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The Gay Thread
- Thread starter Irvine511
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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
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Irvine511
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I don't mean to sound snarky. Wrote that in a hurry. But I think most men in high school and college have some level of discomfort, even when they are gay themselves. But maturity usually kicks in, as does some world experience, and to retain adios cent attitudes towards gays well into adulthood is evidence of misogyny, discomfort with deviations from traditional gender roles.
jeevey
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This is the reason that Irvine mentioned in another thread there is an epidemiologial designation called 'men who have sex with men' (MSM), and less commonly, WSW. There's a fair number of men out there who identify as straight but for one reason or another have sex with men sometimes. One of the most common reasons is simply because it's a lot easier to get sex from another man than a woman. There are guys who romantically attach to women and may not be attracted to men at all but appreciate the fact that a strings-free blow job can be had for the price of a post on craigslist or Grinder. A bit of googling around, or just asking a gay friend if he's ever done a straight guy, will reveal this phenomenon fairly quickly.
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Irvine511
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No, I know there are men who do this I'm just curious about identifying them as straight?
jeevey
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They identify as straight, which I gather is the defining factor. As far as I've read, sexual orientation is not about who you have sex with but who you orient towards in a love relationship. Who you're attracted to, fall in love with, want to be with forever, that kind of thing. There are lots and lots of situations in which a straight person might choose gay sex--prison, the military, the priesthood, having a partner who avoids sex, having a high libido and a low concern with being close to a partner, enacting one's homophobia by establishing dominance over fags, and so on.
If you love men and seek them out for your most meaningful relationships but are married to a woman, you are still gay. If you love women and live with women but seek out men for easy meaningless sex, you're a straight MSM.
If you love men and seek them out for your most meaningful relationships but are married to a woman, you are still gay. If you love women and live with women but seek out men for easy meaningless sex, you're a straight MSM.
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Irvine511
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That's the irony.
People think being gay is about sex, when it's really about love.
People think being gay is about sex, when it's really about love.
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Irvine511
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Physical attraction is a major part of it, of course, but the reason it's called an orientation is the emotional aspect.
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I'm not sure if the priesthood is a good example for that. For the most part I understand what you are saying, but part of sexuality is who you are attracted to and part of sex is being attracted to. They might identify themselves as straight but their sexuality seems more elastic, and I have to wonder how much of this is about shame?
Galeongirl
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Yup. I know plenty of girls that have kissed or made out with a girl some time in their life(usually teenage period or student life, most often booze involved). Yet most of them are pretty much straight. It was mostly curiosity and such.
What still baffles me is that the general consensus is that for girls, this is all a-okay. Yet if two guys do that, they're obviously gay? Where did this double standard ever come from?
I know quite a lot of guys who have done it too, pretty sure most of them are straight.
Then again, there's also this girl who has kissed with more than one woman on more than one occasion... who still claims she's straight. Yet she's rather young, and it pains me to see the conflict in her. I hope she finds her way, cause it gives a lot of rest. I'm glad I was never in much conflict, but I have friends who were having a hard time figuring things out. I just realised I didn't actually prefer one gender over the other and accepted that was what it was. I can imagine it's much more complicated for a guy too, as that still has the major taboo. It's just so weird that there's such double standards..
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Irvine511
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Because misogyny.
It's upsetting for some to see a man "acting" like a woman.
It's upsetting for some to see a man "acting" like a woman.
jeevey
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Whic If you mean 'they', MSM, many of them do not have more elastic sexuality--that's the whole reason they don't identify as gay or bi. If you do a bit of poking around to find comments by MSM and the gay men who have sex with them, homophobia is a pretty clear subxtext to the relationship. Some of the ones I've read are that 'I like getting blown by a man because I like to degrade my partner and you just can't do that with a woman any more' or, 'I like it because there's no emotional connection, it's just purely physical." and "With a woman it's too much work. This way I can just call somebody and go over for sex in 15 minutes, then go on with my day' and things like that. Many gay men report exactly that-- that the straight man just wants sex without putting in emotion work and sees gay men as an easily exploitable resource.
Certainly though there are cases where shame may make a true gay man insist he is straight while still having sex with men. This is especially true among people of color, where the stigma against gay men is much, much stronger. Among themselves they may insist that it's just sex, or that they aren't gay because they never 'take it'. There's a term for men of color who keep their gay orientation secret, the down low. I think there's a documentary about down low culture by that name.
When I mentioned the priesthood, I was thinking specifically of male-only communities like abbeys, where the lack of available women may lead men to seek each other out just like in a boarding school. Obviously some priests are just gay and some are not.
And of course, anyone who knows more about this or has personal experience can pop in and correct me. I just like to read about sex culture, not really much personal knowledge.
Galeongirl
Galeonbroad
Yeah but shouldn't they then be upset if a woman were taking over the male role in a female/female relationship?
Even though there's no such thing, as it's just stereotyping, but still.. I just can't wrap my mind around it.
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Irvine511
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Galeongirl
Galeonbroad
Apparently so. 
The fear of not being the super creature after all must hurt them macho's real bad.
The fear of not being the super creature after all must hurt them macho's real bad.
Dfit00
War Child
On a sidenote, I have always noticed that gay men are usually more attractive, sexually appealing and take greater care of themselves than heterosexual men.
This same thing applies to lesbians.
This same thing applies to lesbians.
martha
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Not to derail the stereotyping and cliches, but these pics of happy people will make your day brighter.
PHOTOS: Arkansas County Clerk Begins Issuing Marriages Licenses | Human Rights Campaign
PHOTOS: Arkansas County Clerk Begins Issuing Marriages Licenses | Human Rights Campaign
BoMac
Self-righteous bullshitter
Good for him.
LuckyNumber7
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That camera seems oddly focused.
Almost in anticipation of 'the gay kiss.'
Almost in anticipation of 'the gay kiss.'
mikal
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Congrats to the media. This was your day.
bono_212
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What does that even mean? If they were there with a camera, they were going to have him in focus at all times.
LuckyNumber7
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I love how I say something serious and it gets ignored, and I say something mildly controversial but sarcastic and you're up in arms.
Such a fucking joke.
Such a fucking joke.
bono_212
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I didn't realize I was up in arms. Carry on.
LuckyNumber7
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"What does that even mean?"
Yeah whatever.
Yeah whatever.
PennyLanePHINS
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Arkansas? ARKANSAS?!? Wasn't expecting that.
Even if it doesn't last...your move every state besides Alabama, Oklahoma, Miss., Kansas & Texas?
Raise your hand if you thought it would be legal in Arkansas before Austria, Germany, Finland and Israel. And all the other states north of the Mason Dixon (ie Michigan, PA)
Even if it doesn't last...your move every state besides Alabama, Oklahoma, Miss., Kansas & Texas?
Raise your hand if you thought it would be legal in Arkansas before Austria, Germany, Finland and Israel. And all the other states north of the Mason Dixon (ie Michigan, PA)
I didn't realize "what does that even mean?" is definitively a statement of outrage. Maybe before you go decrying the fucking jokes, give people the benefit of the doubt first?
LuckyNumber7
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I think given the history of someone who is always on my case, and has indeed told me to "go die" (mild misquote but whatever) doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt.
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