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Old 08-04-2004, 03:31 PM   #21
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Ni!
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Old 08-04-2004, 03:36 PM   #22
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stooooop! I can't breath anymore!!!!!! oh geesh.. I need air!!!!
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Old 08-04-2004, 05:50 PM   #23
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Scene 4

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aaaagh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aaagh!

GREEN KNIGHT: Ooh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

[stab]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aagh!

GREEN KNIGHT: Oh!

[King Arthur music]

Ooh!

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aaaagh!

[clang]

BLACK KNIGHT and GREEN KNIGHT: Agh!, oh!, etc.

GREEN KNIGHT: Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!

[woosh]

[BLACK KNIGHT kills GREEN KNIGHT]

[thud]

[scrape]

BLACK KNIGHT: Umm!

[clop clop clop]

ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[pause]

I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[pause]

I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my

court at Camelot.

[pause]

You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[pause]

You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ARTHUR: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this

bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.

ARTHUR: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.

ARTHUR: So be it!

ARTHUR and BLACK KNIGHT: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]

ARTHUR: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch.

ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't.

ARTHUR: Well, what's that then?

BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.

ARTHUR: You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on, you pansy!

[clang]

Huyah!

[clang]

Hiyaah!

[clang]

Aaaaaaaah!

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]

ARTHUR: Victory is mine!

[kneeling]

We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--

BLACK KNIGHT: Hah!

[clunk]

Come on then.

ARTHUR: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!

[kick]

ARTHUR: Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?

ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.

ARTHUR: Look!

BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.

[kick]

ARTHUR: Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken!

[kick]

Chickennn!

ARTHUR: Look, I'll have your leg.

[kick]

Right!

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT: Right. I'll do you for that!

ARTHUR: You'll what?

BLACK KNIGHT: Come here!

ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!

ARTHUR: You're a looney.

BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT: Ooh. All right, we'll call it a draw.

ARTHUR: Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come

back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!


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Old 08-04-2004, 06:14 PM   #24
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the black knight sketch should have won then 26 Oscars really
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Old 08-04-2004, 06:16 PM   #25
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Care to have an argument?
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Old 08-04-2004, 08:34 PM   #26
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My favorite skit is "Mary, Queen of Scots:
"I think she's dead!"
"No I'm Not!!!"
and "the penguin on the telly"
"I think that penguin on top of your telly is going to explode!"

I loved watching the Flying Circus.
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Old 08-05-2004, 10:04 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally posted by fah
Care to have an argument?
"If I argue with you, I must take up a contary position"
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Old 08-05-2004, 10:14 AM   #28
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I've bought "The Life of Brian" DVD recently, couldn't wait to have it
And yes, "Fawlty Towers" carries so much MP spirit, there's much chance it'll win "The Battle of Britcoms" on BBC Prime. And how about "Jabberwocky"? That was the first Monty Python-ish film I'd ever seen, and it's still one of my favourite movies ever.
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Old 08-05-2004, 10:23 AM   #29
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Jabberwocky's cool. Not so much Python, more just Gilliam experimenting with weird films!
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Old 08-05-2004, 11:36 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aardvark747


"If I argue with you, I must take up a contary position"
No you don't
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Old 08-06-2004, 06:35 PM   #31
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Scene 5


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Burn the witch!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
[bonk]
Pie Iesu domine,...
[bonk]
...dona eis requiem.
[bonk]
Pie Iesu domine,...
[bonk]
...dona eis requiem.
CROWD:
A witch! A witch!
[bonk]
A witch! A witch!
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine...
CROWD:
A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1:
We have found a witch. May we burn her?
CROWD:
Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
BEDEVERE:
How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2:
She looks like one.
CROWD:
Right! Yeah! Yeah!
BEDEVERE:
Bring her forward.
WITCH:
I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE:
Uh, but you are dressed as one.
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Old 08-06-2004, 06:36 PM   #32
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WITCH:
They dressed me up like this.
CROWD:
Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
WITCH:
And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
BEDEVERE:
Well?
VILLAGER #1:
Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE:
The nose?
VILLAGER #1:
And the hat, but she is a witch!
VILLAGER #2:
Yeah!
CROWD:
We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
BEDEVERE:
Did you dress her up like this?
VILLAGER #1:
No!
VILLAGER #2 and 3:
No. No.
VILLAGER #2:
No.
VILLAGER #1:
No.
VILLAGERS #2 and #3:
No.
VILLAGER #1:
Yes.
VILLAGER #2:
Yes.
VILLAGER #1:
Yes. Yeah, a bit.
VILLAGER #3:
A bit.
VILLAGERS #1 and #2:
A bit.
VILLAGER #3:
A bit.
VILLAGER #1:
She has got a wart.
RANDOM:
[cough]
BEDEVERE:
What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3:
Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE:
A newt?
VILLAGER #3:
I got better.
VILLAGER #2:
Burn her anyway!
VILLAGER #1:
Burn!
CROWD:
Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
BEDEVERE:
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
VILLAGER #1:
Are there?
VILLAGER #2:
Ah?
VILLAGER #1:
What are they?
CROWD:
Tell us! Tell us!...
BEDEVERE:
Tell me. What do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2:
Burn!
VILLAGER #1:
Burn!
CROWD:
Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
BEDEVERE:
And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1:
More witches!
VILLAGER #3:
Shh!
VILLAGER #2:
Wood!
BEDEVERE:
So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3:
B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
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Old 08-06-2004, 06:37 PM   #33
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BEDEVERE:
Good! Heh heh.
CROWD:
Oh, yeah. Oh.
BEDEVERE:
So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1:
Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE:
Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1:
Oh, yeah.
RANDOM:
Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE:
Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1:
No. No.
VILLAGER #2:
No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1:
Throw her into the pond!
CROWD:
The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE:
What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1:
Bread!
VILLAGER #2:
Apples!
VILLAGER #3:
Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1:
Cider!
VILLAGER #2:
Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1:
Cherries!
VILLAGER #2:
Mud!
VILLAGER #3:
Uh, churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2:
Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR:
A duck!
CROWD:
Oooh.
BEDEVERE:
Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1:
If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE:
And therefore?
VILLAGER #2:
A witch!
VILLAGER #1:
A witch!
CROWD:
A witch! A witch!...
VILLAGER #4:
Here is a duck. Use this duck.
[quack quack quack]
BEDEVERE:
Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
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Old 08-06-2004, 06:38 PM   #34
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CROWD:
Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
BEDEVERE:
Right. Remove the supports!
[whop]
[clunk]
[creak]
CROWD:
A witch! A witch! A witch!
WITCH:
It's a fair cop.
VILLAGER #3:
Burn her!
CROWD:
Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...
BEDEVERE:
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
ARTHUR:
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
BEDEVERE:
My liege!
ARTHUR:
Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot and join us at the Round Table?
BEDEVERE:
My liege! I would be honored.
ARTHUR:
What is your name?
BEDEVERE:
'Bedevere', my liege.
ARTHUR:
Then I dub you 'Sir Bedevere, Knight of the Round Table'
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Old 08-07-2004, 03:38 PM   #35
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Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!





I do enjoy Monty Python, particularly all the songs, and definitely all the episodes of Flying Circus. I liked the Philosopher's football match
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Old 08-07-2004, 07:20 PM   #36
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Scene 6

BEDEVERE: And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be
banana-shaped.
ARTHUR: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again
how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
BEDEVERE: Oh, certainly, sir.
LAUNCELOT: Look, my liege!
ARTHUR: Camelot!
GALAHAD: Camelot!
LAUNCELOT: Camelot!
PATSY: It's only a model.
ARTHUR: Shhh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let
us ride... to Camelot.
[singing]
We're knights of the round table
We dance when e'er we're able
We do routines and parlour scenes
With footwork impecc-Able.
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot
[dancing]
We're knights of the Round Table
Our shows are for-mid-able
Oh many times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsing-able
We not so fat in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lot
[tap-dancing]
Oh we're tough and able
Quite indefatigable
Between our quests we [something]
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a bit too loud in Camelot
I have to push the pram a lot.
ARTHUR: Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot -- it is
a silly place.
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Old 08-10-2004, 09:39 PM   #37
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Scene 7


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'A blessing from the Lord!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[clop clop clop]
[boom boom]
[angels sing]
GOD:
Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons!

Oh, don't grovel!
[singing stops]
One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
ARTHUR:
Sorry.
[boom]
GOD:
And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'.
[boom]
What are you doing now?!
ARTHUR:
I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.

GOD:
Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now, knock it off!
ARTHUR:
Yes, Lord.
GOD:
Right! Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.
ARTHUR:
Good idea, O Lord!
GOD:
'Course it's a good idea! Behold!
[angels sing]
Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. That is your purpose, Arthur: the quest for the Holy Grail.
[boom]
[singing stops]
LAUNCELOT:
A blessing! A blessing from the Lord!
GALAHAD:
God be praised!
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Old 12-13-2004, 01:11 PM   #38
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yeah monthy python were thes best by far but it seems you didn't see the life of brian but you should, there biggest moment.
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Old 12-13-2004, 05:06 PM   #39
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One of my favorite scenes...

Scene 8
[King Arthur music]
[clop clop clop]
Arthur
Halt!
[horn]
Hallo!
[pause]
Hallo!
French Guard
Allo! Who is eet?
Arthur
It is King Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
French Guard
This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
Arthur
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
French Guard
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
Arthur
What?
Galahad
He says they've already got one!
Arthur
Are you sure he's got one?
French Guard
Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I tOld him we already got one.)
French Guards
[chuckling]
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Old 12-13-2004, 07:36 PM   #40
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