Moving in before Marriage

[tackleberry]

Quick Question:

Do you think its better for a couple to move in together before they get married?

I ask this because I just read that the divorce rate of couples who LIVED TOGETHER before they got married is actually HIGHER than those couples who did NOT LIVE TOGETHER before they tied the old knot. I would have thought it would be the other way around....

Any comments as to why this is so?


I would have created a "poll" but somehow it doesn't "let me"

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i'd live w/ my boyfriend before i married him.

 

[Laura M]

Maybe u need to be a premium member to make a poll?

Id say its fine to live with someone - Id just live with someone and not get married - thats just me though

My Mum & Dad didnt live together before they got married they say its fine for me to do that but Id have to move out I know If I relaly did live with some before I was married they would pour scorn on the whole set up tho

 

[nbcrusader]

Living together is a casual arrangement. Taking the next step with marriage really doesn't do anything to "elevate" the commitment.

I never lived with my wife before we were married - that was almost 14 years ago.

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong.

In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

Or maybe not.

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

Oh, and you do have to be a premium member to make a poll, I think. If you like I'll make a thread with a poll in and we can ask one of the mods to merge the threads. Just say what options you want there to be on the poll.

 

[meegannie]

I lived with my fiance over the summer.

*not a whore

 

[adamswildhoney]

I would definately want to live with my boyfriend before we got married but that is just me

I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not

I agree!

 

[nbcrusader]

I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

What's the difference? I think the act of living together may imply a different opinion of marriage.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Did not live with my husband before we got married 5 years ago. No regrets.

 

[She Is Raging]

I started a post about this similiar topic several months ago...almost a year actually when I was debating on moving in with my now fiance - which I decided not to do after all. Mainly because my parents had objections - and there was no set commitment other than things we had spoken about.

I'm getting married now in a year, and my fiance and I just bought a house together. I'm definetly planning on living there. We werent planning on buying now, but with the low interest rates and the way the market is in Boston now - we figured we'd should do it now. I just cant justify paying a mortgage and living upstairs at my parents house. I'm a little nervous about things - but I know they'll be fine. I dont know if I believe in the whole "statistics show" thing - about how being living together before or after affect your chance at divorce, it really depends on the individual relationship IMO.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

I don't know if i would live with someone before i married them or not. I don't really have any moral objections to it, I guess it wouled just depend on what my life was like at the time.
My parents lived together for a little while before they were married, and they just had their 23rd anniversery this summer.

 

[Sicy]

I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I don't know if I'm going to come across really badly saying this, but I would think perhaps one of the reasons for the difference in divorce rates is that couples who choose to live together before marriage and those who live seperately have different expectations of marriage or different values about it. I know you can't make generalisations just based on your own experiences, but from the people I know who are married, I would say those who choose to live apart before marriage tend to have more "conservative" values about marriage, for instance believing that divorce is almost always wrong.

In other words, I don't really think it's the act of living together prior to marriage which makes couples more likely to divorce, but rather differing opinions of marriage which they would have whether they lived together or not.

Or maybe not.

That theory makes sense to me.

Personally, I think it's up to each couple to decide what they want to do in regards to this.

I personally would move in with my boyfriend before we got married, because, as Sicy pointed out, I'd like to be able to see what life with him would be like. I'd want to make sure this is a guy I would be able to handle living with for the rest of my life.

Angela

 

[AcrobatMan]

I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life

for marriage, there is always a divorce

for living together, there is always living separately

dont worry about anything ..go for it..

 

[Elvis Presley]

I didnt, been together for almost 3 weeks now too....

just my opinion, but why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

 

[HeartlandGirl]

I lived with my husband after we got engaged. We were both moving across the country, and it seemed absurd to get separate apartments when the only people we knew in our new town was each other. I'm glad I did. When I got married, I knew I could trust him financially, and I knew what it would be like to run a household with him. We're now coming up on three years of marriage, five years of living together, and all is well.

 

[Sicy]

I didnt, been together for almost 3 weeks now too....

just my opinion, but why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

3 weeks? ha give it time kidding...

