How old is too old to be a virgin?

[Giant Lemon]

I was talking about this with my friends last night, and I thought I'd see what you guys had to say. Past what age do you think it would be weird for someone to still be a virgin (not counting people who purposely wait until marriage and situations like that)? And is the age different for guys and girls?

My friends and I decided that around the age of 25 it's basically assumed that you aren't a virgin, so if you were it'd probably be considered strange. Most people probably lose it in high school or college, so by 22 most are not virgins, but we added a few more years just for those who are late bloomers. Definitely anyone 30 or older would be an oddity!

Any thoughts?

 

[cba]

well...i have a lot to say here...

i think before 18 is too young, that's for me only, i mean, it's ok for other people, but personally...no.

girls usually lose theirs at 17 while boys lose theirs at 15. to me, that's a bit young for comfort.

i think i want to wait until i find another cardboard friend to marry then consummate our relationship the proper way...but again, that's just me.


i don't think there is a 'too old' for still being a virgin, it's becoming more 'in' to keep your virginity until you are comfortable giving it away.

 

[Citric]

i don't think there is a 'too old' for still being a virgin, it's becoming more 'in' to keep your virginity until you are comfortable giving it away.

I agree completely.

 

[HelloAngel]

I think this is an interesting topic.

But make sure you keep it polite in case you are describing someone's actual situation, of which this is a very private decision for someone to lose their virginity or wait.

Unfortunately, society and the media have made it seem like virginity is something to be ashamed of. I think "making love" is a beautiful thing. I mean, you wouldn't just call any old relationship "Love" would you? Not me. So hence, I wouldn't "make love" with anyone I wasn't in love with.

And when I do make love, it will be with someone I will spend the rest of my life with, no matter what the age is.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I think the right time or age for someone is whenever they feel they are mature enough to handle the situation. Too many people rush into it I think, then live to regret it later. Whatever the media says, people should know following their minds is the right thing to do.

 

[OzAurora]

Interesting topic- I think that it is all very personal really- most of my friends lost their virginity quite young- like from 14 to 17- I was just a tad older than that and was considered I guess 'odd' by my friends but anyway I didnt care, but I would think now that I guess that if you are still a virgin at maybe 22 then that is a bit off but then you must look at why. Maybe the person is scared of it, hasnt met the right person or is simply waiting although the later one I am yet to meet one person yet in my life who is or has waited until they were married- do these people actually exist????

anyway I think that in this department you have to do what is right for you and not what society or your friends may dictate

 

[Bonochick]

Well, John is 33...and I am 20...and we are both still waiting.

 

[Lise]

I am yet to meet one person yet in my life who is or has waited until they were married- do these people actually exist????

There are people who are waiting until they are married although it is rare in this day an age. You've just met one, me.

 

[pax]

Unfortunately, society and the media have made it seem like virginity is something to be ashamed of.

I beg to differ.

I think that virginity has become commodified (see: Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, various members of N*SYNC, et al. for examples of this phenomenon.) It has becomes something to exhibit, parade, and exchange for fame and a sanctimonious attitude. Take Jessica Simpson, for example. I don't give two hoots whether or not she's a virgin, but there's nothing "pure" about how she posed for Maxim. And I don't care if she poses for Maxim, incidentally. I don't care if she poses for Hustler, quite frankly. I just don't think that she can claim to be so "pure" if she does that.

I'm 19, not a virgin, and don't really care. I have a lot of respect for people who make up their own minds in their own time about sex, and if you're still a virgin, that's great if that's what you want. But I'm sick of hearing that being a virgin is somehow more "special" or "mature" than not being one. I lost mine when the time was right for me, with someone I still care for very much, and after a lot of careful deliberation.

The "new abstinence" movement in sexual education is playing right into this. They're trying to make kids and teenagers think that virginity is "cool" or "special," but not giving them the facts about contraception and prevention of STDs. Isn't it one of the aims of sex education that kids be able to make up their own minds about sex with all of the pertinent information?

