Should kids not have pets until thier teens?

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Screwtape2

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I post this because I just found out today that my cat only has a few days left to live. Wouldn't it be better to get really young pets when your kids are in thier teens so that they don't have to deal with having thier pets put under, at such a young age? I think putting an animal down is the worst kind of death a child can witness. Do we really want our children thinking about dying of old age?
On the day the Chicago DVD came out, my dog of ten plus years had to be put down. I remember watching Running To Stand Still when I told. If I were a little kid I know that I would be scarred for life.
Am I totally out of line here or is my attitude justified?
 
Animals have a tendency of dying, I don't see how it should detract from how much they enrich a childs life.
 
Children can't fully understand death until age twelve (if I'm remembering correctly). Having childhood pets teaches kids responsibility and compassion. If a child has a pet, it's not like parents are constantly saying "oh, someday he's going to die and you'll be so sad!" That IS disturbing, but having pets is not.

Do you know of any research dealing in this concept?
 
I agree with LivLuv, pets are a good way to teach responsibility to children, and the pet's death is also another way to teach a child about life.

You can't sheild your child from dealing with death, my first experience with death was 10 years old. My grandfather died while I was at summer camp, they picked me up early. As soon as I saw my dad, I knew what had happened and just went running to his arms. It hit me hard, didn't speak for almost 2 weeks. But it didn't scar me. And I've had to deal with it many times since then, unfortunately I've been to too many funerals for someone my age...
 
I think that you have to weigh the potential pleasure that a pet would give a family against the pain that will be caused by their demise. I suspect that for most, the pleasure would outweight the pain. Kids are more resillient than we often give them credit for. I wouldn't worry too much about it. They'll mourn, they'll feel like shit for a while, but eventually the pain will ease, and they'll have great memories.

On a personal note, our black lab had to be put down in May. It was devestating for my daughter (and myself, too), we'd had her since my daughter was four - but in the end, my daughter decided she wanted to be with her while it was being done. She stood by her side petting her as she passed away. My daughter said later that despite her grief, she didn't want Kelly to be scared and alone as she died, she wanted to comfort her in her final seconds. I've never been more proud of her in my entire life.
 
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VintagePunk said:
I think that you have to weigh the potential pleasure that a pet would give a family against the pain that will be caused by their demise. I suspect that for most, the pleasure would outweight the pain. Kids are more resillient than we often give them credit for. I wouldn't worry too much about it. They'll mourn, they'll feel like shit for a while, but eventually the pain will ease, and they'll have great memories.

I agree - you are very wise VP :up:

VintagePunk said:
On a personal note, our black lab had to be put down in May. It was devestating for my daughter (and myself, too), we'd had her since my daughter was four - but in the end, my daughter decided she wanted to be with her while it was being done. She stood by her side petting her as she passed away. My daughter said later that despite her grief, she didn't want Kelly to be scared and alone as she died, she wanted to comfort her in her final seconds. I've never been more proud of her in my entire life.
that brought tears to my eyes. So sorry about Kelly :hug: And a hug from one Mom to another :hug:

Sorry to hear about your cat Screwtape2 :hug:
 
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I do know my experience as a child has led me to never want to have a pet ever again - though my girlfriend loves cats, so maybe I'll have to reconsider. I hope not anyway. I dearly love cats, but I still feel incredibly sad when I think of the death of the one I had when I was a child, Shogun. I had a much longer post written, but it upsets me too much to write about Shogun, I couldn't finish writing it. I was only 10 and I thought I had killed my cat. No matter what my mother told me, I didn't believe her; I now realise I did nothing to quicken his death of cancer, but the night he died, I asked to have him taken from my room to my mother's because he was pacing around on my bed and I couldn't sleep, and I thought he died because I rejected him.

I guess, if any future children of mine want a pet, I'll try to get one when they're old enough so that it will likely be alive when they reach their teens, and when it dies, they will hopefully not suffer the mistaken feelings of guilt I did. If I'd been 15 when Shogun died, I would've surely realised I didn't cause or quicken his death.
 
Axver said:
I was only 10 and I thought I had killed my cat. No matter what my mother told me, I didn't believe her; I now realise I did nothing to quicken his death of cancer, but the night he died, I asked to have him taken from my room to my mother's because he was pacing around on my bed and I couldn't sleep, and I thought he died because I rejected him.

