Meaning of true friendship

[JMScoopy]

i don't know, i wrote this last night when i was hammered.
i tend to say outrageous shit when im drunk. see this thread

http://forum.interference.com/t152037.html

 

[VicksSs]

^ X100

Well, about friendship, I've always thought it's better quality than quantity. I'm 16 too blindinglights7 , but I have the exact oppostite to your problem, which made me go : I have only friends from school, and we are a group of friends, but here's what happened: we don't go out much, now I'm on holiday I go out only with one member of that group (we are 4 in total) but during schooltime, I guess because of stress or whatever I was always arguing with her...

Now she is someone who I could call a friend, although I feel with regards to some aspects we are not on the same level: sex for instance, not with regards to experience, but with regards to thoughts, etc, I mean, if I told her I over Bono she would be like wtf?? and that's really important to me!! LOL this sounds stupid but it's the truth: like I don't tell her all about me because it just wouldn't "coincide" with her, meaning her reaction would be odd. Well this same thing happens with the rest of the group, but 1000 times more, which SUCKS lol.

With these other 2 members of the group I'm now talking about, I feel we don't have anything in common, hence we can be like 1 month without talking (when school ended this year) an nothing happens. Liek we are together as friends cos we have been friends for so long but not for what happens now... like we cling to memories, but we kind of grew apart as we were growing, in every sense....

Now this makes em agree with what was said before here: friendship must flow, it has to be natural, you can't "force" a friendship... which is exactly what I feel we are doing. So I guess I have to do the opposite to blindinglights7, which is to say get to know more people.... I'll start guitar lessons and see if I can meet someone

This turned out to be maybe a pointless post, but oh well, I hope it helps and evidently, I needed to talk about this

Sometimes I just wish all the Interferencers could get together and talk about this stuff... seems like not much people in "real life" do

 

[girlhappy]

I dont know, i just sometimes feel i am not loved well by some people and i go through this life on my own. I dont want to sound pathetic and ungrateful,but thats the way i feel sometimes

 

[blindinglights7]

Very sorry about your situation.

Now she is someone who I could call a friend, although I feel with regards to some aspects we are not on the same level

Well, that can happen. Friends don't always have to have the same interests and views. It's usually nice if they do, though. I have never figured out why people always say, "opposites attract". It's not usually true, at least in my opinion.

Liek we are together as friends cos we have been friends for so long but not for what happens now... like we cling to memories, but we kind of grew apart as we were growing, in every sense....

I think this happens to a lot of people. We can get along as kids, but as we grow we develop our own ideas and thoughs, we find that we just don't want to be around the same people. There are definitely some people that I still hang out with just because we have known each other for a long time-- I wouldn't call them "friends" as much as "aquaintances".

This turned out to be maybe a pointless post, but oh well, I hope it helps and evidently, I needed to talk about this

It's not pointless, it's what this thread is for!

Sometimes I just wish all the Interferencers could get together and talk about this stuff... seems like not much people in "real life" do

I know... I don't usually talk to my 'real-life' friends like I do on interference.

 

[girlhappy]

Blindinglights, you are so bright teenage! You know, you should believe in the friendship all the same because wonderful things CAN happen. Especially in your coming years.You will meet so many interesting people! Thanks for listening. The thing is: to be honest, I think that relationship with a Boy/Man is something i really need. I need that kind of relation that includes deep love and care and friends are just friends. And i can tell you, I worship friendship so much. It was almost the most precious thing to me.
I would do ANYTHING for my friends. But it has to be balance. You need to receive something back. Naturally, they gave me back, but demanding as I am ...i felt it is not enough many, many times.
To tell the truth, i dont have stable friends, things are changing constantly lately. Strange. When you dont have stability seems to me it just goes on and on. But i strongly believe...like Bono said somewhere:If i didnt have a bad luck, I wouldnt have any luck at all. Meaning:If you lose someone it has to be for some reason and eventually you will meet someone else who is better for you at certain point in your life. So if your school friends dont fit into your life you will surely meet new friends who will help you to grow spiritually. That is just my point of view and it was like that in my life. Now...maybe i just have to sit and wait for someone who will come. Love is coming.....

