it's time for "ask whortense"

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
A better question is what makes a whortense??(OK that one's easy...not paying her
biggrin.gif
)

If a train leaves NY travelling East at 80 MPH, do the passengers know how to swim?

Why do birds sing suddenly when you appear?

Who's your Daddy?

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The joker is the best card.
 
what do people think that just because Jennifer Lopez has a big ass that she also has talent?

In college, my nickname was Bitch. does that mean we're related? [c'mon, whore...bitch. there has to be a connection]

What the hell is up with the new Britney Spears video? Since when did MTV become a soft pron station?

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"Things will not be the same in this city for us." -Bono, Dublin, February 1980
 
In Jerry Maguire.."SHow me the money"
Where IS the money?

Why won't I ever get to dance with Bono? *sniff, sob*

You're from London?

Who is Whortense's alter real-life ego?

Will I find a decent good-looking, intelligent, ambitious, athletic, musical, sensitive, romantic, kind, generous, U2-lovin' guy at McMaster?

What is patella femoral disorder and what is it really caused by?

If I make this face
biggrin.gif
will it really get stuck like that?

What is a pimple?

Why will elements in the third row of the periodic table disobey the octet rule?



[This message has been edited by The_Sweetest_Thing (edited 11-08-2001).]
 
Dear Bathtime Fun Whortense,

Why does the rising full moon appear so large when it is right on the horizon but then appear to shrink to normal size as it ascends into the night sky?

Why does the moon sometimes appear to be an orange color? My mom used to tell me it meant that we were in for a wild night. Is that just an old wives tale?

Why is TheU2 obsessed with poo?


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Remember the goul.

Shake n' bake
Do whatever it takes
 
What are pointe shoes (ballerina shoes) really made of?

What are the ingredients in canned dog food?

You know that button that your parents always told you NOT to touch? What does it really do?

Who is the most annoying person on the planet?

Will Al Gore run for Pres again?

Will the Canadian dollar EVER go up?
 
Why am I replying to this thread?

Do you have a 'rubber ducky' in your bathtub?

Will db9 ever post w/ out mentioning his Bono 'encounter'?
wink.gif


Why can't Bin Laden at least trim that beard?
 
Originally posted by U2@NYC:
Between Whortense and the Death Bear this forum has been ruined. All these posts are crap.

That is your opinion. I happen to disagree. If you don't like these threads, don't read them.

------------------
Remember the goul.

Shake n' bake
Do whatever it takes
 
Wow I confess my undying love to Trip and she just throws it back in my face by trying to steal off with whortense. Life is unfair. I am unloveable.
 
Originally posted by Deathbear's Fly Girl:
Will Flaming Friar Sr. be banned? Again?

Why is the sky blue? Answer that one.

And what comes first the chicken or the egg?

1) yes

2) the sky is blue, due to atmospheric gasses trapping in light and that this light does not completely block out the black universe. hence, rather than the whiteness of total light or the blackness of complete absence of light, you get blue--somewhere in the middle.

3) always the egg. in evolution the ancestor of the chicken--what i like to call the "protochicken"--laid the egg that held the first biological chicken. hence, it was a non-chicken (i.e., the protochicken) that laid the egg that held the first chicken.

if that is insufficient explanation, realize that there is no such thing as spontaneous generation, and that all things must be born (egg) before they can exist (chicken).

another justification is that the egg must exist before it can be fertilized into an embryonic chicken. hence, the egg always exists before the chicken.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by mikal:
How did the word "bitch" become so common used when it's true meaning is "female dog"?

Who is your favorite mod?

How tall am I?

What high school did I graduate from?


1) it's likely due to the combination of traditional derogatory attitudes towards women and the fascination with how dogs have sex. i'm sure our ancestors discovered the funniness of the "doggy style" position in sex, and probably laughed at the fact that women, in that position, are exactly as the female dog, or "bitch."

2) why salome, of course

3) there are these things called "rulers"

4) your mommy and daddy would likely be able to tell you

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by SweetOnU2:
*comes back* Awww, talk about relief!!

Whortense I have 2 more Q's:

1) How do Porcupines have sex?

2) What can I do from falling asleep during my English class?


