Being Safe Out There

[the iron horse]

Everytime another senesless murder occurs I always hear some
people say, "I never dreamed it would happen here. I thought I was safe."

Where does this idea come from that we can feel safe anywhere on this planet?

I don't feel safe anywhere.

And I do not live in fear.

I had a very good day at work today and, at present, a very nice evening.


I learned at a very young age that this world is a dangerous place and you better keep your eyes open.

My father was a Baptist minister who often worked at Street Missions(he would take me along as a kid) and my mother read and told me the Grimm's Brothers Fairy Tales over and over. She was also very streetwise.

My wife, and we did this when we were dating, will enter a restroom with me outside the door and check it out and then say it's looks OK to enter. Only then will she close the door.

I don't walk into any store without doing a quick survey visually of the parking lot and if I can see, what is going on inside.

Once I entered a 7/11 store late at night and saw a guy standing by the phone. When I came out I could see from my side that he was following me. I quickly opened by door and then slowly stuck my right hand into my backpocket and made a few motions like I was reaching for something and then kept my arm still.

He stopped about eight feet from me. He wanted a ride for about three blocks.

I told him calmly, no offense to you man, but I don't give rides to people I don't know.

I moved my right hand again.

He walked away.

I was in my car, doors locked, and gone.

*I had no weapon in my backpocket*



And like my father, I now work on the streets with people.
That's a very short version of my experiences thus far.


What do you think?

Are kidding ourselves with these "free zones of safety" signs?



Any tips on being safe out there?

 

[U2democrat]

It's a little harder for me personally to feel safe as a short and skinny 19 year old blonde girl. Just this past Friday I went to a park and when I pulled up in my car there were two very shady men in an old van next to me, and they were staring at me very intensely. I pretended to be messing with my cell phone, and everynow and then I would look up and they were still staring. I decided not to get out, so I pulled out of the parking spot and circled around, thankfully by the time I got back they were gone. Unfortunately this happens to not only me but my other girl friends all too often. Even in "safe" areas.

Just be vigilant, be aware of the people around you without seeming too paranoid. We live in a crazy world.

 

[Muggsy]

hmmm.... I was born in Colombia, not the safest place in the world, when I was a girl I was afraid to find a bomb in the street or that someone in my family gets killed or kidnaped.



now... it's not that i feel completely safe walking trough the streets at night, but I know where I can walk and which areas are better to avoid and like u2 democrat said, being vigilant. I like to travel across the country and I know the risks, but it is unfair to let others control your life trough violence.

two days ago they found a dead man two blocks near my house, and it is supposed that i'm living in a quite neigborhood. I don't know, If I start to think about all the stuff around me I would get nuts :S

 

[melon]

I don't feel safe anywhere.

And I do not live in fear.

A rather American attitude, although I think you'll find that you do live in fear at a subconscious level.

There's an odd sense of safety being in Canada. The news isn't remotely as fearmongering. No handguns to worry about, for the most part. Murders are always a tiny fraction of the American rate.

That was the last time I really felt safe. America has been in a constant state of fear ever since the colonial days, and the post-9/11 world has just amplified this state of alert to insane proportions.

Melon

 

[redsox04]

Any tips on being safe out there?

Trust your instincts.

 

[the iron horse]

"A rather American attitude, although I think you'll find that you do live in fear at a subconscious level."

melon,

Thank you for your comments, but I do not live in fear at a subconscious level.

I've done that search years ago.
The being I fear does not walk this earth at present.

My father, besides being a Baptist minister, also taught psychology at a local university for several years.

 

[BVS]

My wife, and we did this when we were dating, will enter a restroom with me outside the door and check it out and then say it's looks OK to enter. Only then will she close the door.

I don't walk into any store without doing a quick survey visually of the parking lot and if I can see, what is going on inside.

Once I entered a 7/11 store late at night and saw a guy standing by the phone. When I came out I could see from my side that he was following me. I quickly opened by door and then slowly stuck my right hand into my backpocket and made a few motions like I was reaching for something and then kept my arm still.

