Post here and I will give an archnemesis.

[UberBeaver]

Bono212

Bono646

I left NYC for two months a couple of years ago. Disconnected my screenname, figured it would be ok when I got back. So I get back, call the screen name company and I ask for my screen name. They say, "Ok Ms (I'm assuming you're a woman, so you're probably a man, in which case, no hard feeling, k?) Bono, here you go."
I take it and I say,
"Wait. What is this? 646? I thought 646 was just for new screennames."

"This is a new screenname."

"No, no, no, no. It's not a new screenname. It's--it's--it's just a changed screenname. See? It's not different. It's the same, just...changed."

"Look, I work for the screenname company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic."

"You know, I could've killed you, and no one would've known."

"I could've killed you, and no one would've known."

So no I wander around here, a pariah, while some fool gets to be all cool with the 212 screen name. Hogwash I say. S/he can't live forever. And when 212 goes down, I'll be right there, waiting to reclaim my birthright, the 212.

[LikeNoOneBefore]

Originally posted by UberBeaver


Listen, you women need to denote so in all posts from here on in. Preferably with pictures.

Sorry about the mixup.

Sorry!

[UberBeaver]

Dalton

Cheticamp

25 points to anyone that can tell me why.

[UberBeaver]

Love_U2_Adam
TripThruUreWires
GreenEyedGirl
Rocking Edge
Namkur
CliffEdge
BonoChick
ThoraSeb
Mr Brau
BluRmChk
Onebloodonelife
MacHat
IwasBored
JackintheBox
Got PhilK?
U2VertigoFly
LemonMacPhisto
LJT
RedRocksU2
KatieBu21
TheBrush
GotEdge
Zootelesque
Lemonchick
00Kevin

[clifedge]

This is awesome.

[fly so high!]

Originally posted by UberBeaver
FlySoHigh

The DEA

In a white van outside FlySoHigh's house.
"We in place?"
"Yes sir. We should have audio in a second....there it is."
"OK, Silence. Listen close. As soon as we get the chance, we move. Today, the DEA brings FlySoHigh down to earth and into a cell."

*static* *sounds of laughter* *enventually voices come through the head phones*

"Dude...are you talking about lettuce?"
"Lettuce?"
"Yeah, did you just say you have lettuce around the back yard?"
"Lettuce?"
"Yeah....didn't you ... uh, were you just talking about lettuce?"
"Uh...I don't....lettuce?"
"Yeah."
"Like salad?"
"I guess so...you said....uh...I dunno."
"Me either."
"Dude....you got, like...uh food?"
"Food?"
"Yeah."
"Like lettuce?"
"HAHAHAHAHA.......um...you got, like, chips? Or cookies....no, no cookies.....chips? I like...um, you got like....salty food? And soda? Or water?....or YOO HOO. OH MAN I WANT YOO HOO."
"Salty? Like....yeah. Dude, I got, um, rufffles."
"Ruffles have Ridges!"
"heh...LATTICE!"
"What?"
"I was talking about lattice before...in the yard....you, uh, said lettuce....but I was talking about....lattice."
"Ohhh.....what the fuck is lattice?"
"A...uh...like a fence...I think."
"Why were you talking about that?"
"No idea."
"Ruffles...have....ridges."
"Heh...yeah."
"This is some good ..... whoa. Wow. Dude. I can't move."
"Me either."


Back in the van:
"Now sir?"
"No. Unfortunately, there are no laws against laziness or Ruffles. AT least, not yet anyway."

"So like....dude.....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Try that. Just say uuhhhhhhhh for as long as you can."
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
"Your throat will tickle in a few seconds."
"Uhhhhhh ohhhh, ow, yeah. That hurts man. UHhhhhhhhh. Ouch. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahahhhhh - HAHAHAHAHAHA, sonov a ....... I can't breath HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, holy sh-hahahahahahaha."
"I"M DYING OVER HERE! HAHAHAHAHA, Holy Jeez- HAHAHAHAHA. you FELL! HAHAHAHA."
"I FEEL! HAHAHAHA."

In the van:
"Sir, it sounds ugly in there. SHould we move?"
"No, dying is legal. Thank God for that. Let them die. Two less scumbags on this planet. People like this make me ill. Just listen to them. I'm disgusted."


"You fell off the couch - DUDE! You totally fell! HAHAHAHA!"
"DUDE! HAHAHA, I like, fell! I think I'm bleeding!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"DUDE, I am totally bleeding. Like from my head! HAHAHAHA!"
"AHHHHAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHH I'm dying over here! This is AWESOME!"


"Sir, if they die on our watch, are we responsible? Isn't there a rule that we have to save someone in danger?"
"Hell no. We're the DEA. We WANT people to die. That's our job. And if they don't, we arrest them. BAM. Just like that."

