ENTERTAIN ME!!!!! The one who does it the best gets a kiss! - U2 Feedback

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Old 11-27-2001, 10:27 AM   #1
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ENTERTAIN ME!!!!! The one who does it the best gets a kiss!

OK, it'll be a virtual kiss, but I'll make it worth your while.

I am so friggin' bored here at work, and since I can't shop online or search for pictures of U2 naked here I thought I'd ask y'all to entertain me for a little bit.

Begin...NOW!!

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Old 11-27-2001, 11:06 AM   #2
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My picture didn't work....so...

One day in a locker room, Bob sees a fat man with a cork in his ass. Curious, he asks the man how it got there. "Well", says the man, "I was walking along the beach when I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smokeand this great big guy in a turbancame oozing out, saying,'I am a genie. I can grant you one wish.'And I said, 'No shit!"


Nate

[This message has been edited by njf77 (edited 11-27-2001).]
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Old 11-27-2001, 11:14 AM   #3
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A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, "All lawyers are assholes!" He looks around, obviously looking for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says. "Take that back!"
The biker says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
"No, I'm an asshole."

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I've been hiding
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Old 11-27-2001, 11:17 AM   #4
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If a man is talking in the woodsand no woman hears him...is he still wrong?
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Old 11-27-2001, 11:32 AM   #5
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LOL Nate.



Hey, I dont want a kiss.. I just came here to laugh.

[This message has been edited by SicilianGoddess (edited 11-27-2001).]
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Old 11-27-2001, 11:59 AM   #6
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Will my kiss include the tongue? I like the tongue!

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Old 11-27-2001, 12:08 PM   #7
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A doctor, lawyer and priest are on the Titanic when it hits an iceberg.
Priest: "We've got to abandon ship"
Doctor: "What about the women and children?"
Lawyer: "F*ck the women and children"
Priest: "Do you think we have time?"

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Old 11-27-2001, 12:16 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Zoo Schabow:
Will my kiss include the tongue? I like the tongue!

To get tongue you must do something extra special to entertain me. LOL


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Old 11-27-2001, 12:19 PM   #9
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*hangs upside down while singing "Baby One More Time" in the nude.

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Old 11-27-2001, 12:39 PM   #10
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A horse was going for a walk in the red light district. He accidentally steps on the foot of one of the prostitutes and says "Oh, excuse me April".

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Old 11-27-2001, 12:45 PM   #11
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Picture three dwarfs running in a field. Once the dwarfs reach the end of the field they start fighting three midgets. The battle to end all battles Dwarfs vs. Midgets!!!!!
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Old 11-27-2001, 01:01 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by DrTeeth:
A horse was going for a walk in the red light district. He accidentally steps on the foot of one of the prostitutes and says "Oh, excuse me April".


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Old 11-27-2001, 02:45 PM   #13
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Damn those lawyer jokes!!!!
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Old 11-27-2001, 04:02 PM   #14
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> >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
> > >
> > >She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they will all fly away
> > >with the first gun shot"
> > >
> > >The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like the way
> > >you're thinking,"
> > >
> > >Then little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three
> > >women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking
> > >the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
> > >down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
> > >the ice cream. Which one is married?"
> > >
> > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one
> > >that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone"
> > >
> > >To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with
> > >the wedding ring on... but I like the way you're thinking."
> > >
> > >
> > >Math Class:
> > >
> > >Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > >
> > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3' I said "6"
> > >
> > >"But that's right!"
> > > "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
> > >"What's the f**king difference?" asks the father.
> > >
> > >"That's what I said!"
> > >
> > >**********************************************************************
> > >English:
> > >
> > >Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > >
> > >Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate"
> > >
> > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
> > >
> > >Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > >
> > >**********************************************************************
> > >
> > >Vocabulary:
> > >Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needs
> > >to go to the bathroom.
> > >He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"
> > >
> > >The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
> > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly and I will allow
> > >you to go."
> > >Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if
> > >you had bigger breasts, you'd be a TEN!!!"
> > >
> > >**********************************************************************
> > >Grammar:
> > >One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > >show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the
> > >same sentence twice.
> > >First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
> > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > >"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > >Michael.
> > > "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,"
> > >he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
> > >Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner
> > >table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said,
> > >'Beautiful... just f**king beautiful'"
>
>
>
>
>
>

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Old 11-27-2001, 04:11 PM   #15
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DO NOT I repeat DO NOT FLAME Me for this one I didn't write it but I must admit I did say yea after I read it.

'Twas the night before payback and all through the land,
They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan,
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us, that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your butt, with one heavy boot.

And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors, that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear.

And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died.

Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove it, that you are a man,
Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan.

They are our fathers and they are our sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big guns.
They would have stayed home with children and wives,
Till you bastards came here and took all these lives.

Osama I wrote this especially for you,
For airmail delivery, by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a missile.
I will not be sorry to see your ass go.
It's Red, White, and Blue that is running this show.
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Old 11-27-2001, 04:14 PM   #16
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Another one.


SIGN POSTED AT LOCAL GOLF CLUB..
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width
apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go
ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good.
Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
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Old 11-27-2001, 04:18 PM   #17
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Um..that one wasn't very entertaining.

If you can come up with some pictures of hot men then we can work something out.

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Old 11-27-2001, 04:18 PM   #18
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Things you CAN say at Christmas & Thanksgiving(Turkey) dinner and get away with!
1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
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Old 11-27-2001, 04:20 PM   #19
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I have created some very entertaining smileys:

:-

:-A


cool huh!?

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Old 11-27-2001, 04:20 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by LarryMullen's_POPAngel:
Um..that one wasn't very entertaining.

If you can come up with some pictures of hot men then we can work something out.

or pics of Alyssa Milano!

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