some people are so damn rude

[fly so high!]

she'll "get hers" for what??

for not wanting to talk to a man she doesn't know?

She will "get hers" next time she may ask for a want/need no matter how small the request( by the way a request that has'nt even left her mouth yet!) and gets a rude response back!
That's fine if she did not want to do as Jesse asked, but the least she could have done was listen, and just because you don't know someone does not give you the right to respond in that way.

 

[carrieluvv]

maybe she has a mental disability
your lucky she didnt look ya straight in the eye with her cancer causing deathrays and then get up and punched you in the neck repeatedly - and they kicked you in the nads with her steal toed botts she was wearing with her dress.....because she just got fired for her 112th dress code faux pas - she had the shoes right but not the dress because afterall she does work at the construction site....as a riveter....and while shes up there she goes commando !
shes caused a ton of accidents with her other co workers just for her wind up the skirt thrills!

so after she was fired she walked to get some icecream-
but ...... she realised she had emptied all the change out of her purse to give to a homeless man...
as she was approaching the man(this was one of those random acts of kindness things) he screamed in her face I DONT WANNA TALK TO YOU
he mistook her for one of his many hullucinations
and she jumped with fright as he did this and the change went flying all over the place and she ran off - thinking that she could still smell his rank breathfrom 50 yards away

oh god....ya just dont know

 

[cell]

i have to admit i probably would have responded the same way as jesse did. i cant stand rude people.

 

[jesseu2]

I don't mind if people ask me for favors, so i think this lady should have responded differently. I respect people an i expect the same back, its just the way i am. I do have a lock but i was in a hurry that day, was gonna just go in an come back out... i won't ask anyone for favors because i do not want crap from anyone again. it wasn't a request, it was a favor. okay?

yes it is my bike, of course, what kind of question is that and why do you gotta be so objective?

she was readin or writting on some papers or sometin, whatever..... she disrespected ME an so why should i care about her point of view? dammit!!

i have had a bad week with room mate tensions an arguments (i told him he has to move out in 2 weeks cuz he's been eatin my food, rackin up power bill, not payin rent on time, owes $785, says he'll pay me but i'll see, etc), i'm taking 4 classes in my last semester of college, planning my graduation events an trip, somebody who was a great guy to me was shot a week ago by police..., i have these 2 surgeries on my mind that i have to do this summer on my left arm, my spine cuz they are scewed up an i fear surgery..... lots has been goin on lately. so when this lady did this, i just can't take her crap.

thats all i'm saying on this.

I don't get it. You decide to approach someone that you do not know, to ask them to do you a favor. If "she did not even turn around", that suggests that you didn't even bother to make eye contact with her before imposing on her with your request -- a request that would trouble many people. (Why don't you take your bike with you? Why don't you have a bike lock? When are you coming back? Is it even your bike?) When she choses not to be imposed upon by a stranger, your response is anger -- and some sense that your anger and your rudeness is justified. Which, to me, suggests that her reluctance to do a favor for a complete stranger is -- at least in part -- good judgement.
I'm startled by your inability to imagine this situation from her point of view. So yeah, she could have been nicer, but you had already imposed upon her -- and perhaps even ignored clear signals from her (such as lack of eye contact, and not responding to your initial comment) that she did not want to be approached by a stranger -- or imposed upon. Whew. So, put yourself in HER shoes. This may have nothing to do with your "disability", or your race. It certainly has nothing to do with you being "picked on". This woman didn't even know you -- much less your personal history.
If this is an example of what it means to be "pretty much a nice guy to everybody", well, I guess we have VERY different standards. Reading this has reminded me why "don't talk to strangers" is a very good rule.

 

[Schmeg]

she was readin or writting on some papers or sometin, whatever..... she disrespected ME an so why should i care about her point of view? dammit!!

i have had a bad week with room mate tensions an arguments (i told him he has to move out in 2 weeks cuz he's been eatin my food, rackin up power bill, not payin rent on time, owes $785, says he'll pay me but i'll see, etc), i'm taking 4 classes in my last semester of college, planning my graduation events an trip, somebody who was a great guy to me was shot a week ago by police..., i have these 2 surgeries on my mind that i have to do this summer on my left arm, my spine cuz they are scewed up an i fear surgery..... lots has been goin on lately. so when this lady did this, i just can't take her crap.

thats all i'm saying on this.

Do you know what kind of reading or writing she was doing?

You have had a bad week. You've decided you're not going to take shit from people anymore. Did she know this?

What kind of a week has she had? What has she recently decided about what kind of shit she is or isn't going to take from people? You don't know anything about her, her week, or her life.

 

[cell]

i hope things go better for you jesse

 

[diamond]

Jesse,

It's too bad the girl was a jerk to you Jess.
As hard as it was..it woulda been better if you shurged her off..but it was no major big deal you vented a bit either.

