when friends are sick

[zooropamanda]

my friend is sick
shes young
she has just been diagnosed with MS.
I cant physically be there with her and im feeling helpless.
what is one supposed to do in these situations?
usually i am able to be a strong as a rock for others. thats my thing ya know?
but since other things have happened in my life and i dont feel as invincable as i once did, i just feel like it doesnt matter what i do or say, it wont change her path.

im rambling but what the fuck am i supposed to do and say?
im sure doing this (hugs) down the internet is really going to help her, hey!!
i must be the biggest jinx under the sun

[The Wanderer]

it's amazing the fates, my friend just got into Harvard Law...

[zooropamanda]

thanks

[foray]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

My experience in a similar situation was that my friend hardly liked talking about his own mortality. He wanted to concentrate on enjoying life in the here and now. I admired his stoicism but at the same time his stoicism made me sad, for some reason.

Things you can do from afar: pray for comfort to her and her family and yourself, pray for strength and hope for the rest of her days... Call her now and then, maybe not to say meaningful stuff but mundane conversation could help during this time...

I honestly dunno what else to say, but I hope you take care of yourself too. Don't beat yourself up cos you can't be there physically for her. It's not something any of us can control, it's something so much larger than us... Just because we can't fight this thing, doesn't mean we can't smile at it. Ok, I confess, that last line was paraphrased from Gladiator, a movie I loathe intensely.

You know my e-mail, right? If you need anything, do drop a line.

foray

[Klodomir]

{{{ Zoomanda }}}

I think you should take your cues from your friend when you call her... if she wants to talk about the weather, then do that, if she wants to tackle more difficult issues, then try to lend an ear to that as well.

That's about as much help as I can be from a distance, I'm afraid.

[Salome]

try to make her smile

[zooropamanda]

thanks guys
I'll try and do all those good suggestions you said.
Thankyou very much.

[Angela Harlem]

as everyone else said.

what would you like someone to do for you in this situation?
you're a practical person, send her little 'manda packages' every month. letters, little things, anything to cheer her up, to show you care, jokes, whatever you feel at the time.

thats great for your friend wanderer. I hope he/shes really happy.

[bono-vox]

aaaaaw thats awful. im sorry to hear ur friend is ill. I think u should just act the same around her- if i were ill i wouldnt want ppl to change-id prefer my friends to be just the same.

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

ALl the other's suggestions were really good, just try and treat her the way you would want to be if you were in her place, do your best to cheer her up, that's really the best you can do as a friend.

[80sU2isBest]

You are not a jinx. There is no such thing. Think about it this way - she would have gotten MS whether you were her friend or not. You had nothing to do with that. You, however, have been given a great opportunity - to give hope and love to someone who needs it. I know you can do it. You can pour out God's love on her. You can be used by God to help someone in need. That is great! I know you will be there for her.

[joyfulgirl]

I'm so sorry about your friend. I recently went through something difficult with a friend, too, so I can relate. I like what Klodomir said--take your cues from your friend. It's difficult to know what to say and do, but she will understand that. Just whatever you can think of that will show her she is loved would probably be appreciated. You might not be able to change her path in the bigger sense, but you can make it easier in the smaller ways.

And keep in mind that people who face challenging health issues often don't "suffer" the way we assume that they will. I've seen this so many times--I think it's one of those miraculous things about not being given more than you can withstand. Sometimes when people are feeling vulnerable and facing their mortality, they begin to live in the moment more, appreciating things that healthy people take for granted, and so that even while they may experience physical pain or discomfort, they may not necessarily be suffering. Does that make sense? It was big lesson for me with my friend--that there is a difference between pain and suffering.

Take care.

[The Wanderer]

I guess the only thing you can really do is keep on being a friend to her. One thing she needs to know and feel, is that she still has a lot to keep living for, always remind her of that, even if you have to be subtle about it.

[FizzingWhizzbees]

Alright, first of all, you're not a jinx. Bad things happen to people who don't deserve them and there isn't anything that people can do about it.

You're right that nothing you say can change the fact that she's sick. But what you say can still make a huge difference to her. When someone's ill or having a difficult time for whatever reason, sometimes just knowing that their friends love them and are there for them is the most important thing. I think it's sometimes difficult to know what you can do to help, so maybe you can ask her about that? Let her know that you're there for her if she needs to talk about her illness and her feelings about that. But you're also there for when she just wants to chat about other things. Give her the chance to decide if and when she chooses to talk about her illness. And ask her if there's anything you can do for her - everyone responds to difficult situations in different ways so what helps one person might not help another.

I don't know if any of that is any help, just some of my ideas. One of my good friends was really ill about a year ago, so I guess I sort of know how hard it can be to deal with. And if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to email me: FizzingWhizzbees@yahoo.com Take care of yourself. :::sending lots of positive thoughts to you and your friend:::

[BabyGrace]

as Salome said, make her smile, make her laugh
you're a very kind person Manda, the most important thing is to make sure she doesn't feel alone or neglected in this...just calling her will probably lift her spirits; you don't have to physically be there. And yes, pray for her, as well as strength for yourself..

[senrab]

I understand how you feel...my dad was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor one month ago, pretty much out of the blue.

There have been a lot of people calling who live out of town and they ask, "What can I do? I feel terrible because I am not able to physically be there."

You can pray, and pray often. That is the best gift you could ever give anyone...to pray for them.

[zooropamanda]

Such wonderful advice from all of you.
Thank you.
I have dealt with illness before, its just the distance thing that Im struggling with as far as me helping her is concerned. But I have done and will continue to try your suggestions.
Thank you again.

[Angela Harlem]

Sorry to hear about your father senrab.

[Klodomir]

{{{ Senrab }}}

[Lilly]

amanda:

i know what you are going through. last valentine's day a good friend of mine died of AIDS at the age of 26. i didn't know if i could ever get over it. i knew he had it. i had seen him sick before, but i always had the hope that he would take to the medication that constantly made him ill. when he died i was so upset. upset with him for being irresponsible (though it was in a time when AIDS was unhread of) and mostly with God for taking such a great man. but you know what? God wanted some time with josh too. it was josh's time to visit God and be happy and healthy. i know he's doing well now. i KNOW it. but you just need to remind yourself that God truly does work in mysterious ways. learn the lessons of life, for without them, you will have no life to speak of.

-Lil

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