home
I thought he should have known

Twilight, darkened day
Twilight, lost my way
Twilight, night and day
Twilight, can't find my way
In the shadow boy meets man
In the shadow boy meets man
In the shadow boy meets man
In the shadow boy meets man

Into the heart
Of a child
I stay a while
But I can't go there

Boys and girls
Go to school, and girls
They make children
Not like this one

I fought fate
There's blood at the garden gate
The man said childhood
It's in his childhood

One day I'll die
The choice will not be mine
Will it be too late
You can't fight fate

There's a picture book with color photographs
There's a comic strip that makes me laugh
Sometimes away he takes me
Sometimes I don't let go

When I looked around
The world couldn't be found
Just me by the sea

Starting a landslide in my ego
Look from the outside to the world I left behind
I'm dreaming, you're awake
If I were sleeping
What's at stake

A day without me

Whatever the feelings I've been feeling
What are the feelings you left behind
Today's a day without me

I started a landslide in my ego
Look from the outside to the world I left behind
In the world I left behind
Wipe their eyes and they let go
In a world I left behind
Shed a tear and let love go

Just as I am
I awoke with a tear on my tongue

Till someone leaves him below
He's searched high and low
A tap on the wrist and he'd know
Somebody hear him

Who is it now who calls me inside
Are the leaves on the trees just living disguise
I walk the sweet rain tragicomedy
I'll walk home again to the street melody

I try to sing this song loud
I try to stand up
But I can't find my feet
I try, I try to speak up
But only in you I'm complete

Oh Lord, if I had anything
Anything at all
I'd give it to you

I'm falling down
I fall down
I broke myself

I was talking
I was talking to myself
Somebody else
Talk, talk, talking
I couldn't hear a word
A word he said

Be my brother
There is no other way out of here
Be my brother
Got to get out of here

It's falling, it's falling, and outside
The buildings are tumbling down
And inside a child on the ground
Say's he'll do it again

And what am I to do
Just tell me what am I suppose to say
I can't change the world
But I can change the world in me

Won't you come back tomorrow
Won't you come back tomorrow
Won't you come back tomorrow
Can I sleep tonight

Who broke the window
Who broke down the door
Who tore the curtain
And who was it for
Who heals the wounds
Who heals the scars
Open the door
Open the door

October
And the trees are stripped bare
Of all they wear
What do I care

October
And kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall
But You go on
And on

I can't believe the news today
I can't close my eyes and make it go away

How long, how long must we sing this song
How long, how long

Wipe your tears away
I wipe your tears away
I wipe your tears away
Wipe your blood shot eyes

It takes a second to say goodbye

Lightning flashes across the sky
East to west, do or die
Like a thief in the night
See the world by candlelight

All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway
And I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's Day

I will be with you again

Though torn in two, we can be one

Let the bells ring out
Let the bells wring out
Is there nothing left
Is there, is there nothing left
Is honesty what you want

A generation without name
Ripped and torn
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain
Nothing at all
And if you can't help yourself
Well, take a look around you
When others need your time
You say it's time to go
It's your time

Angry words won't stop the fight
Two wrongs won't make it right
A new heart is what I need
Oh God, make it bleed
Is there nothing left

Hold on, hold on tightly
Hold on and don't let go
Of my love
The storms will pass
It won't be long now
The storms will pass
But my love lasts forever

I pour my love out for you
And I'll bring you through
See you night and day

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song

And your heart beats so slow
Through the rain and fallen snow
Across the fields of mourning
To a light that’s in the distance

And you hunger for the time
Time to heal, desire, time
And your earth moves beneath
Your own dream landscape

Oh, don't sorrow,
No don't weep for tonight, at last
I am coming home
I am coming home

Ice, your only rivers run cold
These city lights, they shine as silver and gold
Took from the night, your eyes as black as coal

And if you save your love
Save your love, save it all
Don't push me too far
Don't push me too far tonight
Tonight, tonight

And I, like a firework, explode

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would let it go

If I could throw this lifeless
Lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

This desparation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation

Let it go
And so to fade away

To lose along the way the spark that set the flame
To flicker and to fade on this, the longest day

So wind go through to my heart
So wind blow through my soul

You give yourself to this the longest day
You give yourself, you give it all away