Carek and Joyful gave good responses.
You can't make ppl behave a certain way, you can only be polite even when ppl are jerks.

This lady seems to be miserable or in a bad way.
Not all ppl are as kind as you Jesse, if they were the world would be a better place.


hang in there,
dbs

 

[Muggsy]

Jesse

I remember a very hard day when I was in college... I had a fight with my ex and I was very stressed by a project I had to do... I was wallking to a friend's house and I was feeling like a bomb about to explode. A guy aproached to me and he said something like "what a beautiful girl"... he wasn't dirty at all, and usually I deal with those things well, but I felt so bad that I screamed to him "fuck you, jerk!!!" with all my lungs. I felt really bad later but It was obvious that I needed to vent my emotions.

 

[verte76]

I would have done the "kill em with kindness" approach in my sweetest voice and very calmly and slowly I would have said to her "Well thank you anyway, sorry I bothered you" and let it go. Hopefully the message would have struck her and who knows, maybe she may have waited for you to come back out of the shop and apologized to you for her rudeness. Just because someone is rude doesn't mean it is an open invitation to bark back....don't stoop to that level, hold your chin up and your head up high and rise above it. It's true about Karma.....don't let anything you'd say in return end up bringing you the bad kind of Karma, dude!

I agree, I would have done the same thing.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Jesse Im sorry for the woman's rudeness. What she said to you was pretty uncalled for. However I have to agree that you what you said in response was rather harsh. Can understand being upset but I would haven't even bothered responding to her. It's possible that she has having a really bad week too like you were.

As for not taking shit anymore Im to that point too. Used to get tormented mercilessly for my weight while growing up. Went through the stage and taking my anger out on just about everyone. Now I stop and think about what's worth fighting over and what should just be let go.

 

[OceanGirl]

jesse, sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time lately. I hope things get better for you soon!

I know this woman has upset you with her rudeness, but try not to let it worry you too much. You just never know what sort of things have been happening in her life either. You may have caught her at a bad moment and for all we know, she could feel incredibly guilty about the way she spoke to you.

I hope you are feeling better.

 

[Liesje]

Hey Jesse hope you are doing better after the bad week. I can't say I'd ever understand how it feels to be you (b/c of your disability), but as a young woman working with only men in a field dominated by men, I often get totally written off simply b/c I'm a woman. I fix computers and printers and stuff and a huge part of my job is answering phone calls for our support line. Unfortunately, people are rude to me on a daily basis, sometimes every 5 minutes. Most are older guy professors who think they're the shit and can't swallow the fact that they've got to deal with a young woman who does in fact know a little bit more about their networking issue than they do. I can't tell people to go to hell b/c I'd lose my job, but there are one or two people that I refuse to do on-site work order for because of they way they've acted towards me in the past. On the phone I am always polite b/c if I let it get to me and let myself get mad, I get all worked up over something that really doesn't matter in the long run.

 

[Party Boy]

Since I have a pretty dry sense of humour, I probably would have cracked something back at her without actually insulting her.

Either way, her initial I dont want to talk to you is a pretty poor indictment of life and people these days. Regardless if the person is a complete stranger or not, it would be an act of kindness that a someone should be able to expect of a stranger. Maybe they just don't make people like they used to.

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

Well, if people don't want to make time for others in need, my hope is that those people receive nothing when they themselves are in need so that maybe they learn the value of not being a self-important douchebag all the time. If you're going to be rude to others, you better expect to get rudeness returned to you. The problem as I see it is that there are a lot of 'good' people who need to stop being so isolationist and indifferent to anyone they don't know because they suspect them of being 'bad' and intending to cause them harm/inconvenince/discomfort. Since when are most people out to get you? So why expect that they are? That doesn't make sense. What real reason do you have not to indulge someone a 2 sentence exchange? What in your life is so urgent and important that you can't be 'disturbed' for a whole 30 seconds?

If, unprovoked, you wouldn't say to your mom or your best friend: 'shut up, I don't want to talk to you', then you shouldn't say it to someone else*. You have no real reason to suspect them of ill intent, you have no real cause to disrespect them arbitrarily, so why do it? The point is, interrupting someone and dismissing them out of hand is rude. You might object and say 'hey, well, random person on the street isn't my neighbour or best friend, so I'm justified in not respecting them as much as my mom', and that's fair, but is courtesy and kindness a behaviour restricted solely to familiar interaction or is it open to all human interaction? If the former, why not tell off the new boss, why not steal a kids' bike, or why not tell the president to stick it up his ass?

