I just read this entire thread, and I really feel for you man. I’ve been in a very similar situation recently.
Let me preface this by saying this is a very abbreviated story. I'm in my second year of university and I have had a very similar thing happen this semester. I met a girl in early September who had a boyfriend of two years at a different university (A&M, no less) and we got along perfectly. Same taste in everything. Same sense of humor. All that good stuff. I've been apprehensive about dating or having feelings for someone since my well-documented break up with the infamous former Miss imp13. So I decide that I really have feelings for this new girl early on, and wouldn't you know it, one night she cheats on him with me. She told me she has feelings for me and all that, but they were still together several months later. We went to shows together (Broken Social Scene, Rolling Stones, and Imogen Heap) just like you did with this gal, so I suppose they're pretty similar relationships. We were together constantly and made each other really happy. Like your girl, she’s also exceptionally attractive and gets a ton of attention as such. That was tough for me to deal with, but I had to bite my tongue, just like you did. Get ready for that though. It’s college and most guys are assholes like that. Fuck, we even had a “Kyle” type character that was hurt really bad when we did things alone. Very similar situations.
They finally broke up in early December, which had been coming for sometime since that guy was a complete cocksucker to her. I laid low for a little while to give her some space. That worked fine, we still were getting along great. When we were both heading back to our respective homes from Austin, she told me she had feelings for another guy and wanted me to know. The guy is a mutual friend, but that's neither here nor there. She basically strung me along and took advantage of me for the last three months.
Basically what I'm telling you is to be cautious. It's a tough situation, because you don't want to get too close and you don't want to get too distant. If you're distant, she may think you're 100% not interested. If you get too close, like I did, she'll only see you as a best bud.
I'm all for you continuing trying this deal. I can tell you care for her very much. But in the meantime, don’t hesitate to try other things and meet other people. You have no obligation to this girl. Hell, at a party midway through the semester I got the number of a UT cheerleader (whom a mutual friend told me was quite smitten with me) and I never called her because I was so caught up with the other girl. A TEXAS CHEERLEADER! There’s a decision I regret. Don’t make those same mistakes. You’re in college, and when opportunity knocks, you’ve got to take it.
You’re a fine young man, Lance, and I’ve respected you and appreciated your posts for awhile. I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes that I did. If it’s not there, it’s not there, so don’t waste time, effort, sweat, or tears if you can help it.
Epilogue: She’s with that guy now and I haven’t talked to the bitch in three weeks. I don’t miss her at all. She texted me yesterday asking if I wanted to buy tickets to see David Sedaris, and I flat out said no, not with her. I know it seems like if she doesn’t work out you’re going to be miserable, but it’s quite the opposite. Then again, maybe I’m just saying that because she totally fucked me over. My girl told me she had feelings for me for awhile too and then she did a 180, so there’s no telling what the deal is.
This post is incoherent, but hopefully you find something useful in it. I don’t want to see you wait forever and it not work out. I’ve been there and it absolutely fucking sucks. Give her that time, but do your best to make yourself available to others in the event it doesn’t work out. I regret not dating more and getting to know more girls. I don’t do it because I’m still very much in love with my ex (who is a freshman in college now....at UT as well.....living two floors below my apartment), but this girl struck a chord in me and I decided to give it another go. I got fucked, and now I’m not opening up for awhile. I don’t want to see that happen to you.
I apologize if it seems like I tried to make this about me. If I did, it wasn’t my intention. I just find the relationships remarkably similar and wanted to use my experience to illustrate what the worst case scenario is.
Let me preface this by saying this is a very abbreviated story. I'm in my second year of university and I have had a very similar thing happen this semester. I met a girl in early September who had a boyfriend of two years at a different university (A&M, no less) and we got along perfectly. Same taste in everything. Same sense of humor. All that good stuff. I've been apprehensive about dating or having feelings for someone since my well-documented break up with the infamous former Miss imp13. So I decide that I really have feelings for this new girl early on, and wouldn't you know it, one night she cheats on him with me. She told me she has feelings for me and all that, but they were still together several months later. We went to shows together (Broken Social Scene, Rolling Stones, and Imogen Heap) just like you did with this gal, so I suppose they're pretty similar relationships. We were together constantly and made each other really happy. Like your girl, she’s also exceptionally attractive and gets a ton of attention as such. That was tough for me to deal with, but I had to bite my tongue, just like you did. Get ready for that though. It’s college and most guys are assholes like that. Fuck, we even had a “Kyle” type character that was hurt really bad when we did things alone. Very similar situations.
They finally broke up in early December, which had been coming for sometime since that guy was a complete cocksucker to her. I laid low for a little while to give her some space. That worked fine, we still were getting along great. When we were both heading back to our respective homes from Austin, she told me she had feelings for another guy and wanted me to know. The guy is a mutual friend, but that's neither here nor there. She basically strung me along and took advantage of me for the last three months.
Basically what I'm telling you is to be cautious. It's a tough situation, because you don't want to get too close and you don't want to get too distant. If you're distant, she may think you're 100% not interested. If you get too close, like I did, she'll only see you as a best bud.
I'm all for you continuing trying this deal. I can tell you care for her very much. But in the meantime, don’t hesitate to try other things and meet other people. You have no obligation to this girl. Hell, at a party midway through the semester I got the number of a UT cheerleader (whom a mutual friend told me was quite smitten with me) and I never called her because I was so caught up with the other girl. A TEXAS CHEERLEADER! There’s a decision I regret. Don’t make those same mistakes. You’re in college, and when opportunity knocks, you’ve got to take it.
You’re a fine young man, Lance, and I’ve respected you and appreciated your posts for awhile. I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes that I did. If it’s not there, it’s not there, so don’t waste time, effort, sweat, or tears if you can help it.
Epilogue: She’s with that guy now and I haven’t talked to the bitch in three weeks. I don’t miss her at all. She texted me yesterday asking if I wanted to buy tickets to see David Sedaris, and I flat out said no, not with her. I know it seems like if she doesn’t work out you’re going to be miserable, but it’s quite the opposite. Then again, maybe I’m just saying that because she totally fucked me over. My girl told me she had feelings for me for awhile too and then she did a 180, so there’s no telling what the deal is.
This post is incoherent, but hopefully you find something useful in it. I don’t want to see you wait forever and it not work out. I’ve been there and it absolutely fucking sucks. Give her that time, but do your best to make yourself available to others in the event it doesn’t work out. I regret not dating more and getting to know more girls. I don’t do it because I’m still very much in love with my ex (who is a freshman in college now....at UT as well.....living two floors below my apartment), but this girl struck a chord in me and I decided to give it another go. I got fucked, and now I’m not opening up for awhile. I don’t want to see that happen to you.
I apologize if it seems like I tried to make this about me. If I did, it wasn’t my intention. I just find the relationships remarkably similar and wanted to use my experience to illustrate what the worst case scenario is.
Last edited:
and good luck.
) and wait around. Today was kind of nerveracking because I just had no idea what to expect, I mean, I haven't seen her in person since for about a month. So I'm hanigng out with Kyle (who by the way seems to have come to terms with everyone and is pretty much back to normal) when she shows up around 5 and asks us to come to dinner with her and her friend from home who's here for the week. Of course we agree, because hell, we haven't all hung out together for a long time now.
)...She was missed terribly by me, I was actually going to go and visit for a month or so...but lack of funds ruled that out.
)....but that whole day, I wanted to say to her how I feel, and that she's the most lovely person that I know...how much i love spending time with her, and (before this turns into a script from a movie)...how I would love to just lay and watch a movie or something with her, even if it was crap. ahhh its become a movie script!.... script...you get my point!
