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Old 03-13-2005, 06:19 AM   #1
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bono's big year!



from New York Post


March 13, 2005 -- St. Bono - er, Bono - has a busy week ahead of him. Tomorrow, his band U2 will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The Nobel Institute is reportedly considering him for its peace prize, thanks to his adoption of crises ranging from the AIDS epidemic to Third World debt. He's also being floated as possible president of the World Bank, and co-founded a new eco-conscious fashion line called Edun.

But that's not all. In a Post exclusive, we got our hands on Bono's packed datebook for the rest of 2005:

APRIL

1: Assume presidency of World Bank.

15: Orientation Day at World Bank: Assign each board member cool, single name, citing wild popularity of the Edge, if necessary. "Her Excellency Ana Dias Lourenco, Planning Minster of Angola"- no soul. "Electrica"- mucho soul.

MAY

10: Forgive Bolivian debt. Forgive Micronesian debt. Forgive the Edge's credit card debt. Forgive Band Aid for making me sing that crap line in "Do They Know It's Christmas."

Click Here!

JUNE

4: Introduce organic-linen summer line by Edun clothing label, which celebrates fair trade and Third World empowerment. Attend launch party at Saks Fifth Avenue.

30: Check Saks receipts. DO NOT forgive debt.

JULY

3: Ship a few thousand U2 iPods to militants in Darfur. Let music heal region.

4: Cure world hunger.

10: Release U2 red-and-black limited edition Mr. Coffee. Machine must brew only shade grown, fair-trade beans. Unless it's Jamaica-Blue Mountain - that stuff is the shizzle.

26: Send free Mr. Coffees to starving lemon pickers in ... oh wait. No starvation left. Send free Mr. Coffees to fatigued teenagers of Waterloo, Iowa.

AUGUST

12-15: World Peace Forum-slash-sleepover-at-Oprah's.

SEPTEMBER

13: File copyright on phrase "Pro Bono Work."

20: Summon rain along horn of Africa; eliminate bloody drought already.

OCTOBER

2: Halt civil war in Colombia with free, surprise concert. Watch while "Zooropa" repairs decade of hate.

4: Accept Nobel Prize for Peace.

9: Set meeting with Electrica. See if we can't beat this dengue fever thing.

13: Fly to East Asia; hand-mix limited edition U2 batch of dengue fever vaccine.

15: Accept Nobel Prize for Medicine.

18: Build limited-edition red-and-black U2 particle accelerator deep beneath Texas panhandle; split the gluon, discover true nature of dark matter.

19: Accept Nobel Prize for Physics.

23: A new day for fair trade. Pay women of Peru to spin hair into yarn. Pay endangered lynxes to transport yarn to Edun plant in Tunisia.

29: Accept Nobel Prize for Economics.

NOVEMBER

2: Die.

4: Appear in vision to a group of Guatemalan girls.

8: Graciously decline sainthood.

9: Have Electrica redirect torrent of media questions regarding proposed sainthood to Barbara Skydel at Premier Talent.

14: Get resurrected. Explore feasibility of having "Elevation" play in background.

DECEMBER

8: First date of U2 Resurrection Tour. Official tour T-shirts by Edun, all organic cotton, $80 each.
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Old 03-13-2005, 06:34 AM   #2
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I want to see the U2 ressurection tour, sounds class
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Old 03-13-2005, 06:43 AM   #3
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Re: bono's big year!

Quote:
Originally posted by all_i_want


from New York Post

SEPTEMBER

13: File copyright on phrase "Pro Bono Work."

OCTOBER

2: Halt civil war in Colombia with free, surprise concert. Watch while "Zooropa" repairs decade of hate.
These are the best! I can't stop laughing.
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Old 03-13-2005, 07:25 AM   #4
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best... article... ever...


and on a side note... that edun shit's expensive. i was thinkin' of buying something until i found out that the friggin men's shirt they sell costs like 200 bucks. fuck that shit.
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Old 03-13-2005, 07:48 AM   #5
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If interested, here is the scan

Click on image to enlarge..

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Old 03-13-2005, 11:15 AM   #6
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Old 03-13-2005, 12:04 PM   #7
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That's great!
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"Mediocrity is never so dangerous as when it is dressed up as sincerity." - Søren Kierkegaard

Ian McCulloch the U2 fan:
"Who buys U2 records anyway? It's just music for plumbers and bricklayers. Bono, what a slob. You'd think with all that climbing about he does, he'd look real fit and that. But he's real fat, y'know. Reminds me of a soddin' mountain goat."
"And as for Bono, he needs a colostomy bag for his mouth."

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Old 03-13-2005, 12:11 PM   #8
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Hope they have a better system in place for the resurrection tour pre-sale.
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Old 03-13-2005, 05:13 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by trish0860
Hope they have a better system in place for the resurrection tour pre-sale.

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Old 03-13-2005, 05:43 PM   #10
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Ohhh God, I'm on cloud nine,
I'm waiting for "The Hear After" tour news.
anyone?...
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Old 03-13-2005, 06:39 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Headache in a Suitcase
best... article... ever...


and on a side note... that edun shit's expensive. i was thinkin' of buying something until i found out that the friggin men's shirt they sell costs like 200 bucks. fuck that shit.
Look where they are selling the stuff.....

Not Target, but Saks.........That should have tipped you off...
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