 

[blindinglights7]

And i can tell you, I worship friendship so much. It was almost the most precious thing to me.
I would do ANYTHING for my friends. But it has to be balance. You need to receive something back. Naturally, they gave me back, but demanding as I am ...i felt it is not enough many, many times.
To tell the truth, i dont have stable friends, things are changing constantly lately. Strange. When you dont have stability seems to me it just goes on and on. But i strongly believe...like Bono said somewhere:If i didnt have a bad luck, I wouldnt have any luck at all. Meaning:If you lose someone it has to be for some reason and eventually you will meet someone else who is better for you at certain point in your life.

I love all of what you said. I don't know that should call yourself "demanding" though. We all have our own needs. And if your friends aren't living up to your needs, there are most likely other people out there who can give you what you need. And the thing is, personal needs aren't stable either. They constantly change throughout your life. So, the friends that you have at the moment may be what you need right now. Then, in a few months/years, they may not have what you need. But, I think there is always SOMEONE out there who can appeal to your individual needs. You just have to find that person or those people.

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The thing is: to be honest, I think that relationship with a Boy/Man is something i really need. I need that kind of relation that includes deep love and care and friends are just friends

I feel that need too... As you said, friends are just friends. But there is a longing for something more. An emotional connection with one other person. You can have love and care in a friendship, but that's a different kind of love and care...

 

[VicksSs]

Very sorry about your situation.


Well, that can happen. Friends don't always have to have the same interests and views. It's usually nice if they do, though. I have never figured out why people always say, "opposites attract". It's not usually true, at least in my opinion.

hmmm thanks for your post Yeah, I have been having this problem of thinking I am way too intolerant but lately I feel like that's not the case, as I don't pretned my friends to love U2 for instance, but at least to listen and stuff... but in a way I feel they don't care if I do, which then again is natural, since they don't like U2... This is all so hard

 

[VicksSs]

Oh and girlhappy, I feel I'm very demanding sometimes as well It is a weird situation, because it is hard to know when to draw a line... what I try to do, that may sound a bit selfish, is thinking how much that other person gives me back. But then again, I don't think it is selfish, because at first, I tend to give a lot and if the person doens't give in return... well I'm sorry but no way - of course I give second and third and soemtimes lots of chances, sometimes I surprise myself at how patient I can be, but if people are not willing to thank you... I'm sorry but I back out... I guess it's also protectingo yourself... you know, we are not God

Another thing that I find bugs me quite a lot is that some people, maybe it only with people y age , do not really think about some stuff, do not really care you know, about the meaning of friendship, abou giving/taking, etc... like they have this simple friendships and maybe they do not question themselves about important stuff... I know this because I tried to talk to some of my schoolmates (which I knew this year) about, you know, deep stuff, and they just looked at me like like "why do you complicate your life thinking about this stuff??". Sometimes I think that too, that I think too much but then again, I think it IS something worth of complications, you know...

 

[girlhappy]

You know, it is really lovely to come here and talk about things.In other thread, someone said: You cant fill the hole in your life with a boyfriend/girlfriend, but what if THIS IS THE HOLE? I believe friendship is about care and to be really involved in someones life. I dont know where to draw a line either. i just wanted to confess: if i dont see someone close to me in a day, it is no good. And i know it shouldnt be that way.I just cant stand the on your own way of life anymore, i guess. i mean, you cant depend on other people so much, even if they are your best friends. I just feel i need love and attention and i am willing to give the same.I want to share so much , the question is: who with?

