Girls shouldn't ask guys out... or should they?

[{paintedroses}]

I'm not old fashioned in my views of dating or whatever, but I believe that a girl should never need to ask a guy out or for his number because if he wanted to go out with her he would ask. Thats just the way men are. This way of thinking makes life a lot easier for me because instead of worrying all the time about whether I should ask for his number or whatever, I just try and be friendly and if I don't get a response i.e. asked out, then theres no need to start panicking because its obvious he's just not that into me. It's so simple. But when I explain this to my female friends they don't agree at all, they reckon you're not gonna get anywhere if you sit back and wait for something to come your way, you should make the first move if you want something to happen etc.

Does anyone have an opinion on this?

 

[Aardvark747]

Girls making the first move makes a lot of guys feel

 

[{paintedroses}]

As if men need their egos boosted any more



But seriously, if you want to start a relationship you don't want it to be on the basis of the guy feeling flattered. Like I said if he's really into her he would have asked her out. Also from a girl's point of view, if the man does the chasing, she's then in control so it's better for her.

 

[redkat]

if you like someone and you're waiting for them to make a move don't you just get frustrated. At least if you ask them out or show you're interested you can figure things out and move on.

Men don't always get subtle hints. Often they are nervous too. Try it once and I bet you'll like how it feels to take charge a bit. I bet the guy would love it too!

 

[{paintedroses}]

I understand some men are nervous and I would take that into consideration if I wanted to move things along with them. But my point is more that if you're waiting for them to make a move, the fact that they haven't yet means they aren't really into you. If a man likes you enough, he will ask you out. And if he doesn't like you enough to ask you out, why bother? Have some respect ladies!

 

[TheQuiet1]

Men don't always get subtle hints.

Understatement of century.

 

[Techie2000]

Wow, that is really sexist. Not all guys are going to be completely comfortable just asking a girl out, and we certainly aren't professional mind readers either. If a girl is nice to us, we aren't always going to automatically assume its because the like us, but it is because they are simply decent people. Furthermore if you are going to base your relationship on "control" and are worried about a guys "ego" getting boosted, its already doomed from the start.

 

[Aardvark747]

Understatement of century.

 

[{paintedroses}]

Wow, that is really sexist. Not all guys are going to be completely comfortable just asking a girl out, and we certainly aren't professional mind readers either. If a girl is nice to us, we aren't always going to automatically assume its because the like us, but it is because they are simply decent people. Furthermore if you are going to base your relationship on "control" and are worried about a guys "ego" getting boosted, its already doomed from the start.

I already said I understand I would take things like that into consideration.. I don't really see it as sexist, more practical. There are differences between men and women. I'm only talking from experiences of myself and other people, the relationships that have worked have been when the man has been interested enough to ask a girl out. I reckon that 95% of the time, if a guy likes a girl enough, he WILL ask her out. Maybe I should have made it more clear in my initial post, but I didn't expect it to be taken quite so seriously. I'm not trying to stereotype I'm just stating my observations

The comment about "control" was because (I know I didn't make this clear) my friends were saying that you have more control if you do the asking, but I see it as the other way round. Also the thing I said about an "ego" was clearly a joke, hence the and the following "But seriously.."

Thanks for your opinion though! That is what I asked for after all

 

[Sicy]

I am not scared to ask a guy out

Some guys are shy and maybe scared to ask girls out because they dont want to be rejected. I am sure it would be the same feeling for girls asking guys out but I think either should be able to ask the other out. Especially if you really like the guy and you dont want to wait for him to ask you out!

 

[u2bonogirl]

Wow, that is really sexist. Not all guys are going to be completely comfortable just asking a girl out, and we certainly aren't professional mind readers either. If a girl is nice to us, we aren't always going to automatically assume its because the like us, but it is because they are simply decent people. Furthermore if you are going to base your relationship on "control" and are worried about a guys "ego" getting boosted, its already doomed from the start.

