MrsSpringsteen said:
I like love-ins better 
As for what you said, I think that would depend on the men-maybe that perpetuates a certain stereotype(that two gay men would be more accepting of infidelity for the purpose you described), but that's more for you to say than for me 
Maybe I'm too "old fashioned" about that issue to fully understand that concept.
hmmm ... i think "need" to stray might have been the wrong word. perhaps "temptation" to stray might be better.
yes, it does perpetuate a certain stereotype, but the gay male couples i know have a much more casual attitude towards infidelity than straight couples i know. it's not 100%, of course, but there seems to be this shared understanding. it bothers me a bit, like we're selling ourselves short. and it does make sense that standards of fidelity should be the same for all married couples, gay or straight. it has nothing to do with being old fashioned or not. i think it's perfectly reasonable to expect that your spouse will be faithful to you, and that if he/she isn't, it's grounds for divorce (should you so choose).
i also have seen gay men -- andrew sullivan on the right, dan savage on the left -- chastise the culture for being too preoccupied with sex, and demand that gay men take more responsibility for their actions. that, sadly, the spread of STDs, including HIV, particularly today when we know how these things are spread, often does come down to irresponsible behavior. no, no one ever *deserves* to get herpes, chlymidia, or god forbid HIV, but there is an element of personal responsibility that the culture as a whole has run away from -- for a variety of reasons, whether good reasons or not.
this is something i struggle with. the sexual freedom is exhilarating, but i now know enough to realize that it's also a dead end. many men, right after they first come out, go through a very promiscuous stage, a combination of depression and elation, of being free and totally apart from all the rules you were brought up with. it can also be a dangerous time, compounded by the fact that most are young and stupid anyway when they first come out.
also, because i am fearful of dying old and alone, my attitude towards fidelity is the following: whatever you need to make the relationship work and for it to last. i can easily see myself forgiving an indiscretion if the person mattered more to me than whatever expectations that i might have had.
this is something that i dont' feel totally comfortable with, as i said earlier. the "best" couple i know have been together 15 years (and they're only now hitting 40). they love each other, completely, and they also don't care if one messes up every now and then. bluntly, one said to me that he didn't care if the other was on a business trip, went to a bar, brought some meaningless trick home, because he knew that all it was was just sex, not love. what the two of them had was love, and that he would always come home to him, and that was what mattered. and that the tolerance of occasional mess-ups actually strengthened the relationship, because there was an understanding in place, and there wasn't the pressure of "if you cheat, we're over." this isn't an open relationship by any means, but it is different from the cultural standard that i absorbed growing up.
and i dunno. i'm still dealing with this.
at the end of the day, i want to have someone. and i'm willing to fight my own expectations and idealism.
remember: it's a smaller applicant pool. 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 are gay; you do the best you can with what you have.
and this is where some of the sadness of being gay comes in. there are lowered expectations for some things. and so, you pick your battles.
