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Old 04-13-2006, 12:18 PM   #81
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This thread is brilliant!
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Old 04-13-2006, 12:27 PM   #82
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lmjhitman

Agent 47

Larry Mullen Jr has made a lot of people angry in his day. Gambling debts, prostitutes, substances: the line of people waiting to collect runs deep. But now, some people have grown tired of waiting.

In a small Dublin suburb known as Dim O Caugh, Agent 47, a secret assassin works for an unknown source. His mission: Take Out LMJ.

Across town, a second hired gun, LMJHitman, plots her course as she too has money waiting for her should she complete her mission: Take out Larry Mullen jr.

Over the next few weeks LMJHitman and Agent 47 engage in a brilliant game of cat and mouse, as both foil each other's plots by saving Larry from the other, so that they can kill him with their own hands, and collect the money. Stay tuned to see how all of this plays out.


omg! that is so awesome!

this is a cool thread, beav. fer reals.

i can't wait to see impy's!
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Old 04-13-2006, 12:30 PM   #83
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U2MaNaIcWeIdO

Dr. Englebert Wastof Umphries III

Famed scientist Dr. EW Umphries III recently claimed to have broken the molecular structure of the highly dangerous Sodium based compound U2MaNaIcWeIdO.

His findings, to be published next week in the science magazine Nature, claim that the substance, when it comes into contact with the compound CO2LdPL3Ay can lead to a sharp increase in so called "Red Enzymes." "These "red enzymes" he writes, "tend to rush up into the heads of those carriers of the U2MaNaIcWeIdO
compound, causing a rise in blood pressure and a desire to utter things like, 'THEY DON'T SOUND LIKE U2MaNaIcWeIdO and if they do it's because they're ripping them off.'"

Harvard scientist David Jacobs, PhD responds, "It's an interesting theory. I should like to test it further before putting forth an opinion, but it certainly looks promising."

Dr. Umphreys hopes to isolate the U2MaNaIcWeIdO gene in the hopes of perhaps shutting it down completely, he said as his "The Scientist" came up next on his iTunes playlist.
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Old 04-13-2006, 12:37 PM   #84
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
U2MaNaIcWeIdO

Dr. Englebert Wastof Umphries III

Famed scientist Dr. EW Umphries III recently claimed to have broken the molecular structure of the highly dangerous Sodium based compound U2MaNaIcWeIdO.

His findings, to be published next week in the science magazine Nature, claim that the substance, when it comes into contact with the compound CO2LdPL3Ay can lead to a sharp increase in so called "Red Enzymes." "These "red enzymes" he writes, "tend to rush up into the heads of those carriers of the U2MaNaIcWeIdO
compound, causing a rise in blood pressure and a desire to utter things like, 'THEY DON'T SOUND LIKE U2MaNaIcWeIdO and if they do it's because they're ripping them off.'"

Harvard scientist David Jacobs, PhD responds, "It's an interesting theory. I should like to test it further before putting forth an opinion, but it certainly looks promising."

Dr. Umphreys hopes to isolate the U2MaNaIcWeIdO gene in the hopes of perhaps shutting it down completely, he said as his "The Scientist" came up next on his iTunes playlist.
I always wanted to be on the periodic table. But seriously.....I'm happy that I cause such a reaction when mixed with anything Coldplay!
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Old 04-13-2006, 12:38 PM   #85
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omg omg omg ahahahahahhahahahathese are way to funny..ahahahahahah!!!!
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:04 PM   #86
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Bono's Baby 12

Johnnie Cochraine

"Ya' Honor. Clearly what we have here is a case of entrapment, extortion if you will, per se. A young, poor, impressional girl gets pregnant. Hey, Happens everyday, some say, it's the American Way, ok? Who are we to judge? Well, cept for you, ya honor. he he. (laughter from the court room.) So here is this young girl, firghtened, confused, saying, "Hey - that fella over there, the one yelling into the microphone about war, he's the father. He got money. He can afford a baby." Was it her idea to say these terrible lies? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Don't really matter. Fact is, the baby that was named BonosBaby12 is not my client's baby. Nor is she twelve. Nor is she the twelth child of Mr. Bono. My CLIENT WAS FRAMED. THIS IS LUDICROUS! A travesty of the American justice systems, which is compunded by the irony that my client is Irish, therefore, he cannot be guilty. Thank you."
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:11 PM   #87
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Did I miss anyone?
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:19 PM   #88
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<-- Git on it!
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:28 PM   #89
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Chiso

Eric Estrada

In 2005 Vince McMahon decided that he wanted to bring some flair to the WWE. He wanted speed and skill to dovetail with the feats of sheer strength of the more popular WWE wrestlers. He looked to the Latin wrestling leagues and like what he saw.

Eric "Ponch" Estrada was brought in and soon thereafter he beat Kane in a steel cage ladder match. Estrada was such a hit that he was given a manager, Lolita Esperanza De Villa Casa, and a more prominent role on the weekly shows.

After a couple of months McMahon wanted to expand Estrada's role. His first tactic was to bring in Jon, Ponch's old partner on the Cali Highway Patrol, but when it seemed that Jon was horrendously out of shape, and wouldn't make a good foil, McMahon went back to the drawing board.

