u2utah
The Fly
After exhaustive research the truth about what?s happening with U2 can finally be revealed. This information, of course, comes from the highest quality sources all of which I?m sure you will be very familiar with including: ?reliable sources,? ?sources close to the band,? ?close family friends,? band employees who requested to remain anonymous.? In addition ?people? and ?they? as in ?they said? were also consulted as were various quality sites on the internet.
So, this is what is happening. The band decided to cancel their tour because of various developments. One in particular are Bono?s recent distractions. Not only is he trying to save the world, but he is also carrying on simultaneous affairs with Andrea Corr and Samantha Mumba, both of whom want to have his love child! Bono doesn?t actually want to have a baby with either woman, but, you see, aliens recently visited him and gave him the frozen cloned embryo of Elvis and he wants to have it secretly implanted in one of them and just make them think it?s his child. (His powerful politician friends have hooked him up with CIA operatives who can perform the necessary mind altering techniques) Anyway, he can?t decide on which woman (given that Ali refuses to have any more children). And of course, the affairs take up a lot of his time.
Meanwhile, Larry is only pretending to be mad about all Bono?s traveling disrupting the band. What he?s really angry about is that Bono has Elvis?s embryo and he won?t give it to Larry so that Anne can carry it. Larry is, of course, a much bigger Elvis fan. After all, he loved Elvis?s old movies!
As far as the Adam rumors goes, Edge isn?t mad that he had a fling with Courtney Cox Arquette, the problem is that is was a threesome with Courtney and David. The fact that David Arquette was involved is, of course, a sign of serious mental illness on Adam?s part--not because Davids a man, but because he's, well, icky. )Anyone who has seen his long distance telephone commercials will understand)--So Edge wants Adam to get professional help. Adam thinks it?s ?that religious thing again? so he?s angry about that and refuses to discuss the matter.
To complicate the matter further, there are credible death threats against Bono from two fronts, but neither stem from a Fatwa from Islamic militants as previously reported. One is from irate PLEBAns who overheard Bono talking to his barber about getting a buzz cut, and the other is from fans who fell into a deep depression when they found out he had gotten hair plugs.
And to top it all off, Edge has recently developed an allergy to wool beanies and has to take some time off to find an alternative.
So there you have it. The ugly truth!
Now would I lie to you?
[This message has been edited by u2utah (edited 03-13-2002).]
So, this is what is happening. The band decided to cancel their tour because of various developments. One in particular are Bono?s recent distractions. Not only is he trying to save the world, but he is also carrying on simultaneous affairs with Andrea Corr and Samantha Mumba, both of whom want to have his love child! Bono doesn?t actually want to have a baby with either woman, but, you see, aliens recently visited him and gave him the frozen cloned embryo of Elvis and he wants to have it secretly implanted in one of them and just make them think it?s his child. (His powerful politician friends have hooked him up with CIA operatives who can perform the necessary mind altering techniques) Anyway, he can?t decide on which woman (given that Ali refuses to have any more children). And of course, the affairs take up a lot of his time.
Meanwhile, Larry is only pretending to be mad about all Bono?s traveling disrupting the band. What he?s really angry about is that Bono has Elvis?s embryo and he won?t give it to Larry so that Anne can carry it. Larry is, of course, a much bigger Elvis fan. After all, he loved Elvis?s old movies!
As far as the Adam rumors goes, Edge isn?t mad that he had a fling with Courtney Cox Arquette, the problem is that is was a threesome with Courtney and David. The fact that David Arquette was involved is, of course, a sign of serious mental illness on Adam?s part--not because Davids a man, but because he's, well, icky. )Anyone who has seen his long distance telephone commercials will understand)--So Edge wants Adam to get professional help. Adam thinks it?s ?that religious thing again? so he?s angry about that and refuses to discuss the matter.
To complicate the matter further, there are credible death threats against Bono from two fronts, but neither stem from a Fatwa from Islamic militants as previously reported. One is from irate PLEBAns who overheard Bono talking to his barber about getting a buzz cut, and the other is from fans who fell into a deep depression when they found out he had gotten hair plugs.
And to top it all off, Edge has recently developed an allergy to wool beanies and has to take some time off to find an alternative.
So there you have it. The ugly truth!
Now would I lie to you?
[This message has been edited by u2utah (edited 03-13-2002).]