This sounds like you are living in fear.

 

[the iron horse]

Re: Re: Being Safe Out There

This sounds like you are living in fear.

Reading is fundamental

and really fun.

 

[Angela Harlem]

If there is nothing to fear, why are you the ever-vigilant knight? Reading is a brilliant tool, you're right.

 

[AEON]

Being aware of your surroundings isn't exactly fear. Unless you consider checking your mirror before changing lanes fear. If you do, then I guess everything we do is fear.

 

[BVS]

If there is nothing to fear, why are you the ever-vigilant knight? Reading is a brilliant tool, you're right.

I can live without checking out restrooms or act like I'm carrying a weapon, AND I can read...

I guess I got the best of both worlds.

 

[BVS]

Being aware of your surroundings isn't exactly fear. Unless you consider checking your mirror before changing lanes fear. If you do, then I guess everything we do is fear.

Being aware of your surroundings doesn't require checking out restrooms and acting as if you have a weapon...

 

[AEON]

I don't know - I mean, in some neighborhoods if I had to stop and get gas I would look around before I "cornered" myself in a restroom. My heart rate would be the same but my senses would be more alert.

As an Infantry officer I'm trained to have "situational awareness." I wouldn't equate that to fear.

When I'm afraid my heartbeat picks up, my forehead sweats a little, and I get hyper-focused. I'm sure others handle fear their own way...

BTW - I'm listening to Slowdive right now...man, what an AWESOME band!

 

[the iron horse]

Being aware of your surroundings doesn't require checking out restrooms and acting as if you have a weapon...

So, what do you mean?

I should just simply walk into a restroom without looking?

Faking a weapon is a stupid thing to do when your feel like you are in dangrerous situation?

 

[BVS]

As an Infantry officer I'm trained to have "situational awareness." I wouldn't equate that to fear.

I'm a blackbelt in Tae-Kwon-Do, so I have the same "situational awareness", but it's a lot different than what's described above.

 

[randhail]

When I'm afraid my heartbeat picks up, my forehead sweats a little, and I get hyper-focused. I'm sure others handle fear their own way...!

Ahhh...that's the sympathetic nervous system kicking in your "fight or flight" repsonse. Pretty much everyone will get that way in those situations. I'm getting those same feelings as I sit here thinking about my anatomy exam on friday.

 

[BVS]

So, what do you mean?

I should just simply walk into a restroom without looking?

Faking a weapon is a stupid thing to do when your feel like you are in dangrerous situation?

Well the blind do it.

But seriously, that's not what you described above.

And yes, faking a weapon is a very stupid thing. If you're acting like you have a gun and the other guy actually does, they may have had no intention of drawing it(until he saw you reach for your invisible one), but believe me it doesn't matter how quick on the draw you are... your finger has nothing on a real gun.

 

[AEON]

I'm a blackbelt in Tae-Kwon-Do, so I have the same "situational awareness", but it's a lot different than what's described above.

Blackbelt...that's pretty instense. I think that is awesome! Supposedly I will get trained in some martial arts in Ranger School.

Yeah, I'm not quite sure what to call walking around with a hand in your pants to fake a weapon...not quite fear, perhaps situational awareness, a bit unusual response...but hey...if it makes you feel safer...then go for it.

 

[MacHat]

I think these are the most important things you can take with you out in the world:

- your wits
- common sense

 

[the iron horse]

"And yes, faking a weapon is a very stupid thing. If you're acting like you have a gun and the other guy actually does, they may have had no intention of drawing it(until he saw you reach for your invisible one), but believe me it doesn't matter how quick on the draw you are... your finger has nothing on a real gun."


Again...did you read my original post on this?

And to add some real gunpowder to this:

That real life scene I described >>>

I did have a loaded firearm in the glove compartment of my car that night.

*In the state I live in, this is legal*

 

[BVS]

Blackbelt...that's pretty instense. I think that is awesome! Supposedly I will get trained in some martial arts in Ranger School.