Why buy the cow? Because its a marriage, marriage is a bond for life, just living together isnt. I dont really know how to explain what I want to say though *need more coffee*

 

[beegee]

I am a believer that its better to live with someone before you marry. You get a better idea of what to expect and if its what's right for you.

I lived with someone in the past and I'm glad I did because if I didnt I might have married him and made the biggest mistake of my life

as usual, sicy is absolutely right. it's like a very long test drive. try before you buy.

i have been married and i have lived with someone. neither worked out.

i just haven't found the right guy yet.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I dont think the act of living together necessarily implies a different view of marriage. Sometimes, perhaps it does. Infact, surely in some cases it does. Its my view that anyone I choose to live with (hopefully this wont ever be relevant again lol) would be someone I have every intention of marrying. Way before the marriage takes place, I would hope that I view the relationship with every necessary attitude I feel is paramount to a successful relationship beit marriage or a long term commitment. I dont think marriage itself gives something that other long standing relationships don't simply because it is a marriage or you actually live together. If the individuals give all that marriage aims to do, which is absolute dedication and commitment, love and respect yada yada, then you are heading for a successful one. Living arrangements and address can not matter.

 

[Laura M]

for marriage, there is always a divorce

I dont think thats the attitude to take when your considering marriage You should think of it as a lifetime commitment, like Sicy said

Because its a marriage, marriage is a bond for life

 

[Cajun]

Living with someone is a good step to take before actually going the full course. I'm going to ask my girl to move in with me soon. I may also pop the question eventually lol

 

[MrBrau1]

Why buy the cow ever? It's cheaper to rent the women for the time you need them. Remember, you don't pay'em to stay, you pay'em to leave.

 

[Sicy]

 

[cass]

**cass throws rice**
I've been wondering how ouizy is...anyone heard from him? I hope he posts a pic when/if he returns. My invitation obviously got lost in the mail
There are many ways of living a life, what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another....but it does require work. I lived with my husband for 6 months before we got married and we celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary last July.
I have just stayed at the beach on the local annual "women's camp" and sitting around the fire listening to the heart-breaking stories some of the women told and hearing about the children"damaged" by bad relationships...I just could not wait to get home and tell my darlin' how much he means to me. The women keep saying I'm lucky in my marriage( I don't tell stories in person like I do here, I just listen)
It has nothing to do with luck, we work at it...it's worth the effort.

btw tackle berry...why are you asking? doing some research? thinking of taking the plunge?

anyway, blessings on Mr and Mrs Ouizy.
to the bride and groom
slainte

 

[cell]

Why buy the cow ever? It's cheaper to rent the women for the time you need them. Remember, you don't pay'em to stay, you pay'em to leave.

i REALLY hope your joking.

 

[Laura M]

i REALLY hope your joking.

Probably not

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

i think it's up to the couple, but i wouldn't condemn anyone who did live together before marriage. my best friend and her fiance are planning on moving in together before they get married.

i think maybe another factor in the divorce statistic someone mentioned is this, that there are some who have a certain set of beliefs, such as that it isn't okay to move in together at all. they may also believe that under no circumstances can a couple be divorced. i'm not saying everyone who doesn't think it's right to live together before marriage thinks this, but that there may be some. just wanted to clarify that to avoid misinterpretation.

 

[igloolik]

i think you really have to decide on a case-by-case basis. look at Larry. he's not married, and he's been with Ann for how long? how many kids they got? it really does depend on the people. some people would be wonderful married, but just don't see the need for formalities.

 

[mandy1973]

I lived with my boyfriend/fiance for about 6 years before we actually got around to getting married. I moved out with him as soon as I turned 21 and despite the ups and downs I wouldn't change a thing.
I could never imagine making what is meant to be a lifelong commitment of marraige without knowing everything about a person - and I think you need to live together to find out all the nitty - gritty stuff.
I think if a marraige is going to fail its got nothing to do with living together - the relationship just obviously wasn't meant to be.
Cheers,
Mandy