It's like...let's say you go into a record store, and the guy behind the counter wants to sell you a Britney Spears (hee hee!) CD. You don't think you want Britney Spears. You say, "No, thanks, I'm looking for the most recent Belle and Sebastian CD. What' s the name of it again?" The guy gets all huffy and he's like, "Well, fine, go ahead, I can't stop you. But I won't tell you the name of it and I won't tell you where it is." So you have to wander around Tower Records or whatever it is for an hour or two trying to find it, and instead of Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like a Peasant, you go home with Tigermilk or something instead.

Um, yeah, I veered madly off-topic. Maybe we should move this to FYM. Mods?

 

[Basstrap]

well, all religious notions aside I will wait until marriage...which only God knows when will be!!(hurry up God! hurry up!)

Not because jesus says "yo! hands off"
but becasue it makes sense to me...in a sort of cheesy way
oi...here I go...
I see it(virginity) has one of the greatest gifts I can offer the beautiful gal I marry. it is the ultimate way to express how you feel for someone and I don't want to give that to anyone BUT the one I will be with forever.

that being said, I have nothing against those who do not think this way and I realize that I will in all likelyhood end up with someone who isn't a virgin. Thats just the way it is if your 21 and looking for other who are your age

 

[Stories for Boys]

um...i'm one of those "rare" people who is waiting for marriage. i think virginity is special. it's one thing you can lose and never find again (pardon the horrible pun). imo, sex is a gift, and it's meant for marraige. humans are monogomous by nature...sex should be the same way. call me naive or innocent or sheltered, but i'm going to stick with this one.

 

[adamswildhoney]

I am going to wait until marriage because I think that when u have sex u should really love the person.

 

[Stories for Boys]

adamswildhoney, why the ?

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

My sister just graduated from college and is a virgin and I say good for her! On the other hand, I work with a guy who will be 31 this year and just lost his virginity. He's kind of a freak though. He watches a lot of porn and according to his new girlfriend doesn't have much of a sex drive b/c of it....

 

[meriphew]

I don't think you can really put an expiration date on virginity, at least not for everyone.

 

[Vorsprung]

girls usually lose theirs at 17 while boys lose theirs at 15. to me, that's a bit young for comfort.

Isn't that girls at 15 and boys at 17??? Well, at least over here they say it's something like that.
Anyway, I lost mine, but I don't understand what's the big deal about virginity. Of course, it's your first time, but in a way i don't think it's that much different from regular first-time sex with a specific partner (when you aren't a virgin anymore). You have to be careful with both and know what you're doing. Also I remember my first real kiss had a much and much larger impact on me then my first time sex. Maybe I'm weird, but the first kiss was really entering a complete new era, where having sex was much more just a step further.
Also, I don't believe humans are monogamous by nature, at least not sex-wise. Partner-wise i believe they are (if they work on it a bit). They can stay a loving couple for the rest of their lives, but meanwhile they also occasionally have to shop around, spread their genes a bit.
Finally, i respect every person's opinion about sex and virginity. Just don't let that opinion and actions hurtother people or yourself

 

[Diemen]

I was a virgin until 22 (I'll be 23 in about 3 weeks), and I definitely don't regret not "doing the deed" earlier. In fact, I'm glad I waited. It made it much more special for me when I could give the girl I loved something I hadn't been ready to give anybody before her, but with her it felt completely natural. I have absolutely no regrets about my virginity.

The way I see it, sex is overglorified to the general teenage/young generation as this amazing physical experience that isn't all that dependent on the partner, when I think more should be spent on how it is an incredibly intimate, passionate and spiritual experience shared between two people who ideally should be deeply in love. Sure, it does feel really good , but what makes it so incredible should be the electricity/connection/bond between the two people, not just the physical feelings that come from it.

Of course, playfulness and a good sense of adventure is a must for great sex, too.

Aaanyway...I don't think there is any age that is too old to be a virgin. I think there is an age where it's too old to never have been in a relationship or dated, or never have made out...but virginity is something that should be yours and yours alone to decide on.

 

[Diemen]

I am going to wait until marriage because I think that when u have sex u should really love the person.

So are you saying you can't really love a person unless you marry them?

 

[hiphop]

Do Safe Sex and carpe noctem... with a person that you love, whatever your age or kind of relationship is.

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

There are people who are waiting until they are married although it is rare in this day an age. You've just met one, me.

