Boys, Dads, and Parenting other such things...

[Dreadsox]

The average American father spends:


7 minutes of quality time a day with his children.



The average American mother spends:

11 minutes of quality time with her children, daily.







Thoughts? These stats come from a workshop I attended today. Does this bother you?

 

[Dreadsox]

Boys brains are not developmentally suited for today's elementary school.


Thoughts?

 

[Dreadsox]

If you are not holding your baby and talking to it for large amounts of time as an infant........

You are not helping its brain boot up, leading to a lack of emotional empathy down the road.

 

[Ormus]

Does this bother you?

It adds credence to the phrase, "Focus on your own damn family."

 

[JCOSTER]

I don't know what other people do but my husband and myself spend alot of time with our 2 boys. Thats why we look like this and sometimes like

I do however agree with the elementary school comment.

 

[BVS]

Re: Re: Boys, Dads, and Parenting other such things...

It adds credence to the phrase, "Focus on your own damn family."

 

[redhotswami]

Re: Re: Boys, Dads, and Parenting other such things...

It adds credence to the phrase, "Focus on your own damn family."

I saw that bumper sticker and almost drooled myself into a car crash. How do I get one, do you know??

 

[BostonAnne]

The average American father spends:

7 minutes of quality time a day with his children.

The average American mother spends:

11 minutes of quality time with her children, daily.


Thoughts? These stats come from a workshop I attended today. Does this bother you?

Yes, very much. I believe this too. Work, pick up from daycare, cook dinner, clean up, make sure homework is done, bedtime...

Squeeze in laundry, food shopping, cleaning, etc.

Boys brains are not developmentally suited for today's elementary school.

Maybe that's why they crave the electronic games so much - it is more suited? Or does it corrupt their brains?

I have been troubled at the amount of kids that just can't get in the routine of doing homework. I kind of thought it was a discipline issue (I have a real hard time getting my kids to do homework, so I have been feeling that I have been doing something wrong) but now I'm starting to feel that it's just that there is too much and there are a lot of kids (seems like mostly boys, but girls too) that just can't seem to get into the schedule.

 

[BostonAnne]

Re: Re: Re: Boys, Dads, and Parenting other such things...

I saw that bumper sticker and almost drooled myself into a car crash. How do I get one, do you know??

Is it one of these?
http://www.bumperart.com/ProductDetails.aspx?SKU=2004091505&ProductID=12260 http://www.cafepress.com/buy/focus%20on%20your%20own%20damn%20family/-/pv_design_prod/p_storeid.36470887/pNo_36470887/id_9367656/opt_/pg_/c_/fpt_

 

[anitram]

Boys brains are not developmentally suited for today's elementary school.

What is different about today's boys as opposed to the boys of 15 years ago or 30 years ago?

What is different about today's elementary schools as opposed to those 15 or 30 years ago?

 

[coemgen]

I believe it. It's very sad. We're way too busy as a society, and disconnected by the digital age, I believe. Too many parents just pop in DVDs for their children all day. Too many people spend time on the Internet (and children). Heck, I do. I try to do it mostly at work and when everyone in the house is sleeping though. I too often have to fight my information junkie side and remember my family's more important.

We could all stand to spend more time with our children, spouses, parents and friends. We're built for these connections.

 

[coemgen]

I actually just read this on my friend's myspace about five minutes ago. Weird. Maybe this is one of the important messages of our times?



The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a
day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of
him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the
golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize
that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important
things---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your
favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained,
your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and
your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the
jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf
balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to
you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with
your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take
time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another
18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take
care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your
priorities. The rest is just sand."


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's
always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."


I'm going to get off of the Internet now and go cuddle with my wife.

 

[fah]

The average American father spends:


7 minutes of quality time a day with his children.



The average American mother spends:

11 minutes of quality time with her children, daily.




Thoughts? These stats come from a workshop I attended today. Does this bother you?

How do 'they' define quality time?

 

[redhotswami]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Boys, Dads, and Parenting other such things...

Is it one of these?
http://www.bumperart.com/ProductDetails.aspx?SKU=2004091505&ProductID=12260 http://www.cafepress.com/buy/focus%20on%20your%20own%20damn%20family/-/pv_design_prod/p_storeid.36470887/pNo_36470887/id_9367656/opt_/pg_/c_/fpt_

Actually it was black and white. But it doesn't matter. I can still get one of these. THANK YOU!

 

[Greenlight]

I'm rather sceptical about such surveys. To my mind, quality time means any time spent interacting positively with your child and covers a whole host of things such as chatting in the car, helping out with schoolwork, snuggling up together watching TV etc. Obviously it's difficult in this day and age with many parents both working full time to spend as much time as you'd like with your kids and of course it's even harder for separated families. It is an easy option to let kids spend too long on the playstation or whatever but I think it's a fallacy to think we spend less quality time with them than say a generation ago. Kids spend much more time at home these days, whereas in the past they often had much more freedom, spending hours playing out with their mates, only coming back for meals- dads were still out at work all day and mums were occupied for long hours doing all the household chores. If you go back even further, pre WW1, children were expected "to be seen and not heard" ,rich kids were relegated to the nursery with a nanny, hardly seeing their parents, whilst in poorer families, parents were again busy working long hours and kids, if they weren't having to work themselves, often had to look after themselves to a large degree.

