A most complicated situation...

[pax]

(I'm not sure if this belongs in FYM or not, so mods, if you can think of a better place for it, feel free to move.)

I recently spent my spring break from school visiting with some friends. These friends included an ex-boyfriend of mine (Bill), with whom I was involved for over two years and we sort of stayed friends, even though he moved away. They also included his best friend and roommate (Tim), who also happens to be one of my best friends.

To make a very long story short, Tim and I have always gotten along really well, although we were strictly friends when Bill and I were together. But while I was visiting, Tim and I both admitted to each other that we had been having feelings for each other for a long time. We spent a lot of time together and parted rather tearfully.

Bill knows this is going on, and while I care very much for him, I also feel like I don't owe him anything. In addition, I can't really change the fact that Tim and I live a thousand miles away from each other. Finally, I also like another guy who lives much closer to home. But Tim and I have spoken since I came home, and we both admitted that we don't think it was a one-time thing and we miss each other quite a bit.

So. What would y'all do?

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If you cannot live together in here, you cannot live together out there, let me tell ya. --Bono

You've got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice... --Bono

 

[The Wanderer]

I'm confused, you like another guy in addition to Tim? And you are worried that Bill will cause trouble with any relationship you have with Tim? So I'm not sure what it has to do with the other guy who lives closer and what youre actual question here is

 

[pax]

Thank you, Wanderer. Allow me to clarify.

1.) I like Tim, but he lives very far away.
2.) I like another guy too, but I have much more history with Tim and I haven't known this other guy for very long.

So, would you all suggest that I:

1.) Forget Tim--he's my ex's best friend and he lives a thousand miles away;
2.) Go for it with Tim--we like each other and if our feelings are that strong, we'll figure something out;
3.) Not do anything for a while and see what happens.

Sorry about the misunderstanding. I hope this clears things up.

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If you cannot live together in here, you cannot live together out there, let me tell ya. --Bono

You've got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice... --Bono

 

[The Wanderer]

well since "all of the above" was not a choice, I would say that you seem excited about the Tim guy, but this other fella is more convenient (geography 101), but I also think it shouldnt matter that Timmy is your ex-boyfriend's best friend, I mean, you aren't still dating your ex-boyfriend, so who f***ing cares what Bill thinks?!?!

I hope I cleared that up for you

 

[zoomerang II]

LMAO wanderer

Whatever you do don't screw with Tim's mind. Or the guy near you.

[This message has been edited by zoomerang II (edited 03-15-2002).]

 

[Hewson]

Have you considered opting for what's behind door #3, where Carl Merril is standing?

Seriously, you have to follow your heart, but 1000 miles is a lot of distance.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Wow Pax.
My advice is a little personal. Sorry to redirect it, but it may help. I was with this guy James for about 9 months. We were only semi serious, it kinda ended, as these things do. All around that time, we got to knowing each others friends etc. Eventually, I faced your dilemma with one of his mates. In mixed company myself and the new fella tried to keep low key, until eventually James and I got to talking and I said "This isn't too weird is it?" To which he replied, "If it were that weird, I wouldn't be this happy for you guys". Needless to say, I felt free of any emotional burdens there. Selfish huh? Anyways, James eventually ended up as a guest at our wedding-with his new flame, who's a great girl

So basically, dont stress about Bill. Bill is so past, he's out to pasture.
Now you are left with Tim and a new fella. Geography 101 shouldn't factor, but obviously convenience does. With Tim, can you do a long distance relationship? Until you work out some other arrangement? With local dude, can you enter into a new relationship and put thoughts of Tim out of your mind?
Lastly, who do you feel more for? You will have to let go of these attraction issues with one of them if it can work.
Sorry if I'm no help at all!

 

[Lemonite]

.

[This message has been edited by Lemonite (edited 03-15-2002).]

 

[pax]

Do I even want to know what you were going to write, Lemonite?

Thanks everyone for your kind advice. If anyone else has any ideas, please feel free to put them here.

Right now I'm sort of toying with moving out to where Tim lives for my summer break, getting a job and subletting out there until it's time for me to go back to school. I don't know if that's too much too soon, but I still have a lot of time to think about it.

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If you cannot live together in here, you cannot live together out there, let me tell ya. --Bono

You've got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice... --Bono

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I would follow my heart and go for the guy who lives thousand of miles away. Crazy, but you said you and him really dig each other. Good luck!