Possible Eating Disorder

[Doozer61]

Many of you know that Caron has an almost 19 year old daughter. I will admit we have struggled alot with her as she is a spoiled child with no ambition or goal in life, although she is in cosmetology school right now.

We have suspected for awhile that she may be anorexic. A few months ago she was having stomach trouble and Caron took her to the dr. He wanted a GI guy to see her and on the orders, he put the "A" word. Caron was shocked and did not disclose it to Sarah because she wanted her to see the specialist. She was seen and given some tablets to help her "stomachaches". She chose to take the tablets for a couple of days and quit because they didn't work. Well, with Sarah nothing works and everything makes her stomach hurt.

The thing is the girl does not eat balanced meals at all. She lives on crap and more crap. She is too lazy to make something for herself and relies on chips and monster drinks or microwaveable burritos, corn dogs or chicken nuggets. I have never seen a vegetable cross her mouth except a cucumber soaked in balsamic vinegar. She does not like beef, yet she eats hamburgers and tacos. She won't eat chicken or fish or pork. She is so picky and will not eat dinner with us because she doesn't like what we eat.

In the morning she can't eat because her stomach hurts and during the day she buys shit to eat from Rite Aid. At dinner, she is too tired to make anything so unless she gets fast food, she doesn't eat. Then at 8 or 9 at night she is eating chips or some other junk food.

She is constantly tired and has no energy. Now she isn't sleeping at night. And therefore, missing at least one day of school per week.

She won't listen to us because we don't know anything and we are almost at our wits end with her. Today at lunch, Caron brought up the anorexia again and it all seems to fit. The only thing I know is stuff I read on the internet.

She is about a size 2-4 and talks about being huge. Her boyfriends mom is size 0 and she idolizes her and feels great when she is given hand me down clothes and fits into them.

Basically, she refuses to take care of herself. And the funny thing is, when the boyfriend cooks for her, she eats it.

Any advice??

 

[FitzChivalry]

I'm sorry. It sounds like a very frustrating situation.

Sadly, I think in today's pop Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie glamorized culture, many girls above size 0 feel overweight.

I know anorexia is more serious than my what-makes-sense-to-me advise will propose, but . . . .

First, it sounds like Sarah may not even be anorexic. Just because the doctor made a notation of that on her chart does not mean that she has that disease; it's just a possible diagnosis that probably has to be noted due to her size and eating habits.

Second, regarding her eating habits, I mean, she still eats hamburgers, tacos and junk foods. I don't think anorexics would eat those foods. Other eating disorders perhaps, but not anorexia (as far as I know).

Third, again as far as I know, eating disorders are mainly mental diseases and concern low self-esteem. So maybe, to her face, talk her up. Point out to her all the good things about her every chance you get.

Also, point out all the flaws in a pop-culture that idolizes vapid, insignificant icons like Paris Hilton. Maybe make it a point that those women are nothing to look up to, as compared to _______ (I don't know, ummm, Kim Deal), and then talk about some women that are actually heroines and above a size 8!

Fourth, perhaps getting a little stern with her, include her in dinner preparations. When I was growing up, and even today with me on my own, but my 15 year-old sister there, eating dinner with the family was not an option, it was a requirement. We sat down every day that my Dad was home from work and had dinner as a family. And we had to help too. Either making the salad or shredding the cheese, etc., etc.

Plus, the biggest bonus, spending time together preparing dinner gives you the perfect opportunity to talk to her and find out what's going on inside her mind. Find out what her insecurities are and try to assuage them. And again, all the while pointing out her assets and attributes, thus building up her self-esteem. In addition, you can drop little healthy food facts . . . like how dried cranberries take more energy to process than the calories gained when you consume them. That way she's learning about healthy foods and their benefits.

And at the end of it all, if she's helping and gets some input, she'll get to eat something she likes and that she made.

Of course, you may have already tried all of the above, in which case

That's my pop-psychology advice. I'm by no means a professional when it comes to eating disorders.

I hope things improve.

 

[JCOSTER]

Having eating problems when I was younger, this doesn't seem like anorexia...Does she go in the bathroom right after she eats?
Is she missing periods? She sounds like she is just eating crap and its ruining her stomach, thus the reason for her being tired, listless and maybe even in a little depression if your saying she has no ambition or goals in life. Eating infront of boyfriend or whatever he makes is all about impressing him. She should probably see a nutrionist to get on a balanced diet with fiber and greens. Just my insight on what you brought to light.

But if she were anorexic she wouldn't eat the things you mentioned.

 

[Liesje]

Based on my personal experiences with the disorder and everything I've learned about it, I would guess she is not anorexic. A disordered eater with bad habits? Definitely. Depressed? Maybe. Anorexia is more of an obsession than a way to control weight. Food is incidental and is just the thing used to maintain control. I would focus more on the psychology of it than the actual food. Do you think she feels like her life is out of control and she has to use food/weight to maintain control?

