Forgiveness....What is it?
- Thread starter Dreadsox
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Good question - it is definitely something that is easier at some times and much harder in other situations. For me, as a Christian, it means actively saying to the person (when possible), "I forgive you" and then asking Christ to help me do that. I ask Him to heal my wounds, and to give me strength to put in to practice that promise of forgiveness (eg, not continuing to bring up the wrongdoing). It doesn't mean forgetting, but it means letting go of the hatefulness so that it doesn't eat you alive. And I think in many, many cases, this is not something we can do just of our own willpower.
BVS
Blue Crack Supplier
I've always thought that true forgiveness is to forget. If you keep some memory alive of whatever this wrong doing is, then have you truly forgiven. If I forgive a close friend of mine for lying to me, then what's the point of keeping a memory of it.
deep
Blue Crack Addict
Dread,
Those are really good questions.
I try to let go of resentment and forgive as much as possible.
Forgiveness is more a gift for you
than for the person that offended you.
Those are really good questions.
I try to let go of resentment and forgive as much as possible.
Forgiveness is more a gift for you
than for the person that offended you.
pax
ONE love, blood, life
BLS hit it right on the head. I really can't forgive people without asking God to help me along with it. God is of course the expert on that subject. 
You're right dread, I think in instances where trust has been broken it is much more difficult - and I don't think it is prudent to say, I forgive you, we'll just pretend this never happened. Forgiving someone and giving them your trust are 2 different things. Deep said what I was trying to say - that forgiveness is more for your benefit than for the other person.
sue4u2
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
When my youngest son was born with his complications, I had a real issue with this. It took years but the moment I gave myself forgiveness, I was then able to forgive God and since he forgave me a long time ago, we're even. Forgiving anyone or everything after that is a piece of cake. Paul's been with God for years now, and I'm so glad we came to this understanding. I truly can't harbor un-forgiveness. It eventually hurts too much. I have to let it go. I know this sounds simplistic, but that's the way I came to know some peace. It's served me well.
deep
Blue Crack Addict
Sue,
Thank you for sharing that.
It is sad when people lose faith because of misfortunes like your family suffered.
I am always reccomending Kushner's book "When Bad Things Happeen to Good people"
Thank you for sharing that.
It is sad when people lose faith because of misfortunes like your family suffered.
I am always reccomending Kushner's book "When Bad Things Happeen to Good people"
sulawesigirl4
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
I'm not sure if forgetting is part of true forgiveness. It seems to me that it might just be a superficial way to let go without dealing with the root problem. If one can face the wrong head on, name it for what it is, and then make a choice to forgive, then healing is possible. But I guess the way I see it, forgetting trivializes both the need for forgiveness and the act of it. That probably sounds disjointed. lol.
I had an experience where someone I trusted implicitly not only broke that trust but betrayed me with another person who I also trusted. At first I found some measure of healing in my anger towards them both. Then as the rage passed, I found I was able to forgive. But not without facing up to the hurt and acknowledging that what had happened was wrong. And I will never forget it. But that doesn't mean I can't move beyond it. Forgiveness releases the hold of the wrong on me. It allows me to act independently of that harm, not because of it.
I had an experience where someone I trusted implicitly not only broke that trust but betrayed me with another person who I also trusted. At first I found some measure of healing in my anger towards them both. Then as the rage passed, I found I was able to forgive. But not without facing up to the hurt and acknowledging that what had happened was wrong. And I will never forget it. But that doesn't mean I can't move beyond it. Forgiveness releases the hold of the wrong on me. It allows me to act independently of that harm, not because of it.
nbcrusader
Blue Crack Addict
When God forgives us, our sins are separated from us as far as the east is from the west. To me, that sounds like an element of forgetting.
But as BLS pointed out, it can't truly be done until we ask God for help.
But as BLS pointed out, it can't truly be done until we ask God for help.
sulawesigirl4
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
Dreadsox said:
I'd say not. I think you can forgive someone without trusting them again. But that may depend on how you define "trust". Acting independently, at least as I see it, means that what that person did to me no longer has control over my choices in the future. That's got to be something internal. I choose to forgive them, to release them from my desire for revenge and what may be a legitimate grievance. Thus I too am freed to move forward.
sulawesigirl4 said:
Well, suppose you have no desire for revenge. You have searched your soul and there is not an ounce of desire for that.
As for having control over choices, that is where the quandry is. To trust would mean allowing a relationship to start up again. Do you have to let a relationship begin again to demonstrate forgiveness?
nbcrusader
Blue Crack Addict
Dreadsox said:
I wouldn't think so. To me, forgiveness eliminates the negative expressions toward the individual. Maybe back to the status of acquaintance, but not necessarily having a closer relationship with them.
Very difficult things to quantify.
nbcrusader said:
See, I asked for the person to take a step with me towards reconcilliation, but I wanted an intermediary present to work through things. This person rejected that. I do feel it is lifted from me however, aside from being told I was the "SON of the DEVIL" I was told that I clearly had not forgiven since I would not open my life and my family's lives to that person unconditionally and that basically I had not forgiven.
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nbcrusader
Blue Crack Addict
I have trouble with a legalistic definition for forgiveness - such as the opening of your life and your family's life. If you have forgiven the person and have forgiven them before God, i wouldn't let someone else tell you what you need to do to "achieve" forgiveness.
You can forgive someone and still protect yourself and your family by keeping them on an acquaintance level.
You can forgive someone and still protect yourself and your family by keeping them on an acquaintance level.
U2luv
The Fly
Recently there was a full page ad taken out in a local Boston newspaper. This ad was taken out by the family of a murdered teen and was directed toward the teen who had committed the murder and that teen's family. The family of the murdered teen used that very public forum to forgive the teen who had murdered their son. It must have been very difficult for them to have done this, especially in such a public way. This ad had been taken out within a couple of weeks of their sons death. To me, that was the ultimate in Grace and forgiveness. They did NOT at anytime say that the teen should get away with his crime, nor will they ever be able to forget. Forgetting is not necessarily part of the act of forgiveness. Usually it's much more difficult for the forgiver to forgive than it is for the forgiven to accept.
In the case above, if it had been me, I really have no idea if I would have been able to do what that family did. Is that the type of thing you were looking for Dread?
In the case above, if it had been me, I really have no idea if I would have been able to do what that family did. Is that the type of thing you were looking for Dread?
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BostonAnne
Refugee
Dreadsox said:
Just because you forgive doesn't mean you need to let yourself be in the same position you were before. Your willingness to move towards reconciliation should be enough. "Son of the Devil" indeed
.verte76
Blue Crack Addict
I have struggled with forgiveness. I had a terrible time when someone really hurt me and I had to go to drastic measures to cut off a relationship, with a third party. I couldn't talk to the guy himself. It took me years to really forgive this guy. It was very difficult. Forgiveness can be one of the hardest things to do when truly horrific pain is part of the equation.
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