Saving oneself for marriage... to which extent?

[ronbono]

Originally posted by TheU2:
I saved myself until I was 16. At that point myself and my 15 year old girlfriend at the time thought we were mature and responsible adults.

CK

I saved myself until I was eleven and my girlfriend was 6.

[She Is Raging]

Well I've never been one to say that pre-martial sex is wrong, or anything like that - but I'm not going to judge someone either way whether they wait or not. I think that you can love someone just as much as someone who is married does, and if you feel it's right than do what your heart tells you. Although, I must agree in ways about wishing I had waited longer... I still regret my first- I think I felt too pressured because I was the last one among my friend who hadnt yet - I guess I let society/peer pressure get to me. The two (serious) relationships I've had since then have shown me that as well. All in all it's just a VERY personal decision and I dont think that anyone has the right, or need for that matter, to tell you what you should or shouldnt do.

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Holy Jesus, Holy rock and roll...

[riverdraicin]

Originally posted by adam's_mistress:
I didn't save myself for marriage, and personally I don't really regret what I've done in my past nor do I beat myself up for making decisions that now, may have not been in my best interests. Chock it up to experience, hindsight being 20/20.

A part of me wishes I waited until I met my husband, but at the time I didn't know my future and right now I wouldn't change my past for anything. For me, I don't think I made a bad decision, to have sex before I was married. I wasn't a person of completely loose morals, I didn't hop in the sack or have a good feel-up with every person I went on a date with. My only gripe I have is that I had sex for the first time in my teens. I thought I was mature enough to handle whatever consequences would come my way, and now that I'm older, I know now that back then I couldn't have handled such consequences. I may have been developed physically and I may have been driven my some primal instinct and I thought I was in love with this person enough to share myself with him, but emotionally I couldn't have hacked it. I know that now but I don't count it as a mistake I made in my life. I certainly don't regret the experience because that experience, along with others, has helped shaped the person I am today.

As far as lust goes, yeah, it's a powerful force that sometimes can't be explained. By nature we are animals driven by instinct, but I firmly believe it is our will given to us by God to use discretion. In my case I don't think sex before marriage is bad, but my case doesn't apply to every single person.

I find it sad that Britney Spears' virginity is always under the microscope. I think everyone needs to leave her alone and let her music speak for itself. She is just an image, much like Madonna is an image, and much like U2 had a rather subversive image during the Zooropa days. I don't think she should be a role model, I think that was something conjured up by her record label so parents could feel comfy letting their kids listen to Britney Spears. And to a greater degree, the squeaky clean image was used to sell more records. Miss Spears is human and she is surrounded by temptation like anyone else that's in her shoes and thrust into the spotlight. What she does in her bedroom should not be up for public speculation.

As far as spirituality is concerned, I think it is up to each individual to make up his or her own mind regarding a matter as personal as sex. Some people say "wait until marriage because sex before marriage is wrong" but that rule doesn't apply to everyone else. There are some people who don't think sex before marriage is wrong, and I don't think it's fair to judge someone else using our own set of moral standards as they might not apply to everyone else. Nor does the rule "get as much as you can get before you're married." Everyone is different. If sex is a matter between someone, their partner, and God, then just let it be. You know where you stand and you know what's in your heart.

adam's mistress thanks a lot, that post was really really good and honest and also very helpful, especially for people who still have to take this decision for themselves (like me ). I'm someone who listens a lot (maybe too much) to other people and so I'm kinda torn apart by all the different opinions and rules so that sometimes I forget what I want for myself, but you are perfectly right, everyone has to know and decide this for themselves.

Nothing to add to your post, I just totally agree in every point.

Thanks

Mara
~riverdraicín~


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Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over

[Klodomir]

Thanks for all your responses, especially those who addressed the issue of "other kinds of sex" (the Clinton definition? )

To those of you who are saving yourselves... I certainly don't mean to snoop, but if you feel like sharing with the group, how far would you go?

[U2girl]

First of all the whole Britney thing: it's her private life, and i don't think it's of anyone's business what she does with it. She's a celebrity, but for the media to dig into her private life on this scale is going too far IMO. It should be left between her and her boyfriend.

As for waiting: it depends on each person. (and each couple) There's not a rule about it IMO.
Personally, i don't think that having sex before marriage is wrong. (though i respect that, if a person chooses to do so)
On the other hand, i also think that over-doing it is wrong. (not just morally, but it can be life threatening also because of AIDS)

I guess virginity is a bigger issue for us girls than it is for the guys in our society.
It's a once in a life experience and i really think it should be something shared with someone special. You know, it should be special - maybe it's not necessarily with whom you're gonna marry, but someone you really love. It's the most intimate and emotional/spiritually bonding thing between two people - "making love".

