You can see the sea: The Fawlty Towers appreciation thread.

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Axver

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I am convinced that Fawlty Towers is the greatest and funniest TV show ever made, so in the spirit of things, I thought I'd make an appreciation thread. After all, this is a little more appropriate than hijacking a U2 Survivor thread on EYKIW to tell Fawlty Towers jokes, as has been done before.

So ... here's one of my favourites jokes, from the episode Communication Problems (otherwise known to many as the Mrs Richards episode).

Basil and the hearing impaired Mrs Richards are up in the room she booked, arguing because she's dissatisfied.

Mrs Richards: And another thing, I asked for a room with a view

Basil: Deaf, mad, and blind. This is the view as far as I can remember, madam ... yes, yes, this is the view.

R: I expected something more interesting than that.

B: That is Torquay, madam.

R: That's not good enough.

B: Well may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically -

R: Don't be silly. I expected to be able to see the sea.

B: You can see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.

R: I'd need a telescope to see that.

B: Well may I suggest that you consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea or preferably in it.

R: Now listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.

B: Why? Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?
 
Guest - "Anywhere they do French food?"

Basil - "YES - France I believe, they seem to like it there...and a swim would certainly sharpen your appetite, tho you'd better hurry the tide leaves in 6 minutes"!!:lol:
 
By the way Axver and fellow F.T fans, I have the great fortune to live in Paignton which is the town next to Torquay, where the legendary hotel was supposed to be set.
I have also stayed one weekend, in the Gleneagles Hotel in Torquay, where J.C and the other Pythons had the misfortune of coming across the worst hotel manager they had ever seen, who was also, THE RUDEST too. And of course, where John subsequently got the idea for F.T

Yes - I live just a 10 minute drive from this hotel, but I just HAD to go and stay there one weekend!!:wink:
 
[Basil hurries bad-temperedly into the lobby. Melbury is standing there.]

Basil: Yes, yes, well, yes?
Melbury: ...Er, well, I was wondering if you could offer me accomodation for a few
nights?
Basil: [very cross] Well, have you booked?
Melbury: No.
Basil: [to himself] Oh dear !
Melbury: Why, are you full?
Basil: Oh, we're not full... we're not full... of course we're not full!!
Melbury: I'd like, er...
Basil: One moment, one moment, please... yes?
Melbury: A single room with a...
Basil: Your name, please, could I have your name?
Melbury: Melbury.

[The phone rings; Basil picks it up.]

Basil: [to Melbury] One second please. [to phone] Hello? ...Ah, yes Mr O'Reilly, well
it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was rather hoping that instead
of just dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together...
you know, one on top of another, in the traditional fashion. [to Melbury, testily] Could you
fill it in, please? [to phone] Oh, splendid! Ah, yes, but when, Mr O'Reilly? [to Melbury, who
is having difficulty with the register] there - there!! [to phone] Yes, but when ? Yes, yes...
ah! ...the flu! [to Melbury] Both names, please. [to phone] Yes, I should have guessed,
Mr. O'Reilly that and the potato famine I suppose...
Melbury: I beg your pardon?
Basil: Would you put both your names, please? ...[to phone] Well, will you give me a date?
Melbury: Er... I only use one.
Basil: [with a withering look] You don't have a first name?
Melbury: No, I am Lord Melbury, so I simply sign myself 'Melbury'.

[There is a long, long pause.]

Basil: [to phone] Go away. [puts phone down] ... I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, your
lordship... I do apologise, please forgive me. Now, was there something, is there something,
anything, I can do for you? Anything at all?
 
[Ronald, a young boy, complains about the fries.]

Ronald: "They're the wrong shape."
Basil: "Oh dear. What shape do you usually have? Mickey Mouse shape? Smarties shape? Amphibious landing craft shape? Poke in the eye shape?"
Ronald: "God ur dumb"
Basil: "Is there something else we can get you instead sonny?"
Ronald: "I'd like some bread and salad cream"
Basil: "To EAT?....Well, there's the bread and there's the mayonaise"
Ronald: "I said SALAD CREAM stupid.....that's puke that is"
Basil: "Well at least it's FRESH puke"!!


:wink:
 
[Mr and Mrs Abbott are checking in.]

