am i wrong to feel weird about this?

[VertigoGal]

I'm only in high school so I'm not too worried, but any attention I've ever gotten as far as people liking me has been sort of unwanted.
-several sweet but simply too dorky guys (sorry)
-mentally handicapped boy at kroger (i feel bad because he was handicapped but it was a bit scary)
-weird produce at kroger in his 30s who went all red and flirted with me every time we crossed paths (which i tried to minimize)
-creepy guy about 5 years older than me at kroger who, out of nowhere, pulled out a copy of A Clockwork Orange and insisted I read it, when we hardly knew each other. am I paranoid to think thats creepy? then insisted on coming to my house to pick it up gave me some other sexually explicit book which he hasn't taken back yet
-still more sweet but nerdy guys
-perv with a wafro who's moved on to 8th grade sluts

obviously doesn't make me feel great or capable of being attractive to people im actually attracted to in return. but that's not the point of the thread.

im friends with a girl in one of my classes, she's funny and i like talking to her. i found out she's lesbian but i'm not a homophobe or anything and didn't care at all. i'm not one to start feeling weird just because i find out she's attracted to my gender. after all, having guy friends doesn't mean they're all fantasizing about you, same concept. (i hope i articulated that well and it didn't come off as offensive.)

i started to get hints when she tossled my hair and pinched my side once. hasn't happened again, i don't like unwanted touching regardless of gender and wouldn't have allowed that. it came out through a friend that she has a crush on me and was wondering if i was into girls. i just said i'm straight but told her not to feel awkward about it. there's not much that makes me awkward and i really didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. so we've been talking in class as normal and everything. still, she keeps sending me all these messages on facebook, flirting, calling me sexy, complimenting my ass. i've always enjoyed being friends with her but it seems like now that her secrets out (as far as having a crush on me) she's acting so forward that i don't even really have a desire to talk to her anymore.

i just don't know what to do in this situation. i'm not homophobic but can't help feeling weird about this. i'm wondering if i'd react the same if it was similar attention from a guy.

 

[Bono's Betty]

I don't think it's wrong to feel weird abut that because if it was a guy hitting on you that you didn't like "that way" (like the Kroger guys) you would well, feel weird right?

Did that make any sense

 

[Screwtape2]

VertigoGal, you’re only in high school. Most people really don’t know what they want in a girl at that age. Few guys are mature enough to see the true wonder in women. In retrospect, girls who get older realize the boys they were going after weren’t the right guys. The sweet, nerdy guys often become the best guys like Edge. In college, you’ll find more mature guys and you’ll find the nerdy kids were just late bloomers. You’re a very beautiful young woman inside and out. Don’t feel bad if guys aren’t mature enough to see that.

As for your friend you should just be honest with her. Everyone goes through that awkward time of sexual confusion. As a lesbian, it’s probably really hard for her to see a difference between friendship and something more. It could also be that your kindness towards her is a sort of a safety net. Trying to have a relationship with you is probably not as scary as looking for one with others. Let her off gently through encouragement and support. Even if it was guy I think you’d feel the same way because the pressure of starting a relationship or not starting a relationship when someone feels something for you is always a bit scary.

I hope things go well.

 

[AcrobatMan]

Try to be slighly less paranoid

Dont think about what people think about you especially if you are not interested in those people !!

 

[FitzChivalry]

As for your friend you should just be honest with her. Everyone goes through that awkward time of sexual confusion. As a lesbian, it’s probably really hard for her to see a difference between friendship and something more. It could also be that your kindness towards her is a sort of a safety net. Trying to have a relationship with you is probably not as scary as looking for one with others. Let her off gently through encouragement and support.

I hope things go well.

Great advice! The only thing I would add is that when you let her off gently and encouragingly, you also need to be firm and direct about where you're coming from. She needs to know that her recent behavior is not acceptable and is becoming an impediment to your continued friendship, that her actions are bordering on offensive . . . . well, I wouln't use the word "offensive", but you're a very smart girl, you'll think of something.

Bottom line, you should be supportive, but you need to be firm and direct and take care of #1 first. That's you! No matter what confusion or crisis she's going through personally, that is no excuse and does not give her the right to violate the boundaries of your friendship without your consent.

And I'm gay, and I was in high school once, so I think I know what I'm talking about.

 

[BonoIsMyMuse]

I think you want to start shopping somewhere besides Kroeger

It's understandable that you feel uncomfortable in this situation. Finding out that someone you really see as just a friend is interested in you is almost always uncomfortable, so I don't think it's an issue of your friend being a lesbian and you being straight.

As Screwtape and Fitz have said, just be honest. Tell her what you like best about your friendship, but also tell her as gently as possible that while you're flattered that she likes you, you just don't see her that way. If it's a true friendship, it will last, even though it might be a little awkward for a while.

