What do y'all think of this...

[U2democrat]

One of my friends is a very pretty girl. Often when I'm hanging out with her and we're out running errands random men, old enough to be our fathers age, will make a comment about how beautiful she is. I usually find it amusing...but creepy. She usually finds it just creepy. This happens, almost every single time I'm with her and she often tells me about comments and leers she gets from older men. Is it appropriate for a man to make a passing comment such as "you look beautiful today" to an obviously younger girl, or should he just bite his tongue?

 

[A_Wanderer]

It is not wrong to compliment but it depends on the situation.

The general rule of thumb is that if it feels out of place it is.

 

[zoney!]

is it OK for a "younger girl" to oggle or make passing comments to/about older men (ala mellencamp in your avatar...or Bono and the boys in PLEBA)?

 

[U2democrat]

i knew someone was going to say something about that......

 

[BVS]

It really depends on the situtuation and tone that it's said...

 

[U2democrat]

That's what I was thinking...half the time if i were her i'd take it as a compliment...the other half i'm glad i'm not in her position.

 

[indra]

Maybe she has a hot future as a trophy wife. :runsaway:

 

[echo0001]

Yeah, I'd find it creepy.

But then, of course, the great grand vast majority of men have no class.

And for any man who takes offense at that--tough. Why don't you all start self-policing the totally tacky (and\or creepy) behavior of your half of the human race, rather than leaving it up to us to remind you how to behave yourselves like sensible people?

 

[A_Wanderer]

And for any man who takes offense at that--tough. Why don't you all start self-policing the totally tacky (and\or creepy) behavior of your half of the human race, rather than leaving it up to us to remind you how to behave yourselves like sensible people?

And how can we do that when we can't even duel a man for insulting a womans honour?

 

[BVS]

And for any man who takes offense at that--tough. Why don't you all start self-policing the totally tacky (and\or creepy) behavior of your half of the human race, rather than leaving it up to us to remind you how to behave yourselves like sensible people?

I agree with you in a sense...

But I have to say some women are just as bad. Let's look at the recent trend of women teachers, we just had a recent one who's slept with 4 of her all catholic boy school students...

When I was young girls my age never gave me a second look but many of my mother's "friends" made passes at me.

 

[Liesje]

I'm usually not the slightest bit impressed with a guy of ANY age who feels he has to get my attention by making comments like that. A "hi, how are you?" will do and I don't even make eye contact with anyone that doesn't address me as my name or "miss".

As a pedestrian, I've become so used to random guys honking and yelling out of their cars that a few times my dad has driven by, seen me walking, honked to get my attention so he can give me a ride, and I completely ignore him. He got pissed the first time and then I explained that on any given day, I have trouble just walking from one school building to the next without honks and yelling....and I'm probably not half as pretty as youre friend

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

*Has never gotten the honks and yells thing*

Anywho, I'm with LivLuv and BVS on this one.

Angela

 

[deep]

As a pedestrian, I've become so used to random guys honking and yelling out of their cars that a few times my dad has driven by, seen me walking, honked to get my attention so he can give me a ride, and I completely ignore him. He got pissed the first time and then I explained that on any given day, I have trouble just walking from one school building to the next without honks and yelling....and I'm probably not half as pretty as youre friend

I never got the honking thing.


What are these guys expecting?
You will be at the market sometime
and walk up and say

"hey, aren't you the dude that honked at me the other day?
You are so bitchen, so original, please come home and do me."

 

[deep]

One of my friends is a very pretty girl. Often when I'm hanging out with her and we're out running errands random men, old enough to be our fathers age, will make a comment about how beautiful she is.
I usually find it amusing...but creepy. She usually finds it just creepy. This happens, almost every single time I'm with her and she often tells me about comments and leers she gets from older men. Is it appropriate for a man to make a passing comment such as "you look beautiful today" to an obviously younger girl, or should he just bite his tongue?

1. it is a bit creepy

Is it appropriate for a man to make a passing comment such as "you look beautiful today"

2. this is too familiar
and why Today? Do they think she just got off the "Extreme makeover progam" yesterday?

 

[echo0001]

And how can we do that when we can't even duel a man for insulting a womans honour?

I mean, drop a word to your friend when he's being a creep\jerk--you don't (neccessarily) have to pop a cap in his ass. Unless you really really want to...

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I never got the honking thing.


What are these guys expecting?
You will be at the market sometime
and walk up and say

"hey, aren't you the dude that honked at me the other day?
You are so bitchen, so original, please come home and do me."

LOL, exactly! Just come up to a girl and say, "Hi, my name is _____." They'll react to that a lot better.

Angela

 

[U2democrat]

one time i was walking down the street downtown with another friend (this was last summer) and a jeep full of older guys went by and they were leaning out of it doing cat calls....we both found it disturbing.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

So this girl is 17? I can't believe older men would think that is appropriate behavior. Joking around and having harmless infatuations and/or crushes isn't comparable.

You shouldn't violate someone's personal space in public, even if it's age appropriate. Some people have lost all sense of that sort of thing.

When I was in junior high I babysat for this couple, I think they were in their late 30's. One night the husband and a friend of his drove me home and said things that were really inappropriate. I shudder to think what that situation could have turned into. The husband had driven me home before w/ no such problems.

