Ask the single mom

[Drama Queen]

for some of you who may not know me (aka icelle), i have been divorced for 2-3 years, and i have custody of my 10 year old daughter daisy. im not in a relationship with anyone, and i work for a major corporation full time. i rarely get help with anything from my exhusband other than the obligated child support. im sure there's a few of you who want to know how i pull this off.

ask any questions of me. im game

 

[nbcrusader]

First of all, you have my utmost respect for your continued dedication to your daughter and working so hard to give her the best life possible.

We have a close friend who went through a very similar situation over the last 5 years.

Having seen glimpses into the family law arena, and knowing the difficulty in receiving regular, timely child support - what one thing would you like to see changed in the system?

 

[Irvine511]

do you have time to date, or is that not even a concern you have right now?

 

[Drama Queen]

if it were up to me, all who would have to pay child support it would be an automatic wage garnishment. but i know there are different circumstances, different cases, etc. and child care would be part of the child support also. my ex has not paid his half of daycare in almost 2 years. its very difficult to manage that.

 

[Drama Queen]

do you have time to date, or is that not even a concern you have right now?

i get every other weekend to myself, so its definitely something i could make time for. im not too concerned with dating, im just letting things happen. right now its just the "me" time that i enjoy.

 

[snowbunny00774]

Obviously you have to make some personal sacrifces in order to provide for your daughter. If you didn't have to do without, what is something you would like to have, or have more of...other than money.

 

[Drama Queen]

more time with my daughter, and a house with a yard for her to play in. i couldnt think of anything else.

 

[Judah]

How's your daughter taking the split?

 

[Golightly Grrl]

Hi Icelle, is there a parents without partners type of support group you could join? A friend of mine joined one several years ago after her divorce and it helped her feel less alone and freaked out. Much love to you and your daughter.

 

[Drama Queen]

How's your daughter taking the split?

my daughter, seeing everything thru her own eyes, thought it was my mother's fault because we were moving in with her. she thought grandma was taking her away from her father. when i later explained to her that we didnt have any other place to live except her house, then she placed the blame on me. she was very attached to her father. there was alot of acting out of her emotions on everyone. it was a very hard adjustment for her that first year.

 

[Drama Queen]

Hi Icelle, is there a parents without partners type of support group you could join? A friend of mine joined one several years ago after her divorce and it helped her feel less alone and freaked out. Much love to you and your daughter.

im sure there is, but i havent really looked up that information. i have tons of support from my family and friends so i rarely feel alone or stressed

 

[Sylvia127]

if it were up to me, all who would have to pay child support it would be an automatic wage garnishment. but i know there are different circumstances, different cases, etc. and child care would be part of the child support also.

In my state, daycare usually is factored in to the child support payment, along with uninsured medical/dental and other health related bills. Payments can be direct-ex-spouse to ex-spouse, thereby saving the parties administrative court fees of a few hundred dollars a year-with a safety fall back that causes an income deduction order to automatically kick in if two consecutive payments are missed. It's all income based, and in the case of RAIDS (Recently Acquired Income Deficiency Syndrome-voluntary) on income imputed based on past earnings hx.

The cases and circumstances may be different, as you say, but the law is pretty clear-two people that created a child both have an obligation to support that child. It's not optional, and it's not based on what the payor wants to pay. Contact your local legal aid society and see if they can give you some advice-you can file a rehearing or whatever is needed yourself. Forms available at most clerk's offices. Good luck.

One last thought-I certainly hope that you are the one claiming the child as a dependent on all state and federal income tax returns. Anyone in arrears on child support doesn't get this privilege. Your state department of revenue may also be able to assist you with establishing and extracting child support.

 

[Rochelle D]

not a question, but i know how hard it is to be a single parent,

my mum is and she gets nothing from my dad or the government

i think any single parents are brave people, sometimes its hard to get by with only one wage

but my mum and other single parents do a wonderful job and always make sure their kids to go without