1) introduction

how do porcupines make love? You would probably think the answer is "very carefully", but you would probably be wrong. the answer is more improbable and much more bizarre than that. while browsing in the basement of the library one day, i came across two papers* which detailed in great detail the details of the porcupine's sex life. the information contained in these two papers is of such great importance it is paraphrased and presented here. the next time a friend asks you how porcupines make love, you can set them straight by describing these events (in as much detail as you dare).

the animals

the porcupines in the study were part of a colony kept at the biology department at the university of buffalo during the 1940s. the colony consisted of 5 females (maudie, nightie, prickles, snooks and skeezix) and 3 males (old dad, johnnie and pinkie^). it was noted that the animals of both sexes objected to being stroked or having their feet, tail base or genitals touched by the authors.

the behaviour

female pre-copulation

in july/august, as the mating season approached, the female porcupine would often rub her genitals on structures such as food and water dishes, sticks, and the cage wire. as the season progresses she accepted and sought more frequent tactile stimulation (presumably from the human investigators). as the mating season approached, young females become more nervous and excited and put more "vim, vigor and action" into their activities. they would even "seize, straddle, and ride sticks about the cage" walking erect and stimulating their genitalia with the stick. this period of excitement is followed by a period when the female went off her food, remained close to the male and "moped". during this period the female even accepted the insertion of a thermometer into the vagina (which she resisted at other times).

male courtship behaviour

when placed in a cage with a female the male porcupine toured the whole area rubbing everything with his nose. he carefully smelled all items, paying closest attention to objects which have been in contact with the female and the places where she had urinated. he often walked about the cage on three legs, clutching at his genitals with his free left front paw. like the females, the male rubbed his genitals on objects in the cage, and it appeared that the larger the object the more attractive as a rubbing place. the authors describe having to remove a one and a half inch spike from the frame of one cage as they feared to animal's vigorous rubbing would result in injury. males also indulged in "stick riding" as described for females. males would often "sing#" during this period and became more aggressive with other males. when the male encountered the female porcupine he smelled her all over, then reared up on his hind legs, his penis fully erect. if the female was not ready she ran away. if she is prepared for mating she also reared up and faced the male, belly-to-belly. in this position most males then sprayed the female with a strong stream of urine@, soaking her from head to foot**. she would 1) object vocally, 2) strike with her front paws, as though boxing, 3) threaten or try to bite, or 4) shake off the urine and run away. if ready for mating the female did not object strongly to this shower. this courtship routine may occur several times in the days or weeks leading up to copulation.

mating

mating occurs in november or december. while females at the peak of receptivity would accept any male, males required a period of close association with the females before they could mate with them. the male makes sexual contact from behind the female. the spines of both animals were relaxed and lay flat. his thrusts are of the "usual nature" and were produced by flexing and straightening the knees. males do not grasp the female in any way. mating occurred until the male was exhausted. each time he broke away from the female she would re-establish contact. one younger female made grunting whines throughout. if males refused to co-operate, the female approached a nearby male and acted out the male role in coition with the uninvolved male. females only remained sexually receptive for a few hours and then rejected males.

post-copulation

while the pre-copulatory period was described as "warming up", the post-copulatory period was a "cooling off" time. females rejected males, engaging in the same activities as for pre-copulation, but in reverse order.

^ he was not pink at all, but albino.

# actually described as whining.

@ in one case, urine was measured on the lab floor 6 foot 7 inches from the point of discharge.

** johnnie (young male) would charge the female from this position, trying to wrestle her to the ground and make sexual contact ventrally. he was never successful.

2) sleep more and in regular intervals, try and substantially reduce caffeine and alcohol intake, and exercise consistently.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington

[This message has been edited by Bathtime Fun Whortense (edited 11-08-2001).]
 
Originally posted by wannabe:
I dunno if it has been asked, but...is rigging the microwave door so you can cook with it wide open a bad thing???

yes. the casing of the microwave is created so that the radiation emitted is absorbed inside of it. if you rig the door open, you leave yourself open to harmful radiation.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by zooropamanda:
dOeS wHoReTeNsE eNjOy HeR nEw PlAcE/rOlE iN iNtErLaNd?

wHo rEaLly iS tHe RiDdlEr?

wIlL i EvEr AcCePt My LoOks AnD bE aBlE tO sMiLe WhEn I sEe A mIrRoR?

WhY dOnT i HaVe AnY cOnFiDeNce?

wIlL u2 ToUr AuStRaLiA eVeR aGaIn?

1) yes

2) someone from the u.k.

3) yes, as long as you can accept that you are beautiful

4) you've been hurt too many times, as you have high expectations for those around you

5) if u2 can learn how to absorb the losses from "devalued" nations like australia from the more profitable nations like the united states, which should be simple, as they have done dozens of concerts in the u.s., and, probably, u2 only does a small fraction of that amount of tours in south america and australia.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by Hewson:
A better question is what makes a whortense??(OK that one's easy...not paying her
biggrin.gif
)

If a train leaves NY travelling East at 80 MPH, do the passengers know how to swim?

Why do birds sing suddenly when you appear?

Who's your Daddy?


1) 1 egg + 1 sperm

2) yes and no, depending on the passenger

3) they are likely alerting others that someone has entered their space

4) paul mcguinness

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by sharky:
what do people think that just because Jennifer Lopez has a big ass that she also has talent?

