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Old 12-05-2002, 11:39 AM   #21
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Sometimes I think after experiencing what marriage was all about I've pretty much became cynical about it, but I wouldnt knock it to other people. I didnt think much about those things Dano mentioned...I was in love. Now, I can hardly wait to be divorced.
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Old 12-05-2002, 12:06 PM   #22
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You disagree that those are main factors? Maybe you're right, but I honestly believe that there would be no REASON to get married before the STATE if those incentives were not included.

Afterall, marriage is a contract between two people, not the government. When you pledge your vows before the courts, you are in a sense playing by their rules. How does love fit into THAT? It seems that by the logic we've agreed upon (see Bama's former post) that love transcends all boundaries. If this is true we certainly do not need a judge or a priest to verify our social contracts......

Let me say it again....the only reason to get MARRIED before the STATE is to reap the benefits it bestows upon it parts.
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Old 12-05-2002, 03:13 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by Danospano
Let me say it again....the only reason to get MARRIED before the STATE is to reap the benefits it bestows upon it parts.
People get married before the state (or church) because it is the way to formally recognize a marriage. How exactly do you "marry" otherwise?
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Old 12-05-2002, 05:28 PM   #24
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People get married before the state (or church) because it is the way to formally recognize a marriage. How exactly do you "marry" otherwise?
common-law.
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Old 12-05-2002, 06:54 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Danospano

Let me say it again....the only reason to get MARRIED before the STATE is to reap the benefits it bestows upon it parts.
Obviously you've never heard of the marriage tax penalty. Single people living together get at least $1000 greater tax credit than married people. Also there is a big Social Security loss if two older people marry. I have a great Aunt that is 89 and she can't marry the man that has lived with her for 5 years because on their limited income they cannot afford the SS cut they would take. The gov't is always taking the moral high ground but doesn't follow up. If Bush really wanted to make a tax cut - this is where he should have started (not the millionaires club, but I digress)

I couldn't agree more with Martha (not suprisingly) and U2Bama (not so surprising either). I've been married for over 15 years and while life has not been Wine & Roses (do I hear Herb Albert & the Tiajuanna Brass), it has been two people trying to survive in this world, trying to reach their goals individually and collectively, and hopefully make a difference while loving each other. Oh yea and pass on a moral and environmental conscience to my offspring. Do I hear an Amen, lol.

Marriage is not a picnic but the rewards are many.

And this is just my .02
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Old 12-05-2002, 07:41 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally posted by RavenStar


common-law.
That's just a legal label imposed by ...? Oh, yes, the STATE! And those states who do recognize commonlaw marriages also afford those couples various rights based on their legal union. Isn't that what Danospano was decrying in the first place?

Besides, the usual way to recognize a change in status is with some sort of ceremony. When you graduate from school do they send you your diploma in the mail and thank you for your time? No, they have a ceremony. Death brings another ceremony, though you won't get to enjoy it very much. When people get married they like to have a ceremony to make it "official," presided over by someone of authority (clergy member, judge, etc.). Since they are presided over by someone with the legal power to marry people, that makes them the legal, state-recognized ceremonies that we were discussing here.


Quote:
Originally posted by Scarletwine

Obviously you've never heard of the marriage tax penalty. Single people living together get at least $1000 greater tax credit than married people.
Although married folks do get a tax break when they have kids. I've often wondered if the reason for this is to give couples another incentive to reproduce. Maybe that's being too cynical ...
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Old 12-05-2002, 10:54 PM   #27
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To be honest, Danospano, I didn't give any more thought to this "state" concept that you are on to than the 10 minutes my wife and I spent at the courthouse filling out the paperwork. Sure, the Christian/religious ceremony was important to us, but not for the reasons that you mentioned.

~U2Alabama
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Old 12-06-2002, 08:13 AM   #28
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First, I agree 100% with Martha. You said everything that was on my heart regarding this subject.

Second, I´d like to tell you from my own wedding. Luckily enough, we don´t have to do the state thing. The govenment excepts a bahá´í wedding. You might need to know that there are no priests in the bahá´í faith, so when you get married, you do it yourself in front of two witnesses and God. The Baha'i marriage ceremony itself is very simple. All that is required is that the bride and groom each say, in front of witnesses, "We will all, verily, abide by the will of God".

And this is what we did. We rented a small cottage and invited about 12 friends. So it was very personal, intimate. We didn´t want a big, fat wedding, just a small one, because this was for us, not for others. A union between the two of us
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Old 12-06-2002, 06:01 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally posted by Scarletwine
Marriage is not a picnic but the rewards are many.
Very well said.

The world doesn’t promote selfless commitment very well (actually, not at all). As we approach 13 years of marriage, I realize how blessed I am to have a wife who is as equally committed to the marriage as I am.
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Old 12-07-2002, 12:57 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by AM
We didn´t want a big, fat wedding, just a small one, because this was for us, not for others. A union between the two of us

I think my earlier post wasn't really clear on my feelings, and I am afraid people will misinterpret my perspective and think evil thoughts about me! I read a lot of these posts, and AM and I are friends from another room that some people scorn, so I want to state right off the bat I DON'T think this perspective is wrong.

But I do want to say I don't think having a big wedding (with the *right* (<~~~~loaded word) intentions) is wrong either.

