I wouldn't say I dated or hopped in the sack with anything that moved. I wasn't particularly picky, but I had my standards and I wanted to be respected.
For the most part, the men I had long term relationships were nice guys. Really nice, in fact, though they weren't the right ones for me obviously.
Now as far as short term relationships go that's another story. There were some assholes in the mix. And at that time I was certainly not perfect, I was kind of an asshole too. Actually no, I *was* an asshole. During that point in my life it was as though I sought the assholes out. Birds of a feather flock together, you know? They were usually the "good looking but a real wanker" types. The thrill of the chase and the thrill of the dance was there. I was not so innocent and neither was the guy. In these situations we knew what the other wanted, it was kind of agreed that it wasn't permanent. It was just for kicks and we both went into the relationship knowing that so nobody got hurt. Chock it up to low self esteem or sowing my wild oats, but in the end it gave me a solid idea of what I wanted in a person should I find myself interested in something long term. The reason being for this was, many people including myself want the security of a long term relationship. I wanted to explore my options, wanted to find out what made me tick. That "experimental" phase in my dating career didn't last long, but long enough to give me an idea of what I wanted in a man.
Now on to heartbreak. I met that wonderful man. We were friends first but always interested in pushing the envelope. When we did it was a whirlwind relationship. My folks loved this guy, his parents loved me. He was a gentleman, he made me happy, we had everything in common. He doted on me hand and foot and I did the same. He was the "one" and I could feel it in my heart. But then, a few months down the line, something happened. I don't know what. Perhaps this man was bored with me which sent him looking for the thrill of the chase like I once had, but completely disregarded one disclaimer: mutual respect for the situation. Of course since he was the "one" I didn't want to treat this relationship like a game, or a chase, or a fair weather thrill. But at any rate he cheated on me with a married woman whom I was friends with (as well as her husband.) He dumped me after they both arranged to backstab me, and he wound up impregnating this person less than a month later. He then married her after her nasty divorce was final. I was shattered. What did I do wrong? How could this seemingly perfect man void of all assholeish-ness treat me. How could this person who had high morals suddenly avert to the lowest of the low and have an affair with a married woman? Let alone a woman who was married to his friend?
That I will never know, but it took me a year to get over him. Perhaps it was the thrill of the chase to get in bed with a married woman, maybe it was because they were both really assholes on the inside. I'll never know, but one thing is clear, they both deserve each other and what's coming to them.
Fed up with men and looking for a thrill, I wound up meeting a person most people would call an asshole. He was a bad boy, a "pretty boy" punker, a heavy drinker, a hard partier, and had a long string of nasty relationships under (eh hem) his belt. To be honest when I took him home that one fateful night, I anticipated a first for me: a one-night-stand so I didn't set myself up for heartbreak. We stayed up all night and watched the sun rise the next day. We talked and talked. We spoke of likes and dislikes, relationships, we spoke of how we treated other people. I won't say what else we did but you can guess anyway. For someone who appeared to have a crusty exterior, I found him rather sweet on the inside. He left the next day and I did a strange thing even though I thought it might get me hurt. I called him and thanked him for the most fun evening I had in well over a year.
He must've been grateful, because a couple hours later he was on my doorstep. A few months later we got married, and we've been going 7 years strong ever since.
I don't know why I've gone off on a tangent here for so long giving you my love life story, but I thought I'd share. Are there 2 different kinds of assholes out there: one that hides under a wonderful exterior, and one that's hiding under the asshole image on the surface? Perhaps - but I guess some assholes aren't what they seem. For every person you have to consider the source, but a wise person once told me that every source has its root.
The asshole issue goes both ways. I know plenty of women who are just as much an asshole as the next asshole guy. I guess it just takes a certain kind of chemistry between two people to explore the root of a person's asshole-ness. Had I continued to judge my (now husband) by his gruff exterior, I wouldn't have gotten to know the wonderful person inside. I could've just thrown it all away but I took a chance, and it's fair to say he took a chance with me given the state of my heart at the time we met.
*shrug*