And I have to say, ten years out of high school, I still have a soft spot for sweet but nerdy guys. They can turn out to be pretty cute

 

[VertigoGal]

I worked at Kroger.

yeah if it comes up again I'll be honest with her. she already knows I'm straight and I think felt really shitty about the whole rejection thing and things have actually been more normal the last few days.

so it's all good

anyway thanks guys

 

[Lancemc]

 

[Kiki]

That's good that things have been more normal these past few days, but I dont think you were being paranoid. I do however think you're feeling the same way you do about the guys in your life that give you that attention. As long as you weren't going out of your way and ignoring her or teasing her about it or anything, I think you did the right thing--just laying it down that you're straight.
Besides, she may not totally be sure if she is or not, she may have an idea and may not have actually been with a girl yet. She may have seen you as her safety net, someone she was attracted to and felt really comfortable around. In some sense....it's kind of a compliment that she'd be that comfortable to be that honest about it with you. Even though she was likely embarrassed after all.
Besides that you'll see when you get older, dealing with these kinds of things outside a highschool can be a bit easier at times.

Oh...and yeah....start shopping somewhere other than Krogers!!

 

[Canadiens1131]

Try to be slighly less paranoid

 

[VertigoGal]

it's a weird situation because she keeps writing me these very flattering notes and generally flirts. i was honest with her and she said she understood and respected my boundaries blah blah. but she always ends it with...'still, it sucks that you're straight' and according to one of her guy friends is secretly convinced i will realize i am a lesbian in the near future.

it's all kind of awkward.
oh well.

thanks for comments btw

 

[Screwtape2]

it's a weird situation because she keeps writing me these very flattering notes and generally flirts. i was honest with her and she said she understood and respected my boundaries blah blah. but she always ends it with...'still, it sucks that you're straight' and according to one of her guy friends is secretly convinced i will realize i am a lesbian in the near future.

it's all kind of awkward.
oh well.

thanks for comments btw

When people have feelings for another person but don't see those feelings returned, they often create false hopes and possible ways that they can be together in their mind. I'd say that is what see is going through now. The best way to end those little dreams is to tell her something along the lines of:

'If you really have feelings for me than you would see that this is hurting me and making me feel uncomfortable. You and I are never going to happen because I'm straight. I value as a friend but when you keep pushing me to be what you want me to be it's kind of hard to even be that. I really appreciate your kindness and understanding but please understand that WE can never be.'

When people have these feelings they usually don't see the consequences. By showing her how it is hurting you, she may stop the little nudges and flirts. She has created an image of you in her head that isn't real to how you are feeling. Sometimes you just have to burst that bubble.

I hope the situation gets better.

 

[vaz02]

-creepy guy about 5 years older than me at kroger who, out of nowhere, pulled out a copy of A Clockwork Orange and insisted I read it, when we hardly knew each other. am I paranoid to think thats creepy? then insisted on coming to my house to pick it up gave me some other sexually explicit book which he hasn't taken back yet

I'd be quite worried by that, maybe he is trying to suggest something along the lines of " the old in out in out".

Just try and stay with your mates and avoid 1 on 1 situations.

 

[VertigoGal]

yeah he was a true creep and we are not in contact.

thanks for the advice screwtape. if she continues to hint at impossible possibilities I'll have to reinforce what I said a little more firmly. which will suck but it'll be for the best.

 

[jesseu2]

-mentally handicapped boy at kroger (i feel bad because he was handicapped but it was a bit scary)

Are you sure he wasn't physically handicapped and not just mentally challenged? I know you are a girl in high school but I think you should at least be nice to him. As a physically challenged person, it really offends me when you call handicapped people "scary". The reason I bumped this thread is because I had a shitty incident last Friday with a asshole at a bar and it made me think of this thread. He wasn't respecting me so I told him to F***-off because I don't take bullshit from anybody and I let my voice be heard. On the subject matter of females, some don't speak to me if i approach them even so if i'm interested in them and they don't attempt to start a conversation, screw em!!!. So, you need to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were thought of as "scary"? When I was in high school, god i HATED it that sometimes i didn't even want to go because the girls didn't wanna get to know me..

my 2 cents

 

[VertigoGal]

no, he had a mental handicap and initiated very uncomfortable and inappropriate situations with uninvited physical touching/closeness. nothing to traumatize me for life, but definitely way over the boundary. I do understand your position and completely agree but this was a different situation.

 

[Screwtape2]

Re: Re: am i wrong to feel weird about this?

Are you sure he wasn't physically handicapped and not just mentally challenged? I know you are a girl in high school but I think you should at least be nice to him. As a physically challenged person, it really offends me when you call handicapped people "scary". The reason I bumped this thread is because I had a shitty incident last Friday with a asshole at a bar and it made me think of this thread. He wasn't respecting me so I told him to F***-off because I don't take bullshit from anybody and I let my voice be heard. On the subject matter of females, some don't speak to me if i approach them even so if i'm interested in them and they don't attempt to start a conversation, screw em!!!. So, you need to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were thought of as "scary"? When I was in high school, god i HATED it that sometimes i didn't even want to go because the girls didn't wanna get to know me..

my 2 cents

I think what VertigoGal was saying that it was scary because you're not sure what will happen. VertigoGal is the kindest more compassionate person I've met on this site and I really doubt that if the boy were simply physically handicapped that there would be any ackwardness. The fact that she was a little hestitant around this mentally handicapped boy wasn't her fault. It is a human reaction to an ackward situation. There should be more eductation about the subject in schools so that you don't have that reaction. I'm sure she was very kind to him. You shouldn't blame VertigoGal for anything as she was probably kind to him while being rightful apprehensive.

