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Old 06-29-2012, 05:12 AM   #166
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What should be the main focus then?

Please don't bother in replying if you are going that the focus should be finding love.
I'd suggest that leading a fulfilling life is a better long term focus than making money. I'd rather make a modest living doing something I find fulfilling rather than make money efficiently at a job that slowly eats my soul.

I'd also suggest that, for most, a fulfilling life would also include finding love (dammit, I bothered to reply).
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Old 06-29-2012, 08:13 AM   #167
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I'd suggest that leading a fulfilling life is a better long term focus than making money. I'd rather make a modest living doing something I find fulfilling rather than make money efficiently at a job that slowly eats my soul.

I'd also suggest that, for most, a fulfilling life would also include finding love (dammit, I bothered to reply).


I can't believe somebody had to actually type that out.

From personal experience, as somebody who was in one of the highest paying sectors and chose to leave, salary be damned, I can tell you with certainty that heaps of money doesn't bring you happiness and doesn't make up for everything that is lacking in your private life because you have to devote 98% of your working hours to your job. This is just one of those things that people tend not to think or not to believe when you tell them what your salary is because their eyes glaze over with thoughts of the car they could have, the bigger house, a new iPad, the spur of the moment vacation to Hawaii, or nice late summer days in the south of France. I didn't get it either until I tried it.
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Old 06-29-2012, 10:03 AM   #168
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For me there's an in between. I don't need to work myself to death so I can be rich and I don't feel like my self-worth is based on my job. I work to make money and that's really the long and short of it but that said, I'm not rich. You won't ever find me working 80 hours a week and pulling in triple figures. I like my job because it's 8am-5pm. I don't (and can't, really) take work home with me. I am perfectly happy not having a fulfilling career because the things I truly enjoy in life are things that you can't make a career anyway. I've tried doing side jobs and projects than involve my hobbies and found that the second money gets involved, it feels like an obligation. Also I had problems with people insisting on doing things that were not best practices and feeling obligated to comply because I was being paid even though I didn't want my name on the end product. So, I very intentionally reserve what I truly enjoy doing and what fulfills me as a person as something I do outside of work. I work just hard enough and long enough so that I can afford to live fairly comfortably and look forward to what I really enjoy (namely training dogs which involves traveling almost every weekend, doing projects around my house, and spending 2 weeks each summer with family). The benefits (vacation, health insurance, help with Phil's graduate tuition) and the flexibility my job offers me is more important than the salary. The actual work I'm doing, I could take it or leave it.
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Old 06-29-2012, 10:57 AM   #169
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On the topic of smoking - how does everyone feel about dating a smoker?

My best friend recently broke up with a b/f of three years because of a few things but primarily the smoking. She is very anti-smoking because she grew up in a house with parents who smoked like chimneys and it always made her sick, so her dealbreaker with respect to dating was that precise thing. When she met the b/f, she told him on date two that she doesn't date smokers and he didn't comment one way or another, but some 6 months later admitted to her that he smokes a pack a day but he would wear a patch whenever he went out with her. At that point she felt emotionally involved and stayed with him because he promised her that he would cut down and quit. But although he initially cut down, it escalated back and he eventually told her he had no plans to quit, he was happy with his smoking as it was, etc.

I wouldn't date a smoker either, to be honest. The smell of it really disgusts me. The way I see it is that everyone has dealbreakers, and if this is someone's, it's fair.
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:15 AM   #170
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Hypothetically, no. The smell of it disgusts me too, and there's things like kissing. Especially a pack a day, ick. That sounds so insensitive and discriminatory, and it probably is. My parents both smoked too and it grossed me out. But I could never be with a heavy drinker either, and I probably have a pretty strict definition of heavy. Having alcoholism in my family, that's a definite no for me. Nor a drug user either. Just my personal preference.

It would be tough and painful to be deeply in love with someone and have that type of thing be what keeps you apart.
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:03 PM   #171
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I would not date a smoker, no. I can't stand the smell that permeates everything...clothes, hair, car. I would resent a partner spending all that money on cigarettes.

My dad smokes a pack a day and while he never smokes in the house it's still nasty. He smells, his car smells. He has a can for butts but we still find them all over the yard. Besides the smell and him having to constantly go outside even in the freezing dead of winter, I just can't over people throwing their trash around. I don't throw my trash around so why do smokers toss nasty butts anywhere they please? I've yet to meet a truly clean, considerate smoker. I love my dad and all but the smoking is just nasty, and he had two tumors removed before he was even 40 years old.