His scouts reported that a high flying fella named Chiso was lighting up the indy scene, and McMahon went to check him out in Hartford, CT. He signed him on the spot.

Chiso was originally given a small role, but Estrada felt threatened. He began to bad mouth Chiso, saying that the "Latino Verdad" was right "aqui, pendejo. Callate. You make me enfermo. Aye aye aye aye aye." Chiso, never one to back down, ran out and beat Estrada in front of 35k at the Staples Center in Atlanta (?).

Chiso has since gotten his own manager, Jon, and he meets up with Estrada for the Intercontinental Belt on May 1 in Salt City Utah. The world waits with bated breath.

----------------------

Chiso - OK, I have no idea why I think you're Latin, but I do, so, yeah. You get Eric Estrada.
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:33 PM   #90
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Quote:
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Lila64

Ray Davies

1968. The Summer of Love. The Kinks kick off their 1968 tour in the SoHo section of New York City. Girls flock to see them and revel in the joy that is the Davies brothers. One lucky girl gets the eye of Ray Davies. After a few hours of small talk and drinks of champaigne, she says, "Won't you come home with me?", and he does. They great their freak on and then slumber in a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

The next morning, singer Ray Davies opens his eyes and says, "Ahhh, now there's a night I won't soon be forgetting. Thank you Lola."

"Lila."

"What?"

"My name. It's Lila. Not Lola. L-I-L-A, Lila."

"Oh...right. Sorry bout that. Anyway, got to go. Playing Boston tomorrow. Bye Lola."

Ray wrote to Lila for many months, but like so many long distance romances, it faltered. Then, one day, in late 1970 a small package arrived. In it was a record and a note. "I told you I'd never forget you. I even wrote a song about you. I think it'll be a hit. Miss you Lola. Love always, Ray."

"Son of a bitch," she said after reading the note. "L-I-L-A, LILA."



This is sooooooooooooooo Lila!!!!
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:36 PM   #91
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PlaTheGreat

PlaTheNotSoBad

"You know I could've been PlaTheGreat, but I got there too late. When sign ups came they said, "Name?"
I said, "Pla."
They said, "We got a Pla."
I said, "Oh....um, how about PlaTheGreat?"
They said, "Nope, we got one."
I said, "Is he great? Better than me?"
They said, "Yeah, he's allright. Not so bad."
"But is he better than me?"
"I dunno, maybe. He's not so bad."
"But not Great? Not like me?"
"No, he's not like you."
"Good, then I shall take his name, see how he likes it. Call me, PlaTheNotSoBad."
"OK. Next."
"I will forever seek this ill named PlaTheGreat and when I find him -"
"NEXT"
"When I find him I will feast upon his - "
"NEXT"
"upon his soul...and then....you know....stuff."
"Great, NEXT."

I'm coming for you oh misnamed PlaTheGreat. Yes I am."
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:51 PM   #92
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Mrs. Springsteen

The Road

It's often said that a rock musician is married to the road. And for some, it's more than true than others.

"She's a goddamn whore."

Meet Mrs. Springsteen, wife of rock legend Bruce Springsteen. "She's a filthy little two bit tramp. Typical South Jersey trash. You'd think she'd know to stay away from a married man. Slut."

The Boss has been on The Road for a better part of three decades. "He sees her more than he sees me, and his children. Another peice of Jersey trash. I should've known better. My mother told me don't marry no poets or Irish. So what do I do? I marry a poet. Listen to your mother."

Married in 1981, Mr. and Mrs. Springsteen spent the first few years in wedded bliss. Touring together, seeing the world. All things that most young lover only dream of. Then, it turned sour.

"I saw him less and less. I mean, he called, but I kept readin that he was 'On the road', 'married to the road'. I guess I got a little bitter, but can you blame me?....he calls her 'Thunder.' Whore."

When asked for comment The Boss replied, "Married to the road? That's an expression. It's not another woman. One wife is enough. Ha."
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:53 PM   #93
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:04 PM   #94
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DayGloEyes

Order of the Sons of Italy

Due to a serious misunderstanding DayGloEyes became the target of the Italian american pride group Order of the Sons of Italy.

"She got a problem with our eyes? You kiddin' me? You tell that $%^& to shut the ^&*( up and come down here and say it my %^#$* face. %^&#$. Seriously, right? I know. C'mon." So began the 15 minute tirade of Rocco Vincenzzi, President of the South Bronx Chapter of the Order of the Sons of Italy.

"I mean, hey, I like U2 as much as the next paizan, but I gotta log in and see someone make fun of the eyes of my countrymen? Gettouttahere. Enough is enough. This discrimination has to end. Vafongul."

When this reporter tried to explain that is was DayGLOeyes, Mr Vincenzzi was unmoved. "That's no excuse. Heh? Tell that to my father. He stormed the beach of Italy. He fought Romel in Africa. He fought in his own countrymen in the country of his birth, God rest his soul. He was a saint. He loved this country. And now we got to listen to some pent up putana complain about his eyeballs? I'm ill. Agita. This whole thing gives me agita."
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:05 PM   #95
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okay, beav, i'm in
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:06 PM   #96
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
DayGloEyes

Order of the Sons of Italy

Due to a serious misunderstanding DayGloEyes became the target of the Italian american pride group Order of the Sons of Italy.

