Would you be mad if you caught your lover looking at porn?

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MrPryck2U

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Ok, would you be upset if you caught or found out that your significant other was looking at porn? Or has your significant other been pissed at you for looking at porn?
I guess a quick backstory is needed. I meant my fiance 3 years ago. Before I met her, I was single for a LONG time. Anyway, over at Yahoo, they have this section thats called clubs/groups. They have groups there that post explicit photos for free. Because I'm frugal with my money, I would peruse these groups instead of going to a bonafied site and being charged or having pop-ups come up at the wrong time. I had been doing this years before I met my fiance. Now, I see my fiance about 4-5 days a week.(we don't live together yet.)Every once and a while I would stop off at Yahoo groups and "utilize" some of the photos when she WASN'T around. One night, I was reading news on the internet when she was around. Secretly, she wanted to know what I was reading, but I had nothing to hide. I was reading the bloody news. The next morning, I had to go out, so she decided to take a look at my History to see what I was indeed looking at. What she saw mortified her. She reacted very badly. I wasn't looking at anything that night, but earlier in the week(when she wasn't around) I was and that's what she saw. Now, remember, she did violate my privacy. Plus, I don't snoop around on her computer. She felt hurt and betrayed and all that stuff which I understood. But, I explained to her that I loved her and men operate differently. We had a long conversation about it and I told her everything. I deleted all of the clubs and now I no longer look at porn on the net. Unfortunately, the story isn't over. Everytime I go home from her house, she thinks I'm gonna watch porn. As a result, we're now in couples therapy because we've got to get over this bump in our relationship. Thanks for listening to my story.
 
Respecting privacy is important and I'm guessing it's not a shared computer and she had no good reason for checking your history?? I'd be pissed
 
Torrents are a trackers that enable the peer to peer transfer of data; be it applications, TV epiodes or even pornography. Google bittorrent.

I was expecting the first post to have the ounchline "I'd hate myself" :wink:
 
I can't get past the fact that she checked your history. That is so wrong!

But to answer you orignal question, I don't have the slightest problem with the fact that my husband looks at porn. I'm secure enough to know that it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me and I think he appreciates that he doesn't have to sneak around or keep it a secret from me.

And you shouldn't have to stop looking at porn at your own computer, in your own home, on your own time.
 
Bono's American Wife said:
I can't get past the fact that she checked your history. That is so wrong!

But to answer you orignal question, I don't have the slightest problem with the fact that my husband looks at porn. I'm secure enough to know that it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me and I think he appreciates that he doesn't have to sneak around or keep it a secret from me.

And you shouldn't have to stop looking at porn at your own computer, in your own home, on your own time.

He does not! :ohmy: :wink:


seriously my anger at the privacy violation would have trumped her anger at the porn.

Oddly this has happened to me wasn't porn just reading my email and logging on this site as me :|
 
I agee with all of you. She hasn't looked at my computer since, but I've turned it off when she's around. I did try to drive home the message that she violated my privacy, but she felt much worse then I did when she saw what I was looking at. She has admitted that she has some esteem issues that she's trying to work through. Obviously, me looking at porn didn't exactly help. lol! Hence, why we're going to therapy together. The therapist told me to leave at some point because I was very open about everything and she wanted to talk to my fiance alone.
 
Well I can certainly understand, since she has self-esteem issues, why it was an issue for her. It's great that you're going to therapy together, good for you. Hopefully you can work out both the porn and the privacy issues.

I wouldn't want to judge her for how she feels or why she looked at your history, it's different for each person and why they would feel a certain way about porn. I'm not saying she was right to do that, but that would give you an opportunity though to work on certain issues in your relationship- so from that point of view it's a positive.

If it's not too personal, do you think you could give that up if that's what the therapist suggested?
 
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I have got mad at my husband for watching porn. It is definitley a self-esteem issue with me so I know where she is coming from. It doesn't effect our sex life. If it did that would be a whole different story. I just try to tell myself "guys are guys" and most of them I think watch porn. But it does and always will bother me a little.
 
I'm sure alot of women feel that way, especially if they have self-esteem issues. Basically I think it is something she, myself and many other women need to get over because I doubt men will change :giggle:
 
I hope that showed you how important it is to delete the history regularly ;)

But she is with you four to five days, and it's still not enough?
 
Well, I'm avoiding porn all together. This happened back in Sept, so I've made some adjustments since then. We have been intimate a lot more since this incident happened. On days when I don't see her I use my imagination instead of anything visual.
 
She shouldn't have been snooping.

I'd be annoyed if someone I was engaged to was looking at porn and didn't tell me about it. I'd much prefer if they were open and honest. Probably cause less hassle in the long run before getting caught out.
 
I pretty much agree with what most others have said. I don't care if my boyfriend looks at porn (unless, of course, he has a porn problem), and I'd be pissed if he snooped around on my computer (which is why my computer is password protected and I always log off--I don't really trust human nature when a temptation is right there, lol), but it's great that you're working through it and it sounds like it's even brought you closer. Neither issue should be a dealbreaker in a relationship IMO unless they're part of much bigger trust issues. :up:
 
Funny, I just assume men look at porn; I'd never need my boyfriend to tell me. It's his business. :shrug:
 
Justin24 said:
So we like to see how we fuck, whats the big deal.

Because for some people it's not about just that. It can create some problems for some people, people who look at it and people in relationships with them. And if it becomes an addiction and affects someone's sex life and view of women in a negative way, it becomes a problem. For some people it's not an issue and that's fine for them, but it doesn't make the others wrong either.
 
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