Luckily in my circle of friends there are no smokers (a few couples that will share a pack and it will last them months) so it's never really come up.
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:15 PM   #172
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I dated a smoker for a few years. He only smoked outside, and I never thought he smelled like smoke. Or tasted of it, surprisingly. The only thing that bugged me was the frequent smoke breaks.

Never having smoked myself, I did hang around a lot of smokers in college, and it never really bothered me. The smoke fresh from the cigarette never bothered me too much (not like I wanted to be directly in its path).

The only time the smell bugs me is when it's that old, stale smell, like in the car of someone who smokes and never empties the ash tray.

Oh and yeah, people who toss their butts on the ground piss me off. Sometimes I'm tempted to pick it up and chase after them. "HEY, YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!"

I've heard people argue that they don't want it to cause a fire by putting it into a trash can. Then make sure it's well ground-out and not a danger!

The world is not your damned ash tray. Put the butt back in my your pack and dispose of it later if you must. Don't throw it on the goddamned ground.
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:20 PM   #173
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I actually like the smell of cigarettes, so if I'm having a conversation with somebody and they need to smoke, I usually just go outside with them. I don't care.

The thing is, I've had a few phases throughout my life when I suspected I had asthma (though it was never formally diagnosed), so I don't really want to fuck with it. Plus, it costs too much. I'm a lot better off not starting.
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:24 PM   #174
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Oh and yeah, people who toss their butts on the ground piss me off. Sometimes I'm tempted to pick it up and chase after them. "HEY, YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!"

I've heard people argue that they don't want it to cause a fire by putting it into a trash can. Then make sure it's well ground-out and not a danger!

The world is not your damned ash tray. Put the butt back in my your pack and dispose of it later if you must. Don't throw it on the goddamned ground.
Seriously. I mean, I could argue that dog feces might spontaneously combust in a hot trash can so does that mean I don't have to clean up after my dogs?
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Old 06-29-2012, 02:56 PM   #175
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From personal experience, as somebody who was in one of the highest paying sectors and chose to leave, salary be damned, I can tell you with certainty that heaps of money doesn't bring you happiness and doesn't make up for everything that is lacking in your private life because you have to devote 98% of your working hours to your job. This is just one of those things that people tend not to think or not to believe when you tell them what your salary is because their eyes glaze over with thoughts of the car they could have, the bigger house, a new iPad, the spur of the moment vacation to Hawaii, or nice late summer days in the south of France. I didn't get it either until I tried it.
My dad made a lot of money when I was little. We were bordering the salary line for "rich". He worked as a technical director of an independent software company and traveled all over the world for a living. First class plane tickets, free five star hotels, lots of travel points, the whole nine yards. The catch was that he would be gone for anywhere from 1-3 weeks at a time. When we went on vacation we stayed in the fanciest of hotels and sure, we were extremely comfortable, but he was never home. When he was home, he was so exhausted he couldn't really have fun with us.

He resigned and moved to a much lower paying position at a different company when I was in 3rd or 4th grade because he couldn't do it anymore. He had no life outside of his work. He still made more than a lot of people, but we weren't "rich" anymore. I definitely agree that people don't really understand how hard it actually is. Making that kind of money is not for the faint of heart.

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For me there's an in between. I don't need to work myself to death so I can be rich and I don't feel like my self-worth is based on my job. I work to make money and that's really the long and short of it but that said, I'm not rich. You won't ever find me working 80 hours a week and pulling in triple figures. I like my job because it's 8am-5pm. I don't (and can't, really) take work home with me. I am perfectly happy not having a fulfilling career because the things I truly enjoy in life are things that you can't make a career anyway. I've tried doing side jobs and projects than involve my hobbies and found that the second money gets involved, it feels like an obligation. Also I had problems with people insisting on doing things that were not best practices and feeling obligated to comply because I was being paid even though I didn't want my name on the end product. So, I very intentionally reserve what I truly enjoy doing and what fulfills me as a person as something I do outside of work. I work just hard enough and long enough so that I can afford to live fairly comfortably and look forward to what I really enjoy (namely training dogs which involves traveling almost every weekend, doing projects around my house, and spending 2 weeks each summer with family). The benefits (vacation, health insurance, help with Phil's graduate tuition) and the flexibility my job offers me is more important than the salary. The actual work I'm doing, I could take it or leave it.
This is where I fall. My fiance is one of those 80 hours a week people. His work follows him everywhere. He absolutely loves what he does but it's really stressful. There are times when he's going to work at 8AM, comes home at 5-6PM, and then has to continue working on his desktop until 2AM. This can last for weeks and it's no fun.

