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sallycinnamon78

sallycinnamon78

New Yorker
Joined
Dec 9, 2004
Messages
2,977
Location
UK
Having escaped intact from the FYM wrestling match tonight, I thought it was time for some cheerful, pointless nonsense.

So. Airline related acronyms, past and present. What do they really stand for? (I may have done this before, but never mind.) Let's have a look...


DHL Damaged, Hidden or Lost
Desperately Hopelessly Lost


BOAC Better On A Camel

Alitalia Always Late In Transit, Always Late In Arrival
Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
A Little Italian Tit And Lotsa Italitan Ass

QANTAS Quite A Nice Trip, Any Survivors?

American
Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and
Nausea

AUA Almost Unknown Airline

AWA Always Wasting Assets

BA Bloody Awful
British Apoplectic

BEA Better Eat Afterwards


AA Always Awful
 
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Two of my favourites:

PIA
Perhaps I Arrive
Please Inform Allah
 
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Air India
After I Return I'll never Do It Again

BWIA
Baggage Wandering In Africa
Better Walk If you're Able
But Will I Arrive?

Alitalia
Always Late In Transit, Always Late In Arrival
Airplane Landed In Tokyo And luggage In Alaska

LIAT
Late If At All
 
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Oh, good grief. Here we go. I'll whinge too then. Wah!

*goes away and has a cigarette, becomes less grouchy*

I do see your point and it's a good one... but despite the fact that I've flown all my life and I'm STILL petrified of being airborne, I've always found some of these alternative names quite funny - in a kind of warped way. Largely because they're not serious or a big deal. The reality is, obviously, very different.

I nearly died on a RyanAir flight once and I guess humour is my way of dealing with it. The acronyms are just silly, and don't bother me, despite my experience. That's just me. :shrug:

Crashes are so rare anyway considering the amount of planes that fly, it didn't really occur to me that people would immediately bother getting upset by a bunch of acronyms which are intentionally ridiculous and over the top. (Unless of course they'd experienced it for real in some way - like I have - or lost someone. In which case, I am genuinely sorry.)

In future I shall stick to the likes of SABENA: Such a bloody experience, never again.

Well, I dunno. It is STILL a more cheerful alternative to the thread I was on about when I started this post. I'm back 5 minutes and in this zone already. :huh: I didn't mean to rattle anyone's cage, honestly.

Christ on a bike. Not a plane.
 
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Argh this is making me nervous and I am flying this week....haven't been on a plane in over 10 years!
Boy am I in for a treat, yes?


Here's one, my uncle flew for TWA and we called it:

TEENY WEENIE AIRLINES
 
I'm a dreadful flier... I remember flying Swissair a few years ago and I got really freaked out as we were about to take off. They fed me some sort of pill to shut me up. There were a bunch of kids in the next row who started laughing at me. Whenever they saw me looking at them, they took up the brace position and asked for my lifejacket! Little sods. It doesn't stop me being somewhat amused by British Airways being changed to Bloody Atrocious, though.:huh:

It's still the safest form of travel! (I know - hearing that never stopped me being nervous, either!)
 
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QUANTAS
Quit Air-travel, Next Time Approach Ship

AER LINGUS
Arousing Erotic Randy Ladies In Nice Green Uniform Suits.

DELTA
Directed Everybody's Luggage To Atlanta
Doesn't Even Leave The Airport

PA (Philippine Airways)
Please Avoid

OLYMPIC
Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash

RYANAIR
Running Your Ailing National Airline Into Receivership

SABENA
Such A Bad Experience - Never Again
Send All Baggage Everywhere Never Arriving
Select A Better European National Airline

SAS
Same As Sabena
 
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TWA
Try Walking Across
Tomorrow We'll Arrive

EL AL
Every Landing Always Late
Everyones Luggage Always Lost


GULF AIR
Get Used to Late Flights - Aircraft In Repair

TACA
Take Another Carrier Always
 
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Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

http://www.pbbt.com/Directory/Jokes/2335.html
P = The problem logged by the pilot.

S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
sallycinnamon78 said:

EL AL
Every Landing Always Late
Click to expand...

Heh, I was looking to fly home from LA this year and wanted to catch an El Al flight that was going to Tel Aviv with a layover in Toronto. The price was really good and I like their security measures and level of professionalism, generally speaking.

But my travel agent said she has a policy of trying to dissuade customers from flying with them because there have been countless occasions of people waiting in security lines for 3-4 HOURS. That's how carefully they screen. So then they'd bitch her out for missing their connecting flight.