Thanks, I loved it. Haven't really trained in awhile, but it's one of those things, if you stay in shape, it's like riding a bike. Fortunately, I've only had to use it once... a drunk guy hit a girl and deserved to have his arm placed in a lock and pushed out into the street.

but hey...if it makes you feel safer...then go for it.

And that's fine, I'm just not sure he should be claiming that he doesn't live in fear, that's all I was saying.

 

[BVS]

"And yes, faking a weapon is a very stupid thing. If you're acting like you have a gun and the other guy actually does, they may have had no intention of drawing it(until he saw you reach for your invisible one), but believe me it doesn't matter how quick on the draw you are... your finger has nothing on a real gun."


Again...did you read my original post on this?

Sure did, but you asked;

Faking a weapon is a stupid thing to do when your feel like you are in dangrerous situation?

And I was giving my response in general, not to the exact situation. You got lucky it wasn't a real dangerous situation.

 

[BonosSaint]

I was taking my scaredy-cat German Shepherd out for a walk in the woods at 5 o'clock in the morning. Suddenly a guy appeared out of nowhere. Didn't know if he was any danger to me. I wasn't used to running into anyone alone that time of the morning. So I started speaking German like I was giving instructions to my very confused Shepherd. The man turned away.

For all I know, he went home to his wife and was telling her some crazy girl was about to set her attack dog on him, lol. But it seemed wiser to be cautious.

 

[Axver]

I should just simply walk into a restroom without looking?

Of course. My girlfriend considers me to be a bit paranoid, and yet even I had never thought to check bathrooms. The idea simply had not occurred to me before reading this thread. What is there to check? A bathroom is a lot less of a concern than what I'm about to address.

I did have a loaded firearm in the glove compartment of my car that night.

*In the state I live in, this is legal*

Now that disturbs me. The safest I feel is when I return to my hometown in New Zealand. In New Zealand, not even the regular police carry guns. In (some parts of?) the US, I could be in a queue at a shop and the guy behind me may be carrying a concealed weapon quite legally, and given the general stupidity I see from people, I'm not at all able to feel comfortable if anyone around me could possess an item designed for the sole purpose of inflicting injury and death. I mean, when I moved to Australia, the fact the police carry guns was enough to make me feel uncomfortable! The US's lax attitude towards guns is incomprehensible to me.

Now, I recognise that parts of New Zealand aren't necessarily safe either - e.g. the south side of Auckland, parts of Palmerston North and Hastings. But I feel completely at ease in small town New Zealand where I grew up - the Kapiti Coast, Horowhenua, and Wairarapa regions. The worst I ever remember happening in my childhood was someone breaking into my grandparents' shop when it was shut! Perhaps it's this upbringing in a quiet, peaceful corner of the world that causes me to fail to understand why someone would feel the need to carry a gun or treat bathrooms suspiciously.

 

[OceanGirl]

I don't think you can say that ANYWHERE is 100 % safe, but there are certainly some areas that are a lot safer than others. I live in a pretty quiet area, which is relatively safe. Bad things DO happen here, but when they do, it does leave us all in a state of shock.

I think it is good to be alert and conscious of your surroundings. I am pretty aware of my surroundings whenever I am out. I never park my car in an isolated area, never use stair wells, never walk at night, always lock my doors when I get into my car, never let my children out of my sight in public places etc etc.... BUT, I don't have my husband check public toilets for me before I enter. I don't scan the car park for anything suss before entering a shop. I don't peer into shop windows to make sure nothing bad is going on before I enter.

There is being careful and aware of your surroundings and then there is being paranoid! YES, bad things happen. But what sort of a life can you lead when fear (yes, fear - ie/ you are afraid that something bad will happen should you enter a public toilet alone) controls everything you do??? It's very sad that people feel they need to live this way because of a few bad apples that spoil it for everybody.