I could never do something like that. I want a job that allows me to maintain a relatively comfortable lifestyle and that's it. The career tracts I have interest in are all low paying compared to a lot of other jobs I could be doing based on my skill set (largely tech related). But for me all I need is to not worry about living paycheck to paycheck and to have a low stress job that doesn't follow me home. But at the same time I like flexible hours and don't want to ever feel tethered down to a 9-5 job (there are one or two career tracts I'd make an exception for). I'm not the kind of person that could ever work a job I hated just to be comfortable, I'd rather live in poverty and work a job I somewhat enjoyed/felt in control over. I never understood how people could bear working terrible jobs for 10+ years and letting their health deteriorate from the stress just so they can be more comfortable at home. It just isn't worth it to me.

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On the topic of smoking - how does everyone feel about dating a smoker?

I wouldn't date a smoker either, to be honest. The smell of it really disgusts me. The way I see it is that everyone has dealbreakers, and if this is someone's, it's fair.
I would not date a smoker because there are serious health risks that go along with 2nd hand smoke and I don't want lung cancer. I grew up with a mom that chain smoked 2-3 packs a day in the house. I have friends that smoke and I'm okay with that but I could never live with a smoker. It's an expense I'm not interested in dealing with (in terms of both health and finances). But for me it's different because I'm not the dating type. I don't do casual relationships. Maybe if I did I'd feel differently, but when I "date" someone I'm serious about them and I could never move in with/marry a person who smoked.

The smell permeates everything and I'd not only have to worry about money and my health, but I'd have to face the fact that there's a good chance they'll get cancer and die. That kind of worry would drive me sick with stress.
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Old 06-29-2012, 03:15 PM   #176
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I'd suggest that leading a fulfilling life is a better long term focus than making money. I'd rather make a modest living doing something I find fulfilling rather than make money efficiently at a job that slowly eats my soul.

I'd also suggest that, for most, a fulfilling life would also include finding love (dammit, I bothered to reply).
Until you don't see yourself affected by the lack of money you are not going to start to think differently.

Earning a lot does not translate to working 100 hours a week until you die. In fact, most people that earn that much do not really work as much as people think. The strategy is to find a business niche that has a high demand, work efficiently and reap up the rewards.

Certainly, I do agree that money does not buy happiness but it does play a very important role in it.
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Old 06-29-2012, 03:24 PM   #177
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Until you don't see yourself affected by the lack of money you are not going to start to think differently.
Huh?

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Earning a lot does not translate to working 100 hours a week until you die. In fact, most people that earn that much do not really work as much as people think. The strategy is to find a business niche that has a high demand, work efficiently and reap up the rewards.
I don't think you understood my point. Even if you are in a high-paying job that you like, I don't think "making money efficiently" should be your focus. I would hope you'd focus more on what that money will allow you to do with your life.
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Old 06-29-2012, 03:30 PM   #178
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I wouldn't date a smoker either, to be honest. The smell of it really disgusts me. The way I see it is that everyone has dealbreakers, and if this is someone's, it's fair.
Same here. Absolutely can't stand the smell of cigarettes, particularly the leftover stench that settles into clothes and skin and hair. My wife used to smoke the occasional cigarette (like, 3 or 4 in a year) before we were married, and though I won't begrudge her the rare cigarette (hell, I'll enjoy a cigar once a year or so), I'm not going to kiss her after she smokes and she knows it.
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Old 06-29-2012, 07:07 PM   #179
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I think the main focus of one's life can vary from person to person. Some people focus on love, some focus on money, whatever.

I would like to find work that meant I didn't have to live paycheck to paycheck anymore, so that I could better take care of myself and my family (and be able to help out my friends when needed, too). A more comfortable financial life would be wonderful. But I don't need, nor do I want, to be rich. I honestly wouldn't know what to do with all that money and would probably end up giving most of it away anyway.

As for dating a smoker...ehhhh, yeah, I don't think I could, either. The smell just really gets to me after a while, I couldn't stand having all my stuff smelling like smoke. And if I ever have children, or if I find myself with nieces or nephews, I don't want them living in or coming over to a house with cigarette smoke wafting around, either.
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:03 AM   #180
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What about this proposal?

Bid to ban cigarettes for anyone born after 2000

I have to admit, I would have been vehemently against this about two years ago, but I don't think I'd be enraged if it happened. I used to enjoy a smoke when I was drinking but then my mum got breast cancer for the second time and I decided never to smoke again if there was any chance I was going to get cancer from it. So I haven't had a ciggie since April 24, 2011.

I still think smokers should be able to smoke all they want (though I like plain packaging and restrictions on where you can smoke), so this is an extreme step, but hey, I'd kind of like to see a world where there's no ciggie butts on the ground and I don't get hit with the smell (not that it bothers me all that much at the moment).
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