 

[VicksSs]

I feel the same... you know the Robbie Williams line "I've got so much love running through my veins, going to waste" And sometimes people nearby feel the same. Try to find out if there is a friend or someone you know who'd like to spend more time with you, or share more. If not, well, I guess you need to meet someone special I hope you have good luck anyway

 

[blindinglights7]

Another thing that I find bugs me quite a lot is that some people, maybe it only with people y age , do not really think about some stuff, do not really care you know, about the meaning of friendship, abou giving/taking, etc... like they have this simple friendships and maybe they do not question themselves about important stuff... I know this because I tried to talk to some of my schoolmates (which I knew this year) about, you know, deep stuff, and they just looked at me like like "why do you complicate your life thinking about this stuff??". Sometimes I think that too, that I think too much but then again, I think it IS something worth of complications, you know...

Very, very true. It may seem stereotypical, but whatever. A lot of people my age have the "why do you care about stuff like that" attitude. Maybe everybody does that, no matter what age. But, being a teenager, I am noticing a lot of that attitude.

And, sure, thinking deeply may make your life SEEM more complicated, but I'd like to think that you are getting more out of life. Gaining insight, understanding, self-knowlegde, etc.

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I always sit with the same people at lunch. This is the second year we have all eaten lunch together. But I am sick of it now. There are 6 of us. The problem is, 4 of the girls I would say are pretty close. Today, I don't think I said a word at lunch. The entire 1/2 hour consisted of those 4 girls whispering secrets to each other. The other girl and I just sat there, helplessly. The whole whispering secrets right in front of everybody else thing REALLY bothers me. I felt very excluded.

 

[VicksSs]

Well I'm deeply sorry for that I know it sucks.

Well, my lunchs at school are the most disastrous things ever

Since I eat food made at home by my Mum and almost everyone else goes out to have lunch, I am almost always left alone, even by my best friends, those three girls I talked about earlier... I talked to them about it, and they didn't care, only one tf them, the closest of the three, now stays at lunch with me sometimes , which is really cool

The thing is, sometimes I had to eat with these two girls who are just I am not being picky, but one onf these girls is just a plain bad person (loooong, dramatic, girl-like story) and the other one is just those people that have no personality and whould rather go with the bad girl because she hasn't got the guts (nor the brains) to ignore her; although we offered her our friendship thousands of times, she just didn't care... whatever. AND she says she likes U2 when she doesn't even know what Rattle And Hum is (yet she prints the cover and sticks it in her folder, which drives me mad)

So lots of times I end up eating in solitude with U2 (in my discman, of course ) and that's the end of my sad story

 

[Muggsy]

well... I don't know if I have friends... you know, it is easy to find people to party with, but I'm not sure if I can count with them. I grew up as an angry, lonely teenager and now i'm a very suspicious girl, who does everything by herself and doesn't ask for help just because doesn't think she will get any.

 

[VicksSs]

Well, that happens to a lot of people, Muggsy. Are you sure it is the people around you who aren't responding, or is it you? Because maybe you don't open up to people too much. I know that bad experiences shape us in certain ways, but we shouldn't shut ourselves to new opportunities. On the other hand, maybe it's not you, maybe you just aren't lucky or the people around you aren't like you. I keep asking myself wether it's me or the world , but I guess it's both... I dunno really, who knows for certain?

 

[Muggsy]

well... I'm a shy person and sometimes I think that people would laugh at me, or that they won't like me. I feel like an outsider almost everywhere, even when the others are kind.

I move inside a "circle", most of the people i know are designers, artists, which is great cuz I've learn a lot and I found people to talk with about the things I like. Sometimes things get too decadent, and it is hard to build true friendships, I can't say that I haven't found great people there, but I havent made a deep connection with anybody (except my bf) either, I know that they will call me to party but that's it, and it is frustrating sometimes.

 

[VicksSs]

Yeah, I know, and I understand what you mean. I think something simialr is going on with me, except that I don't find people here who share the same interests as me , so I can get a bit bored sometimes... I found some friends online who are U2 fans, for instance, and are from here, but they are a bit older than me and live a bit far away, and when we pretend to get together to hang out, my parents won't let me because they don't know these people... alright, but it seems they are not willing to either, you know!!