*silence*

"Sir, you think they're dead? I haven't heard a thing in a few minutes."
"Hm...maybe. We can hope, can't we?"

*crunching*

"Sir, I hear something....it sounds like...crunching."
"Hm, that must be some kind of Marijuana machine. What else crunches in such a manner?"
"Hm...it could be a marijuna machine. Sounds like the ones we learned about in class."
"We could be the first to actually find one of these machines. If we act fast, we can get in there before they get a chance to hide the Marijuana machine. OK, we're gonna go for it. This is it fellas, we're going to be first to actually bring one of those dreaded machines in. On 3....1 - 2 - 5 -"
"3 sir."
"3 - GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO"

The DEA rushes the house, kick in the front door. FlySOHigh and an unnamed accomplish are sitting on the couch, chomping Pringles.

"Whoa."
"Dude....Are those your parents?"
"Uh...no. Wait...no. Definetly not."

"ON THE GROUND, ON THE GROUND! WHERE'S THE MACHINE?"
"Machine?"
"Yes, the marijuana machine?"
"What machine? They make a machine for marijuana? What's it, like, do?"
"ON THE GROUND!"
"Where?"
"THE GROUND!"
"I don't see a machine onthe ground. What?"
"He's right sir, there is no machine on the ground."
"Damn you flysohigh. DAMN YOU! We will catch you, and your machine. One of these days. I'll never give up. NOT UNTIL YOU ARE OFF THE STREETS!"
"Technically, sir, he's on the coach."
"It's an expression, jackass. Let's go boys. He won this battle, but we'll win the war. C'mon."

The DEA leaves.

"Dude...did....was that real?"
"I was gonna ask you. That was fucked up."
"I am soooo f'd up, bro."
"Heh...pringles?"
"Abslutely."

Oh....duuuuuude!!! That was AWWWWSOME!!!!

Seriously i have not laughed hard like that in ages........I kept coming back to this thread hopin' to see my archnemisis. You are "The Dude"........when you have finished(somehow i don't think you will ever be,considering how many posters we have on this board) are you gonna do your archnemisis?

[TripThruUreWires]

Beav, am I being penalized (i.e. continually pushed down the to-do list) simply because I experienced a case of mistaken identity?

[UberBeaver]

Originally posted by TripThruUreWires
Beav, am I being penalized (i.e. continually pushed down the to-do list) simply because I experienced a case of mistaken identity?

No, of course not. I am not so petty. You are being penalized because the best I've been able to come up with is "My Wires" and that's kinda lame. There are a couple of people that have been waiting a long time. I do this when I get a break in my work. I'll get to you.

[UberBeaver]

Originally posted by fly so high!


You are "The Dude"........when you have finished(somehow i don't think you will ever be,considering how many posters we have on this board) are you gonna do your archnemisis?

Am I the nerd or the fat dog?

I don't know if I'll do my own nemesis. Maybe. Hadn't given it much though. At this rate it's between the Backlog List I got going and TripThruUreWires .

[katiebu21]

Take your time, Beav, I think most of us understand that you're doing this when you can. Thanks for doing it, it was a great idea.

[UberBeaver]

Love_U2_Adam

Adam.

She says she loves me. And that's nice and all, but it's the "I love you too" bit I don't get. I don't know her, really. I mean, aside from seeing her follow me around, I've never met her. We've had one conversation which consisted of her yelling, "I love you too! Adam!" And I replied, "Right. Please stop following me around." And she says, "But I love you too. I love you too. ADAM!" I never said I loved her. Never. I don't know her. I wouldn't say such a thing to a young woman. Not anymore anyway. And so, your honour, I petition this court for a restraining order against this woman. I think she's slightly off kilter, if you know what I mean. Had she said, "I love YOU!" that'd be fine. But "I love you too?" I'm a married man. My wife asks, "Why are these women always saying that they love you TOO? Who are they? What are you telling them?" It's embrassing sir. Sometimes I think maybe I have black outs. Like long periods of time where I run around telling women, and sometimes men I guess, that I love them. And then I come to, and have no recollection. It's creepy.

[TripThruUreWires]

Originally posted by UberBeaver


Am I the nerd or the fat dog?

I don't know if I'll do my own nemesis. Maybe. Hadn't given it much though. At this rate it's between the Backlog List I got going and TripThruUreWires .

if i kiss your ass, tell you what a creative, witty stud you are and subsequently keep quiet, will this tension between us dissolve? please, don't walk away in anger.

[UberBeaver]

Originally posted by TripThruUreWires


if i kiss your ass, tell you what a creative, witty stud you are and subsequently keep quiet, will this tension between us dissolve? please, don't walk away in anger.

