Should I or shouldn't I?

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
meegannie

meegannie

Blue Crack Addict
Joined
Oct 31, 2001
Messages
15,798
Location
Norwich, England
So, yeah, it's no secret here that I have depression and anxiety. :reject: It's been really bad these past four months or so, to the point of being almost unbearable. So I'm on medication and am on the waiting list for the counselling service. The two doctors I've been to and the counsellor I spoke with today all think I should mention the depression and anxiety to my course advisor since it counts as an extenuating circumstance and might be helpful to mention.

I am INCREDIBLY stressed about my marks as it is, so I'm going to talk to him on Monday about the last assessments I got back so I can find out what I'm doing wrong and hopefully do better in my modules this term. I'm not doing terribly, and have been about average on everything so far, but I'm doing terribly for me. A lot of it has to do with the difference in writing and education styles between the US and UK, I think, but regardless, it's been a massive shock for me. I would seriously drop out if I hadn't spent $30,000 to be here this year or had somewhere to go/something to do. :(

Anyway, should I tell my advisor about my depression and anxiety? I'm really nervous about it and afraid it'll make me look like a psycho freak, but at the same time, I'm desperate to convince my professors that I'm not stupid or lazy and that I've been working as hard as I possibly can. Also, if things get worse and I lose all ability to function normally, I don't my professors to be suspicious that I'm just bringing up the issue when something is going to be late or I give a crap presentation. I've gotten everything in so far, but getting through the last two assignments I did was absolute hell on earth. Will it make them think bad of me that I have depression? I'm so confused. :sad:
 
:hug:
I would say something...they won't think you're a "psycho freak".
I think it would make you feel better, because keeping it all in isn't good for anyone.
 
I was having a rough time in college once and told my course advisor that I was having a personal crisis (which was true) without giving any details. It helped me out a lot.

:hug:meggie:hug:
 
Meggie,

You should definitely mention it to your professors. By discussing this with them and asking what you can do to improve will show that you really want to do well in your classes--they'll appreciate your honesty rather than thinking your a bad student or a "psycho."

:hug:
 
meg...depression and anxiety are very common . It's not just you, so there is nothing freakish or psycho about it. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I am glad you have found doctors/counsellor who are helpful. Maybe ask the counsellor what you should say. No need maybe to tell them everything, just enough.
I think most educator's would agree , it is helpful to know if any of their students are dealing with personal problems.
You're not alone.
People care and understand
but only if you let them
 
I would definitely talk to your advisor about it.

Speaking of talking, if you ever need to talk to me, you know I understand...you can talk to me anytime. :hug:
 
definately have to tell him/ Let him help you through your coursework :yes:
comfort.gif
 
*Definitely* talk about it. I had the same identical problem, and talking about it took alot of the stress out of it. They had *many* students with the same problems so it's not like they didn't know anything about it.
 
Last edited:
cass said:

I think most educator's would agree , it is helpful to know if any of their students are dealing with personal problems.
Click to expand...

This is true. In fact, when any of my little students are performing below expectations, this is the first question I ask their parents. Most of the time, this is indeed the problem. It helps to know what's going on in a student's life.
 
i agree with everyone else meggie. i think it would be to your advantage to explain your situation to your adviser. you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. i think, if anything, they should be impressed with your honesty and with the fact that you are attempting to do something about it.

hang in there my dear.

:hug:
 
I agree with everyone else here said--it would definately be to your benefit to say something. Along with the stresses that the differences in education are bringing to you, when you are depressed, it makes it even that much harder to concentrate or even feel like working on anything. And I should know, I have gone through it, and am currently going through hard times right now. Thank god I graduated in May, cos if I was still in school right now, I don't know how I could motivate myself to do anything.

I hope I helped, and I wish you luck with all of this

:hug:
 
Last edited:
meegannie said:
Anyway, should I tell my advisor about my depression and anxiety? I'm really nervous about it and afraid it'll make me look like a psycho freak, but at the same time, I'm desperate to convince my professors that I'm not stupid or lazy and that I've been working as hard as I possibly can. Also, if things get worse and I lose all ability to function normally, I don't my professors to be suspicious that I'm just bringing up the issue when something is going to be late or I give a crap presentation. I've gotten everything in so far, but getting through the last two assignments I did was absolute hell on earth. Will it make them think bad of me that I have depression? I'm so confused. :sad:
Click to expand...

Meggie, I doubt that they'll think you're a psycho. In my (brief) experience, the British academics were less open with those sorts of issues, but just as understanding when they were brought up. Plus, it would be better to mention it up front, so that they won't think you're trying to get out of something later. (Not that I think it will come to that.)

If the doctors think that you should mention it, I would go with their advice.



:hug:
 
Meggie, when I was at Univesity I also had a bad patch so I told one of my lecturers, who listened to be blubber away and then opened his bottom drawer to reveal tonnes of little bottles of alcohol and asked me if I wanted one! ie he wasnt the slightest bit annoyed with me.

I ended up withdrawing from my units and deferring my course for 18 months. On the application to defer, in the 'reason' section, I simply wrote 'mental issues'. The administrators were fine with that and they in fact congratulated me for wanting to take some time out and sort my head out. (Not that Im suggesting thats what you need, its just what I personally needed).