"She got a problem with our eyes? You kiddin' me? You tell that $%^& to shut the ^&*( up and come down here and say it my %^#$* face. %^&#$. Seriously, right? I know. C'mon." So began the 15 minute tirade of Rocco Vincenzzi, President of the South Bronx Chapter of the Order of the Sons of Italy.

"I mean, hey, I like U2 as much as the next paizan, but I gotta log in and see someone make fun of the eyes of my countrymen? Gettouttahere. Enough is enough. This discrimination has to end. Vafongul."

When this reporter tried to explain that is was DayGLOeyes, Mr Vincenzzi was unmoved. "That's no excuse. Heh? Tell that to my father. He stormed the beach of Italy. He fought Romel in Africa. He fought in his own countrymen in the country of his birth, God rest his soul. He was a saint. He loved this country. And now we got to listen to some pent up putana complain about his eyeballs? I'm ill. Agita. This whole thing gives me agita."


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Old 04-13-2006, 02:17 PM   #97
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
Chiso

Eric Estrada

In 2005 Vince McMahon decided that he wanted to bring some flair to the WWE. He wanted speed and skill to dovetail with the feats of sheer strength of the more popular WWE wrestlers. He looked to the Latin wrestling leagues and like what he saw.

Eric "Ponch" Estrada was brought in and soon thereafter he beat Kane in a steel cage ladder match. Estrada was such a hit that he was given a manager, Lolita Esperanza De Villa Casa, and a more prominent role on the weekly shows.

After a couple of months McMahon wanted to expand Estrada's role. His first tactic was to bring in Jon, Ponch's old partner on the Cali Highway Patrol, but when it seemed that Jon was horrendously out of shape, and wouldn't make a good foil, McMahon went back to the drawing board.

His scouts reported that a high flying fella named Chiso was lighting up the indy scene, and McMahon went to check him out in Hartford, CT. He signed him on the spot.

Chiso was originally given a small role, but Estrada felt threatened. He began to bad mouth Chiso, saying that the "Latino Verdad" was right "aqui, pendejo. Callate. You make me enfermo. Aye aye aye aye aye." Chiso, never one to back down, ran out and beat Estrada in front of 35k at the Staples Center in Atlanta (?).

Chiso has since gotten his own manager, Jon, and he meets up with Estrada for the Intercontinental Belt on May 1 in Salt City Utah. The world waits with bated breath.

----------------------

Chiso - OK, I have no idea why I think you're Latin, but I do, so, yeah. You get Eric Estrada.
LOL. this is supposed to be my arch nemesis, correct?

some morbidly obese dude in the WWE?

based on the fact that you think that I'm Latin (p.s. you're only one quarter correct--Cuban)?

I'm feeling a bit like a sub-standard, racially profiled superhero.

excuse my hyper sensitivity today.
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:20 PM   #98
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Doozer61

The Race of Fraggles

Working day in and day out to build elaborate glass based structures, Doozer is generally quiet and unobtrusive. But does that stop Gobo and Wembley from diggin in and eating her structures? Nope.

"One of these days I'm going to build with real glass," said Doozer, "Then I'm gonna laugh like a monkey when Moko starts bleeding. Bunch of free loading lazy sons of bitches those fraggles. I pray everyday that that stupid dog gets one of them. And Uncle Travelling Matt, don't get me started on him. He's a pothead you know."

Why do the Fraggles eat the work of the doozers? Says Fraggle representative Gobo, "Well it's supply and demand. Trickle down economics. So long as the Doozers give us food, we will eat it. And in return, we let them make us more food. That sounds fair, no? OK, let me give you a better example: When I was running the Bush 04 Re-election Committee in Fraggle Rock, I said quite simply to the Doozers, 'Look, we'll let you vote. Your voices should be heard. So long as you vote for Bush.' They wanted a union and all that, but c'mon, for what? We like their food just as it is. We said, 'Hey - go nuts. Make more food. We'll eat it, because we support you.' We're very open minded, us fraggles."

Doozer said she can't wait to see all those miserable goddamn Fraggles burn in hell, and she prays nightly that the Gorgs come and take them.
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:21 PM   #99
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Quote:
Originally posted by TripThruUreWires


LOL. this is supposed to be my arch nemesis, correct?

some morbidly obese dude and his opponent in the WWE?

based on the fact that you think that I'm Latin (p.s. you're only one quarter correct--Cuban)?

I'm feeling a bit like a sub-standard, racially profiled superhero.

excuse my hyper sensitivity today.
Are you Chiso? That was Chiso's archnemesis. Who's morbidly obese? I am so confused. Being sub-standard isn't so bad. Don't cry. Look at if this way: If someone wasn't sub standard, then the rest of us couldn't be standard, or above standard? See? We're all in this together.
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:30 PM   #100
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Quote:
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Are you Chiso?
I am a wanker.
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