wounded, heroic gay soldier too gay to serve

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Irvine511

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Gay U.S. Soldier Wants to Serve Openly

Apr 7, 8:41 PM (ET)

By MALIA RULON

WASHINGTON (AP) - An Army sergeant who was wounded in Iraq wants a chance to remain in the military as an openly gay soldier, a desire that's bringing him into conflict with the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Sgt. Robert Stout, 23, says he has not encountered trouble from fellow soldiers and would like to stay if not for the policy that permits gay men and women to serve only if they keep their sexual orientation a secret.

"I know a ton of gay men that would be more than willing to stay in the Army if they could just be open," Stout said in an interview with The Associated Press. "But if we have to stay here and hide our lives all the time, it's just not worth it."

Stout, of Utica, Ohio, was awarded the Purple Heart after a grenade sent pieces of shrapnel into his arm, face and legs while he was operating a machine gun on an armored Humvee last May.

He is believed to be the first gay soldier wounded in Iraq to publicly discuss his sexuality, said Aaron Belkin, director of the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military at the University of California-Santa Barbara.

"We can't keep hiding the fact that there's gay people in the military and they aren't causing any harm," said Stout, who says he is openly gay among most of his 26-member platoon, which is part of the 9th Engineer Battalion based in Schweinfurt, Germany.

Stout, who served in Iraq for more than a year as a combat engineer, said by acknowledging he is gay, he could be jailed and probably will be discharged before his scheduled release date of May 31.

"The old armchair thought that gay people destroy unit camaraderie and cohesion is just wrong," Stout said. "They said the same things when they tried to integrate African-Americans and women into the military."

Before the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, enacted in 1993 under the Clinton administration, the Pentagon had explicitly barred gays from military service. At least 24 countries, including Great Britain, Germany, France, Australia, Canada and Israel, allow gays to serve openly.

In an e-mail following the AP interview, Stout said he had been ordered not to speak to the media. "I guess they found out somehow that I was talking to the press and now they are having a fit. I will try to get everything straightened out," Stout wrote.

Martha Rudd, a spokeswoman for the Army at the Pentagon, said soldiers who are discharged under "don't ask, don't tell" typically receive honorable discharges, although the timing would be up to the individual's commanding officer. She declined to comment about Stout, saying the Army doesn't comment on specific cases.

The issue of whether gays should be allowed to openly serve in the military has received increased attention in recent months as the Army has struggled to meet its recruiting goals. Twelve gays expelled from the military sued the government in December, citing a Supreme Court ruling that declared unconstitutional state laws against homosexual sex.

The Bush administration has asked a federal court to dismiss the lawsuit.

Army Secretary Francis J. Harvey has said he opposes changing the policy, although Pentagon figures show a sharp decline in the number of U.S. military members discharged for making it known they are homosexual, falling from 1,227 in 2001 to 653 last year.

A recent congressional study on the impact of "don't ask, don't tell" said that hundreds of highly skilled troops, including many translators, have left the armed forces because of the rule, at a cost of nearly $200 million, mostly for recruiting and training replacements for 9,500 troops discharged between 1994 and 2003.

Gary Gates, a statistician at the University of California at Los Angeles, estimates there are about 65,000 gays and lesbians currently serving in the military, accounting for about 2.8 percent of all personnel. He estimates that at least 25 gay soldiers have been killed in Iraq.

Elaine Donnelly, president of the Center for Military Readiness, a conservative advocacy group that opposes gays serving in the military, said a better way to avoid the cost of replacing soldiers who are discharged for being gay is to make it very clear to people who enlist in the military, including Stout, that they are ineligible to serve if they are gay.

"I honor and respect his service to this country, but the fact that he's wounded really doesn't change the underlying fact. ... He is not eligible to serve," Donnelly said, adding that there are many reasons why people aren't eligible to serve. "This is just one of them."

Stout said he suspected while in high school that he was gay but didn't acknowledge it until later. "Then I noticed that it wasn't a phase or anything. This is me," said Stout, who enlisted in the Army after graduating in 2000.

"The 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, when it first came out, was a good stepping stone, but it's outlived its usefulness," he said. "We've progressed past it both as a military and as a society."

Recent media polls indicate some increased public acceptance for allowing gays to serve openly in the military, with more than six in 10 Americans supporting the idea while about half supported it a decade ago. An Annenberg poll taken last fall among members of the military showed a majority opposed to such service, though half of junior enlisted personnel said gays should be allowed to serve openly.
 
Irvine511 said:


"The 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, when it first came out, was a good stepping stone, but it's outlived its usefulness," he said. "We've progressed past it both as a military and as a society."


