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Old 04-11-2005, 04:35 PM   #41
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Originally posted by Irvine511
i agree that it is a minority, but there is such a premium placed upon virginity and remaining a virgin until that wedding night that i can't help but think that cultural expectation helps produce marriages between two horny kids who might love each other then, but have no idea who they are or who they are going to become.
Perhaps the purpose is to know the person as an individual rather than a sex object. Too many people put sexual aspects of a relationship onto a pedestal as if commitment and compassion have no place in a relationship. That's not to say I would force this belief on others, but I'd rather get to know who I'm sharing my body with than have a one-night stand with a gangbanger who doesn't get tested.
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Old 04-11-2005, 06:43 PM   #42
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Perhaps the purpose is to know the person as an individual rather than a sex object. Too many people put sexual aspects of a relationship onto a pedestal as if commitment and compassion have no place in a relationship. That's not to say I would force this belief on others, but I'd rather get to know who I'm sharing my body with than have a one-night stand with a gangbanger who doesn't get tested.

that's not what i'm talking about at all.

there are people who have highly intellecutal reasons for choosing to wait until they get married. more power to them. not somethign i would do, but if there is thought and process behind that decision, i'm find with it.

my problem is that you get kids who are very young, maybe just out of high school, who have been dating, and they are very, very horny, as we all are at 19 (or 27, or older). it becomes very difficult to wait until marriage, so my thought is that there are people in that age bracket (say, 19-23) who think they are in love at that time, but the base motivation to get married is to finally, finally be able to have sex, because there has been such a premium placed upon virginity -- and *especially* female virginity. so they go, they get married young, at like 22, adn by the time they are 32 they're completely different people.

i'm not saying that this is a rule, but i bet you it is common, and with the astonishingly stupid emphasis on abstinence only sex education, you can bet we'll see a lot more of it.

for me, it comes down to this: i support people who make thoughtful, informed decisions. one could decide to have sex before the first date, one could wait to have sex after the wedding ceremony.

so long as decisions are made with thought, and in good faith and with good intentions, then to each his own.
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Old 04-11-2005, 07:53 PM   #43
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I don't think I've met anyone horny enough to get married over it.
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Old 04-11-2005, 08:40 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511
that's not what i'm talking about at all.

there are people who have highly intellecutal reasons for choosing to wait until they get married. more power to them. not somethign i would do, but if there is thought and process behind that decision, i'm find with it.

my problem is that you get kids who are very young, maybe just out of high school, who have been dating, and they are very, very horny, as we all are at 19 (or 27, or older). it becomes very difficult to wait until marriage, so my thought is that there are people in that age bracket (say, 19-23) who think they are in love at that time, but the base motivation to get married is to finally, finally be able to have sex, because there has been such a premium placed upon virginity -- and *especially* female virginity. so they go, they get married young, at like 22, adn by the time they are 32 they're completely different people.

i'm not saying that this is a rule, but i bet you it is common, and with the astonishingly stupid emphasis on abstinence only sex education, you can bet we'll see a lot more of it.

for me, it comes down to this: i support people who make thoughtful, informed decisions. one could decide to have sex before the first date, one could wait to have sex after the wedding ceremony.

so long as decisions are made with thought, and in good faith and with good intentions, then to each his own.
If I missed your point earlier, my bad. Sure, maybe some (not many) marry just for the sex, but they will have to live that down for the rest of their lives and live with an utterly foolish past. If that happens to be their only motivation, they'll either be stuck together in some crazy maritial knot against their will for independence, or cope with a hurtful divorce.
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Old 04-12-2005, 08:29 AM   #45
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Quote:
Originally posted by shart1780
I don't think I've met anyone horny enough to get married over it.
I've met plenty. I had some friends growing up that belonged to a church that held strict dating rules. Basically this church and all their members signed these abstinence vows, and had all these rules set forth. Once you turned 16 you could start dating but only in group dates, you were never allowed alone time, etc. Most of these kids grew up in private schools and went on to private colleges, never taught proper sexual education. The majority were married by the age of 21. Two close friends of mine brother and sister both got married(not to each other) in 98 both had child in 99, neither could finish college. Only two of the couples I knew from this circle of friends are still together, the rest are divorced and most have kids.

They all grew up forced with the idea that you find your mate and have children, if you wait and do this it will all work out. Well most of them married the first person they dated because kissing, holding each other all physical intimacy was removed and they all needed it. None of them were properly educated on sex so many had children way too early. They are now finding out for the first time these things.
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Old 04-12-2005, 03:45 PM   #46
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Wow that's crazy. Hmmm I'm horny and I obstainn heh hrh, but I'm pretty educated I suppose. I could never get married for sex, and I don't really understand how anyone else could, but apparently they do.

Some churches are way too strict, my girlfriend's church (ex church) which was very tradititional (Chinese), would kick out any youth group members who they discovered were dating. I honestly prayed that those youth leaders would get fired
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Old 04-13-2005, 03:19 AM   #47
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Marriage is a man-made thing that isn't as sacred as some people like to force us to think.

If ya wanna do it do it, doesnt matter if your in love or not, whether it is out of convenience or not....entirely up to you.

Marriage is something that need not exist, For many people it is a grand thing, but it's not an essential thing...
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