Um, as far as I'm concerned, there is Zero tension between us. I saw it all as goofy, simple banter. Was I wrong? Should I be angry or something? Cause I can get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry

[Numb1075]

Originally posted by UberBeaver


(can someone please make a :hulksmiley: ?)

give these interferencers some time, they'll find one

[TripThruUreWires]

Originally posted by UberBeaver


Um, as far as I'm concerned, there is Zero tension between us. I saw it all as goofy, simple banter. Was I wrong? Should I be angry or something? Cause I can get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry (can someone please make a :hulksmiley: ?)

oh, no, nope, wait. apparently it is ME with the anger issues (refer to journal). it's likely i was just trying to project my own anger on you or perhaps [insert some psycho-social-pathological jargon here]. forgive me.

i'll stop causing you confusion and diverting your attention already, thereby allowing you to get back to your matchmaking work here--which is stellar and hilarious by the way

[redkat]

Originally posted by UberBeaver


(can someone please make a :hulksmiley: ?)

[got_edge]

Originally posted by redkat

That's next on the 'grumpify' list.

[UberBeaver]

Originally posted by redkat

Thank you very much. High Five!

[UberBeaver]

Originally posted by TripThruUreWires


oh, no, nope, wait. apparently it is ME with the anger issues (refer to journal). it's likely i was just trying to project my own anger on you or perhaps [insert some psycho-social-pathological jargon here]. forgive me.

i'll stop causing you confusion and diverting your attention already, thereby allowing you to get back to your matchmaking work here--which is stellar and hilarious by the way

K. Cool. Nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I'll get to ya, promise.

[UberBeaver]

GreenEyedGirl

US Strategic Air Command

The Alien Armies have invaded. Launched from Xeckton 7.9 three months ago, they traveled via a wormhole and arrived on the far side of the sun 2 months ago. From there they planned their invasion and chose the time to attack. The US Strategic Air Command was waiting for them. Thanks to satellite imagery, the large alien force was picked up as they left exited the wormhole.

President Bush, excited ever so much by aliens, got right to work. Karl Rove spun the story to make is seem that the issue was illegal aliens, and the southern states mobilized. In Texas, for example, a civilian border patrol watched the Texas/Mexico border.

When the aliens made their move, the US Strategic Air Command launched a sortie of nukes. Several of the alien spacecrafts never made it past Venus thanks to this preemptive strike. But most did.

The aliens blew the Bronx away, said that Queens could stay, and sank Manhattan out to see. President Bush said that was collateral damage, and no big deal, really. He was so happy to finally be meeting the Aliens. He stood on the White House lawn with a little sign that said, "WE WELCOME YOU ALIENS!" Rove and Cheney had the strategic air command, dubbed the "Strategery Air Command" by President Bush, to launch all air units to repel the foreign invasion.

One alien ship, shot down by an F-16 Eagle over Cranston,W Va, was spotted by Euclid P. Brothers, local resident and shop owner in Cranston. "I went to see the wreckage, and some little green alien came runnin over to. She had Green Eyes. I swear, I seen em. Green Eyes. I never knew Mexican's were green, but whatever. I couldn't understand what she was sayin, I ain't never learned Spanish. So I brought her to the sherrif."

Sheriff James McDunough: "Well, Euclid done bring me the little green alien. She says, 'Take me to your leader.' Now, if you know who our leader is, standing out there on a the White House lawn with a little 'Welcome Aliens' sign, you'd have had the same reaction as me, which was, naturally, to laugh and say, 'Don't know that any good will come of that.' And then she pulled out a ray gun and vaporized me left leg. Then she ran off. I'll be honest, I never had a problem with the Mexican's until one of vaporized my leg for making a little joke."

The little alien made her way to Washington DC, asking questions and vaporizing as she went. In the three days it took her to walk from W Va to DC, Dick Cheney authorized an attack on Iran and Syria because they were harboring aliens, and even if they weren't, they would probably do so in the future.

Upon arriving in DC, she met with President Bush who hugged her and asked her if she liked cookies and milk. They were then seen playing hide and go seek in the Capitol building. When the "Strategery Air Command" learned that an alien pilot was seen in the Capitol, they immediately sent agents to capture her so that they could learn more of their enemies in an effort to finally win the war. President Bush said he didn't know were she was, but he had a feeling she was hiding behind a curtain in the oval office. He invited the agents to come take a look.

"Ohhhh GreenEyedGirl, I'm gonna find you." He pushed aside the curtain and lo and behold, there she was. She giggled and Pres Bush said, "Can't beat me at hide and go seek. No siree. Fool me one...uh, won't get fooled again." The agents then rushed GreenEyedGirl and brought her down. She is now in a box in Roswell New Mexico. President Bush was last seen running through the White House with his new "ray gun" pointing is things and saying, "ZAP ZAP - I vaporize you....wow, this thing really works. YAY!"