This is so true. But unfortunately it won't happen under this administration.:(
 
Irvine511 said:

"I honor and respect his service to this country, but the fact that he's wounded really doesn't change the underlying fact. ... He is not eligible to serve," Donnelly said, adding that there are many reasons why people aren't eligible to serve. "This is just one of them."


Does she even realize how ridiculous that statement sounds?
 
As a military member and a heterosexual, I believe that having an openly gay person in your platoon, unit, etc. would cause some issues. I highly doubt that everyone in his unit is ok with it. There is a reason men and women don't live in the same quarters or shower together out in the deserts of Iraq...gay men are attracted to...MEN. And please don't tell me that somehow they are able to keep there libido in check. I wouldn't like it, and I have gay friends. If thats the case, the the next time I'm deployed, I want to shower with the women!! Okay, bring on the flames....
 
Abomb-baby said:
And please don't tell me that somehow they are able to keep there libido in check.

Right, because my gay housemate, like, totally jumps all over every man he sees, regardless of whether he knows them, likes them, or knows if they're gay or not.

Uh-huh.

:|
 
Thats not what I meant PAX. I meant they are ATTRACTED to men. No, I don't think they would jump on every man. But there could be a situation where someone is made to feel uncomfortable. Like I said, same reason men and women don't shower together out in the deserts of Iraq. Don't be so mellow dramatic....:eyebrow:
 
I'm not being "mellow dramatic." Rather, I'm simply saying that I'm not sure there's a Constitutionally guaranteed right to never feel uncomfortable, and even if there was, I'm not sure it's a gay soldier's problem that someone else is uncomfortable with homosexuality.

I also really don't like the implication that gay people are somehow more likely than straight people to "inflict" their sexuality on other people. From what I hear about American military life, there's an awful lot of straight soldiers who aren't sitting in their tents every night reading the Bible, if you catch my drift.
 
pax said:

I also really don't like the implication that gay people are somehow more likely than straight people to "inflict" their sexuality on other people.

When did I say this? No, I don't believe gays are more likely to inflict there sexuality on someone. So I guess there is no reason to have any segregation between the sexes in the military at all. So as long as I'm straight I have no right to feel uncomfortable. If I'm gay and can't tell everyone about it, then I have every right to be uncomfortable as hell.:eyebrow:
 
Abomb-baby said:
Thats not what I meant PAX. I meant they are ATTRACTED to men. No, I don't think they would jump on every man. But there could be a situation where someone is made to feel uncomfortable. Like I said, same reason men and women don't shower together out in the deserts of Iraq. Don't be so mellow dramatic....:eyebrow:


i was a swimmer most of my life, and i go to a mostly striaght gym, and i shower with men all the time. do i look? no. that's rude. do i get turned on? no, i control it, and it's not an issue. gay men have been showering with straight men forever, and i guarantee you that you've showered with many gay men in you life and not known it. i don't see why the military should be any different.
 
Irvine what you say is very real, but put yourself in the position of other men who are showering. I wouldn't feel comfortable showering in front of a woman or gay man that I don't know so well.

However...

I think the whole shower issue is a very weak argument to base the entire homophobia of the army on. Want me to solve it? Create some showering schedules. :|

Now, what other problems do you have with gay men serving? :eyebrow:
 
BrownEyedBoy said:
Irvine what you say is very real, but put yourself in the position of other men who are showering. I wouldn't feel comfortable showering in front of a woman or gay man that I don't know so well.


but that's your problem, not the gay soldier's problem, and not sufficient grounds to bar someone from serving in the military.
 
BrownEyedBoy said:
Hey Irv, read the rest of my first post please. :wink:


i did ... but i'm not sure what to take seriously ... i thought you were kidding about the shower schedules, but were serious about the first part.

if i misunderstood, i'm sorry.
 

I think the whole shower issue is a very weak argument to base the entire homophobia of the army on. Want me to solve it? Create some showering schedules. :|
[/B]


You've obviously never served.. Sorry, not practical for many military members especially those in the army. What about the navy where all the men live in very close quarters and shower all together at the same time. That is the schedule...Everyone together!! I don't think the military should have to start making all sorts of new procedures because of gay people. The policy is still don't ask don't tell. If you don't like it, don't join! If you suddenly have an epifany that your gay, the policy hasn't changed..you have!! Keep your mouth shut or get out! Its really not that hard to figure out. If you don't like it, write your congressman or woman and get the policy changed. I know people in the military now who are gay, but they are women. I personally don't have any other issues with gay men serving other than showering/ living with someone who might view me as sexually desirable. But that is a HUGE issue!!:eyebrow:
 
Tell me, how different is this from not allowing black people to attend the same schools back in the 50's? Back then it was skin color, now it's sexual preference.

Weren't "all men created equal"?
 