I dunno, I always wonder if I am too ungrateful or if I haven't found people who are like me .

Sometimes it hurts when other people are not willing to make a deep connection with you when you want it, that's happened to me a lot. Maybe those people can't see that because they don't need you as much as you need them, which is something I live through constantly and which hurts a lot Or maybe, some people do need you, but soemtimes we are to dumb to realise... you know... It's hard to overcome being shy and I can be quite shy sometimes too

 

[blindinglights7]

I used to be very shy, but I've 'come out of my shell' so to speak. And I'm very glad. To me, it seems that other people seem to open up to you if you open up to them. Not always the case, but it's happened to me a lot.

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I think I'm starting to get this 'being demanding' in a relationship thing. Well, I don't mean that I'm starting to understand it, but I mean it's starting to apply to my life. I don't know if my best friends is still my best friend anymore. I don't even know if she's my friend. I'm so confused right now...

We have been best friends for like, eight years. We were even at different schools for two years, but our friendship outlasted that. And, at the beginning of this year, everything was good. All the way up through September... maybe cuz I took her to a U2 concert (But I'd like to think that's not the reason). But, within the last month, you'd think I've become invisible. This happens all the time: I'm standing in the hallway talking with a friend, and she'll come up and talk to that friend. Without even looking at me or even noticing I'm there. Is that being too demanding? A "hi!" once in awhile from your best friend?

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Sorry, I don't mean to come here to complain. I'm probably making it sound like I have a horrible life, but I really don't. I'm so lucky to have what I do.

 

[VicksSs]

Hey, why don't you try talking to your friend? I mean, I don't think it is too demanding to say "hi", you know... I always imagine I have this perfect friendship in which we are meant for each other and we love spending time together. I know lots of people are lucky enough to have that but I am not, or wasn't till now, I hope someday I am. There is no perfect person so I try to avoid idealizing but well... I don't pretend a perfect person/friendship, just ebing able to trust someone who feels comfortable with me.

Another thing that happens to me often is I think that I'm nobody's favourite person, so to speak. I know this may sound ridiculous , and I don't pretend knowing someone who would toss all of their friends for me, the thing is everyone I know met better friends way after they met me and would rather be with them, or at least they consider them their "best best friends", but I seem to be on my own in that aspect Like sometimes I fear my friends will meet new people and leave me for them instead

Sorry, I don't mean to come here to complain. I'm probably making it sound like I have a horrible life, but I really don't. I'm so lucky to have what I do.

I know, it's alright, this is a blue thread . I sound liek my life sucks and everything but it isn't that way, actually, it's only friends I seem to have problems with, but then again, that's pretty important.

Anyway, if our life was 99.9% perfect, we'd still complain about that 0.1%, right? But "we can't have it all", although I think it's worth trying , you never know which surprises you can find in life!!

 

[girlhappy]

Blindinglights, i am sorry to hear that. Your "best" friends behaviour is a bit too much in my opinion. You should definitely talk to her, especially now when you"ve "come out of your shell". I know, it is hard when you care about someone so much, but unsolved situations are the worse thing in the world in my opinion.

 

[blindinglights7]

She talked to me for the first time in forever today! I guess that's progress.


But she only talked to me to tell me that she had gotten a job, and she acted like nothing was wrong between us. Maybe that's supposed to be a good sign, but I still feel edgy. I suppose I may be overthinking this.


I suppose I'll give her a call soon. If it wasn't after 11 I'd call her right now, and I don't have time tomorrow. Wednesday. I gotta hold myself to it, otherwise I think I may drive myself crazy with worry.

 

[girlhappy]

Yes, i think that the unsolved situations and relations ... are the worse thing! You better talk to her and be open as much as you can