Everyone I Knew...

[melon]

...growing up is now either married or engaged. In fact, I can't think of anyone off the top of my head who isn't one or the other. Then when I'm at work, it's the same situation for everyone who is around my age.

To boot, when I look at myself, I cannot imagine being married or having children right now. It's absolutely the last thing on my mind!

I just don't feel old enough to do any of that yet.

Melon

 

[BVS]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm divorced. I'm the second oldest of all my cousins and I'm the only single one. ALL my friends are married, some have kids, etc.


And I don't even have anyone that I'm dating seriously. It's very isolating, because not one person I know are in those shoes.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Half my friends are divorced, seperated, or newly single after a long relationship. So give it time, melon. Half your friends will revert back to how it is now for you and then you will probably have found the lifelong one and will be ahead of them, in a way.

You aren't alone, bvs. Defintely not alone.

 

[For Honor]

Different strokes for different folks

 

[dandy]

same here, Melon.

plus i have the additional joy of being a woman, so i get all the "you need a husband" and "if you want to have kids, you'd better get looking" bullshit. and the patronizing "oh, you'll change your mind when you meet the right one" after i tell people i'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

i also can't find anyone i even want to take out to coffee, much less puruse a serious relationship with. and that's fine, too.

i'd rather be saving up for a trip to europe than worrying about all that, anyway.

societal norms :fy:

 

[Liesje]

I feel your pain, sort of. I've grown up in a smaller, middle-class, Christian bubble where marriage, three kids, and a dog is the ultimate end. I've been going out with Phil for almost three years and it's killing people that we're not engaged or that I have NO interest in getting married until I was at least 21 (which I am now), and DONE with school. When I explain to people why I have no interest in getting married (I feel I'm too young, I want to focus on school/getting a good job, I want to enjoy this time in my life where I'm living on my own with friends and being able to just hang out), they assume I'm not committed to my relationship.

It's even worse for Phil b/c he's three years older than me and has been done with school for a while now.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

I am one the only one in my social circle that is not married, engaged or in a serious relationship.

 

[AtomicBono]

I'm in high school so the marriage thing doesn't really apply, but I feel like I'm the only person in the world who isn't either in a relationship or was recently in a relationship. I've never had a real relationship...ever

 

[Cassis]

I'm in high school so the marriage thing doesn't really apply, but I feel like I'm the only person in the world who isn't either in a relationship or was recently in a relationship. I've never had a real relationship...ever

you're not alone

 

[u2bonogirl]

To each their own. If you cant picture yourself living a life like your peers do then dont feel bad or behind the game.
If you're tempted to push it and move ahead towards something you dont really want then chances are you'll end up being miserable.
I guess I would have the opposite problem, and everybody my age has just started college
So I can identify with the feeling of not being able to totally relate with people your own age.

 

[Pearl]

I was browsing classmates.com the other day, and so many of the people I went to school with are either engaged, married or have a kid. I feel so far behind them.

 

[Techie2000]

In high school I felt too young to ask anyone out on a date or that kind of thing. Now in college, I don't feel that way anymore, but I went to a school with a 3:1 male to female ratio, so yeah...-_-

 

[Got Philk?]

I feel your pain, sort of. I've grown up in a smaller, middle-class, Christian bubble where marriage, three kids, and a dog is the ultimate end. I've been going out with Phil for almost three years and it's killing people that we're not engaged or that I have NO interest in getting married until I was at least 21 (which I am now), and DONE with school. When I explain to people why I have no interest in getting married (I feel I'm too young, I want to focus on school/getting a good job, I want to enjoy this time in my life where I'm living on my own with friends and being able to just hang out), they assume I'm not committed to my relationship.

It's even worse for Phil b/c he's three years older than me and has been done with school for a while now.

It's really funny though. This is exactly the difference between everyone and me. I was asked one time in a Psychology class to arange the words "Good job, Marriage, and kids" in the order I'd see them appropriate.

Everyone put Good job first, then marriage and then kids. I on the other hand thought, "Marriage, job, kids" would be my way. I dunno. I mean, I guess I'm just kind of sitting here waiting...cough cough. ahem ahem.

And might I add it's killing everyone in my social circle(work/family etc.) that I haven't asked her. Many a time people have said..."Well, shit or get off the pot Phil." They can't fathom a woman not wanting to get married and have babies I guess.
Did I say have babies?

 

[anitram]

I guess I'm the minority because out of all my friends and cousins (mid-late 20s now), nobody is engaged or married or has kids.

One thing I think plays a factor in my social circle is that most people are super-educated, we're talking multiple degrees which basically kept them concentrating on their own careers and life goals rather than getting married.

