The Ultimate "Simpsons" Quote Thread

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from the Sherry Bobbins episode...

*singing*
If there's a task that must be done
Don't turn your head and run
Don't pout! Don't sob!
Just do a half-assed jobbbbbbb!
----------------
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not 'till you're fifteeeeeeeeen....
 
moe: the next place that guy robs better have a ramp.
___________________________________________
*homer floods the town as part of an art project
*burn victim care building: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
 
Bart: "Dad, why did you take me to a gay steel mill?"


*Otto outside Stoner's Pot Palace*
"Man, talk about false advertising!"
 
Ralph: Ms. Hoover, can I have another worm? I ate my other one.

Lisa: I didn't know Xena could fly...
Xena: I'm not Xena, I'm Lucy Lawless...
Lisa and Bart: oh.
 
Homer: That's it. You people been in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college.
Bart: I don't think anybody expected him to say that.

Homer: Jump Free Willy! Jump Free Willy! Jump with all your might!
Characters: Oh no! Willy didn't make it...and he's crushed our boy!
Homer: Ahh, I don't like this new director's cut.

Homer: Lisa could you please pass me the syrup.
Lisa: Bart, tell dad I will only pass it to him if he isn't going to use it on any meat products.
Bart: You gonna dunk that sausage in the sauce, homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart that I just want to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Homer, you can tell him yourself, it's Lisa you're not talking to, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out to me.

Homer: You don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. Cause when you reach over and stick a hand in a pile of goo that was your friends face, you'll know what to do. Forget it Marge, it's China town!

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!


Dr. Nick Riveria: Hi everybody
Burns: Ho...merSimp...son
Nick: Okay...that was a little strange. When you were in that coma, did you feel your brain being damaged?

Maude Flanders: Edna, I really don't think we're talking about love. We're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.
Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down!

Officer: There's a couple of guys fighting at the aquarium, Chief.
Wiggum: They still sell those frozen bananas?
Officer: I think so.
Chief: Let's roll.
 
"you know i've had a lot of jobs... boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation krusty, baby proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carney, mayor, drifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventer, smithers, poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer barron, quickie mart clerk, homophobe and missionary... but protecting springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all"
-homer j. simpsons, poppa's got a brand new badge
 
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willy: use your shinning, boy!
bart: um..don't you mean my shining?
willy: do you want to get me sued, boy?
 
"I think I brained my damage" - Homer

"Mmmm, unprocessed fish sticks" - Homer

Clean-up in Aisle 3!" - Apu
"Aw, finally. Gil's moving up to the big leagues, boy! Ow! My back!" - Gil

"Oh no! Not today, not to Gil! I could feel that sale. I was in the zone!" - Gil

"Glavin!" Prof. Frink
 
Ha Ha- Nelson

Thank you come again- Apu

*Hibbert laugh*

*Bumble Bee Man's frustration*

That's not America... that's not even Mexico- Homer
 
join us, homer...iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit'ss bliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss...

this place really is quite nice, once you get used to the gassings...

hey dad, it says non toxic................

springfield springfield, it's a hell of a town...the schoolyard's up and the kwik-e-mart's down...the stray dogs go to the animal pound...springfield springfield, springfield springfield, new york new york!
hey man, new york's that a way!
 
(i'm sorry, but i have to restate this so it's right...it was bugging me...)
<--dork

i have...mountain dew or crab juice
uuuuuuugh..ewww! yuck...oohhhh...ewww...i'll have a crab juice!
 
dunno if any of these have already been said, i only read 1st 2 pages...but here goes

miss hoover "now eveybody take out your red craons"
Ralf "ahh miss hoover..i dont have any red crayon, i ate it" :eeklaugh:

ralph : "my cats name is mittens"

Princpal Skinner "chew through my ball sack" :lol: :lmao:

homer : doh! (hits deer)
marge : a deer!
lisa : a female deer!

homer : lisa, you dont quit your job because you dont like it, you just go in everyday and do a half assed job
 
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duffman can't breathe...oohhhhhh noooooooo

well, you know some times i'll be quirky....wait! i'll be quirky?? ALBUQUERQUE!

you know, it's such a beautiful day, i don't know why we don't do surgery outside more often...........*beeeeeep*............time of death, 1:42pm...
(ok, so i didn't remember the actual time of death...shoot me)
 
Homer singing his version of Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping":

"I drink a whiskey drink
I drink a chocolate drink,
And if I have to pee
I use the kitchen sink!"
 
I can't believe smell you later replaced goodbye- Bart in the future

Smell you later Bart
Smell you later forever- Ralph in the future
 
Heres one of my absolute favorites:
Krusty to his daughter: "Im not the kind of dad who sais things or does stuff or looks at ya, but the love is there"

Someone to Homer: "Homer, youre the worst employee here! Youre always late, you've caused 17 meltdowns, and worst of all, you took the Hamburglers' birthday off twice last week!"


I cant remember any more, I know Ill remember some great one liner of Homers when I go to bed though
 
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