And you know, true enough, I was at LAX, you should have seen the El Al counter. It's absolutely unreal.
 
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard and/or reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fellas. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

"Weather at our destinations is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.

Thank you and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, and it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault. It was the asphalt!"

Another flight attendants comment on a less than perfect landing, "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement, "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here a US Airways."

And from the pilot during his welcome message, "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
 
SAS - Such A Shame.

KLM - Keeps Losing Money, Keeps Luggage Missing.

Pacific Western Airlines PWA - Pray While Aloft

LOT- (Polish Airlines) - Last One There, Luggage On Tarmac.

DELTA - Departing Even Later Than Expected
 
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I've heard some of the Southwest humor, they are funny.

Once when we were waiting in an airport for some arriving friends we heard on the overhead PA "Paging the owner of a bright green volkswagen parked in front of baggage claim, please report to baggage security-your vehicle is not being towed, it's just really, really ugly". It took a few minutes but folks in the airport were in hysterics....there were a few more funny announcements...probably someone on a dare or having fun with the PA system. It was funny though. :ohmy:
 
From a disgruntled Southwest Airlines employee....

"Welcome aboard Southwest FlightXXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

---------------------------
BNWA
Bankrupt Next Week - Again.

ATA
All Times Approximate

MIAT
Maybe I Arrive Today
 
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Airline Dictionary



Passenger [noun]
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
 
Well Carek, I'm glad you do, because nobody else seems to! :sad:

I'm a bit more contrite now: I've just looked at the BBC website archives and saw a report on the Iranian plane crash last week. Somehow, I managed to forget (which is unusual)... had I remembered, I'd have kept this little thread stored away for a while. I must admit my timing was awful in this case, so it's no wonder people got the arse about it! :reject:
 
Okay, moving on to more, um, cheerful nonsense:

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

http://www.byfaith.co.uk/paulb81.htm
You know you are on a budget airline when:

# Your pockets are checked for food and drink.
# You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change.
# Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your velcro.
# The pilot asks all the passengers to chip in a little for fuel.
# When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
# The pilot shouts at the farmers to get the cows off the runway.
# The 'in flight' safety check takes twice as long as normal.
# The stewardesses wear name tags as well as ‘trainee badges’.
# It is compulsory to buy chewing gum or sweets on board.
# The stewardesses expect to be tipped.
# The stewardesses are not wearing makeup!
# But they all wear parachutes!
# All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
# Sick bags, safety cards and will forms are all in the seat pouch.
# When you arrive at your destination, you are in the middle of nowhere!
 
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A burly good 'ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain, I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around".
The steward answers, "Actually I'm not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles of the industry. I'd be happy to get you a drink".
Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?"
Steward: "She's all for it, in fact, the entire flight crew is female."
Passenger: "I don't believe it!! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see for myself!"
Steward: "Actually sir, we don't call it that anymore."

------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
 
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CPA (Canadian Airl.Intl.)
Can't Promise Anything

(New code CAI) -
Circle Airport Indefinitely
Call Attendants "Idiots"
Copilots Are Imbeciles

http://pintday.org/funny/airlinejokes
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – Oh my God!” Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”
 
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sallycinnamon78 said:
Okay, moving on to more, um, cheerful nonsense:

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
]
Click to expand...



That's good! I used to live there....The area has really grown in the past 10 years, but prior to that a plane could probably have done this!
 
:ohmy: Ever wish you hadn't started a thread?! :no: I do!

It's kind of funny really, in a warped way: having started this thread last week while in a silly mood, I've just found out that my Mum is going to be flying today.

Yes, I know I'm being a total moron, but I'm petrified! I'm a lousy flier and get even more paranoid when it's someone else hurtling through the air in a metal tube. AARRGH! :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes:

That's the last time I start a thread like this - I've terrified myself with my own nonsense! I shall stick to threads about kittens and cute girlie things in future. (Actually, I won't, but I'll damn well give up yakking on about air travel.)

Off to rock in my padded cell with my nice white jacket on until I know all is well. :eeklaugh:

- A somewhat contrite Sally
 
sallycinnamon78 said:
Air India
After I Return I'll never Do It Again
Click to expand...

Haha! That's so true! Air India sucks!

Sally :ohmy:... you sure can type up posts in a jiffy! :laugh: :hug:



Btw, I like how some people who don't like a certain thread, instead of just ignoring and not posting in it, simply give it a bad rating!

So immature! :down:
 
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