How bad a mistake can you make on your resume?

[Eliv8]

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are
some real-life examples:


"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science,
curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and
selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not
appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely
nothing and absolutely no one."

”References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative
beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training
in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to
resond to my resume on my office voicemanil."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

 

[financeguy]

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not
appropriate for business."

I particularly like this one.

 

[financeguy]

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

Actually if you were an asset stripper this would be a good qualification....

 

[nbcrusader]

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

Odd way of saying you play hockey.....

 

[lmjhitman]

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely
nothing and absolutely no one."

”References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

 

[FlyYourKite]

Those are awesome.

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative
beggars and slave drivers." <-- Especially that one

 

[u2popmofo]

Haha, those were great. If I was doing an interview and someone had some of those on there, I'd hire them instantly.