At the University I work at counselling services are part of student services so if you are using a Uni counsellor they should have you on their records of attending since such and such a date. At work I organise the distribution of the staff counselling brochures. All sorts of sections of the Uni request the brochures - its really across the board, as is the mental health issue. I work in the Safety & Health Office and the mental health of staff and students is just as important as the physical and the environment. Its very openly discussed as an issue (not individual cases though), the same way a dislocated knee is discussed - an issue that requires assistance. Its a shame your not at my Uni, we could have lunch out in the garden with the kookaburras and I could give you all the brochures :sad:
 
Thanks, everyone. I just don't know what to say/how to say it, I guess, and I'll be really embarrassed if I end up crying, as I always do (and then I cry more because I'm embarrassed about crying :slant: ). I've talked to the person in charge of my MA all of one time, and it's not something I'd be even remotely comfortable bringing up tomorrow. At the same time, I'm just getting worse and worse and worse and finding it incredibly hard to concentrate or get any work done, or even leave my room without having a panic attack or nervous breakdown. :sigh:
 
once again I really don't know how you should handle this
but perhaps you could write down what you do want to tell him and try to restrict yourself to that
and if things do get to hard on yourself you could stil hand him the note with what you wrote down

take good care of yourself Megan :hug:
 
I was thinking about this, and I quit college with one semester left. It was the best thing I ever did. I went back and finished it later, and now I pull down the big bucks as a public school teacher.

You may need to think about quitting school and rethinking your goals. I know, I know; you've spent a shitload of money to do this, but so what? If it's making you miserable, there's absolutely no point in staying no matter how much money you spent.

If school is making you so miserable you have trouble leaving your room, then you need to stop doing it.
 
I know I'm replying to this about a week after everyone else, so I don't know if this reply is any help to you but I'll say it anyway. :)

Would you be able to get your doctor or counsellor to write a note which you could then show to your advisor explaining your circumstances? When I was in college last year I was in a similar situation and my doctor offered to write a note for me to give to my lecturers asking if I could have some be excused from a few classes and have some extra time to complete an assignment. She didn't have to explain *exactly* why I needed the extra time for assignments, just that in her opinion I had good reason to ask for it. I found it so much easier to have a letter to give to my lecturers rather than having to go to them and explain everything.

The only other thing I wanted to say was that I know there is a huge difference between UK and US universities and maybe you shouldn't be too hard on yourself if it's taken you time to adjust to the UK university system. I know when I spent some time in the US as an exchange student I found it really hard to get used to the style of teaching there so I can imagine it must take time to get used to the UK system if you haven't spent 12 years of school in it like most other people have.

I hope everything works out okay for you. :hug:
 
Well, I went on Monday to discuss one of my marks and ended up crying before I could even say anything about being depressed. :reject: So yeah it was pretty obvious, and he asked me about it since I was so upset over something as trivial as one grade which wasn't even horrible. Despite the fact that I was crying like an idiot and it was VERY embarrassing, he was much nicer about it than I expected and offered to give me an extension on the essay that's due soon, but I don't think I'll need it and don't want to take it unless I absolutely feel I have to. Anyway, he called the counselling service to see if they could move me up in the queue or anything so I wouldn't have to wait for six to eight weeks since I said I wasn't sure if they took me very seriously since I was able to control myself then and not break down in tears. Of course they couldn't, but it was worth a shot, I guess. So despite the fact that it was incredibly humiliating, I guess it's good that my advisor knows and can speak to those in charge of my modules this term or I can just tell them I've spoken to him about it if things get really bad and I need an extension or I miss class or something. Also, he said he would discuss dissertation topics with me at some point, and that I don't have to use sources in another language or travel outside the UK or anything like that in order to do research, which is a huge relief because it broadens my dissertation options a great deal.

martha said:

You may need to think about quitting school and rethinking your goals. I know, I know; you've spent a shitload of money to do this, but so what? If it's making you miserable, there's absolutely no point in staying no matter how much money you spent.

If school is making you so miserable you have trouble leaving your room, then you need to stop doing it.
Click to expand...

I've thought about that, but while the loneliness and my academic performance are definitely factors in how I feel, the sad truth is that I've been like this as long as I can remember (since at least age three). I was a bit better in undergrad when I was involved in so many activities on campus that I was forced to be out of my room 90% of the time, but even last year when I was working in DC, I wouldn't leave my apartment except to go to work or to the 7-11 downstairs. :reject:

Quiting school would only complicate matters because my student visa would no longer be valid, and I would have to return to the U.S. where I have nowhere to live. I would have to sell almost everything I own or possibly store it at Sam's parents' house in London and then decide on a random city in the U.S. to fly to and look for a job and a place to live on what little money I have. While I may have to do that in September anyway, I at least have a chance (slim as it may be) of finding a job that will give me a work visa here, and even if I do have to move back to the U.S., it would be less than a year (hopefully) before I could see Sam again, as opposed to over a year and a half if I left now.

Even beyond the financial implications and being apart from my fiance, I would have to tell my parents that I was giving up, which is the most humiliating and awful thing I can imagine. Just the thought of them saying "I told you things would never work out for you" is enough to give me a panic attack. I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing what a failure I am.
 
beli said:
Anybody who can identify the source of their own pain is not a failure. You have your head screwed on right, Meggie.
Click to expand...
:yes: TOTALLY.

And megan, you know that you are welcome wherever I am if you do end up back here in Sept. I'm hoping by that point I have a job and a location...i'd better!! If not, I'm sure my mom would GLADLY extend her mothering to you...only beware within...maybe...1 month, she'll bug you about having kids. I suppose it's a toss up. ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

U
Hey there! I finally made an account here!
Replies
2
Views
273
U2_family365
U
O
Better late than never “they” say…
Replies
1
Views
290
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
L
Hello Interference My Old Friend
Replies
4
Views
769
awhooley
A
Achtung_Bebe
IO: It's been a while...
Replies
2
Views
679
mikal
mikal
dan_smee
I listened to No Line on the Horizon right through tonight for the first time in about 10 years…
2 3
Replies
83
Views
2K
lazarus
lazarus

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom