The Random Seinfeld Quotes Thread

[hardyharhar]

George the hand model, after hearing how the previous male hand model's career ended:

"You don't have to worry about me, I won a contest"

 

[jobob]

The library cop episode, one of my favorites ....

Kramer: The Dewey Decimal System. What a scam that was.

Kramer: "The library investigator's name is Bookman?"
Marion the Librarian: "Yes, that's true."
Kramer: "That's like an ice cream man named Cone."

Jerry: They also have an Atomic Wedgie. The goal there is to get the waistband on top of the head. Very rare.
Elaine: Boys are sick.

Jerry: What's amazing about the library is that it's a place where you can go in and borrow any book and they say 'Just bring it back when you're done.' Like some kid who wants to be everyone's pathetic friend. That's what the library is. A government-funded pathetic friend. And that's why everyone abuses the library.

Bookman: This isn't about fines and overdue books; it's about one kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Party time is over, joyboy!

Bookman: You better not screw up again, Seinfeld, or I'll be all over you like a pit bull on a poodle!
Seinfeld: That is one tough monkey!

 

[FitzChivalry]

The library cop episode, one of my favorites ....

Jerry: They also have an Atomic Wedgie. The goal there is to get the waistband on top of the head. Very rare.
Elaine: Boys are sick.

The follow-up line is the best!

JERRY: Well, what do girls do?

ELAINE: Oh, we just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder.

 

[phillyfan26]

Is that when the gym teacher kept calling George "Cantstanja?"

Good times.

 

[zuropa_fit]

You're killing independent George!!!!

George: You can't break up with me. I've got hand.

Girl: And you're gonna need it.

 

[jobob]

Jerry: Newman is my sworn enemy, Elaine! And he lives near my home! My Home! Where I sleep! And play with my toys!

Newman to Jerry: You can't deliver mail!
Jerry: Why not?
Newman: Why not? It's just walking around putting it into boxes.

 

[DaveC]

JERRY: This woman's completely ignoring me.

KRAMER: Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship. Spinster...maybe a virgin. Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy...it didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding...she needs a little Kramer.

 

[FitzChivalry]

J

KRAMER: Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship. Spinster...maybe a virgin. Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy...it didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding...she needs a little Kramer.

Isn't the next line something like, "And then she's going to need a shot of penicillin"?

 

[LemonMelon]

Jerry: "What else did you two do?"

Elaine: "Oh, you know, girly stuff."

Jerry: "So, uh, flower shows, shopping for pretty bows, then back to her place, strip down to bra and panties for a tickle fight?"

Elaine: "That's really what you think girls do, isn't it?"

Jerry: "Yes, I do."

 

[DaveC]

LUPUS?? IS IT LUPUS?!?!?