That's so sad that you thought that. I agree that kids shouldn't be shielded from death, but parents should deal with it in an honest way that is still age appropriate and sensitive to the qualities of each child. Pets can teach kids so many good things about love and responsibility. I am far from being a kid and I still can't deal with my pets' deaths in any way that doesn't involve denial and sadness, but I would never want to trade or lose what they have given me.

Each child is different and parents know their child best, so I think they can make that decision regarding when to get a pet on an individual basis.
 
I'm so sorry about your cat.It's true pets can teach you about life and death.I raised my collie as a pup and watched her die of old age(13yrs). It was hard, even now thinking about it,but I am glad I was there to see her pass on.My mother and I buried Bonnie between to trees.That beautiful dog was like a child to me.(she was my baby)I'm sorry,I guess what I am trying to say is your daughter will learn to beauty of life and death.It hurts but the happy memories live on. Take care
 
In general don't have a problem with children having pets - though I think too many parents don't think ahead when they agree to allowing a child to have a pet. They think it is a good way to teach responsibility, but when the newness wears off and the 'cute' puppy or kitten grows up into a 'boring' old dog or cat, the pet is the one who suffers. Too many sad stories of dogs frying or freezing to death chained up in their backyards - why do people bother to have dogs if they are just going to leave them chained up outside for the majority of their life? Too many people wanting the 'easy way out' when they don't keep the cat's litterboxes clean and they start going to the bathroom around the house. Or not not planning ahead that at some point the pet will need medical care, and saying well it's all just too expensive, we'll just put it to sleep. Ultimately the adult is the one who has to be responsible, and there are a lot of irresponsible adults out there.

[/soapbox]
 
I honestly don't think any age is a good age to loose a pet. I was a teenager when our dog Max had to be put to sleep. I honestly thought I was going to die too. After getting another dog and having him for only 7 years he had to be put to sleep because he had lung cancer I was 30 married and had a baby and cried for weeks. Every time I think of it I still feel sad...Now my kids have a 4 months old puppy, hopefully if he has a healthy life my kids will be 17 and 20, but if they are anything like me they'll need therapy too!!!:huh:
 
Given the age of my golden retriever (5) and my girls (2 and 13 months), we will be facing the dreaded loss situation at an early point in their lives.

I wouldn't change anything though. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The years of pure joy and comfort of a household pet and lessons in responsibility and fair/kind treatment far outweighs the pain of their passing in my experience. It will be tough but all of life's really important lessons are tough.

I can see getting a puppy a few years down the road before my older dog starts to decline to lessen the impact somewhat.

I hate thinking about it but it's inevitable and I've been there a few times before. :sad:
 
We grew up with pets in our household and whe we were old enough and able (can't expect a toddler or pre schooler to walk, feed, etc a pet) we were given responsibility to care for our pets. I brought my son up with pets in the household because they are good as other family members, responsibility and pets really just enrich our lives. Now my son is off to college talking about getting out of the dorm and into his own place so he can get a dog or cat!

Yes there are happy and sad times with pets as they don't live forever (neither do we), but I do believe as sad as the times are when a pet is lost or we must choose to put them down for whatever reason, it is an enriching experience for an entire family to experience together.
 
I’m sorry about your cat – and I’m sorry for everyone who’s shared a story about loosing a pet. It’s a terrible feeling – though I’ll say that it is a part of life and something you should keep at the back of your mind when getting a pet.

We had a wonderful dog, Rattles (don’t ask, there was a point to the name but I honesty can’t remember what), when I was growing up. I’d walk him in the woods by our house when I was home from school. When I was 16 my father was transferred to Milan and they couldn’t take Rattles with them. I couldn’t do anything since I was still away at school so we ended up convincing my grandparents to take him. He was getting old then and the move didn’t help. He became really odd. In the end we agreed that it was better to have him put down. I loved him dearly but I actually didn’t grieve as much as one would expect. I guess that I’d had the thought at the back of my mind for a while by then.
 
"I think putting an animal down is the worst kind of death a child can witness."

I respectfully beg to differ, Screwtape. Seeing a loved animal eased out of his pain with his people there to comfort him is much better than witnessing a draw-out painful death fom disease or the damage done by a car or other lethal accidents. THOSE are traumatic. Missing out on the joys of having a pet as a child is a sad thing. Kids need to learn how to deal with death, I believe that keeping it a mystery will be counter-productive in the end.
 
