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zoo@2 10-31-2001 11:10 AM

RELATIONSHIP RUT!!!!! NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Hello All!!!

-Here is my dilema: I have been dating this great girl for the last 6 months. We have been having an absolutely wonderful time and I definately see a future w/ this girl.
-Lately though, she has been struggling w/ her emotions and feelings. Here is why: She dated this guy for 3 years and he was her ENTIRE life and she depended on him for EVERYTHING. On top of all that he treated her like garbage. When we began dating she always told me that she would never repeat the same mistake and lose herself along the way. She feels like she is following the same path again and I don't know how to help. She finds herself wanting to spend every minute w. me. I always tell her each situation/relationship is different, I do love her and would never treat her bad. What can I do?? Is it fair to me that she brings this baggage along?? HELP!!!!!!

------------------
Be Uncool
Yes be awkward
Don't look in the obvious place
A Soul needs beautiful a soul mate
-Always

Peaseblossom 10-31-2001 11:47 AM

Let me see if I can explain this to you from her side. I'm actually in the same type of situation. It's not that she's making the same mistakes again, it's simply the fear of doing that. I'm coming off of a long, hurtful relationship and have found someone wonderful and new that is everything I've ever wanted. However, I'm resisting. I'm so frightened of being hurt again, even though I know that this person is one of my closest friends and would sooner jump off the Golden Gate Bridge than hurt me. It's fear. My advice is give her the space she needs, don't ever pressure her, and take your time. Time heals all wounds. Hope that helps. If I can give you any more insight, let me know. I'm certainly not shy about talking about this stuff.

poptart2001 10-31-2001 03:27 PM

i know it is hard dealing with someones BAGGAGE trust me my hubby finds it hard but you need to stick with her and try to work through it hopefully in time the problem will resolve itself if it dosent you have to ask yourself if yu can live your life with her like that,give it time and dont give up untill you have gave it a good shot.Anyway i hope it does all work out for you both.:-)

doctorwho 10-31-2001 06:41 PM

I also sense, based on your words, that she tends to be TOTALLY reliant on her partner. First, she was totally dependent on her previous partner. Now, according to you, she wants to spend all of her time with you. While that sounds great, it also sounds like she has a slight co-dependency issue. That is, she needs to validate herself through another person. Therefore, not only give her space to overcome her fear, but work on reassuring her that she is a worthwhile person who can succeed independently.

foray 10-31-2001 09:23 PM

Yeah I get the feeling that her baggage stems not from her previous relationship, but from earlier stuff as well. She doesn't have low self-esteem, does she?

foray


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