And it never should be something you'd regret.


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be uncool, yes be awkward



[This message has been edited by U2girl (edited 01-29-2002).]

[DoctorGonzo]

First of all the whole Britney thing: it's her private life, and i don't think it's of anyone's business what she does with it. She's a celebrity, but for the media to dig into her private life on this scale is going too far IMO. It should be left between her and her boyfriend.

She made it an issue.

She decided to make herself somewhat of a poster girl for waiting until marraige. She was happy to proclaim her virginity and what a wonderful example it was for girls everywhere.

Then, suddenly.....she shut up. And the matter became "too personal" to discuss.

Uh-huh.

[KhanadaRhodes]

Originally posted by DoctorGonzo:
Technical virginity is bullshit.

i agree completely. blah!!!@idiotas...

aaaaaaand...

Originally posted by DoctorGonzo:
She made it an issue.

She decided to make herself somewhat of a poster girl for waiting until marraige. She was happy to proclaim her virginity and what a wonderful example it was for girls everywhere.

Then, suddenly.....she shut up. And the matter became "too personal" to discuss..

yeah...hmmm *thinks of a conversation* ... *scratches head and runs away*

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awaken all those whispers in the dusty shadow of a passing favour...
ME!

[martha]

Originally posted by Discoteque:
Knowing I won't have that to give to my future mate really bums me out...

Disco, stop beating yourself up for something that's in the past, and isn't that big a deal, anyway. You future mate will love you for who you are NOW, not who you were in the past. And anyway, all those things you've learned from the past have made you the wonderful person you are now. You have so much more to give than only your virginity, and if he's all bent out of shape over what's really a minor issue in the larger picture of marriage and lifetime commitment, you don't want him.

Neither my husband nor myself were virgins when we married, and while some our choices in the past may have been questionable, none of them was worth worrying about and apologizing for once we'd committed to each other. If you've made the choice to remain a virgin until marriage, that's your personal choice, and no one else's business. Same deal if you're not waiting.

I'm done now.

[Discoteque]

adam's_mistress and martha: ((((HUGS))))

thanks for all that. You helped add a bit of perspective on my thought process over this issue...

[U2Bama]

Originally posted by speedracer:
For once I agree with Dr.G.

I was thinking the same thing; I agree with BOTH of Doctor_Gonzo's posts in this thread; how rare is that?

~U2Alabama

[Angell]

Originally posted by Anthony:
One should never save oneself for marriage, otherwise you don't know what you're getting.

Ant.

I sure hope you're being flippant here. Everyone learns somewhere...why not learn with your lifemate? Who else should be so important? I mean, you have gifts that you share with the whole world, and you have your sexuality...something so intimate it should be reserved for the one who means more than life to you. Being a romantic, I believe that is only one. Of course, I also believe that marriage is a two-fold blessing: first being having the best thing you'll ever have, and second being recognizing what you've got...and sooo many people miss the boat on that one. People need to have more self-respect and stop giving themselves away in such a manner. But...that's just me.

On topic...I fully meant to wait until marriage, but ended up caving. On the bright side, my first is now my only and we have been married for 8 years!


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"Love is a verb..."
enterangell@cs.com

[KevM]

Originally posted by DoctorGonzo:

Technical virginity is bullshit.

Hehe
http://technicalvirgin.com/

[speedracer]

For once I agree with Dr.G.

[Saracene]

I'm not religious or romantic and don't care much about the "saving myself for marriage" stuff, but as far as I know myself, I wouldn't have a sexual relationship of any sort with a person that I didn't get to know and love deeply first. I'm just not built that way.

[Klodomir]

Originally posted by speedracer:
For once I agree with Dr.G.

Originally posted by U2Bama:
I was thinking the same thing; I agree with BOTH of Doctor_Gonzo's posts in this thread; how rare is that?

See? I'm a uniter, not a divider.

[Klodomir]

Originally posted by KevM:
Hehe
http://technicalvirgin.com/

*giggle* Did you see the "TV ads"?

[Slow Motion]

I'm saving myself for marriage for many reasons. Religion, my upbringing, etc., but especially because I think that having waited for my husband will be the greatest gift that I can give him (that is, if I ever do meet him!!!).

[Angela Harlem]

Everyone who is or has waited til marriage- Is it the same thing to be a virgin but have sex with the man/woman you end up marrying, only later on? Ie one partner, but premarital? When I look at people like that, I think it kind of cancels out the whole marriage thing, unless its for religious reasons. Surely in this instance in doesn't matter whether its before or after "I do".

[DoctorGonzo]

All this agreeing with me is frightening.

[Klodomir]

No it isn't.