Silly joke

[starsgoblue]

Just wanted to share this......


One day an Englishman, an American, and an Irish man walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guiness. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irish man picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

 

[bammo2]

And Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says...
"Is this some kind of joke?"

I have got such a simple sense of humour

 

[starsgoblue]

Adam, Edge and Bono were in an airplane that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Adam first. "What do you believe in?"
Adam replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Edge: "What do you believe in?"
Edge replies, "Well, I believe in the Gibson Explorer and that we need to save the world from boybands and that if we had made more U2 records the world would have become a better place"
God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Bono. "What do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."

 

[bammo2]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

 

[Mullen-Girl]

 

[starsgoblue]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

 

[bammo2]

I've heard that one before

 

[starsgoblue]

Yeah...I've heard it told before with The Edge put in instead of The Irishman and drinking for the rest of the boys

 

[starsgoblue]

I'm just going to dive into some Irish jokes....they've got a great sense of humour!


We've got our own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.

 

[starsgoblue]

Guinness!!


After the Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

 

[youtwohearts]

LOL too funny. I am lousy with jokes.

 

[starsgoblue]

Someones gots to have more!

 

[tiny dancer]

I've heard that one before

So have I.

 

[bammo2]

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

 

[bammo2]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

 

[~fairy_girl~]

LOL, good ones

 

[saltwaterkiss26]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

The bartender looks at the pirate and says, 'Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants?'

The pirate says, 'Arr, it drives me nuts!'

Loved all the Irishman jokes - and the stick one.

 

[GibsonGirl]

Adam, Edge and Bono were in an airplane that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Adam first. "What do you believe in?"
Adam replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Edge: "What do you believe in?"
Edge replies, "Well, I believe in the Gibson Explorer and that we need to save the world from boybands and that if we had made more U2 records the world would have become a better place"
God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Bono. "What do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."

That's one of my favourite jokes.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

this thread is funny.

 

[DaveC]

Adam, Edge and Bono were in an airplane that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Adam first. "What do you believe in?"
Adam replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Edge: "What do you believe in?"
Edge replies, "Well, I believe in the Gibson Explorer and that we need to save the world from boybands and that if we had made more U2 records the world would have become a better place"
God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Bono. "What do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."

what happened to larry?

 

[GibsonGirl]

what happened to larry?

He had a parachute.

 

[bangelab33]

He had a parachute.

Now why would Larry get the parachute?

 

[bangelab33]

Adam, Edge and Bono were in an airplane that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Adam first. "What do you believe in?"
Adam replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Edge: "What do you believe in?"
Edge replies, "Well, I believe in the Gibson Explorer and that we need to save the world from boybands and that if we had made more U2 records the world would have become a better place"
God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Bono. "What do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."

My first U2 joke!

 

[saltwaterkiss26]

Now why would Larry get the parachute?

Cause he's not funny enough to be in a joke... but we him anyways.

 

[DrTeeth]

I guess Larry had to go to hell

 

[bangelab33]

I guess Larry had to go to hell

My thoughts exactly

 

[TheWho4Life]

2 men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

 

[bammo2]

A horse walks into a bar

the barman says 'Why the long face?'