 

[Dreadsox]

What is different about today's boys as opposed to the boys of 15 years ago or 30 years ago?

What is different about today's elementary schools as opposed to those 15 or 30 years ago?

Video games and instant gratification apparently is shortening the attention span.

The male brain according to the present is designed for a being that moves around, interacts with the world, and builds things.

This is not the design of today's school, where the male is told to sit and listen.

 

[Dreadsox]

Another thing of note.....

Adult attention span is TWENTY MINUTES.

The attention span of a child is equal to their age.

Are we asking children to sit to long?

 

[BostonAnne]

How many years has the population at large been expected to spend their whole day in school and doing homework? When you add up the time, including the hour each day that they are expected to do homework, it's 35 hours a week. The 5 homework hours cut into family time, after the adult has worked perhaps 40 hours. Does anyone know the history of school hours and homework hours?

I started visiting a stepfamily forum for support and there was a thread about homework. The guist was that the stepmoms couldn't get the stepchildren to do homework and it was all about the discipline of the birth father. In my home, I have a really hard time keeping up with the homework schedule and my step children have the same difficulty keeping up with it all. I have been wondering how much of this just that our kids aren't meant to follow the school schedule/workflow as is.

 

[Dreadsox]

How many years has the population at large been expected to spend their whole day in school and doing homework? When you add up the time, including the hour each day that they are expected to do homework, it's 35 hours a week. The 5 homework hours cut into family time, after the adult has worked perhaps 40 hours. Does anyone know the history of school hours and homework hours?

I started visiting a stepfamily forum for support and there was a thread about homework. The guist was that the stepmoms couldn't get the stepchildren to do homework and it was all about the discipline of the birth father. In my home, I have a really hard time keeping up with the homework schedule and my step children have the same difficulty keeping up with it all. I have been wondering how much of this just that our kids aren't meant to follow the school schedule/workflow as is.

I will answer some of these when I get a chance.

Matt

 

[Pearl]

Here in New York City, they have a new education method that began three years ago. Elementary students sit in clusters, or groups of four or six, and they help each other with their classwork. There is also reading section, where during reading time, students sit on rugs and read books, and help the other student read. They share their reading experiences with one another, and their teacher.

I've seen this when I interned at a local news station, and followed a reporter around who covered these changes.
From what the teachers said, the students loved this new environment and were very eager to learn by this.

Is this type of environment good for boys?

 

[yolland]

Here in New York City, they have a new education method that began three years ago. Elementary students sit in clusters, or groups of four or six, and they help each other with their classwork. There is also reading section, where during reading time, students sit on rugs and read books, and help the other student read. They share their reading experiences with one another, and their teacher.

This sounds a lot like the way the "alternative" classrooms a lot of schools had back in the 70s were set up. I was in one of those programs from 2nd-4th grade before funding ran out for it, and those were the most academically stimulating of all my years in school up until the high school I attended junior and senior year. Technically, the "alternative" part referred to the fact that these were also multiage classrooms (two or more grades combined in one room), but the decentralized, work-in-groups approach, which made lessons feel more like "activities," was also part of it. At the beginning of each week each student would work out a personal "learning contract" with the teacher, defining what they were going to accomplish in every subject that week, and if you finished yours early you might have free-choice reading time, work on educational games, or help other students with their work. I can't speak to what it was like from the teacher's end (there was usually an aide involved too, and total class size was about 25 I think), but I remember it fondly, and so did all the other students I knew who were involved in it. Admittedly at our school it was more of an experimental program for "gifted" students, but a lot of schools at that time were run on an almost wholly "alternative" basis.

The private kindergarten our youngest son is in this year (we chose it mostly because it's half-day--he just wasn't ready for full-day kindergarten yet, and that's all our public schools offer) uses a sort of modified setup of this type, and our son has done well with it. The teacher does report he concentrates better and gets more done when he works with other students--kind of counterintuitive, since his main problem is being able to focus on command and screen out distractions, but we've found the same thing to be true at home too.

I do think a lot of it comes down to individual learning styles though; his older brother is in a much more traditional classroom environment and he's done well with that, he's able to sit down and focus on his homework, and pretty much always has been. Their little sister seems like she's likely to be somewhere in between, though it's still a bit early to tell. I do remember though that BOTH boys and girls did well in the "alternative" program I was in; girls may *overall* do better at sitting quietly and listening at that age, but they also love to get up, move around, interact, and work on projects and problems given the chance, and who knows, it may well be better for them socially and make them less likely to become overly passive later in their school years.

I kind of agree with Greenlight though that the too-much-time-staring-passively-at-TV/video games issue often gets conflated with "quality time" with parents more than it should--yeah, too many parents aren't actively involved in their children's learning and there may be a point at which homework hurts that more than it helps, on the other hand too many kids don't get enough free-choice interaction with other kids either, IMO...not unlike some adults whose idea of "a night out with friends" is where you all go to a movie theater, sit in silence staring at a screen for two hours, then dazedly try to make converstaion over coffee afterwards while half the adults are falling asleep and the other half are still too busy digesting the movie to really participate fully in conversation.

But our kids are all still under 10, maybe I'll feel differently when they're older.