 

[Liesje]

One thing I think plays a factor in my social circle is that most people are super-educated, we're talking multiple degrees which basically kept them concentrating on their own careers and life goals rather than getting married.

I wish I knew a few people like this, but no, everyone just wants to "finish school and settle down". I just want to finish school and get away from here!

 

[For Honor]

No offense, but it's better to just be honest with yourself. I really don't like when people get into marriage for BS reasons, and halfass it. That's disgusting to me.

So if you're not the marring type, or not in the mood, then just don't.


I say this, being a person who does want to have a good marriage someday, but realistically, knows that I don't have the financial means to make that marriage "smooth". However, I know what makes a marriage works is not "financial", in the greater part of it all

 

[Got Philk?]

I wish I knew a few people like this, but no, everyone just wants to "finish school and settle down". I just want to finish school and get away from here!

Can I come?

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

You aren't alone, bvs. Defintely not alone.

definitely not alone

 

[Liesje]

Can I come?

Yes, you're coming.

 

[indra]

I must be weird but I always see the people who get engaged, married, and/or have kids in their early to mid twenties (or earlier) as the oddballs, not me (41, single, no kids).

 

[Mr. BAW]

You may be unattached, emotionally or figuratively, but you are no way alone when you consider the support group we have here....the circumstances of meeting that special someone may come in a surprising way...hell, you may already know that person...! when IT happens, you'll know...

 

[Max_theHitman]

90% of my friends are married. They all wish to be in my shoes. I´m still single and enjoying life to the MAXimum
But being the oldest in my family (and only child) and having everyone else (cousins) married with kids, I better start thinking of marriage and having a few kids too, to settle down and build a house with a white-picket fence...


... when I get to be 50 , that is

 

[For Honor]

I wish I knew a few people like this, but no, everyone just wants to "finish school and settle down".

I don't know many people like that, so I'm more in the minority, in my "realm" of the world.

 

[For Honor]

I must be weird but I always see the people who get engaged, married, and/or have kids in their early to mid twenties (or earlier) as the oddballs, not me (41, single, no kids).

Yeah, that's what I see myself.

I've seen enough divorces ands separations, and I really don't want to go through it myself, so.......

well, I don't know.


I'd like to settle down, but maybe go on some adventures with my lady first. But I'm a big fan of monogamy, etc. And exclusive/commited relationships

(I feel likeI've mentioned that before, heh heh heh)

 

[Liesje]

I don't know many people like that, so I'm more in the minority, in my "realm" of the world.

Yeah, but you're still in high school, right? Wait till your 3rd or 4th year of college....

 

[For Honor]

90% of my friends are married. They all wish to be in my shoes. I´m still single and enjoying life to the MAXimum
But being the oldest in my family (and only child) and having everyone else (cousins) married with kids, I better start thinking of marriage and having a few kids too, to settle down and build a house with a white-picket fence...


... when I get to be 50 , that is

I don't get it

why do people get married and then talk and act like that?

It's such bull. I mean, really. Why get involved if all you're going to do is complain, and (so typical) want what you don't have? People need to seriously grow up.

I mean, don't they understand that part of it is sacrifice?
Or that their life is supposed to change?

I'm really worried, because I don't know about myself. I wonder if, (more so on a deeper level than what I have spoken abuot online), if I can find someone who feels the same way I do, the same "expectations", or the same beliefs, etc. It's a fine line between compromising, and being dishonest with yourself. I know compromise is important, and I'm willing to give it my best efforts. But......

I don't know, and I guess this is from being around young people (well, my age peers), but, I don't know many people who really want it the way I do.


I mean, when in one of my classes -
when the teacher asked "how many of you (males) do you think will be present if/when your child is born?" (as in, how many would be "in the room" when it's happening.)

I was the only guy who raised my hand. At that point, I thought maybe I was too overzealous about things or something. But I was surprised, too.




I don't mean to talk about myself so much, but.... this is a subject which muddles me greatly, and I feel... "different" and I can't tell if it is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

[For Honor]

I'm in between HS and college, for the record.

I guess maturity and time are major factors.
But then again........

 

[Liesje]

My favorite CAS professor once told us about a study that discovered the happiest groups of people in the US were married men and single women.

 

[Liesje]

I'm in between HS and college, for the record.

It's more of a college thing. Like, my specific college community puts a lot of emphesis on getting married and raising a family, etc. Not so much my close circle of friends, but the college as a whole and the community as a whole. It's like, you're either single, or your engaged/married. It's not good enough that I have a steady boyfriend of 2.5 years and I'm happy with that right now, nothing more nothing less.

 

[nbcrusader]

I recall that most of my high school class was married or engaged before college graduation. Perhaps it is a small town midwestern thing. I grew up not far from Melon's home town.