Why Must One Find A Mate?

[Trash Can]

I used to think I "needed" to find someone to be complete.
Then I learned that I must be "complete" on my own.
I used to think I needed to find someone that would "need me".
I learned that that was not a healthy relationship.

So, why must I find someone?
My reasons seem to stem from selfishness.
Or from looking for someone to care for.

"You complete me" - Tom Cruise in "Jerry McGuire".
WRONG attitude.
"You make me want to be a better me" - Jack in "As Good As It Gets"
WRONG also.


So... whats the point?

[martha]

Originally posted by Trash Can:
I used to think I "needed" to find someone to be complete.
Then I learned that I must be "complete" on my own.


So... whats the point?

Absolutely true, TC; a person must be complete on her/his own. If you depend on another for happiness or completion, you are headed for disaster. A complete person makes a better partner in a relationship.
A healthy relationship helps each member grow and learn. I think that is the point of relationships: growth as a person. Relationships also take you out of yourself; they provide an opportunity to focus on another's wants and needs. But like I said, this is in a healthy match. An unhealthy relationship stifles growth and creates dependence.
Wanting to love and be loved is why people seek mates. It's human nature; it's the echo of God in us.

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...a highway with no one on it, a treasure just to look upon it...

"The skeletal structure of your foot is not normal." -- my podiatrist 8-6-01

[This message has been edited by martha (edited 08-16-2001).]

[Like O2]

Originally posted by Trash Can:

So, why must I find someone?
My reasons seem to stem from selfishness.
Or from looking for someone to care for.

I don't think you MUST find someone, but I do think that God wants us to find someone. This is NOT my area, but I'm gonna give it a try.

Coincidence that Jesus' first miracle occurs at a wedding? I don't think so!

Genesis, 2:18 The Lord God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

If the focus is on being selfish or needing to care for someone, perhaps you overlook the idea that God wants us to cling to another.

It's okay to let someone in Trash.



[This message has been edited by Like O2 (edited 08-17-2001).]

[foray]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: No one's indispensable. That said, I think that a relationship with God is enough to eclipse any other relationship we have with other people, He's enough. I think that because we have been separated from God since birth (romans 3:23), we yearn for a connection of some sort. Romantic relationships are a way of filling that void that inherently exists in us.

That's my answer...

foray

[hermes]

Romantic relationships are a way of filling that void that inherently exists in us.

Personaly, I feel a real relationship with God is the only way to come close to filling that void.

I think trying to fill that void with another person is why so many relationships fail.

Friends, lovers, etc. can't fill that God shaped hole and it's HIGLY unfair to expect someone to fill it. Unrealistic expectations and demands to place on someone else. Then people become disillusioned with thier relationships when that void isn't filled.

------------------
Steve
SAME OLD STORY- Hardcore American Comedy

[This message has been edited by hermes (edited 08-17-2001).]

[This message has been edited by hermes (edited 08-17-2001).]

[martha]

Originally posted by hermes:
Personaly, I feel a real relationship with God is the only way to come close to filling that void.

I think trying to fill that void with another person is why so many relationships fail.

Hermes, I may be reading you wrong, but I think you're copping out. Of course human love cannot come close to God's love, but to use that as an excuse for failed relationships is cowardly. We ARE human and we long to be loved by other humans. If you shut yourself off to other people in the name of loving God, you go against the very nature of God and His love. Like O2 is right; listen to her.

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...a highway with no one on it, a treasure just to look upon it...

"The skeletal structure of your foot is not normal." -- my podiatrist 8-6-01

[sulawesigirl4]

Originally posted by martha:
Hermes, I may be reading you wrong, but I think you're copping out. Of course human love cannot come close to God's love, but to use that as an excuse for failed relationships is cowardly. We ARE human and we long to be loved by other humans. If you shut yourself off to other people in the name of loving God, you go against the very nature of God and His love. Like O2 is right; listen to her.

Actually, I think hermes is dead on. Perhaps you are misinterpreting him. What I *think* I'm hearing is that no matter what relationships you are in with people, be they romantic..friendship...working relationships, whatever....there is a void in your heart that can only be filled by God and if you're trying to use others to fill it, you're bound to be disappointed. I don't see that he was saying "love God and avoid humans." That's not the point.

My observation has usually been that those that are most in love with God are those who have the largest capacity for loving other humans because they are 'freed' in a way to love without selfishness. I dunno. I'm certainly not saying I have any of this figured out. (far from it. lol) But this is what I have seen.

-sula

[Like O2]

Originally posted by martha:
Like O2 is right; listen to her.

martha = my new interference best friend

[tiny dancer]

I don't think that always having a mate in life is a big necessity. Right now that is not a big priority in mine. I have family and friends who mean a lot to me. I have also rediscovered myself in different things that have happened to me on a day to day basis. Maybe someday I will find that person. But as for right now I am content to be on my own!

[hermes]

yes, exactly what Sula said. Sorry I wasn't clear on that.



------------------
Steve
SAME OLD STORY- Hardcore American Comedy

[martha]

Originally posted by hermes:
yes, exactly what Sula said. Sorry I wasn't clear on that.