Hopelessly, so hopelessly
I'm breaking through for you and me
And you don't though no one told you to
And you found out where you were going
Where to
You're through with me

Sleep, sleep tonight
And may your dreams be realised
If the thunder cloud passes rain
So let it rain, rain down on he
So let it be

I want to run, I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside
I want to reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
I want to feel sunlight on my face
See the dust cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building, then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there, I go there with you
It's all I can do

Our love turns to rust
We’re beaten and blown by the wind

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well, yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
And my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

Sweet the sin, bitter the taste in my mouth
I see seven towers but I only see one way out
You got to cry with out weeping, talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice
You know I took the poison from the poison stream
Then I floated out of here

I'm hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on to
I'm still waiting
I'm hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on to

The glass is cut, the bottle run dry
Our love runs cold in the caverns of the night
We're wounded by fear, injured in doubt
I can lose myself, you I can't live without

Love slowly stripped away
Love has seen its better day

Still shaking, still in pain
You put me back together again

We turn away to face the cold, enduring chill
As the day begs the night for mercy
Your sun so bright it leaves no shadows, only scars
Carved into stone on the face of earth
The moon is up over One Tree Hill
We see the sun go down in your eyes

You ran like a river oh, to the sea
You run like a river runs to the sea

I'll see you again when the stars fall from the sky
And the moon has turned red over One Tree Hill

See the hands that build
Can also pull down
The hands of love

Night hangs like a prisoner
Stretched over black and blue
Hear their heartbeat
We hear their heartbeat

Hold me now, hold me now
Till this hour has gone around
And I'm gone on the rising tide
For to face Van Diemen's Land

Like a desert needs rain
Like a town needs a name
I need your love

There's a rope around my neck
And there’s a trigger in a gun
Jesus say something
I am someone

Blue light on the avenue
God knows they got to you
An empty glass, the lady sings
Eyes swollen like a bee sting
Blinded, you lost your way
Through the side streets and the alleyway
Like a star exploding in the night
Falling to the city in broad daylight
An angel in Devil's shoes
Salvation in the blues
You never looked like an angel

Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don't let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me

I don't believe in excess
Success is to give
I don't believe in riches
But you should see where I live
I believe in love

I feel like I'm falling
Like I'm spinning on a wheel
It always stops beside a name
A presence I can feel
I believe in love

You say you'll give me a highway with no one on it
Treasure just to look upon it
All the riches in the night
You say you'll give me eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest
But all the promises we make from the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

Well it's too late tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one but we're not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other
One

Haven't seen you in quite a while
I was down the hold just passing time
Last time we met was a low-lit room
We were as close together as a bride and groom
We ate the food, we drank the wine
Everybody having a good time
Except you
You were talking about the end of the world

You're an accident waiting to happen
You're a piece of glass left there on the beach
Well you tell me things I know you're not supposed to
Then you leave me just out of reach

It's no secret that the stars are falling from the sky
It's no secret that our world is in darkness tonight
They say the sun is sometimes eclipsed by a moon
You know I don't see you when she walks in the room

Love, we shine like a burning star
We're falling from the sky tonight

It's no secret that the stars are falling from the sky
The universe exploded 'cause of one man's lie
Look, I gotta go, yeah I'm running outta change
There's a lot of things, if I could I'd rearrange

One day you'll look back, and you'll see
Where you were held
How by this love while you could stand there
You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling

Six o'clock in the morning
ou're the last to hear the warning
You've been tryin' to throw your arms around the world
You've been falling off the sidewalk
Your lips move but you can't talk
Tryin' to throw your arms around the world

Feel like trash, you make me feel clean
I'm in the black, can't see or be seen

What are we going to do now it's all been said
No new ideas in the house and every book has been read

A little death without mourning
No call and no warning
Baby, a dangerous idea that almost makes sense

If I could stay, then the night would give you up
Stay, and the day would keep its trust
Stay, and the night would be enough

And if you listen I can't call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout, I'll only hear you

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter as an angel runs to ground
Just the bang and the clatter as an angel hits the ground

Some days are dry
Some days are leaky
Some days come clean
Other days are sneaky
Some days take less but most days take more
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor

I don't know you and
You don't know the half of it
I had a staring role
I was the bad guy who walked out

Dragging me down
That's not the way it used to be
You can't even remember what I'm trying to forget
It was a dirty day
A dirty day