I don't think it's appropriate at all for men or women to be saying things like that to a 17 year old. It's bad enough to look when it's not age inappropriate.

 

[U2democrat]

Well, she's 18, not that it's too much different

 

[Sherry Darling]

I get teh honking crap every time I take a walk in the mornings. It's so hot, omg, won't you please slow down so I can jump in your pick-up?

I've gotten hit on by much older men, too, esp. at concerts. I'm 30, so I'm not that young , but man, if you're in yer 50s or freakin 60s??? you have to be kidding me. And for God's sake, take the wedding ring off at least if you insist on hitting on women half yer age. What in the world do these men really expect? "Hell ya, meet me in the ladies room?"

Dread, you might be surprised how far a quick "You sound like an idiot, shut up" might go.

 

[80sU2isBest]

is it OK for a "younger girl" to oggle or make passing comments to/about older men (ala mellencamp in your avatar...or Bono and the boys in PLEBA)?

It's only the same thing if U2democrat said things to them, not about them.

No, I don't thing it's appropriate for older men to make comments about a younger woman's appearance to her.

 

[u2bonogirl]

Ive experienced this a lot
When I worked in a coffee shop on the beach there was a regular influx of older men that came in and I swear, they all had a crush on me. But two of the men stand out.
My husband knows who one of them is
His name is Dick and its really fitting because he is so horny! he was always calling me beautiful and asking me out. he told me once that he wanted to take me out to eat but the rule is I kid you not "if I feed you I F*ck you"

This guy is in his 70s
Then the other more respecful one used to tell me every day that he thought I was the most beautiful thing he's seen in years. And that he wished he was younger. Which isnt as bad as him saying I want to get with you now even though Im in my 80s
Ive gotten used to men approaching me in odd situations and making comments or passes.
But I would get just as creeped out if a younger guy came up to me and said the same things as the older men.

 

[U2democrat]

What ARE men thinking when they do/say that kind of thing? Do they honestly think they'll get the girl that way?

 

[BVS]

I guess we need some clarifications because I'm still hearing some very broad and generalized statements.

Is it possible to tell someone they look pretty or handsome, etc without flirting?

Is it creepy only when strangers do it?

Is there a double standard with men and women?

Just some random questions...

 

[financeguy]

Wearing my conservative hat, I would tend to blame the 60's/70's sexual revolution and all that.

 

[DaveC]

I HATE it when men do this. I was walking down the street with a few friends, and me and my friend Emily (who is 16) were slightly ahead of the group, talking away. These two burly, dirty construction workers driving down the street (they were both wearing safety vests and driving in a pickup with the name of the company on the side), lean out the window and yell "hey sweetie!!" and wave at her. She was terrified and embarrassed. And for all they knew, I could have been her boyfriend, because we were about 30 feet ahead of the main group.

It was pathetic, and it upset her. Men who do things like that have absolutely ZERO respect for women, and are complete trash.

If a friend of mine does it when we're driving, I tell him to fuck off.

 

[randhail]

I think it is pretty funny. Much like Jerry Seinfeld said, giving credit where credit is due, do horn honkers think that women will run after them and fall in love? Yeah, it may not be appropriate, but it does provide for a laugh when it does happen.

 

[u2bonogirl]

I guess we need some clarifications because I'm still hearing some very broad and generalized statements.

Is it possible to tell someone they look pretty or handsome, etc without flirting?

Is it creepy only when strangers do it?

Is there a double standard with men and women?

Just some random questions...

I think theres a difference between giving a smiple compliment and stepping over the line.
First of all, I think it has a lot to do with intention.
What are you really saying when you tell somebody they look good today?
I think when you know somebody enough its easier to give compliments without coming off as creepy.
And there might be a double standard with men and women, but I just hear a lot more about young girls being weirded out about men saying things to them than young men being offended by some horny older lady.
It would be just as offensive in my book.
Heres an example of two instances where people payed me a compliment and came off two different ways.
I work at starbucks. I see some of the same people every day. There was one customer that came in every morning and one day I was wearing my glasses. He noticed, commented on them. I said I dont wear them often because I look like a dork in them. He said that I didnt look like a dork, I look pretty in them.
That didnt creep me out because he wasnt just approaching me and telling me he likes how I look.
There was a different guy that came in that I had never seen before and he asked me if anybody had told me today how hot I am.
How am I supposed to respond to that? Its just rude.
So I told him yes, my fiance had, thank you very much

 

[BAW]

Starting around the age of 12, walking to the store or waiting for a bus turned into a nightmare for me because of older guys who thought it was appropriate to hang out of car windows and make comments about my body. Honking and cat calls happened every single time and even scarier, men would pull up to the bus stop and offer me rides. I never experienced anyone saying in a nice way "you look beautiful" or "you are very pretty" so I can't say if that would have been creepy or not, but what I did hear was certainly not appropriate.

I've been followed home, harrassed and even groped at a phone booth so no, I don't have a very high opinion of men who offer unsolicited comments about a woman's appearance, especially when its yelled from a car or done with a leer.

 

[u2bonogirl]

Im just going to add that I got freakin groped on my breast by a female ticket collector at a yankee game
Its not just men
She just reached out and grabbed me!