 

[melon]

All that junk food will cause stomach aches in itself. There was a period where I ate a lot of junk food, myself, mainly out of work load and convenience. It ended up lowering my stomach acidity considerably. Funny enough, it tends to have similar symptoms to heartburn, so a lot of doctors end up prescribing antacids, which, in the end, make the condition worse.

So, if I had to guess, her stomach won't start feeling better unless she quits eating all that high fat junk food completely. Then, even at that, something will have to be done to get the digestive system working efficiently again.

 

[Doozer61]

Thanks! Caron had a talk with her last night and basically scared the shit out of her with horror stories. And I think you are all right, if it were anorexia, she wouldn't eat crap.

She does suffer from low self esteem and it's part of that attitude that makes her not care for herself.

So, we went to market and bought stuff that she would eat and Caron told her for one week she has to eat properly to see how she feels. Don't know about the veggies yet, but we'll see.

 

[Varitek]

This sounds more like unhealthy eating. My ex-roommate had similar habbits - never ate fruit or vegetables, went to Wendy's and Wawa's instead of the dining hall (also just financially stupid for someone who said she was broke all the time) and fluctuated wildly in her weight each semester. It just made me scratch my head - you can't possible feel healthy and energetic on a diet like that.

If she's too lazy/busy or has too poor of an attitude to fix herself healthy meals, try urging lean cuisine hot meals and sandwiches instead of the burritos and chicken nuggets. Also those ready-made salads in a bag are good (but don't use all the dressing), and you can throw some sliced turkey, ham, and cheese on for chef's salad with absolutely no effort.

 

[absintheminded]

A lot of what you pointed out sounded like low self-esteem and it may be due to depression.

I eat horribly, often going days without eating a regular meal. I eat junk food because I'm too lazy to cook sometimes.

I just found that I have a severe depression issue and am seeking help for it.

The "stomachache" might be a cry for help or attention seeking, but I'm willing to bet she is fighting something else, not anorexia.

 

[Doozer61]

I think depression may be closer to the truth than anorexia. Especially after today. She stayed home yesterday from school because she was so tired. Today at noon she called wanting to be picked up because she was tired and crying hysterically. Caron calmed her down and told her she had to stay in school and tough it out. Haven't heard from her since.

 

[~BrightestStar~]

I agree with what the others have said, depression and eating all that junk are far more likely suspects then anorexia. Not to mention, I believe I read/heard once that they can sort of form a vicious cycle, the junk can cause depression and depression leads you to junk??

And I think getting her involved with the food, taking her with you when you go grocery shopping and stuff is a good start.
I hope she starts feeling better soon.

As for the doctor suggesting the A word, I'm not sure how much weight (no pun intended) to put in that. A few years ago my doctor asked me flat out if I eat, and was quite clearly hinting at one eating disorder or another. She then wouldn't believe anything I said until my mom comfirmed it.
I was not impressed. There was no real reason for her to start persuing that (my mom had made no such suggestion, and there'd been no sudden weight change), except for the fact that I'm tiny (but I'm certainly not a walking skeleton). What was worse is that I had walked in eating a chocolate bar.
She'd been my doctor for years, was nice enough, so I have no idea what brought that up.

And, sorry to derail the thread.



Good luck!

 

[VertigoGal]

anorexia is not the only form of disordered eating.

 

[Doozer61]

true, but she is not showing signs of bulimia.

 

[Liesje]

I don't really think she's either of the two, at least no real red flags are going up based on the original post. I *think* what VertigoGal is saying (and I agree) that there is plenty of gray area between being normal and having a clinically diagnosed eating disorder. Poor eating habits + low self-esteem do not necessarily indicate an eating disorder, like pain and loss of range of motion don't always mean a bone is actually broken. There's a lot of psychology behind it beyond just having low self-esteem and wanting to lose weight (in the most severe cases, those are actually rather insignificant). It doesn't sound like she's healthy physically OR mentally, but that doesn't mean she has anorexia or will even get it. To me it sounds like she might have some depression that is at the root of her self-esteem issues and low self-worth (manifesting itself in how little she cares about nutrition and proper eating/sleeping habits). One of my best friends was the same way. She had a very poor diet and yet was always trying to lose weight. Based on her personality and an abusive relationship she was in as a teenager, she had very low self-esteem. She just didn't know how to take care of herself mentally and physically. She never had an eating disorder, but she did suffer from depression and anxiety. She was treated with medication and counseling.

 

[VertigoGal]

yeah that's essentially what I'm saying. she sounds depressed and if she doesn't have a full-blown eating disorder she could still have some form of unhealthy relationship with food that amounts to more than a sweet tooth or a lazy personality. and I'm not saying she's bulimic, but avoiding meals and only pigging out on junk at later hours in the day, constantly being tired/depressed, having stomach issues...they're all possible signs. Unless you're absolutely sure, don't rule it out, because a person can get frighteningly good at hiding purging.

I hope either way you guys are able to develop a better (/easier) relationship with her and that she gets through this stage in her life.