From father to son
In one life has begun
A work that's never done
Father to son

Yeah I went with nothing
Nothing but the thought of you
I went wandering

Is there a time for keeping your distance
A time to turn your eyes away
Is there a time for keeping your head down
For getting on with the day

Go lightly down your darkened way
Go lightly under ground
I'll be down there in another day
I won't rest until you're found

Let me love you, let me rescue you
Let me bring you where two roads meet
Oh, come back above where there is only love
Only love

Love, love, love
You want heaven in your heart
Heaven in your heart
The sun, the moon and the stars

Take the colours of my imagination
Take the scent hanging in the air
Take this tangle of a conversation
And turn it into your own prayer
With my fingers as you want them
With my nails under your hide
With my teeth at your back
And my tongue to tell you the sweetest lies

Soothe me mother
Move me father
Move me brother

Goodbye, you can keep this suit of lights
I'm be up with the sun

Don't know if I can hold on
Don't know if I'm that strong
Don't know if I can wait that long
Till the colours come flashing
And the lights go on

Then will there be no time for sorrow
Then will there be no time for shame
And though I can't say why
I know I've got to believe

Then will there be no time of sorrow
Then will there be no time for shame
Then will there be no time of sorrow
Then will there be no time for pain

Please, please, please
Get up off your knees

Jesus, Jesus help me
I'm alone in this world
And a f-cked up world it is too
Tell me, tell me the story
The one about eternity
And the way it's all gonna be

The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground
But there's no room, no space to rent in this town
You're out of luck and the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck and you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace

It's a beautiful day
The sky falls and you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have, you don't need it now
What you don't know, you can feel it somehow
What you don't have, you don't need it now
Don't need it now
It was a beautiful day

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment, this time will pass

You elevate my soul
I've lost all self-control
Been living like a mole
Now, going down, excavation
I and I into the sky
You make me feel like I can fly so high
Elevation

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for one second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches, how your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home, hard to know what it is if you've never had one
Home, I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is

And I know it aches and your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
It’s only time
All that you bear
No more than a feeling on my mind
All that you see
All that you wear
All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress up
All that you’ve seen
All you create
And all that you wreck
All that you hate

Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did
'Cause hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin
I want you to know
That you don't need me anymore
I want you to know
You don't need anyone, anything at all

Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know this is not goodbye

In summer I can taste the salt in the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on a breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me
I'm a man, I'm not a child
A man who sees the shadow behind your eyes

In a little while surely you'll be mine
In a little while I'll be there
In a little while this hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love
When the night takes a deep breath and the daylight has no air
If I crawl, if I come crawling home will you be there

Slow down my beating heart

Did I know you, did I know you even then
Before the clocks kept time, before the world was made
From the cruel sun you were my shelter
You were my shelter and my shade

Oh oh oh, love me with your soul

Heaven on Earth, we need it now
I'm sick of all of this hanging around
Sick of sorrow, sick of the pain
I'm sick of hearing again and again
That there's gonna be peace on Earth

When you look at the world
What is it that you see
People find all kinds of things
That bring them to their knees
I see an expression
So clear and so true
That changes the atmosphere
When you walk into the room

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it's no use
I can't see what you see
When I look at the world

When the night is someone elses
And you're trying to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever want to keep
When there's all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don't even blink now, do you
Or even look away

I can't wait any longer
I can't wait till I'm stronger
I can't wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world

I'm in the waiting room
Can't see for the smoke
I think of you and your holy book
While the rest of us choke
Tell me, tell me, what do you see
Tell me, tell me, what's wrong with me

In the stillness of the evening
When the sun has had its day
I heard your voice whispering
Come away child

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark no longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything

Lights go down, it’s dark
The jungle is your head
Can’t rule your heart
A feeling is so much stronger than
A thought
Your eyes are wide
And though your soul
It can’t be bought
Your mind can wander

Hello hello
I’m at a place called Vertigo
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
Except you give me something I can feel, feel

I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how, how to kneel…

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there…
To hear the things you haven’t said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone...

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I’m alive
I’m being born
I just arrived, I’m at the door
Of the place I started out from
And I want back inside

Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart

Come on now show your soul
You’ve been keeping your love under control

What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break


(Surely, none of you read all of that...)
 
Don’t leave me here alone...