In college, my nickname was Bitch. does that mean we're related? [c'mon, whore...bitch. there has to be a connection]

What the hell is up with the new Britney Spears video? Since when did MTV become a soft pron station?


1) tits and asses sell. singing doesn't.

2) sorry. not all female dogs are whores.

3) tits and asses sell. singing doesn't.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by The_Sweetest_Thing:
In Jerry Maguire.."SHow me the money"
Where IS the money?

Why won't I ever get to dance with Bono? *sniff, sob*

You're from London?

Who is Whortense's alter real-life ego?

Will I find a decent good-looking, intelligent, ambitious, athletic, musical, sensitive, romantic, kind, generous, U2-lovin' guy at McMaster?

What is patella femoral disorder and what is it really caused by?

If I make this face
biggrin.gif
will it really get stuck like that?

What is a pimple?

Why will elements in the third row of the periodic table disobey the octet rule?

1) in nicole kidman's bank account

2) bono has a hard time discerning between you and the millions of other girls that throw themselves at him

3) no, but i lived there for three weeks

4) molly shannon

5) no

6) patella femoral syndrome (or chondromalacia patellae) refers to softening of the articular cartilage of the kneecap. the disorder can occur at any age and may be caused by injury, overuse, abnormal limb alignment, or muscle weakness. it is also known as housemaid?s knee.

instead of gliding smoothly across the lower end of the thigh bone (femur), the kneecap rubs against it, thereby roughening the cartilage underneath the kneecap. the damage may range from a slight abnormality of the surface of the cartilage to a surface that has been worn away completely to the bone.
traumatic chondromalacia occurs when a blow to the knee cap tears off either a small piece of articular cartilage or a large fragment containing a piece of bone (osteochondral fracture).

7) no

8) a blockage of oil, dead skin cells, dirt, and, quite often, dead white blood cells that accumulates in one of innumerous oil ducts you have in your skin.

9) basically, the octet rule is a simple way of rationalizing why the first two rows of the periodic table behave the way we do.
it is not a "law of nature," but rather a "rule of thumb" which, when applied, does have some predictive power.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by SicilianGoddess:
What cures a stomach ache from LMAO?


use your hand and rub the area above your diaphragm, which is the muscle used to breathe if you didn't know that. your stomach may, additionally, be out of place, so it would be advised to get routine chiropractic checkups, unless you know how to put it back in place yourself.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by Calluna:

Dear Bathtime Fun Whortense,

Why does the rising full moon appear so large when it is right on the horizon but then appear to shrink to normal size as it ascends into the night sky?

Why does the moon sometimes appear to be an orange color? My mom used to tell me it meant that we were in for a wild night. Is that just an old wives tale?

Why is TheU2 obsessed with poo?

1) the earth is like an obscured lens. if the moon is at one place in the sky, it will look different than if placed elsewhere.

2) there are, depending, heavy amounts of environmental dust in the atmosphere, whether it be from volcanic activity, wind, or dust kicking up from harvest season. this moon, aptly titled, is a "harvest moon." remember the obscured lens? the dust, from whatever source, compounds it.

3) he has an ass fetish.

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by The_Sweetest_Thing:
What are pointe shoes (ballerina shoes) really made of?

What are the ingredients in canned dog food?

You know that button that your parents always told you NOT to touch? What does it really do?

Who is the most annoying person on the planet?

Will Al Gore run for Pres again?

Will the Canadian dollar EVER go up?

1) leather, glue, paper, burlap, and nails.

2) inedible animal guts; animal fat; low nutrient wheat, soy, corn, peanut hulls, and other vegetable protein; anticaking agents; antimicrobial agents; antioxidants; coloring agents; curing agents; drying agents; emulsifiers; firming agents; flavor enhancers; flavoring agents; flour treating agents; formulation aids; humectants; leavening agents; lubricants; nonnutritive sweeteners; nutritive sweeteners; oxidizing and reducing agents; ph control agents; processing aids; sequestrants; solvents; vehicles; stabilizers; thickeners; surface active agents; surface finishing agents; synergists; texturizers

3) bad things

4) osama bin laden

5) yes, if in the absence of any strong democrats within the next three years

6) if the canadian government takes initiative

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~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Originally posted by Gina Marie:
Why am I replying to this thread?

Do you have a 'rubber ducky' in your bathtub?

Will db9 ever post w/ out mentioning his Bono 'encounter'?
wink.gif


Why can't Bin Laden at least trim that beard?

1) because it's the newest trend

2) yes

3) no

4) it's against fundamentalist islam beliefs

------------------
~whortense wiffin
walla walla, washington
 
Who will win the Super Bowl this year?

Who will win the NBA championship this year?

Who will win the Grammy for Album Of The Year?

What's your porn name?

What's my favorite cocktail?

Am I an alcoholic?

Are you an alcoholic?

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"I'm gonna start a day care!"-Bono
 
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