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Old 09-14-2009, 11:59 PM   #106
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You fucks just reminded me that I actually watched part of The Santa Clause 2 once in High School.

Seriously the worst film I've ever seen.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:12 AM   #107
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Couldn't be any worse than The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause must have been. Or the planned fourth installment, featuring Dalton taking over Tim Allen's iconic role in The Santa Clause 4: The Indian Commerce Clause.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:19 AM   #108
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You fucks just reminded me that I actually watched part of The Santa Clause 2 once in High School.

Seriously the worst film I've ever seen.
The YLB Family got some great Christmas joy out of that movie in theaters. I wasn't going to have any of it.

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Couldn't be any worse than The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause must have been. Or the planned fourth installment, featuring Dalton taking over Tim Allen's iconic role in The Santa Clause 4: The Indian Commerce Clause.
Doesn't that movie have some strange Back to the Future Part II-esque time travel/alternate perspective shit going on?
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:19 AM   #109
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If you mean a vision quest...... yes.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:21 AM   #110
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If you mean a vision quest...... yes.
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Old 09-15-2009, 02:21 AM   #111
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When I find myself in times of trouble, Lance's Mother cums to me
Speaking words of wisdom
It ain't free

And in my chains of darkness, she is naked right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
It ain't free

It ain't free
It ain't free
It ain't free
It ain't free
If you want the rimjob, there's a fee

For though her legs are parted
Her mouth is full and she can't breathe
Gargling pearls of wisdom
It ain't free
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Old 09-15-2009, 05:10 AM   #112
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"Gargling pearls of wisdom" FTW.

Nice work, Gaffer.
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Old 09-16-2009, 12:50 AM   #113
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THE REAR END

Oh yeah, alright
Are you gonna get in my jeans tonight?

And in the end
The cash you take is equal to the love you make



























































BOOM

Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot and it doesn't cost a lot to play
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot but it gets railed every day
I wanna plow her but I'm hearing a lot that soliciting prostitutes is a crime
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime, oh yeah
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime
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Old 09-16-2009, 01:50 AM   #114
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Ah, Paul's great unfinished opus.
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Old 09-16-2009, 03:28 AM   #115
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About as good an ending for Crabby Load as anyone could have hoped for.

In case anyone was thinking about doing the rest of the medley, don't forget this is already done:

GOLDEN SHOWERS

Once there was a way to get back whorin'
Once there was a way to get that bone
Paid by the john so you won't cry
and Lance will get his lullabye

Golden Showers fill your eyes
Towels there so you can dry
Paid by the john so you don't cry
and Lance will get his lullabye
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Old 09-16-2009, 10:45 AM   #116
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Lances Mum = Lazarus gran-toy.
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Old 09-17-2009, 07:32 PM   #117
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It's the moment you've all been waiting for...

THE CRABBY LOAD MEDLEY




YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER YOUR MONEY

You have to give her your money
She won't take food stamps, just legal tender
And after finishing negotiations
She takes one

I wanted to give her lumber
I asked if she'd had inoculation
And in the middle of the copulation
She faked one

In the brothel, money spent
Sleeps in same bed, pays no rent
All the money's stacked, that haggard ho
Lots of slobber on your sack
Trashy tattoo on her back
Smelly whorey show, that haggard ho
But oh, that tragic peeling, that haggard ho
Oh, that tragic peeling
That haggard ho
That haggard ho!

One sweet cream
Put on the bag and give her pale ass a ream
Soon you'll drive away again
Step on the gas and Tide that stain away
One sweet cream came through... today
Came through... today
Came through... today...yes it did
One two three four five six seven
These girls cost less than eleven

SPUNK KING

Here comes the spunk king
Here comes the spunk king
Everybody's staph-ing
Everybody's clappy
Here comes the spunk king

(orgasm noise gibberish)


PEEN BLISTER CUSTARD

Peen blister custard seeps in the dark
Leaves such a mark, feels like sandpaper
Leaks from a hole in the bone
Dripping down your personal zone
Hurts like a big kidney stone
Such a mean old gland
Such a mean old gland

His mother Pam works at a broth'
She never stops, she's a head-wetter
Takes it out to look at the ween'
There's one place that it's never been
Always squirts out some kind of cream
On her dirty old ass
Such a dirty old ass


PROPHYLACTIC PAM

Well you should see Prophylactic Pam
She's not good-looking but she'll do any man
Well you should see her in bed putting a glove on your head
Yes you should see Prophylactic Pam
Yeah yeah yeah

Get a dose of her with crack pipe and pills
She's spiller-filler when she's cocked to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that fucks the Jews of the world
And they would say she's economically built
Yeah yeah yeah


SHE CAME ONTO THE BATHROOM WINDOW

She came onto the bathroom window
Protected by a saran sheen
And when she squirts it runs asunder
By the bowl of an old latrine

Couldn't anybody smell her?
Wouldn't anybody flee?
Sunday's john delayed to Monday
Tuesday's john comes in at three

She said she used to be a stripper
She charged a five spot for a dance
And since she pulls down many zippers
She don't know who fathered her Lance

And so I left my sad apartment
And bought myself a cheap blow job
And when she tried her best to please me
She just squealed when I shot my wad

Couldn't anybody smell her?
Wouldn't anybody flee?
Sunday's john delayed to Monday
Tuesday's john comes in at three
Oh yeah.


GOLDEN SHOWERS

Once there was a way to get back whorin'
Once there was a way to get that bone
Paid by the john so you won't cry
and Lance will get his lullaby

Golden showers fill your eyes
Towels are there so you can dry
Paid by the john so you don't cry
and Lance will get his lullaby


THE REAR END

Oh yeah, alright
Are you gonna get in my jeans tonight?

And in the end
The cash you take is equal to the love you make


























































HER VAJESTY

Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot and it doesn't cost a lot to play
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot but it gets railed every day
I wanna plow her but I'm hearing a lot that soliciting prostitutes is a crime
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime, oh yeah
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime




©Lazzon/ImpCartney
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Old 09-17-2009, 07:35 PM   #118
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Epic.
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Old 09-17-2009, 08:05 PM   #119
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Ha HA!

Is it now canon that Lance's Mom's name is Pam?
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Old 09-17-2009, 08:25 PM   #120
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I thought of Pam more as a fellow brothel denizen, a colleague, if you will. It's for the best that Lance's Mom never has an actual name. She's like the Bride, but without the Kiddo revelation.
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