 

[Ellay]

The safest I feel is when I return to my hometown in New Zealand. In New Zealand, not even the regular police carry guns. In (some parts of?) the US, I could be in a queue at a shop and the guy behind me may be carrying a concealed weapon quite legally, and given the general stupidity I see from people, I'm not at all able to feel comfortable if anyone around me could possess an item designed for the sole purpose of inflicting injury and death. I mean, when I moved to Australia, the fact the police carry guns was enough to make me feel uncomfortable! The US's lax attitude towards guns is incomprehensible to me.

I agree, in the UK it's illegal to carry any kind of offensive weapon, without an extremely good reason.

Violent criminals will get their hands on guns if they really want them, but if there are fewer to go round in the first place, then the amount of shootings will be significantly lower.

 

[OceanGirl]

Public toilets CAN be dangerous, but so can people's homes! If someone is really desperate to something bad to someone, all they have to do is follow someone home and force their way into their HOME. If they want to shoot or stab people, they can do that ANYWHERE. It isn't 100 % safe walking down the street, but it isn't going to stop me doing it. I'm not walking down the street all cocky thinking I'm the safest person in the world.... I'm living my life. Simple as that. If something happens to me in the process, so be it.

And I HATE it that my first thought if someone waves me down while I am driving is that they are suss!! A few months ago I was driving to my daughter's school after working at my local animal rescue centre FAR out in the bush. I was waved down by an old man. My first thought was "suss"! I almost kept driving, but then I thought "what if he's having a heart attack or something" so I pulled over a few meters after passing him. He approached my car and at that moment I realised that my doors weren't locked... I ALMOST locked them when I realised, but didn't want to offend him! Turned out that he just wanted to know where the animal shelter was! I felt bad that he had to walk all the way there and would have given him a lift if I hadn't been running late already! I was sooo ashamed of myself for thinking the worst of the poor old bloke.

The US's lax attitude towards guns is incomprehensible to me.

I agree.

 

[maycocksean]

Public toilets CAN be dangerous, but so can people's homes! If someone is really desperate to something bad to someone, all they have to do is follow someone home and force their way into their HOME. If they want to shoot or stab people, they can do that ANYWHERE.

I feel the same way. People can be a bit irrational about the things they fear. Often the things statistically least likely to cause us harm are the the things we fear the most (plane crashes, terrorist attacks, being attacked by stranger) while the things that we are much more likely to get done in by, we barely fear at all (car accidents, falling at home, date rape).

I try to keep in mind those odds, and since it's not practical to worry about the more common dangers, I generally don't worry or fear too much at all. I guess I'm kinda fatalistic in a sense. I figure that death is a matter of "when" not "if"and it'd be a waste to spend the day, the moment I have worrying about when it's going to come. I think a lot of the hypervigilance both on the broader societal level and on the personal level comes from a misguided attempt to hold onto an illusion of complete "control."

To me it almost makes more sense to ask ourselves "We have our lives been preserved for another day" rather than "Why has death happened?"

Not to sound too gloomy or anything. I'm a pretty happy person and ironically this philospophy helps me appreciate each moment, and not worry a whole lot.

I fear pain and injury a LOT more than death, I will admitt.

 

[mandy1973]

WOW, there are some really interesting points made in all the posts here. Have to put my 2c worth in though. As an australian, I too have a MAJOR problem understanding why americans feel the need to carry firearms around with them. Surely more weapons=more violence=more fear=more weapons etc...etc...etc...

From what i see around me, its the media that bombards us with stories to breed fear and hatred. I really don't think the world is that scary a place, not where i am any how, and like someone else said, the majority of things people 'fear' are in fact those things that are the least likely to ever effect their lives personally.


Lets face it, any where you look at the statistics, you are MUCH more likely to die in a car accident or falling over and hitting your head than being involved in a terror attack, or being attacked and murdered by a stranger. The odds are so tiny, that I really can't see any point at all about worrying about these things. Worry about making a good life for yourself and those around you, and enjoying everyday. Life is WAY too short to worry about all the 'big' things, Ce Sera Sera


And, I too had NEVER thought to check a restroom before i entered, and i'm not about to start now either - i'll just go in and pee in ignorant bliss

 

[Angela Harlem]

America's police department is redundant. It's simple.