all_i_want
Refugee
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2004
- Messages
- 1,180
from New York Post
March 13, 2005 -- St. Bono - er, Bono - has a busy week ahead of him. Tomorrow, his band U2 will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The Nobel Institute is reportedly considering him for its peace prize, thanks to his adoption of crises ranging from the AIDS epidemic to Third World debt. He's also being floated as possible president of the World Bank, and co-founded a new eco-conscious fashion line called Edun.
But that's not all. In a Post exclusive, we got our hands on Bono's packed datebook for the rest of 2005:
APRIL
1: Assume presidency of World Bank.
15: Orientation Day at World Bank: Assign each board member cool, single name, citing wild popularity of the Edge, if necessary. "Her Excellency Ana Dias Lourenco, Planning Minster of Angola"- no soul. "Electrica"- mucho soul.
MAY
10: Forgive Bolivian debt. Forgive Micronesian debt. Forgive the Edge's credit card debt. Forgive Band Aid for making me sing that crap line in "Do They Know It's Christmas."
Click Here!
JUNE
4: Introduce organic-linen summer line by Edun clothing label, which celebrates fair trade and Third World empowerment. Attend launch party at Saks Fifth Avenue.
30: Check Saks receipts. DO NOT forgive debt.
JULY
3: Ship a few thousand U2 iPods to militants in Darfur. Let music heal region.
4: Cure world hunger.
10: Release U2 red-and-black limited edition Mr. Coffee. Machine must brew only shade grown, fair-trade beans. Unless it's Jamaica-Blue Mountain - that stuff is the shizzle.
26: Send free Mr. Coffees to starving lemon pickers in ... oh wait. No starvation left. Send free Mr. Coffees to fatigued teenagers of Waterloo, Iowa.
AUGUST
12-15: World Peace Forum-slash-sleepover-at-Oprah's.
SEPTEMBER
13: File copyright on phrase "Pro Bono Work."
20: Summon rain along horn of Africa; eliminate bloody drought already.
OCTOBER
2: Halt civil war in Colombia with free, surprise concert. Watch while "Zooropa" repairs decade of hate.
4: Accept Nobel Prize for Peace.
9: Set meeting with Electrica. See if we can't beat this dengue fever thing.
13: Fly to East Asia; hand-mix limited edition U2 batch of dengue fever vaccine.
15: Accept Nobel Prize for Medicine.
18: Build limited-edition red-and-black U2 particle accelerator deep beneath Texas panhandle; split the gluon, discover true nature of dark matter.
19: Accept Nobel Prize for Physics.
23: A new day for fair trade. Pay women of Peru to spin hair into yarn. Pay endangered lynxes to transport yarn to Edun plant in Tunisia.
29: Accept Nobel Prize for Economics.
NOVEMBER
2: Die.
4: Appear in vision to a group of Guatemalan girls.
8: Graciously decline sainthood.
9: Have Electrica redirect torrent of media questions regarding proposed sainthood to Barbara Skydel at Premier Talent.
14: Get resurrected. Explore feasibility of having "Elevation" play in background.
DECEMBER
8: First date of U2 Resurrection Tour. Official tour T-shirts by Edun, all organic cotton, $80 each.