I've known plenty of gay people, and in all of the cases I didn't know the people were gay until someone else told me they were. Gays show their sexuality the way most other people do, with all due reserve. I don't see how this guy can get a Purple Heart and then they claim he's not fit to serve. This makes no sense to me.
 
Abomb-baby said:


You've obviously never served.. Sorry, not practical for many military members especially those in the army. What about the navy where all the men live in very close quarters and shower all together at the same time. That is the schedule...Everyone together!! I don't think the military should have to start making all sorts of new procedures because of gay people. The policy is still don't ask don't tell. If you don't like it, don't join! If you suddenly have an epifany that your gay, the policy hasn't changed..you have!! Keep your mouth shut or get out! Its really not that hard to figure out. If you don't like it, write your congressman or woman and get the policy changed. I know people in the military now who are gay, but they are women. I personally don't have any other issues with gay men serving other than showering/ living with someone who might view me as sexually desirable. But that is a HUGE issue!!:eyebrow:


putting showering aside -- though i'm a little shocked that you don't think that you could live with a gay man, i suppose you must be amazingly attractive since your working assumption is that they would find you sexually attractive at all times thus making you uncomfortable ... we do leer, it's true, and we're always trying to get straight men drunk so we can take advantage of them, and, really, if you're uncomfortable then we should deny others the right to serve -- what about the dozens of gay interpreters who have been dismissed? like, gay members of the military who speak fluent Arabic, probably the most useful skill the army needs right now. there have been many, many stories about someone who slips up -- says "my boyfriend" or someone finds out or that soldier simply gets sick of having to keep a major part of their lives quiet while straight people talk about their marriages, children, and girlfriends without a second thought -- and then gets fired.

there's much more to the army than the infantry, but "don't ask don't tell" applies to everyone.
 
Abomb-baby said:


I personally don't have any other issues with gay men serving other than showering/ living with someone who might view me as sexually desirable. But that is a HUGE issue!!:eyebrow:


Sexual attraction is no different for a gay man/lesbian woman than it is for a straight man/straight woman. Do you become attracted to every female you have regular contact with? Why would you assume that a gay man would be attracted you simply because you shared close quarters?

I am straight but some of my closest friends are lesbians and we share hotel rooms, change in front of each other and even share beds but I can assure you, I have never been hit on or felt uncomfortable.

Gays and lesbians are quite capable of controlling their libidos. They don't want to convert you and they don't find every straight man or woman attractive.
 
Abomb-baby said:
I personally don't have any other issues with gay men serving other than showering/ living with someone who might view me as sexually desirable.

You'd probably be more insulted if gay men thought you were gross and unattractive.

Melon
 
"Moral" sense isn't always common sense. Why would we throw away some of our best?
 
Uh, abomb, please be a bit more considerate of the fact that we have openly gay posters here, and that this is a very personal and deeply felt issue for them.

Thanks.
 
Bono's American Wife said:
They don't want to convert you and they don't find every straight man or woman attractive.

And it's usually the gross straight guys who whine that they don't want a gay guy looking at them. Well, if no one finds you attractive, gay guys certainly won't. :wink:

Melon
 
abomb is afraid, though, that a gay military man will come up to him in the shower, and abomb will suddenly realize that he's gay and have a hot makeout session with one of his mates.

Melon
 
pax said:
Uh, abomb, please be a bit more considerate of the fact that we have openly gay posters here, and that this is a very personal and deeply felt issue for them.

Thanks.

Excuse me, but I have said nothing here to try and insult anyone. I'm sorry I thought this was the DEBATE area of the forum. Or am I not allowed to have a difference of opinion? Not much here to debate if we all agree on everything all the time. I would t least expect all the "free thinkers" who think I'm so wrong to at least defend my right to disagree.
 
I think while we're at it, let's discharge every soldier who admits his heterosexuality. Don't talk about girlfriends or wives, and don't even think about having them live on base.

After all, all that talk about "sex" would be a distraction and bring down troop morale!

Melon
 
Abomb-baby said:
Excuse me, but I have said nothing here to try and insult anyone. I'm sorry I thought this was the DEBATE area of the forum. Or am I not allowed to have a difference of opinion? Not much here to debate if we all agree on everything all the time. I would t least expect all the "free thinkers" who think I'm so wrong to at least defend my right to disagree.

You're allowed to have a difference of opinion. By all means, continue to air it.

Be aware, though, that I write my own counter-opinion, and in various ways generally to try and force people to think.

Cheers...

Melon
 
Abomb-baby said:


Uh, No I wouldn't. I would prefer it.:|

That struck me as pretty offensive, actually.

We do welcome free debate in here, and you're entitled to your opinion, but this is a moderated forum and we do have certain standards of decency to which we expect people to adhere.

Thank you.
 

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