Things will turn up for you. You just have to find the right person.

Oh and VertigoGal, I hope things have turned up for you as well.

 

[LMP]

Re: Re: Re: am i wrong to feel weird about this?

I think what VertigoGal was saying that it was scary because you're not sure what will happen. VertigoGal is the kindest more compassionate person I've met on this site and I really doubt that if the boy were simply physically handicapped that there would be any ackwardness. The fact that she was a little hestitant around this mentally handicapped boy wasn't her fault. It is a human reaction to an ackward situation. There should be more eductation about the subject in schools so that you don't have that reaction. I'm sure she was very kind to him. You shouldn't blame VertigoGal for anything as she was probably kind to him while being rightful apprehensive.

Things will turn up for you. You just have to find the right person.

Oh and VertigoGal, I hope things have turned up for you as well.

He is right on the money.

 

[VertigoGal]

for my shameful lurking to actual contributions ratio, too many people here are way too kind to me. thanks

 

[Screwtape2]

for my shameful lurking to actual contributions ratio, too many people here are way too kind to me. thanks

Aww...only a handful of your posts is enough to crown you the kindest and most caring person on this site. You deserve every word of praise you get here. You really are a sweetheart, VertigoGal. Anyone from lurker to regular poster would tell you the same thing.

 

[jesseu2]

okay screwtape2, guess I took it outta proportion there and didn't realize it was human reaction as I deal with this every day... I'm not blaming VertigoGal. (sorry VG).. I too think there needs to be informational videos for young kids on this subject... I thought about cartoon's discussing this topic.

 

[LMP]

Aww...only a handful of your posts is enough to crown you the kindest and most caring person on this site. You deserve every word of praise you get here. You really are a sweetheart, VertigoGal. Anyone from lurker to regular poster would tell you the same thing.

See, there's a nice guy for you already.

 

[Screwtape2]

okay screwtape2, guess I took it outta proportion there and didn't realize it was human reaction as I deal with this every day... I'm not blaming VertigoGal. (sorry VG).. I too think there needs to be informational videos for young kids on this subject... I thought about cartoon's discussing this topic.

There really should be more education in schools at a young age. I think in VertigoGal's case, it turned into a physical violation which made it truly scary. I wouldn't expect anyone to not be frightened by something physical like that. When nothing physical happens I think it becomes a matter of being unfamiliar with that situation. If you expose younger children to the fact that there they are slightly different but still like them, you wouldn't see that kind of reaction. Cartoons for example would be great because they something visual that could stick in their minds. The biggest problem with interaction is the unknown. You shed some light on the area and you make people more open to differences.

I think VertigoGal handled it well considering.

 

[Dismantled]

As a highschool special education teacher I soooo agree there should be more education about this available to children.

 

[fly so high!]

Aww...only a handful of your posts is enough to crown you the kindest and most caring person on this site. You deserve every word of praise you get here. You really are a sweetheart, VertigoGal. Anyone from lurker to regular poster would tell you the same thing.

and that's the reason why guys and gals are smitten by you, you must have a really kind friendly face and lovely natured. I'm afraid you might have to turn up the bitch-o-meter to have these guys move on, but what i'm seeing so far it's not in you, and that's a good thing. Just keep in mind there is a difference in friendly behaviour and "testing the water" so to speak and feeling unsafe and uncomfortable.......trust your gut instincts

 

[VertigoGal]

yeah I do know a few other people my age with similar stalker magnetism caused by being a little too friendly. I'm perfecting my inner bitch...

 

[LMP]

yeah I do know a few other people my age with similar stalker magnetism caused by being a little too friendly. I'm perfecting my inner bitch...

You can add me to that list. I also attract little children (6-10) and old people, rarely nothing in between.

 

[Hinder]

I don't know, being honestly straightforward even witht he mentally challenged can be a good thing. You don't need to cosset anyone who violates your physical boundaries, challenged or no. Don't be cruel, obviously, but if he's touching you inappropriately, a simple shove away and "Do Not Do That!" certainly isn't going to kill him - and it will teach him that he cannot get away with bad behavior.

I grew up with two teenagers who were challenged mentally - the boy moreso than the girl - and had not a qualm about swatting either of them if they got out of hand. It worked: they knew when no meant no. Obviously, they were good kids, just needed more firm guidance than your average knucklehead.

As to those Kroger's boys - do we need to go Mullen on 'em?

 

[LikeNoOneBefore]

You can add me to that list. I also attract little children (6-10) and old people, rarely nothing in between.

Yeah, add me too. I attract creepy stalker guys from my school who don't know how to shower.