2

 

[Peaseblossom]

I waited til I was 20. It was my first serious relationship, but I was truly in love, and had plans to marry the man. I was old enough to appreciate the magnitude of what I was doing, and he was old enough to make it incredibly special for me. I absolutely abhor the notion that you have to be married to really love someone. Love is based on trust and commitment, not on a legality.

It's strange that this should come up now- my ex and I had planned to marry last Saturday. I had a really hard time this weekend, examining the relationship, and with all the pain it's caused, asking myself if it was worth it. The answer is undoubtedly yes.

Losing one's virginity is such a personal decision. As long as the decision is not based on pressure, or fear of commitment, I don't think anyone has the right to say when is a good or bad time to do it.

 

[U2girl]

Dunno. I guess you'll know when the time is right when you meet someone special, and there is no rule about virginity. It's your (and your partner's) decision.

I think that the PERSON you're doing this with is a lot more important than the actual time. I'm not one of those that believes in waiting until marriage, but i do think that "making love" (way better term than just plain "sex" to describe what i mean) is too personal and too dep to be just thrown away just for the sake of being able to say "there - i did it." It should be with someone special and it shouldn't be something you'll ever regret.

 

[joyfulgirl]

eh, the first time sucks anyway--get it out of the way early (she said, not too jaded or anything)

 

[daafish]

My friends and I decided that around the age of 25 it's basically assumed that you aren't a virgin, so if you were it'd probably be considered strange. but we added a few more years just for those who are late bloomers. Definitely anyone 30 or older would be an oddity!

Any thoughts?

I have 2 friends that are virgins... one's 31 and the other is 28.

 

[Peaseblossom]

eh, the first time sucks anyway--get it out of the way early (she said, not too jaded or anything)

I beg to differ. My first time was one of the best times ever.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I beg to differ. My first time was one of the best times ever.

well...great! i've had this discussion with many many women and I don't know one who has ever had a good experience the first time. but maybe it's just my generation who didn't know what was going on and how to...um...finish

 

[OzAurora]

PAXETAURORA-I really liked what you had to say and agree with it. I have always laughed at people like Britney Spears who claim to be virgins yet gyrate about in skimpy clothes and nearly any video shot of them displays close ups of their torsos, butts and breasts every second- well to me this just seems like such a contradiction, here is Britney exclaiming that she is a good little christian and is waiting until marriage to have sex, however in a way I dont see her as a virgin as she uses sex and the exploitation of it in nearly every film clip/concert that she does- shes already lost her virginity 100s of times over with the media


and the whole being more mature or whatever when someone waits until older, well I dont really get this, to me sex is a natural thing and is fun and lovely and I think that had I waited until I was married, well I would never have sex as I never really see myself as never being married, I really dont subscribe to the whole ceremony thing and all that but I think that I have had some wonderful boyfriends in the past and am glad that I did what I did- it does not make me any less of a person and the other thing is, well I believe this is what if you wait until marriage or whatever and the other party just aint that good in bed, I really do think that you need to be with a few people and learn what it is that you like- anyway I will probably get scorned for that last bit- so just forget it

 

[pax]

well I believe this is what if you wait until marriage or whatever and the other party just aint that good in bed, I really do think that you need to be with a few people and learn what it is that you like- anyway I will probably get scorned for that last bit- so just forget it

I'm not going to scorn you for it. Imagine if you married someone who was lousy in bed. Certainly sex isn't the most important thing in a successful relationship. but it's not unimportant either. You wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it, would you?

 

[Peaseblossom]

I'm not going to scorn you for it. Imagine if you married someone who was lousy in bed. Certainly sex isn't the most important thing in a successful relationship. but it's not unimportant either. You wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it, would you?

I totally agree, differing sexual appetites is one of the reasons my ex broke up with me. Just couldn't handle me.

 

[OzAurora]

so true paxet- for me sex or making love is a very important part of a relationship and I think that I feel like that now maybe because I am at my sexual peek, but really I couldnt imagine not having sex until being married, but for me this just dosnt enter into the occasion as I dont see myself as getting married.....but I know that the guy that I am with at the moment, I really care for him and we get along great in this department and I know that it wouldn't be as good if we had both been virgins and to be quite honest I dont think I would like to sleep with a virgin- I like a guy who knows what to do, I aint much of a teacher