You could, perhaps, say that it is neither familiar nor holistic but rather a function of a 'might-makes-right' scenario as justification -- a justification for what is essentially doing what you "feel" like because you are capable of doing it, or choosing not to do what you "feel" like doing because you know the consequences would be serious ones. But, if we follow that might-makes-right principle, how do you justify saying things like 'its rude to reply with "go to hell"' when that would seem to be a contradiction: why cannot strangers be rude to you when you are rude to them, if you are both standing on equal ground as two stranger civilians?

I'm probably not convincing anyone, and most people are probably just going to ignore this outright... but I back up Jesse 100%. You tell her, man. Anyone who disagrees: debunk my argument so that I can figure out why I'm wrong.



* - and if you would tell your mom or your best friend to shut up and leave you alone without any sort of provokation, then you deserve the isolation and unhappiness that will inevitably follow.

 

[Liesje]

I'm probably not convincing anyone, and most people are probably just going to ignore this outright... but I back up Jesse 100%. You tell her, man. Anyone who disagrees: debunk my argument so that I can figure out why I'm wrong.

I agree with a lot of what you said except for I don't agree that that situation justified telling the woman to go to hell. We know nothing of her circumstance so we can't assume that she's simply a rude person, or doesn't care for disabled people. This isn't exactly related, but when we studied this sort of thing in one of my psych classes, the prof told a story of how someone had gone to the store to get a cheap cake mix for his daughter's birthday. In line, he saw a woman buying a very expensive, pre-made cake with food stamps. He assumed she was an irresonsible person for using food stamps on a single cake and felt it was unfair that he had to legitimately buy cheap cake supplies. Little did he know that the woman buying the cake was on food stamps b/c her little girl had cancer and that this birthday cake would be her last. Not really the same, but I've always though it was a good example of how we are all guilty of making inaccurate judgments and assumptions of other people based on very simple or incomplete observations and experiences.

Granted, it doesn't justify the woman's rudeness in the first place, but imagine how the world would be if every time anyone someone was treated rudely, we impulsively responded with an equal or greater level of rudeness and contempt. No thanks.

 

[~BrightestStar~]

two wrongs never make a right.

But two negatives can make a positive.

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

Granted, it doesn't justify the woman's rudeness in the first place, but imagine how the world would be if every time anyone someone was treated rudely, we impulsively responded with an equal or greater level of rudeness and contempt. No thanks.

Agreed.

That was a nice analogy with the cakes and such too, I'm going to write that down

 

[Liesje]

Agreed.

That was a nice analogy with the cakes and such too, I'm going to write that down

Thanks I rather liked it as well, since I know I've been guilty of the same sorts of thoughts. I believe he was trying to illustrate the fundamental attribution error - that we attribute negative outcomes with others' traits and positive outcomes with their situation, while attributing positive outcomes to our own traits and negative outcomes to our situation. In this case, assumptions have been made that the negativity from the woman was a result of the her traits (rudeness), but the negativity of Jesse was a result of his situation (disability). However, consider this example and you can see how common, yet inaccurate it really is: you get a good grade and you say it's b/c you studied hard and are smart, but you get a bad grade and say it's b/c the prof makes the tests too hard or something bad happened that made it impossible for you to study. Or, you see someone fall on the sidewalk and think "what a klutz!" but when you fall in the same spot you say "well I tripped on the crack there!".

Can you tell I have a psych exam tomorrow night?

 

[Doozer61]

try adding "just like me" to anything rude thing you think or say about someone else. it will change your perspective.

for instance, when road rage creeps in and someone cuts you off and you start screaming expletives in your car, add the "just like me" at the end and you will soon begin to think better of others.

because if we are all one then we are certainly all alike, therefore, in this case, jesse is being just like the woman. i don't believe there is a degree to the rudeness. it just is.

just my two cents.


it also works with compliments too!

 

[Carek1230]

try adding "just like me" to anything rude thing you think or say about someone else. it will change your perspective.

for instance, when road rage creeps in and someone cuts you off and you start screaming expletives in your car, add the "just like me" at the end and you will soon begin to think better of others.

because if we are all one then we are certainly all alike, therefore, in this case, jesse is being just like the woman. i don't believe there is a degree to the rudeness. it just is.

just my two cents.


it also works with compliments too!

This is excellent advice, Doozer. Excellent! It really does work too. The world would be such a better place if we were all one and there was a common understanding and respect for one another as human beings.

And thanks Joyful and db for the comments on my earlier post. Kill them with kindness gets 'em every time I use it. It's almost like it helps the rude person who made a snide comment or who did something derogatory stop to think and then feel foolish for a moment, but gives them the chance to save face and relate back in a positive way. It's all good. Or rather it can be

 

[Doozer61]

i learned it in a Non-violent communication class.

 

[Carek1230]

You learned it and you are using it. That's excellent! I am very proud of you, so here is a special hug for you!

 

[Doozer61]

well, i didn't say i used it all the time!

 

[Carek1230]

Muwahahahahaha!!!