My husband and I did want to have a "Big" wedding because we did want to celebrate our union with all our family and friends. We wanted to have the people we loved (all of them from wherever they were in the world) to come and celebrate with us. We had great food, music, everyone partied really late. Yes, it was expensive, and yes many things were a bit frivolous, but we avoided the really commercial stuff like napkins stamped with our names...

Now, I don't think the fact that we had a big party means marriage is some easy fun thing. There are disagreements all the time and we have to work together. But we love each other a lot, and we've been dating since were 16 (we're 27 now) so we had a lot of mutual friends. So while the marriage is just between me and my man, the wedding was something we wanted to share with everyone who had helped us get and stay together.

I hope that sounds like a positive endorsement for marriage for those who feel comfortable with that institution in their private life.

my perspective on the relationship between married couples and the state is a completely different matter.....
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Old 12-07-2002, 07:20 PM   #31
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My personal view on marriage is that it's very holy and should not by any means be taken lightly.
I have a friend who is getting married in a couple of years, she has already booked the best Church, the best hall for her reception, has got to have the best dress, the best cake etc. This slightly worries me. It's not about having the best. It's about having you and your partner make a lifelong commitment. Be it in a shed or in St. Marks Cathedral, you have made the same vow and have stood before the same God.

When I get married, while I want it to be a special day, I don't want to have to have the best of anything, I want it to be simple. I want to stand before God and tell him/her that I intend to stay with this person for the rest of my life and will try with every bit of me to achieve that, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. At that time you also ask God into the situation and ask for his help to do this.

That's what marriage means to me, and I don't believe it should be taken lightly.
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Old 12-07-2002, 08:53 PM   #32
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marriage

Being a "cynic" myself I understand where you're coming from. Granted I believe in the schtick, I believe in true love, but just not for me...But when it is the right person (which is a whole other forum in itself) you know you're the ones for each other. Therefore your souls and hearts are forever joined never needing that little piece of government paper. But marriage, as in public, bazillions of friends and family, cake and gifts, and the church or whatever spiritual institution....marriage is just another way of cementing, of affirming, of declaring your love for one another. Its not the sole definer of the whole thing. Its just the icing on the cake...^_^
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Old 12-07-2002, 08:58 PM   #33
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...

And just to add...not that it pertains to my previous post....my parents (technically he's my stepfather now, but he's more of a father than any of the others) are soulmates through and through...they didn't need the wedding, with my mom having been married three times before and my father also, the justice of the peace was fine. Because they knew. And also it was a day before the new year so they could file taxes cheaper... ^_^
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Old 12-08-2002, 05:04 AM   #34
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Marriage joins two families together, which you can't really do without the cert, if you know what I mean...

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Old 12-08-2002, 10:12 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally posted by foray
Marriage joins two families together
boy does it ever.

i'm glad my husband and i gave our families like 10 years to get to know each other, unlike some people in our family who get engaged after 2 months.

that was a little tough.
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Old 12-08-2002, 10:27 PM   #36
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I can't recall who made the original post, but

I feel sorry for people if they think it is to do with law and property and proving something and money. Dear o dear.....
o dear.
For those who still have some faith, enjoy the magic. Hub and I exchanged our vows in front of 4 people and had a fine picnic lunch to celebrate...very low on cost, but very immense on joy and love.
I don't know , you have to listen to your own heart. There is so much cynicism around now, it's a teeny bit sad.
J-lo and her situation is a result of the rarified air that wealth brings to such people. I feel sorry that they exist in such a world.
I think it's about trust (some lust, one would hope) and respect and devotion, excitement and hope ,commitment, change, adaptability and growth....and lots of laughing in our case.

I don't know the answer...what does it prove?
I just know ...I like it.
Our commitment of marriage doesn't mean we can't do things, everything is ultimately open for discussion. it means we do things with the benefit of someone else's ideas, opinions and support. That feels great to me.
It is not all clear sailing....I like the imagery of the ocean and boats and storms and navigation. We home made our first bed and I painted a ship on it, the Captain and his First Mate ( and something about going down together....more nautical terminology...nautical but nice)
Different strokes for different folks... plus what martha said..
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
We are in our 21st year of marriage btw...and for those younguns who were once curious here about what old people get up to.......LOTS!!! even I'm delightfully surprised.

re: the idea it's all baout protection and divison of property....I know lots of women who have just walked away...with nothing. $$$ have nothing to do with it.It depends what is important to you and what kind of person you are. I think hub and I were incredibly happy when we lived in a tent for a year.
The best things in life....are not things.

peace lovers
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Old 12-08-2002, 11:52 PM   #37
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Wow, cass. I'm so glad you came back. That post was perfect.










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Old 12-09-2002, 10:01 AM   #38
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I like this thread.

This sort of subject has been lurking in my head as a new man has been introduced in my life, and it's giving me a lot to think about and consider.. what's important in life, what's wanted from me, what I want..

I liked reading this.
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Old 12-09-2002, 12:16 PM   #39
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I think marriage is wonderful for some people, and totally wrong for others. Only you know whether you're ready for a lifelong committment, and it's important to figure that out before getting married.
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Old 12-09-2002, 09:53 PM   #40
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Britney Spears cheating on Timberlake with Ben Affleck:

READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!!!


http://starmagazine.com/stories/feat...stanceid=52421


what till J-ASS finds out!

BTW the fines for cheating....are applicable for J-ASS too, I bought StarMagazine last week, and there are like 2 full pages about the ordeal

I was bored ok?
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