Gotcha. I had a hunch I had misinterpreted what you said. Plus, I still got to spout off!

Like O2, you give good advice. (Bunions, remember?)


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...a highway with no one on it, a treasure just to look upon it...

"The skeletal structure of your foot is not normal." -- my podiatrist 8-6-01

[martha]

Originally posted by Trash Can:

Its KNOWING what it takes to be in a healthy relationship. Knowing what it takes to be "whole". Knowing that I am NOWHERE close to that! And knowing then, that as a responsible Christian man, I MUST wait... Learn, grow, change... and WAIT.
And anything I feel now is NOT honest, or healthy, but in fact selfish and needy (...and lets not forget, "lustful"!).
I want a relationship for the wrong reasons, and DAMMIT, unfortunately, I know better... That sucks, my friends. It sucks.

As for "filling the hole", I know too well that only God can fill it. I'm fillin' it!

...whewwwwwwwwwwwww.. I feel a lil better.

Therapy online!
Oh well, as long as you all don't know who I am and how to find me (Quiet Linky!), I guess its ok to "Share" like this.

Anymore "Deep Thoughts"???

Oh Sweetie, none of us is perfect, or whole, or not lustful. But other people help us reach out to our finer selves. What are the "wrong reasons" for a relationship? If you are honest with yourself, and her, then you'll be okay. Trust yourself and maybe stop watching yourself so much (hard to do, I know!), and try it. Learn from yourself and from others. Most of all, love yourself.


------------------
...a highway with no one on it, a treasure just to look upon it...

"The skeletal structure of your foot is not normal." -- my podiatrist 8-6-01

[Trash Can]

Thanks

[Trash Can]

by the way, I just learned that I got a job that I was after.
Monday morning, I'm a taxpaying American again!

...At least I can tell the babes I DO work, now!

(I'm joking with the "babes" comment!)

PEACE

[martha]

Congrats on the job!

XXXXOOOO

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...a highway with no one on it, a treasure just to look upon it...

"The skeletal structure of your foot is not normal." -- my podiatrist 8-6-01

[sulawesigirl4]

deep thoughts? ...hmm....err...I'm 22, a female, and single. And what with that comment about you getting a job...well, I'm definitely impressed.

....teasin...

-sula

[BabyGrace]

ever heard of a good friend (with benefits of course)?
compliment is a better word than complete. forgive me if some1 said this, I havne't reasd the replies..

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contradiction is balance

[Trash Can]

Originally posted by martha:
it's the echo of God in us.

WOW. I like that!

You know whats really tough though, and I speak for myself ONLY. Its KNOWING what it takes to be in a healthy relationship. Knowing what it takes to be "whole". Knowing that I am NOWHERE close to that! And knowing then, that as a responsible Christian man, I MUST wait... Learn, grow, change... and WAIT.
And anything I feel now is NOT honest, or healthy, but in fact selfish and needy (...and lets not forget, "lustful"!).
I want a relationship for the wrong reasons, and DAMMIT, unfortunately, I know better... That sucks, my friends. It sucks.

As for "filling the hole", I know too well that only God can fill it. I'm fillin' it!

...whewwwwwwwwwwwww.. I feel a lil better.

Therapy online!
Oh well, as long as you all don't know who I am and how to find me (Quiet Linky!), I guess its ok to "Share" like this.

Anymore "Deep Thoughts"???

[Trash Can]

... Sula, don't EVEN play that that friendgirl!!

Geezzz, 22 years old? I have socks older than you! OMG, I have a neice your age!

"What a drag, it is, gettin' old..."

Nikki, yes of course I have heard of "a good friend". A have a few of those, thank God.
I have "forced" myself to seek fellowship and friendship. I know that it IS important.

... BUT, I still want Wynona Rider!... Is that a bad thing???

Seriously, I AM trying to figure out WHY I "want" or "need" someone, more than just a "good friend". Is it for the sex? Is that a bad reason? Is it for the closeness, love, and intimacy one can only find in a person one falls asleep in the arms of and wakes up with every morning.

...I don't have friends that are THAT "good" to me!
I'm kiddin'. Sorry

OH! And "compliment" IS a very good way of putting it! "Good answer! Good answer!"


Peace.


____________________


"The heart beats strongest when it beats for others."

[80sU2isBest]

Originally posted by Like O2:
I do think that God wants us to find someone. Genesis, 2:18 The Lord God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.
If the focus is on being selfish or needing to care for someone, perhaps you overlook the idea that God wants us to cling to another.
[This message has been edited by Like O2 (edited 08-17-2001).]

I have to disagree with you on some points, Like O2 (and I don't think happens much between us, does it?)
I don't necessarily think that God wants everyone of us to find someone. I think we all need other people, but not ncessarily a spouse. I, for one, know that I am not built for a romantic relationship. And I'm 34 years old, so I am pretty confident about that by now. Don't forget that Paul told us several times that it is better that a person be single, because that way his attention can be completely on God, whereas a married person's attention is divided, he must focus on his spouse, also.