I agree. Ive heard my female friends complaining that men come on to them just because they were nice to the guy.
Then again, Ive complained that just being nice to someone makes them interested as well
But I dont expect someone to magically know Im interested. I plant seeds in their minds so that they suddenly realize that they cant resist me

 

[TwoAmericas]

Girls who ask guys out are lonely and desperate.

 

[Bonochick]

I've asked men out. If I'm interested in a guy, I'm not gonna wait for him to ask me. I'm gonna take the initiative and get the ball rolling.

 

[TheQuiet1]

Just do what feels right. Assuming we're not talking about the "OMFG you're well fit" or "my mate well fancies you" situation that is repeated at various drinking haunts up and down the country then you're probably going to know the person well enough to gauge whether or not they are the kinda person who deals with rejection badly, too shy etc or whether they genuinely are not interested.

That's just my opinion, but I really wouldn't put a lot of trust in it!

 

[{paintedroses}]

Thanks, nice to hear other people's opinions, although it appears I'm alone in my view

Haha this probably comes from some kind of deep buried self esteem based fear of rejection inside me somewhere

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Understatement of century.

I'll second that!

 

[redkat]

Understatement of century.

It is but I was trying to be nice

 

[JessicaAnn]

Wow, that is really sexist. Not all guys are going to be completely comfortable just asking a girl out, and we certainly aren't professional mind readers either. If a girl is nice to us, we aren't always going to automatically assume its because the like us, but it is because they are simply decent people. Furthermore if you are going to base your relationship on "control" and are worried about a guys "ego" getting boosted, its already doomed from the start.

But admit it, if you really, really, really like a girl, you will ask her out.

Isn't rejection is better than torturing yourself by pining away for someone who doesn't even know that you're interested?




I some women here have read "He's Just Not That Into You."

 

[{paintedroses}]

I some women here have read "He's Just Not That Into You."

.. or The Gospel as I like to call it

 

[yimou]

I've asked men out. If I'm interested in a guy, I'm not gonna wait for him to ask me. I'm gonna take the initiative and get the ball rolling.

 

[RedRocksU2]

I've asked men out. If I'm interested in a guy, I'm not gonna wait for him to ask me. I'm gonna take the initiative and get the ball rolling.

 

[For Honor]

Thanks, nice to hear other people's opinions, although it appears I'm alone in my view

Haha this probably comes from some kind of deep buried self esteem based fear of rejection inside me somewhere

 

[For Honor]

It all depends.

It depends on what you see in a guy, what you are looking for. Same thing with women. Do you want a one night stand, a casual relationship, a long term thing, to get married, a fling, to have fun, or are you just interested in someone and wants to see what will happen?


Also, it depends on personality types. Some people are askers, inisiators, others are not. Everyone is different.


I have nothing wrong with the traidional role of guy asking a girl out. But when a girl asks a guy out, I don't think that is a bad thing. As far as control goes, that has nothing to do with asking, in my opinion.

If it's control your worried about, asking someone out, the act of it, doesn't have a whole lot to do with it, in my opinion. "control" is many things.....

But I don't like mind games


At this point, I'm still going to say it depends on what you want, and what you see in the other person. That is the main thing.

 

[U2Girl1978]

I'm usually very upfront with guys with my feelings. But with my current boyfriend, I didn't say anything about my feelings until he took me aside and told me he was interested in me.

 

[discothequeLP]

it's just a game. if a girl asks you out, then she already admits that she's into you. a guy would never suspect that a girl who asks her out might not be into her. but when a guy asks a girl out, she's always left wondering 'does he really like me' and all that crap. it's more enticing when you don't know for sure.

 

[ruffian]

i'm all for women doing the asking out. the possibility of rejection is there but as others have said, if you don't put yourself out there you'll never know...

 

[Chizip]

But admit it, if you really, really, really like a girl, you will ask her out.

Isn't rejection is better than torturing yourself by pining away for someone who doesn't even know that you're interested?

i think you underestimate the fear of rejection

 

[cell]

what chizip said.

 

[nbcrusader]

What chizip and icelle said.

 

[Techie2000]

What chizip, icelle, and nbcrusader said. It's not just fear of rejection, but fear of making a friendship awkward too...