Basil: And Mrs Abbott, how do you do?
Mr Abbott: Doctor Abbott, actually.
Basil: I'm sorry?
Mr Abbott: Doctor Abbott.
Mrs Abbott: Two doctors!
Basil: You are two doctors?
Mrs Abbott: Yes.
Basil: Well, how did you become two doctors? That's most unusual. I mean, did you take the exams twice, or ...?
Mr Abbott: No, my wife is a doctor.
Mrs Abbott: I'm a doctor!
Basil: You're a doctor, too! So you're three doctors. :wink:
 
[Basil is dealing with American Mr Hamilton in the dining room.]

Mr Hamilton: Could you make me a Waldorf Salad?
Basil: Oh, ... ah, ... wa?
Mr Hamilton: Waldorf Salad?
Basil: I think we are just out of Waldorfs.

:lmao:
 
[Basil is looking for the ingredients for a Waldorf salad in the kitchen.]

Sybil: If you'd just look.
Basil: I have looked. There's no celery, there's no grapes, ... walnuts! That's a laugh, easier to find a packet of sliced hippopotamus in suitcase sauce than a walnut in this bloody kitchen.
:lmao:
Sybil: Now, we've got apples.
Basil: Oh, terrific! Let's celebrate! We'll have an apple party: Everybody brings his own apple and stuffs it down somebody's throat. :wink:
 
[The guests have already arrived for the anniversary, but Sybil has disappeared.]

Basil: They're here, they're here! What do I say? ... What am I going to say?
Polly: Oh ... say she's ... er...um...
Basil: She's "er, um" ... oh, brilliant! Problem solved. She's "er, um". :wink:
 
(Mr Carnegie is in the kitchen, crouching down by the fridge sniffing the little bits of food on the plate)

Basil (bemused) - "Er, can I get you the wine list?"
Mr C - "Pardon?"
Basil - "Oh don't worry have a look around, there's some stuff in the bin you might like, you know, cold rice pudding, potato peelings that sort of thing - not exactly Hote Cuisine but i'm sure it will fill you up"

(Sybil Enters)

"Ah Sybil may I introduce the man who's opened our new self-service department....Mr?"

Mr C - "Er Carnegie"
Basil - "Mr Carnegie....Gourmet scavenger...from?"
Mr C - "Er - the Public Health Department"
Basil - "....yes er where were you born Scavenger or down here in the West Country?"

:wink:
 
Basil — There is too much butter on those trays.
Manuel — Que?
Basil — There is too much butter on those trays.
Manuel — No, no, Mr. Fawlty, uno dos tres.
 
THE GERMANS ARE COMING!

Aardvark747 said:
Jeeez - Wake Up Axver and give me someone else to talk to in here!!!:wink:

Hello, I am alive! Maybe I can spam the thread now.
 
Would you like something to drink before the war?

Aardvark747 said:
By the way Axver and fellow F.T fans, I have the great fortune to live in Paignton which is the town next to Torquay, where the legendary hotel was supposed to be set.
I have also stayed one weekend, in the Gleneagles Hotel in Torquay, where J.C and the other Pythons had the misfortune of coming across the worst hotel manager they had ever seen, who was also, THE RUDEST too. And of course, where John subsequently got the idea for F.T

Yes - I live just a 10 minute drive from this hotel, but I just HAD to go and stay there one weekend!!:wink:

*enviously hates you*
 
"Don't mention the war! I did once but I think I got away with it!"
 
Some of the scenes are just too good for words:

- Major thinking he's talking to a moose head when it's really Manuel.
- Basil locking Manuel in the burning kitchen.
- Basil's Nazi march.
- The end of the hotel inspectors episode.
- Pretending to talk to Mrs Richards and then yelling in her ear.
- Stepping on the duck in the Gourmet Night episode.

And the best scene ever made for television: Basil beating up his car with a tree branch! :laugh: :lol: :lmao: :lmao: :lol: :laugh:
 
German guest: We didn't start it! [The arguing.]
Basil: Yes you did! You invaded Poland!
 
Upon learning the German guests were speaking to him in German.
Basil: Oh, German? I thought there was something wrong with you!
 
I'm just watching The Germans right now.

Major's rambling about some woman: I must've been keen on her; I took her to see India ... at the Oval!
 
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