That one's so tough. I'll just about get through the rest of the song but as soon as I hear that line... floods.
 
Recently lost my father, and the awful pain of somebody leaving forever is unbearable.

:hug:
 
I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

It looks like you are already doing a bit of what I used to help me manage when my mom died last year -- that is using music that was comforting for me.

I listened to favorite cds on the drives to and from the hospital. As I drove up to the hospital on that last day (I knew it would be the day she died, because we were disconnecting life support that day), the song "Time To Say Goodbye" played. It's a really lovely song and was very soothing at that time. And then on the drive home I listened to another cd that was perfect for me at the time. It didn't make me feel great...but it was soothing to me.

I posted something later, on the bulletin board of that band/musician, about how the music had helped. It was just a couple of sentences in a larger post, but a few days later I got an email from the musician with his condolences, and a month or so later that same guy emailed to say his mum had been to visit him. He said thought of me and realized his mum wouldn't be around forever and how much he'd miss her when she was gone, and that he made sure to try that little bit harder to be patient with her. That email made me cry (still does, actually), yet I felt good that my experience was able to encourage the person who's music had been so comforting me to pay a bit of extra attention to a loved one. It made me feel more connected with the world.

I don't know if that helps you, but it made me feel better to know that at least one person was moved to not take a loved one for granted.
 
sallycinnamon78 said:
It's horrible to see so many people suffering here. We really need to look out for each other; well, as best we can on a messageboard.


Not my words, but I am greatful to borrow them:


We're one
but we're not the same
....we've got to carry each other
carry each other


we are sisters
we are brothers
 
Macfistowannabe said:
My grandfather is soon to pass away after years with health problems including heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses.

I'm having some trouble dealing with it all, and any thoughts, prayers, wishes, advice, etc would be greatly appreciated.

hey mac,

i know we basically disagree on just about everything and you know i'm not a religious guy per se, but i've lost 2 grandparents in the last two years so i know what it's like. both of mine fought illness in there final years and it was a tough time for my mother and her siblings especially. for me, the best way to deal with it was to just accept that they were gone and try and understand that after 80+ years they were finally going to rest. they finally had peace. no more problems, no more sickness, no more loneliness. just peace. it's a sad sad time, but find comfort knowing that your grandfather will finally be at rest. i'm sure he has lived a life worthy of it.

7
 
My grandfather passed away on Easter morning, but while we all dealt with a sense of loss, we are releaved that he is now healed of his illnesses.

I'd like to share the eulogy I read at his memorial service:

____________________________________________________

My grandfather was always with us in his own unique way. While he wouldn’t talk your ear off, he always had a way with making his presence memorable. From my days of youth, when I knew very little to my days as a young man with limited time on my hands, he would let me know what was on his mind, whether it was casual teasing or how my car had been treating me. In other words, he never failed to show that he genuinely cared for my well-being.

My youth was filled with the fondest of memories, whether he was explaining the twisted humor of a gift card to me, or asking me if brown cows make chocolate milk. I can remember the times when grandpa would show off his latest remote control car, help my dad fix his snow blower, or help me put batteries in my latest hand held game. Part of my discovery of the outdoors began when he and my grandmother would take my brother and me to Salt Fork with their camper.

While the recent years of my life seem to revolve around school and work, I still cherished the times I could spend with this unique, but extraordinary man. As a young man who thought money grew on trees, I will never forget when he showed me his homemade boom box. This boom box was made in a time where they were not sold in stores, and yet he had what it took to build it all by himself.

It has been a tremendous blessing to know a man like my grandfather. He would always have a unique way of communicating his love and joy for me loud and clear. His self-motivation and witty sense of humor have inspired me to look up to him in every way.

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I'd also like to thank everyone for their kind words.
 
indra said:
It looks like you are already doing a bit of what I used to help me manage when my mom died last year -- that is using music that was comforting for me.
Music heals, oddly enough. I don't know how I would feel right now without it.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather's death.... I kind of thought when you hadn't been around here that he had probably died.

That's a lovely tribute to him. Thanks for posting it. You also must remember that remembering and using the things you learned from him is probably the best tribute you can ever make to him. A tribute that will last a lifetime (and maybe be passed on if you have children).


And yeah, I find music indespensible in helping me cope, especially in times of incredible sadness.
 
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