It certainly is essential. Humans need to learn to love and care for something voluntarily and unconditionally. Animals are a brilliant way of teaching children to love and care for something. Children who grow up without having animals to love have a heightened chance of becoming dysfunctional adults in some ways.
 
Angela Harlem said:
Children who grow up without having animals to love have a heightened chance of becoming dysfunctional adults in some ways.

I'd like to see some evidence supporting this line of thinking. Would you say that a child with allergies that prevent having a pet is more likely to be dysfunctional? I'd say that having a pet can be a positive influence on a child but I disagree that it is essential. I'd also argue that unconditional love is not something that one learns but rather an innate characteristic that can either flourish or not although I must admit that I have no evidence for this claim :wink:
 
There's tonnes of studies done on this. It's an extremely strong link in criminal behaviour. Even google (I imagine) would show an extensive amount if you searched for animal abuse and links to criminal behaviour. I should have realised someone would take the semantics route and bring up every possible variation as a reason for refuting this. My saying that I believe there is a strong chance those who grow up not knowing how to love and care for an animal gives a heightened risk for cruelty later on does not encompass everyone. Naturally. I'd hope no one would ever suggest otherwise. We're talking odds and statistics here, remember. There's no one rule fits all. Children who engage in animal cruelty learn violence. They may learn to attack the weak. They grow into teens who may grow into adults who may lack compassion and extend this later to their own children or to others in general. Cruelty may become a characteristic or trait if it is not taught out of them that it is wrong and are shown why.
 
silja said:


I'd like to see some evidence supporting this line of thinking. Would you say that a child with allergies that prevent having a pet is more likely to be dysfunctional? I'd say that having a pet can be a positive influence on a child but I disagree that it is essential. I'd also argue that unconditional love is not something that one learns but rather an innate characteristic that can either flourish or not although I must admit that I have no evidence for this claim :wink:

I agree. I was not allowed to have traditional pets (cats, dogs, rabbits, hamsters) growing up because of costs and my dad's allergies and I think I turned out OK....I now have four cats and can't wait until I have a yard large enough for a dog. You can learn to love and respect animals without owning them. We lived in a terrible part of town and were always taking in animals and calling the local rescue if we could not find the owner. We also had the local human societies bring animals to our schools and we learned about proper treatment as part of our normal school education.

There's plenty of research correlating antisocial and predatory behavior with kids being cruel to animals, but I don't believe there's any evidence to suggest the opposite is true - if one does not ever have a pet, s/he must turn out to be an antisocial, cruel human being - at least I've never come across anything of this sort in psychology and criminal justice courses. These types of disorders are only correlated to animal cruelty; the cruelty is one symptom. Of course children who grow up in homes where cruelty or apathy towards animals will learn it's OK to be cruel and apathetic towards humans, but I think there is definitely a middle ground between owning and loving pets and simply being cruel. Not having or allowing a child to have a pet doesn't imply the parents think animal cruelty is OK. I can't believe that children are inherently cruel towards animals unless taught otherwise via direct socialization with animals.
 
Screwtape2 said:
I think putting an animal down is the worst kind of death a child can witness.

I disagree.

I'll preface this by saying I had a bit of an unconventional childhood in that my parents were sort of like Dr. Doolittle and so I've had nearly every pet in the book except cats whom for some reason none of us ever wanted. But dogs, birds, turtles, fish, chickens (yes!), rabbits, owned them all.

I remember very vividly when my childhood Collie had to be put to sleep. He was suffering from epilepsy and while we managed to control it with medication for years, at the end of his life his liver had started to give out and he was just very miserable and in a lot of pain. I didn't go to the vet with my parents but I remember how sad it was. The thing is, my brother and I who were kids at the time still say to this day that King got to die in peace and dignity, and my grandmother got to suffer the worst possible prolonged death imaginable to a human being with Alzheimer's.

So no, I don't think seeing a pet die is the end of the world. In fact, it's opened up my eyes to how I view end of life and what choices I'd like to have someday.
 
Ehm - so wait, a little kid sees a vet give the dog a shot that will make it go to sleep. How is that traumatic? Because, literally, that's how it's done. The dog is given a lethal dose of anasthesia so that it will go to sleep. The organs shut down after the animal goes to sleep.

Trust me, it's really peaceful.
 
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