deep
Blue Crack Addict
Soul Shake Injury
Jury awards white man $10,000 for ?soul shake? injury
?I go to shake the guys hand and all hell breaks loose.?--Anthony Paretti, negrosity victim.
CHICAGO--A jury awarded a south suburban man $10,000 on July 11 for the pain and suffering from a November 2001 handshake.
Attorneys for delivery truck driver, Anthony Paretti, argued that their client was a victim of "cultural negligence and wreckless negrosity" at the hand of Roscoe "Uncle Fats" DuBois owner of the "Uncle Fats Wings and Thangs" chain of fast food stands.
According to court documents, Parreti 40, was to deliver a shipment of hot links to an Uncle Fats location on Chicago's South Side. " I never been down there before", Paretti told the jury last Wednesday. "So I try to get there early, I know them peoples gets antsy when they're hungry and I don't want to start no riots or nothin'."
Paretti went on to testify that his experience at Uncle Fats was surprisingly uneventful until the end. "It was cool. Uncle Fats himself gave me three wings, some fries, and a slice a bread for the road. Then I go to shake the guys hand and all hell breaks loose." Next Parreti described a "harrowing" 15 minute ordeal of grasps, slaps, snaps, under the leg manuvers and random commands such as "on the black hand side. I thought he was playing patty cake or something at first, but it just wouldn't stop. Two minutes in and I'm like what the *&%@."
Lawyers for DuBois called the decision an outrage and plan to appeal. "It's not inherently dangerous to shake a Black man's hand. Our client was just being friendly. What do you expect from a guy who doesn't mind being called Uncle Fats?"
A jurist, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that she felt that DuBois should have simply used more caution. "I've seen these soul shakes before. You see them a lot on UPN and WB. They look so athletic and inviting. White people simply don't have enough rhythm to keep up with them. Mr. DuBois should have known that."
Harlan Jenkins, the lone Black American on the jury and single dissenter, was disgusted. "Aw, he hurt his hand, poor baby. I broke my ass last week trying to get out of Bridgeport and ain't nobody give me nothin'."
The Reverend Jesse Jackson plans to stage a "Shake-In" at the Uncle Fats Wings and Thangs on 200 W. 60th street this Saturday. Rev. Jackson encouraged everyone to purchase three wings and fries with mild sauce, salt and pepper.
Jury awards white man $10,000 for ?soul shake? injury
?I go to shake the guys hand and all hell breaks loose.?--Anthony Paretti, negrosity victim.
CHICAGO--A jury awarded a south suburban man $10,000 on July 11 for the pain and suffering from a November 2001 handshake.
Attorneys for delivery truck driver, Anthony Paretti, argued that their client was a victim of "cultural negligence and wreckless negrosity" at the hand of Roscoe "Uncle Fats" DuBois owner of the "Uncle Fats Wings and Thangs" chain of fast food stands.
According to court documents, Parreti 40, was to deliver a shipment of hot links to an Uncle Fats location on Chicago's South Side. " I never been down there before", Paretti told the jury last Wednesday. "So I try to get there early, I know them peoples gets antsy when they're hungry and I don't want to start no riots or nothin'."
Paretti went on to testify that his experience at Uncle Fats was surprisingly uneventful until the end. "It was cool. Uncle Fats himself gave me three wings, some fries, and a slice a bread for the road. Then I go to shake the guys hand and all hell breaks loose." Next Parreti described a "harrowing" 15 minute ordeal of grasps, slaps, snaps, under the leg manuvers and random commands such as "on the black hand side. I thought he was playing patty cake or something at first, but it just wouldn't stop. Two minutes in and I'm like what the *&%@."
Lawyers for DuBois called the decision an outrage and plan to appeal. "It's not inherently dangerous to shake a Black man's hand. Our client was just being friendly. What do you expect from a guy who doesn't mind being called Uncle Fats?"
A jurist, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that she felt that DuBois should have simply used more caution. "I've seen these soul shakes before. You see them a lot on UPN and WB. They look so athletic and inviting. White people simply don't have enough rhythm to keep up with them. Mr. DuBois should have known that."
Harlan Jenkins, the lone Black American on the jury and single dissenter, was disgusted. "Aw, he hurt his hand, poor baby. I broke my ass last week trying to get out of Bridgeport and ain't nobody give me nothin'."
The Reverend Jesse Jackson plans to stage a "Shake-In" at the Uncle Fats Wings and Thangs on 200 W. 60th street this Saturday. Rev. Jackson encouraged everyone to purchase three wings and fries with mild sauce, salt and pepper.
sorry that is hillarious if that is true!!!
